❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[KamaKamaSutra]

I’m not really knowledgeable. I know what I do in my relationship, but that changes, too. I would never claim to be expert on anything sexual.

I know that there is only one man who I will let put his hands around my throat, because he knows what he’s doing.
A knife? I don’t care how much I love you, if you never handled a knife you’re not going near me with it.

http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1401/9321/articles/knife_meme_1_1024x1024.jpg?v=1496194596

 

[Angedesoleil]

#21 (submitted with edits)

What part of BDSM are YOU most knowledgeable about?
I guess I'm most knowledgeable about lifestyle service submission. I know that's very broad, but there isnt a way to put that more concisely because it varies so widely based upon the needs, nature, and wants of my PYL. I'm moderately knowledgeable about things like microritual, position training, and electric play.

Is there any kink, fetish, or aspect of BDSM you particularly feel passionate or knowledgeable about? Please share your wisdom. What is your knowledge level? How have you gained experience? What do you love about it? What are the key points you'd like to get across to someone with an interest?
Any dangers to watch out for? Tips? Resources? Anything else we should know?
I'm not ready to bite the bullet here. I'm just not. There *is* but it's not something that I've seen discussed by literally ANYONE on here recently (like years and years) and while two people very close to me are aware of it... I cant help but feeling like it contributed to the crumbling of my relationship. *sigh* So, yeah... there is... but I'm gunshy at the moment. No, it's not that weird or out there... there just isnt anyone on here who posts who identifies as who and what I am. We have a lot of kinky girls, and a lot of situational or even lifestyle submissives...littles, massochists, bottoms, and fetishists... but there is a category to which I belong that just ... for whatever reason... doesnt exist on here openly. I'll get there someday, Grumps... but today isn't that day. I'll edit it in here when I get there.

I'll dance around it and say that as popular as the opinion is on here that labels are largely beside the point, to me linguistics matters. Titles both pyl and PYL carry very specific and intended meaning that convey a lot of information about the wearer. Yes, we can all carry many different labels... but TITLES are kinda different. This is a sticking point for me, and very very important to the concept of importance to me. I wish people from 10 and 13 years ago were still here... it wouldnt be so hard...and I wouldnt have any worries discussing it, it wouldnt be that out there.

Edited to add: In an effort to stray from the typical D/s PYL/pyl questions (and because your fearful leader is such a green little newbie), I want to know some other BDSM avenues you guys like to explore? Maybe not even fully BDSM maybe it's just a particular kink you like and have a knowledge base in.
Things I'd like to have more experience in:
protocol, shibari or other restraint, impact play, sensory play. (and others that I'm not up for posting on the boards for God and country to see)


Thank you PLP <3 I like the edits you made to the question

 

[cookiecat]

#21 (submitted with edits)

What part of BDSM are YOU most knowledgeable about?

Cock worship. Spanking. Like Ange, service oriented submission. I'm knowledgeable about slavery but not interested in it. I'm knowledgeable about humiliation for myself; I'm not sure I could discuss with or describe to anyone else why it's interesting or important.

Is there any kink, fetish, or aspect of BDSM you particularly feel passionate or knowledgeable about? Please share your wisdom. What is your knowledge level? How have you gained experience? What do you love about it? What are the key points you'd like to get across to someone with an interest?
Any dangers to watch out for? Tips? Resources? Anything else we should know?

I would say my knowledge level is "experienced" in many things. I gained this experience because I jumped in to the local kink community and have been involved for about 13 years.

I was super scared to go. I mean what kind of weirdos would I meet? Haha! Mostly people like me. The community is like a book club. You get together once a month, you meet at a restaurant, have a few appetizers, chat a little, eventually you find the people you like and want to hang out with.

Initially, I thought of it as a way to date - I wanted to meet a kinky guy to have a relationship with. Although I did have a couple significant relationships because of it, the best thing about getting involved in the community is that I've met some of my closest friends here.

