Can You Actually Be In Love With 2 People At The Same Time??

[Charmolypi]

I’m sure you can love many people at once. But how many can you stand to see hurt by your divided affections?

Would you be able to tell #1 about your feelings toward #2? If your relationship with #2 caused deep emotional pain to #1, I would say you are feeling love but not showing love. And the latter reflects how good of a lover and partner you actually are, given that monogamy is expected in your relationship.

 

[AlliaPotestas]

It’s absolutely possible to love more than one person, think of an old man widowed who finds joy again in later life. Finding a new partner he loves, in no way detracts from the love of his deceased wife... they are both loved, fully, completely for their different quirks and attributes... loads of people still love their ex’s while also loving their new partners.

Wanting to have both together though, is called trying to have your cake and eat it too, x

 

[richard_daily]

Why wouldn't you be able to love 2 people at the same time?

So if you have children, and then you have a 2nd one, does the first one stop being cared about?

Is your bandwidth that limited?

 

[Saint_Ann]

Why wouldn't you be able to love 2 people at the same time?

So if you have children, and then you have a 2nd one, does the first one stop being cared about?

Is your bandwidth that limited?

Do you have children, George?

 

[stickygirl]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/fcac4fc477744bb16d1220e262d1c454/tumblr_owowitncbs1vrawnyo1_540.png

Oh... I think I've had all of those in one afternoon

 

[jezzilee]

Oh... I think I've had all of those in one afternoon

I thought the diagram was rather fitting for the OP's post.

 

[Hypoxia]

I thought the diagram was rather fitting for the OP's post.

Yes, both are rather two-dimensional and arbitrary.

 

[Not Normal]

I think it is possible to love two or more than people romantically at the same time. That doesn't always meant that they all love you. I think in a committed monogamous that introducing even the idea of an additional love is VERY complicated and bound to make an utter fucking mess. A gear switch to polyamory that seems to come from nowhere will often take one's partner by surprise and bring on thoughts of betrayal. Once that conversation is started, it may never be taken back. Even if, as a couple, you decide to not go down that path, your partner knows it was something you considered or desired.

I think the only way for it to work is ti define the partnership as polyamorous, or open, or how ever you want it to be at the start. Have a system of rules and abide by them. I've know a few couples that did this, but someone STILL couldn't stick with the plan and fucked up a good thing. Other couples can be happy and live thier lives together until death do them part.

 

[steelyblue73]

Fuck no! It's akin to walking and chewing gum at the same time, virtually impossible!

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, both are rather two-dimensional and arbitrary.

I wondered if it would fold into one of these?
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EO00o7iR07E/maxresdefault.jpg
...not sure about the instructions though

 

[KimGordon67]

I think when people answer this question with a 'no', what they really mean is that it's not possible for them to love more than one person at a time. That doesn't mean it isn't possible for others. I'm married to someone that I adore, but also had a three year relationship with someone I loved very much. (Before everyone gets on their moral high horses, my husband knew about it.)
Love isn't a finite resource. (Other things, like time, are though ... that's where things start getting a bit tricky.)
The possibility is certainly there. The morality of a particular situation is the decision of those involved.

 

[Comshaw]

Does each child get the same amount of love or do they get love/#child?

That all depends on who is doing the loving. If you're an asshole, it's proportioned out to maximize your influence. If you're not, love can't and shouldn't be weighed and measured like a commodity.



Comshaw

 

[Comshaw]

Depends on how you define love.

But the real one? No.

WaaaHaHa! Way to give the guy freedom to define love, then tell him he's wrong because he doesn't see it your way. There's at least three dozen descriptors I could use for the and none are the least bit flattering.



Comshaw

 

[pink]

Is it possible? Yes.

Is it wise? Hell no.

 

[richard_daily]

Do you have children, George?

The GB is my child... and you are disappointing me.

 

[richard_daily]

I think it is possible to love two or more than people romantically at the same time. That doesn't always meant that they all love you. I think in a committed monogamous that introducing even the idea of an additional love is VERY complicated and bound to make an utter fucking mess. A gear switch to polyamory that seems to come from nowhere will often take one's partner by surprise and bring on thoughts of betrayal. Once that conversation is started, it may never be taken back. Even if, as a couple, you decide to not go down that path, your partner knows it was something you considered or desired.

