❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[KamaKamaSutra]

#20
Switching

Are you, have you, could you ever switch?
If yes, how does one experience relate to the other? Do you feel a literal "switching" of personality/desire? Do you identify more as one or are you equally balanced?
If no, would you? If it doesnt appeal, why not?

I wouldn't say anything I have done is qualified as switching. I have been in submissive roles, but I wouldn't say that it fit with who or what I felt I am. While I have been known to be in a submissive role for a partner, allowing them to tie me up, tease me, deny me pleasure. I wouldn't ever call it a true switch from my dominate side. It's more akin to letting a partner explore that side of them. I just noticed even subconsciously I don't think the idea of submission works for me, since I used "allowing" to describe that situation.

I have played with a few switches on Lit and I will say that sometimes they will start of in a dominate state of mine, but when presented with a scenario or certain words I have seen a profound switch in their responses to me. I would imagine they literally felt a "switch" in those situations. But that is just form my perspective and someone who identifies as a switch would be much better to describe the effect than I.

All being said and while I don't think being a switch would ever be "right" for me, I wont say that it is never an option. I've experienced enough to know that saying never is rarely the truth. But I hazard to think of the level of dominance it would take to bring me to heel.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

.....

 

[AlwaysFara]

#20
Switching

Are you, have you, could you ever switch?
If yes, how does one experience relate to the other? Do you feel a literal "switching" of personality/desire? Do you identify more as one or are you equally balanced?
If no, would you? If it doesnt appeal, why not?

No. No. Resoundingly no. I am not a switch. I don’t want to and it doesn’t happen naturally.
This does not mean, however, that I’m not aggressive sexually. I love sucking and riding, but he is never completely in my control. The control always lies with him. It’s what I need. To let that go.

I was with 2 switch men online. Both Dominant with me. One stayed that way, throughout. The other would switch midway. It turned me off. Both men were “dominant” men in life, sucessful, leadership roles, etc.
I’m not atttacted to submissive men in a sexual way. I have no desire to be anything than submissive. Why? I’m not sure. It’s my nature. I need to be taken. I need to feel safe. I need to let go and know that one of us has a shred of control. That wouldn’t be me.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I can do it, i choose to do it, for a variety of reasons.

It's not where my heart is.

 

[elli1point1]

#20
Switching

Are you, have you, could you ever switch?
If yes, how does one experience relate to the other? Do you feel a literal "switching" of personality/desire? Do you identify more as one or are you equally balanced?
If no, would you? If it doesnt appeal, why not?

No. No no. Doesn't appeal, doesn't feel right, it's just not me.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

.....

 

[AlwaysFara]

Ugh, this subject is complicated!

I don't pick a partner based on whether they are sub or Dom, that's just one factor, you know? Do we connect intellectually? Emotionally? Can he surprise me, challenge me, inspire me, make me think, make me laugh my ass off? Is there good chemistry? Do i want to put my mouth on his man parts, and have his mouth on my lady bits? Is he a good communicator? Will he give me the attention, affection, approval that i need? Has he got integrity? Is he worthy of my respect? And on and on and on...

If i connect well with someone, and want to engage, I'm not going to let the sub/Dom thing get in my way. I'm a creative girl, resourceful, and i do like a good challenge! When the reward is great enough, i can find more than one way to skin a cat.

See, and I’m the opposite. There’s plenty of nice men out there who I’m sure would be wonderful with my lady bits.
I don’t want that. BTDT. I want what I want, and I’m old enough to expect it, and what I want is someone who is dominant, who knows how to make me crawl, and when.

 

[Mei5ter]

#20
Switching

Are you, have you, could you ever switch?
If yes, how does one experience relate to the other? Do you feel a literal "switching" of personality/desire? Do you identify more as one or are you equally balanced?
If no, would you? If it doesnt appeal, why not?

It depends what you’re switching from and to.

The things I want to do to you? No. I don’t want those done to me. I don’t want to be hurt, broken or put back together, thank you. I don’t have those needs.

Occasionally I can enjoy my partner taking control in other ways. But always with that undercurrent that there will be payback later.

 

[AlwaysFara]

It depends what you’re switching from and to.

The things I want to do to you? No. I don’t want those done to me. I don’t want to be hurt, broken or put back together, thank you. I don’t have those needs.

Occasionally I can enjoy my partner taking control in other ways. But always with that undercurrent that there will be payback later.

And this.
This could have been written by my guy.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#20
Switching

Are you, have you, could you ever switch?
If yes, how does one experience relate to the other? Do you feel a literal "switching" of personality/desire? Do you identify more as one or are you equally balanced?
If no, would you? If it doesn't appeal, why not?