It took me about a year of going to munches, parties, educational classes, weekend seminars, to get up the nerve to actually ask someone to scene / play. At first I thought Dominants were mind readers and would just KNOW I wanted to be spanked or WHATEVER - couldn't they just tell I was willing?? Yikes!

I looked for people who were experienced in their "field" - who was trusted with a single tail? Who knew about fire play? Who would set up creative, responsible rape scene? Who was a good spanker?

The thing I learned is I don't need this amazing emotional connection to get my kink on. If I waited for that, I'd be waiting forever just to have an experience. Sure, I need to trust someone, I need to like them. I don't have to make it sexual. Sometimes I just wanted to try wax play. Or a violet wand / electrical play. So I'd ask. People liked sharing their skills with newbies! Sometimes it happened organically, without a lot of planning and I'd end up in a piss play scene on a camping weekend or suspended and slapped at an impact play "lab." Other times it was very intentional and well-negotiated.

I get it's not for everyone. I liked meeting a bunch of different people, being able to try out a lot of the fantasies I had for so long in a safe environment, I enjoyed hanging out with like-minded people.

I will admit I've played very unsafely in the past. I've met people and hooked up within minutes of meeting them. A blowjob in a Starbucks bathroom is not hot when someone walks in. Or having the thought WHEN I'M TIED UP IN A MOTEL this wasn't' a great idea. I fell in love with a "Master" so I must've been a slave, right? I participated in things I didn't want to because of I rushed in to something too fast. I was fortunate no one hurt me.

My little bit 'o wisdom comes from a submissive space - trust your gut. Speak up. Figure out your limits, what you like, what you need, what you want. Seek out other submissives (which is what I love about Lit - it does provide a place to gather!) and ask questions. Take your time. Listen to your brain more than you listen to your pussy.

Edited to add: In an effort to stray from the typical D/s PYL/pyl questions (and because your fearful leader is such a green little newbie), I want to know some other BDSM avenues you guys like to explore? Maybe not even fully BDSM maybe it's just a particular kink you like and have a knowledge base in.

Anal

Incorporating D/s in to day to day life. I think that's why the 50's household threads didn't stick. Fun to fantasize but how does it work in the real world with kids, aging parents, a sick partner, debt, work, yada yada.

Body modification / bimbofication - but not in the cliche way. Like I don't want to be a bleach blonde big boob big lipped chick. Maybe slutification? Subification?Not sure if I can sum it up here? In a methodical, intentional way - how do I become the best sub, slut, housewife, best friend ever? How does that happen?

I get off on arbitrary, goofy little (sometimes big) tasks, assignments. I feel weird saying this at age 57. I'm not a little, I don't identify that way (although I like "Daddy"). I should be mature enough to say, hey! My guy loves it when I suck his cock in the morning so I'm gonna do that. But sometimes I really don't want to so I don't. In a smaller way, I dated someone who disliked gum chewing. I chewed gum. Do I keep chewing gum knowing he doesn't like it? Is it a big deal?

Maybe it's like going to weight watchers or taking a class?? Within a relationship we have this lofty goal that I'm going to worship my guy, put him on a pedestal, submit and serve. I want to look my best, be my best. He's going to be the wind beneath my wings! Protect, guide. What does that actually look like? How does that happen in an intentional way?

Anyways. What was my point? Hmmm. How do we learn to be better in a D/s relationship?

 

[Angedesoleil]

I love you cookie. I'll post more in a bit... but I love you. You win all the things.yeah, I'll definitely be replying more cookie. I got 4 sentences in and I'd have hugged the stuffing out of you. Now to the end and I'd be kissing your cheek.

I'm about 3 minutes from work, but I will reply and edit my post above. ... but I'm running it by Grmps first, because safety reasons. E W is still not talking to me, so I cant run it by him.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#21 (submitted with edits)

What part of BDSM are YOU most knowledgeable about?

