A Journey In Vulnerability

Late Nights in June

Hey y'all! I teased you guys with a new pic a few days ago, and here I am again. This time I have stuff I want to say though.

First off, I'm back home! Lol, well I've always been home, but anyway. I've been dealing with a bad work situation for the last month and a half, in which I had to switch to a new department where I was taken advantage of, condescended to, and set up for failure on a daily basis by lack of communication from my direct supervisor. But as of yesterday, I was finally allowed to switch back to the department I had been in since starting this job, and it definitely felt like a homecoming! There are still challenges, but the support of my supervisor and coworkers is like night and day from the last six weeks. I'm really happy to be back.

As far as my actual home situation, that still remains unresolved. The house is officially on the market at least, but we are still very much in limbo.

Now, for some of my usual philosophical musing. The fight or flight instinct is a funny thing. I recently experienced the fight aspect kick in full force over a misunderstanding with my guy. (I love you, Bear :heart:) I was irrationally angry, in hindsight, but at the time felt totally justified in my anger. It was only after getting some distance from the situation that I started to realize what had happened. Fight or flight. I didn't see it earlier because I've always leaned more towards flight. If something had the potential to hurt me, I was gone so fast even I was surprised, lol. But this time, I didn't want to get away. I went into fight mode as a means of self preservation instead. I think the difference is pretty simple. I know he loves me, and I love him. So even though it wasn't our finest moment as couple, I felt secure enough to be emotional and not freak out about it. That is a rare thing for me. And as in most situations, the thing I was really fighting was my own insecurity and mistrust of people's motives towards me. So when it comes down to it I guess what I learned is: there is no flight from our own demons. The only option is to fight if you want to be able to grow and mature as a person, or as a couple.

Enough rambling you say? On to the picture? Lol ok, ok! This one is just because I like cheetah print and because I was bored I took a picture of me wearing it.
 
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Hey y'all! I teased you guys with a new pic a few days ago, and here I am again. This time I have stuff I want to say though.

First off, I'm back home! Lol, well I've always been home, but anyway. I've been dealing with a bad work situation for the last month and a half, in which I had to switch to a new department where I was taken advantage of, condescended to, and set up for failure on a daily basis by lack of communication from my direct supervisor. But as of yesterday, I was finally allowed to switch back to the department I had been in since starting this job, and it definitely felt like a homecoming! There are still challenges, but the support of my supervisor and coworkers is like night and day from the last six weeks. I'm really happy to be back.

As far as my actual home situation, that still remains unresolved. The house is officially on the market at least, but we are still very much in limbo.

Now, for some of my usual philosophical musing. The fight or flight instinct is a funny thing. I recently experienced the fight aspect kick in full force over a misunderstanding with my guy. (I love you, Bear :heart:) I was irrationally angry, in hindsight, but at the time felt totally justified in my anger. It was only after getting some distance from the situation that I started to realize what had happened. Fight or flight. I didn't see it earlier because I've always leaned more towards flight. If something had the potential to hurt me, I was gone so fast even I was surprised, lol. But this time, I didn't want to get away. I went into fight mode as a means of self preservation instead. I think the difference is pretty simple. I know he loves me, and I love him. So even though it wasn't our finest moment as couple, I felt secure enough to be emotional and not freak out about it. That is a rare thing for me. And as in most situations, the thing I was really fighting was my own insecurity and mistrust of people's motives towards me. So when it comes down to it I guess what I learned is: there is no flight from our own demons. The only option is to fight if you want to be able to grow and mature as a person, or as a couple.

Enough rambling you say? On to the picture? Lol ok, ok! This one is just because I like cheetah print and because I was bored I took a picture of me wearing it.

Gorgeous!
 
True, it can be very difficult to not let our emotions cloud our judgement and let them run wild. We might even make up things in our heads and decide something is true before even knowing anything. Wild assumptions are never a good thing, neither are out of control emotions. Taking a step back and calming down before having a serious discussion is definitely a good policy for us all. Oh, how easy it is to forget that. Made plenty of mistakes in my day. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. Being right in the middle of a situation is much more difficult. Glad things worked out in the end. :)
 
True, it can be very difficult to not let our emotions cloud our judgement and let them run wild. We might even make up things in our heads and decide something is true before even knowing anything. Wild assumptions are never a good thing, neither are out of control emotions. Taking a step back and calming down before having a serious discussion is definitely a good policy for us all. Oh, how easy it is to forget that. Made plenty of mistakes in my day. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz. Being right in the middle of a situation is much more difficult. Glad things worked out in the end. :)

It is very easy to forget, but you are right, it can be the best thing to take a step back and get your emotions under control before approaching certain subjects. :)
 
It is very easy to forget, but you are right, it can be the best thing to take a step back and get your emotions under control before approaching certain subjects. :)

Indeed. Regardless of it all, we're going to fuck up and make mistakes. It is important to both be forgiving and understanding. Forgiveness is the true test because it can be a hard thing to do. It's all too easy to be angry instead.
 
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