I don't see myself as a switch - and I never have switched.
That being said the idea of labels is becoming less and less appealing to me.
I was having an interesting conversation about this today and I think, for me, I prefer a partner who would describe themselves as dominant not A Dominant or sadistic not A Sadist. Mainly because that's how I'm beginning to see myself - submissive but not A Submissive.
I know quite a few subs that want that "a life on my knees' life and that's not something that appeals to me. I like a partner with balance - we can both teach each other, make each other laugh, support and take care of each other - but the right person will also have the ability to bring me to my knees when he wants.
How does this relate to switching? Because sometimes I like to tease and have a little power for a little while. Even knowing, that's it's because I'm allowed that power in that moment. So, traditional "switching" doesn't appeal - but being painted into corner by a label doesn't appeal either.

I am who I am and I like what I like. And I think many of you can relate.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

Labels can be very important; they can help a disparate demographic find one another, and become the basis of a community (like we have here)

Labels are also the enemy of individuality, and in many ways, enemy to anyone struggling to find identity.

The more codified *any* label is, the more likely any given person is to reject it *especially* if negativity is heaped upon said label.

That rejection can come in the form of "well I must not be that then," or it can be "well that's my label but I'm not like that so you must be confused about what my label means".

In the second case; those arguments about what defines a "true/real" __pyl__ go on and on and on.

I'm torn on labels, like you said they are important, but I don't think they work well in the sense of sexuality very well.

I really think that's why we have started to describe our self on "scales" instead of Gay, Straight, Bi, etc. A label can define and give a sense of community but if you start trying to define the traits of it the label losses it's meaning or becomes exclusive and pushes people away.

Terms like Dominant and submissive come with a lot of pre-loaded ideas. I also think that some of the popular examples of them and like was said before the "tutorials" you can find online give a narrow definition of what those terms mean. In reality sexuality and being in a relationship is too complex for those terms. I can be dominate with a submissive, exert some control on their life but they person is more than a submissive, they are a living breathing person with ideas and emotions. I think the biggest problem is people who are interested in the community come into it with these narrow ideas and expect life to be one way and don't expect that if your in a relationship sometimes you have to duck a frying pan, even from a submissive.

But that is just my opinion and no where near an expert opinion .

 

[Paul_Chance]

#20
Switching

Are you, have you, could you ever switch?
If yes, how does one experience relate to the other? Do you feel a literal "switching" of personality/desire? Do you identify more as one or are you equally balanced?
If no, would you? If it doesnt appeal, why not?

Yes, I've switched and can do so fairly easily.*

For me, both experiences are similar. I identify for as a dominate personality, since that is the nature of my being (extroverted, assertive/aggressive, leader, take charge, etc.). I don't feel any change in my personality when I have been in the submissive role. I am still me, regardless of the position or nature of a particular sexual encounter.

There are differences in the experience of course - "do to" as opposed to "done to", but as long as both meet my more hedonistic needs, I am quite content in either role.

Just speaking personally, I've found that the vast majority of people I've encountered in a relationship context switch, exploring both roles, even though they may have a strong preference to one role or the other - among lovers the sensual experience is paramount, not so much the specifics.

Role switching is rarer in casual hook-ups or scenes within a community, but I think that is usually because people go into those encounters with the intention of playing a specific role.

I say think of casual sex or community based sex like going to the movie - we kind of like the genres and actors or directors we like and we lean toward them. When non-casual sex in the relationship is more like making the movie. As the director you have to be able to inhabit all roles and bring the most out of each, or as an actor you play the part you are cast in, whether it's anything like you or not.

*I think one of the differences between myself and other people is the point of the journey I am on. For me, sex is not a way of discovering my self or my identity. I know who I am very well as the result of an observed life. I'm not in the BDSM spectrum as self-discovery. I am in the BDSM spectrum in search of (and often finding) new realms of sensual pleasure.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Anti-Label

I'm anti-label in pretty much every context, not just sexually. To me, labels are limiters and carry inside them an artificial divide of "is/is not" and we, as human beings, are way more complex than that.

We are Walt Whitman's multitude.

Which is a beautiful and amazing thing.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I'm anti-label in pretty much every context, not just sexually. To me, labels are limiters and carry inside them an artificial divide of "is/is not" and we, as human beings, are way more complex than that.

We are Walt Whitman's multitude.

Which is a beautiful and amazing thing.

See, and for me? I need the label. It helped me identify what I am.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

I agree.