Is there any kink, fetish, or aspect of BDSM you particularly feel passionate or knowledgeable about? Please share your wisdom. What is your knowledge level? How have you gained experience? What do you love about it? What are the key points you'd like to get across to someone with an interest?
Any dangers to watch out for? Tips? Resources? Anything else we should know?

Edited to add: In an effort to stray from the typical D/s PYL/pyl questions (and because your fearful leader is such a green little newbie), I want to know some other BDSM avenues you guys like to explore? Maybe not even fully BDSM maybe it's just a particular kink you like and have a knowledge base in.

C'mon! It's like the science fair of kink!

Lol, I'm not sure I have a valid answer and I'm sad to see people who have TONS of experience being quiet.

The only thing I know a lot about it being curious and keeping an open door. This little journey started roughly a year ago for me and in that time I've learned so much! (about myself, about my partner, the reasoning for certain choices I've made and attitudes I've flocked to, and just plain terminology)

I'm not sure I'm any better or more desirable at any of it but it certainly has helped me filter what I do and don't want out of any future sexual partners online or otherwise.

The one area I seem to always be answering instead of asking is the emotional masochism/humiliation bit. I'm sure that's just because it's a less held kink that I've done a LOT of thinking and talking about but I always like having those conversations. It helps me put my feelings into words.

plp

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

Lol, I'm not sure I have a valid answer and I'm sad to see people who have TONS of experience being quiet.

The only thing I know a lot about it being curious and keeping an open door. This little journey started roughly a year ago for me and in that time I've learned so much! (about myself, about my partner, the reasoning for certain choices I've made and attitudes I've flocked to, and just plain terminology)

I'm not sure I'm any better or more desirable at any of it but it certainly has helped me filter what I do and don't want out of any future sexual partners online or otherwise.

The one area I seem to always be answering instead of asking is the emotional masochism/humiliation bit. I'm sure that's just because it's a less held kink that I've done a LOT of thinking and talking about but I always like having those conversations. It helps me put my feelings into words.

plp

Being able to keep an open door to experience is what allows those of use who are still learning, I think that's everyone, to be able to grow! Learning how to share what your thinking/feeling is a probably the best thing anyone can do, so much can be explored when you simply have a conversation.

 

[Paul_Chance]

#21 (submitted with edits)

What part of BDSM are YOU most knowledgeable about?

Is there any kink, fetish, or aspect of BDSM you particularly feel passionate or knowledgeable about? Please share your wisdom. What is your knowledge level? How have you gained experience? What do you love about it? What are the key points you'd like to get across to someone with an interest?
Any dangers to watch out for? Tips? Resources? Anything else we should know?

Edited to add: In an effort to stray from the typical D/s PYL/pyl questions (and because your fearful leader is such a green little newbie), I want to know some other BDSM avenues you guys like to explore? Maybe not even fully BDSM maybe it's just a particular kink you like and have a knowledge base in.

C'mon! It's like the science fair of kink!

Within the BDSM spectrum I definitely have my preferences. I like the whole bondage aspect of it, that is where my natural kink lies. I've got a wide range of experience and knowledge in a wide variety of bondage methods and techniques. Within the sphere, my personal preference is rope. It is so very versatile. Oddly enough, in overlaps in my non-sexual life as well - mainly mountain climbing, which all about ropes and harnesses.

I gained the experience by starting simply and then, over the years, learning new tricks. Some I learned from lovers. Some I learned from reading. Some I learned from discussions with other people. I don't think I learned anything from porn - most porn is clumsy and/or poorly executed or doesn't portray the actual art of bondage, but rather makes a cut-shot into someone already in bondage. Bondage itself is great foreplay and it's rare that porn portrays foreplay.

If you're interested, start simply, with something soft and forgiving and build your skills from there. Always think of it as foreplay - go slow, lots of contact, lots of communication. By the time you have your partner tied they should be dripping wet or rock hard - then you have the sex.

Be careful, there are lots of things you can do wrong. Rope burn, cut off circulation, strain/sprain/pull/pinch. All of these things can unintentionally injure your partner. Don't let you lust hurt the person you love by losing focus. Don't EVER do it drunk or stoned - that is a recipe for injury and disaster. You need all your senses focused on what you're doing. The best way to learn is to have a good teacher, reach out to your community, whether it's IRL or online, and focus on mastering the basics. Buy some rope, practice your wraps, your knots, and your various harnessing tricks until you have them down smooth. Nothing takes lovers out of the moment and breaks the flow like someone struggling to get a wrap or a knot right.

Among the other areas I'm interested in. We had the discussion about role-play before, but I'll touch on it here. When you and I lover share your fantasies and act those fantasies out it focuses on the psychological side of BDSM and is incredibly powerful. The other thing that I like is the spectrum of "rough" sex. My advice there would be the same. Start slow. Pay attention. Consider it a spectrum you slowly slide upwards on until you find the spot that works with your partner. There are a lot of ways to be forceful, controlling, demanding without actually having to be rough. I've found that most people who like rough sex, a better term would be forceful sex. If you put it on a spectrum of 1 to 10, most folks are down at three or four and the most common mistake I see and hear of it is the dom or top diving straight to the middle or the top of the spectrum. Take your time. Work your way up with your partner. Find the sweet spot, then always be aware that the sweet spot will move in each encounter. There is never a "right level" or a "right way". It's always a moving target.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

^^^
Straight up wisdom!

 

[cascadiabound]

#21 (submitted with edits)

What part of BDSM are YOU most knowledgeable about?

Is there any kink, fetish, or aspect of BDSM you particularly feel passionate or knowledgeable about? Please share your wisdom. What is your knowledge level? How have you gained experience? What do you love about it? What are the key points you'd like to get across to someone with an interest?
Any dangers to watch out for? Tips? Resources? Anything else we should know?

Edited to add: In an effort to stray from the typical D/s PYL/pyl questions (and because your fearful leader is such a green little newbie), I want to know some other BDSM avenues you guys like to explore? Maybe not even fully BDSM maybe it's just a particular kink you like and have a knowledge base in.

C'mon! It's like the science fair of kink!

Within the BDSM spectrum I definitely have my preferences. I like the whole bondage aspect of it, that is where my natural kink lies. I've got a wide range of experience and knowledge in a wide variety of bondage methods and techniques. Within the sphere, my personal preference is rope. It is so very versatile. Oddly enough, in overlaps in my non-sexual life as well - mainly mountain climbing, which all about ropes and harnesses.

I gained the experience by starting simply and then, over the years, learning new tricks. Some I learned from lovers. Some I learned from reading. Some I learned from discussions with other people. I don't think I learned anything from porn - most porn is clumsy and/or poorly executed or doesn't portray the actual art of bondage, but rather makes a cut-shot into someone already in bondage. Bondage itself is great foreplay and it's rare that porn portrays foreplay.

I would echo what Paul says here but from the s side of the slash but also coming to my knowledge of rope from rock climbing/ caving/ rescue/ sailing and having good competences in these areas and wanting to apply rope to my sexual experiences too. The part about it all being about the foreplay of it, the process of it is really critical. Yes... I love being in a harness under my clothes as a slow burn tease, but it is not as exciting as the process of actively working with rope and the foreplay that it provides.

Otherwise I have a smattering of experience with impact play, pet play, pain play, denial and orgasm control. None of which would I claim to have expertise in except for how it does or does not work for me and how it triggers me or runs up against other stuff. Some of which I am still discovering.

I have come to feel that I have some reasonable amount of experience with LDR BDSM and all of the negotiations and complications, give and take, communication requirements and necessity for flexibility and grace they require. However - I wonder how much of what I feel I know is applicable generally or is just what is making things work for me in my current context. I read a lot. I think a lot. I write a lot. I borrow from other people who are smarter and have more experience than I do. I try to stand on the shoulders of those who have learned hard lessons so I might not have to run through those gauntlets myself.