A label helps provide a foundation and understanding of WHY. But what you build from that is of your own. Just like no husband/wife/marriage is the same, no dominant/submissive/power exchange is the same. But having some general guidelines in place when you start, as assigned by a label, can help navigate the course and figure out what works best and is right for you.

That's the point I was attempting to make. Labels give guidelines but are no all inclusive and shoudlnt be applied too narrowly.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#21

#21 (submitted with edits)

What part of BDSM are YOU most knowledgeable about?

Is there any kink, fetish, or aspect of BDSM you particularly feel passionate or knowledgeable about? Please share your wisdom. What is your knowledge level? How have you gained experience? What do you love about it? What are the key points you'd like to get across to someone with an interest?
Any dangers to watch out for? Tips? Resources? Anything else we should know?

Edited to add: In an effort to stray from the typical D/s PYL/pyl questions (and because your fearful leader is such a green little newbie), I want to know some other BDSM avenues you guys like to explore? Maybe not even fully BDSM maybe it's just a particular kink you like and have a knowledge base in.

C'mon! It's like the science fair of kink!

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

#21 - Well I won't admit to much, I'm not sure I would clam anything close to expertise any any area of BDSM. I think I have some insight into the aspects of BDSM when it comes to stimulation/torture and the like. I've spent quite a bit of time learning where to touch someone to elicit a response. This can be pain or pleasure or simply muscle manipulation.

Learning the ways muscles, tendons, nerves, and the brain/mind interact has been a powerful tool in my sessions online and in the few RL ones I've managed. The mind is a powerful tool, I think it drives BDSM more than the physical does, the mind is what turns pain into pleasure and will into submission. If you can push the mind into the state you want, then apply a bit of pressure, suction, a poke or a shock you can achieve some amazing results.

Being able to achieve this manipulation is at the core of any BDSM experience, but I'm sure many of the subs on the forums have experienced Subdrop. Being able to bring someone back out of that, being able to help sooth the intense feelings there is something I think that many people fail to master, especially online. I've talked to many people on here that tell horror stories of simply balling their eyes out after a Dom left or disappeared after a session.




***EDIT***

One of the avenues I want to explore more is pet play. I love the idea of having a "pet" to walk them on a leash and let them lose their human self. If you guys can not think me to freaky lol, Hucow is one of my more obscure fetishes right now.

 

[Mei5ter]

On the advice of my lawyer, I cannot comment on rumours that I may have a weakness for long hair, not that I have ever been known to pull it, twist it, tie the owner to a bed frame with it, or braid rope into it and half-suspend her from a hook.

(My lawyer cannot respond directly as she is a little tied up just now).

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

On the advice of my lawyer, I cannot comment on rumours that I may have a weakness for long hair, not that I have ever been known to pull it, twist it, tie the owner to a bed frame with it, or braid rope into it and half-suspend her from a hook.

(My lawyer cannot respond directly as she is a little tied up just now).

Now, that is how your post!

 

[barefootgirl69]

On the advice of my lawyer, I cannot comment on rumours that I may have a weakness for long hair, not that I have ever been known to pull it, twist it, tie the owner to a bed frame with it, or braid rope into it and half-suspend her from a hook.

(My lawyer cannot respond directly as she is a little tied up just now).

*gulp*

Ummmm... interesting. I need to go back to read the question again.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

*gulp*

Ummmm... interesting. I need to go back to read the question again.

I had to go back and add a bit to my answer

 

[Angedesoleil]

On the advice of my lawyer, I cannot comment on rumours that I may have a weakness for long hair, not that I have ever been known to pull it, twist it, tie the owner to a bed frame with it, or braid rope into it and half-suspend her from a hook.

(My lawyer cannot respond directly as she is a little tied up just now).

Omfg... this is the first laugh I've had in nigh on a week. Well done.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I had to go back and add a bit to my answer

See, I learned something new today! I have known about lactation, but not like this. These are two separate fetishes.

#themoreyouknow

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

See, I learned something new today! I have known about lactation, but not like this. These are two separate fetishes.

#themoreyouknow

They are, Hucow is a mixed bag. It's some bondage, some domination, some breeding, some lactation, some humiliation, some pet play its so many things. It was one of those things I stumbled onto and was like "hmmmmm, so this turns me on. Who knew?"

 

[AlwaysFara]

I’m not really knowledgeable. I know what I do in my relationship, but that changes, too. I would never claim to be expert on anything sexual.

I know that there is only one man who I will let put his hands around my throat, because he knows what he’s doing.
A knife? I don’t care how much I love you, if you never handled a knife you’re not going near me with it.