I have more experience and expertise in sub frenzy than I wish I had. As a result I have done a bunch of reading to understand what happened to me and I am quick to spot it now in others....

Sorry PLP. I do not feel like I have that much to add that is really helpful. ugh.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Sorry PLP. I do not feel like I have that much to add that is really helpful. ugh.

No no! No one is an expert but we all have different areas we prefer and therefore are more knowledgeable in...
I always think you have great wisdom and incite, Cas.

 

[cascadiabound]

No no! No one is an expert but we all have different areas we prefer and therefore are more knowledgeable in...
I always think you have great wisdom and incite, Cas.

incite?
I have been known to incite a few things in my time.

But I think you meant insight.

Love you PLP... and I think these discussions are really useful for everyone. Appreciate you moderating.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

incite?
I have been known to incite a few things in my time.

But I think you meant insight.

Love you PLP... and I think these discussions are really useful for everyone. Appreciate you moderating.

Lol!! I claim cold medicine!
Thank you

I'm glad some people enjoy them I get a lot out of them.

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#22

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

 

[LizVegas79]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

Great question!

I've mindfucked a few VIP clients who felt like they were entitled to certain privileges (me ) after losing a ton of money playing craps or blackjack or whatever.

I console them and sit on the edge of their bed (unless they're too handsy), cross my legs, pick invisible lint off my stockings and sympathize with them as I explain that even though I "wish I could" because I think they're nice and cute and I feel sorry for them, I tell them I could lose my job if the casino found out (which is totally true) and that on top of that I'm married to insanely jealous (partially true), 6'5" (true) ex-Marine (lie - he's an ex-jock) who has rage issues (lie) and has been arrested (lie) before for getting into fights (one, not lots) with guys who he thought looked at me "funny".

If that doesn't get them to stop trying to talk me into having sex with them, I take the little 2-way radio off my belt as I tell them he works security downstairs (true) and ask if they'd like to meet him so that we could explain the situation to them and ask his permission to let me fool around.

So far, no one's ever wanted to meet him. But it gets me off the hook. I tell them I'll add a few extra spa or restaurant comps to their next visit and I get out of there with them still liking me and even better, promising to come back.

Sex sells even when you don't actually sell it!

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

I have to say I'm not sure what constitutes a mind fuck. I get mind games or even the concept of mental control but does that equate to a mind fuck?

I think using physical and mental stimuli, visual/audio cues to condition someone would be a mind fuck. But anytime you condition a body to react to a phrase/sound it has lasting effects. I've talked to a person who had been trained to go into a pet postion with a particular sound. But they felt effects from hearing that sound long after the relationship had ended.

It can even be more extreme and condition someone to associate pain with an action or sound. Gay conversion therapies have been known to use this method.

I'm hesitant to mess with the mind, you can cause some big damage to a person that way. That being said, I could see if I was in a relationship that I could see going forever some conditioned responses could be something to consider. But honestly I feel if your gonna go into that you need to have a decondtioning period after the relationship.

But I may have went off topic or misunderstood your meaning PLP.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

So I purposely didn't define mind fucking - just to see where everyone would take it. There is a definite difference between 'mind fucking' and 'fucking with someone's head'.

Fucking with someone's head falls under the "games" tab and I have no time or desire for games. It also qualifies as malicious and asshole-ish behavior.

What I think of when I think of mind fucking is that delicious feeling when someone turns your brain on so much they don't need to touch your body. Or when they have you in such a head space that all you can think of is them. There is also a sweet spot here for Emotional S/m that I love.

Do I like it? When done properly, it's unforgettable. It has a staying power that regular sex just doesn't have. I can only equate it to why reading a good book is so much better than seeing a good movie. You're brain has to work harder and it will resonate more deeply. Do I like to do it? I'm not sure I ever purposefully have... hm...

What are some ways I like to experience? I like the push. Push to know more, tell more, more detail... more... The inability (my own inability) to stop or say no. I like ownership (me, bodies, orgasms). I like control. I like tasks. I like ego-building. I could go on.

A good experience and a bad experience - My first emotional play partner made me make a list of ten ways he was better than my SO. That was a hell of a mind fuck and something I'm still slightly ashamed of to this day. The results were worth it though. And as far as a bad experience - lol - the whisper guy and I'll leave it at that.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

You want names?
I got names.

Kidding.

Yes. I love a good mindfuck. Like, when he says you’re His, but you’re still not sure, but damn, now you are.

I like the push, too, PLP.

Push me to answer to you on a way I’ve never been before. Bring me out of my comfort zone. Make me look at myself. Come back to that one little word I dropped 2 days ago, and build on it, even though it’s not in my consciousness, yet.

Mindfuck often centers around what I think of as forbidden, so when he pushes me to do it, and I love it in the stomach twisting way, I’m spinning inside.
He’s made me cum without touching me. He’s made me cum with his words. His eyes. His fucked up shit he says to me right at that moment that makes me squirm.

The list of 10 things would fuck me up, too, but it also turns me on. Damn.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Is it getting hot in here? Yea, girls. I like this. I need this. Ding!

We all need The Ding.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I'm curious to know more. I tend to be soft spoken... At least in the good times.

Ah, no. This wasnt soft spoken. This was straight up whispering. It was an affectation at best or a complete joke at worst.

 

[sweettalk4u]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

I'm a switch who submitted in 3 consecutive relationships with each one more intense than the next, taking me deeper into submission. The 3rd one feminized me and I loved it! I grew my breasts, listened to bambi hyno doll, receiving post hypnotic suggestion and had trigger words used on me. It was like living in a dream.

 

[midwestyankee]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

I have enjoyed doing mind fucks; yes, that’s a fair statement.

One of my favorite was not original but great fun nevertheless. The setup was that I had put a kitchen knife in the freezer ahead of our play. Once she was bound and blindfolded and we’d played to a point where she had come a few times I began commenting on her wetness and seemingly as an aside, mentioned that it was due to making the insides of their mouths very wet that people could appear to be swallowing flames without being hurt. Then I proposed that we try something related on her pussy. I said that I would boil some water and set the handle of a kitchen knife into the boiling water just before inserting it in her very wet pussy. Iwent to the kitchen and put a kettle of water on the stove. When it whistled, I retrieved the now very cold knife from the freezer. Holding the cup of hot water between her thighs was enough to demonstrate the heat of the instrument I said I would use on her. We played a bit more to renew her arousal and then with some encouraging words about doing something difficult just for me, I thrust the cold knife handle into her. Sine very cold objects feel hot on first touch, the deception worked in the instant of contact, and that was all that mattered.

So, yes, I’ve enjoyed do8ng mind fucks.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I love that. I would have loved to hear her scream!!!

 

[midwestyankee]

I love that. I would have loved to hear her scream!!!

As I recall, I rather enjoyed that part, too.

 

[Paul_Chance]

#22 (suggested)

Mindfucking

Do you like it? Like to do it? What are some ways you have or like to experience a good mind fuck?
If you like, share some good and/or bad experiences.

I'm super curious to hear from everyone here!

It the positive sense I am a huge fan of a good mind fuck. I love it when a lover is able to get into your brain and push good buttons, twist and turn inside of you mind.

I'm not sure I can give a good example because most of them tend to be highly subjective. What works for one couple won't work for another since they're different people. You kind of have to find your way into that passionate portion of the brain and I'm fairly sure it's rarely the same path.

As for the bad mindfuck, not a fan and have no tolerance for the game playing or lying that it often entails.