I think the only way for it to work is ti define the partnership as polyamorous, or open, or how ever you want it to be at the start. Have a system of rules and abide by them. I've know a few couples that did this, but someone STILL couldn't stick with the plan and fucked up a good thing. Other couples can be happy and live thier lives together until death do them part.

A committed, monogamous relationship is a great idea for some, and an absolute confining nightmare for others...

The real issue with monogamy, is that it's considered "normal", and anything other than that is seen as the "other". Throughout history, there are countless examples of non-monogamous relationships (both committed and otherwise) that worked.

If you believe that you are wise enough and lucky enough to meet the single partner that you will want to spend the rest of your life with, more power to you, but most people don't know themselves, or the directions that they will take that well.

People change, people grow, and people learn. In that process, you may find that your "soul mate" is not compatible with you in the way that societal expectations dictate. In the monogamous relationship model, the solution to this issue is to break up, and try again, sometimes throwing away years or decades of experiences together... In the non-monogamous model, there is room for other forms of love, other relationships, and other relationship structures.

Non-monogamy isn't easy, but neither is monogamy. If monogamy was easy, we wouldn't have the majority of marriages ending in divorce, but that's the reality , and those are the facts. Monogamy doesn't work for many people, and in fact, it doesn't work for most people.

Fears and insecurities aside, non-monogamy is a much healthier life choice for many people, and I think you'll see a lot more about it in the coming years and decades.

 

[Not Normal]

A committed, monogamous relationship is a great idea for some, and an absolute confining nightmare for others...

The real issue with monogamy, is that it's considered "normal", and anything other than that is seen as the "other". Throughout history, there are countless examples of non-monogamous relationships (both committed and otherwise) that worked.

If you believe that you are wise enough and lucky enough to meet the single partner that you will want to spend the rest of your life with, more power to you, but most people don't know themselves, or the directions that they will take that well.

People change, people grow, and people learn. In that process, you may find that your "soul mate" is not compatible with you in the way that societal expectations dictate. In the monogamous relationship model, the solution to this issue is to break up, and try again, sometimes throwing away years or decades of experiences together... In the non-monogamous model, there is room for other forms of love, other relationships, and other relationship structures.

Non-monogamy isn't easy, but neither is monogamy. If monogamy was easy, we wouldn't have the majority of marriages ending in divorce, but that's the reality , and those are the facts. Monogamy doesn't work for many people, and in fact, it doesn't work for most people.

Fears and insecurities aside, non-monogamy is a much healthier life choice for many people, and I think you'll see a lot more about it in the coming years and decades.

This is all very sound.
I really wish I didin't have to
scropp back and forth so much to read it...

 

[Shyguy1369]

Fantasizing about cheating is not "polyamorous."

Unless you and your actual partner have had a discussion about opening your relationship to polyamorous possibilities you are not a "polyamorous couple."

Human beings are capable of being attracted emotionally, physically or both to an infinite number of people. Love and attraction are related but being attracted is not love. Love is something you actually do; it's an action verb.

You know, like be faithful if that is your commitment. Like own up to it when you fall short.

Umm... I never said fantasizing was polyamorous, I was asking those in a polyamorous relationship, what their thoughts were is all.

 

[jezzilee]

A question for you OP

How would you feel if your girlfriend came to you and said, "Baby, you know I love you right? Well, now I'm in love with your best friend too."

 

[Shyguy1369]

How would you feel if your girlfriend came to you and said, "Baby, you know I love you right? Well, now I'm in love with your best friend too."

That's not even the same thing I asked. I didn't say I was in love with this other woman. I was saying I feel similar feelings to what I felt early on in my current relationship with this other person. I was asking if it was possible to love two people at the same time.
To take your question, it would be more like saying something more along the lines of: "I think I am beginning to develop feelings for someone else and I am unsure as to what to do."
Look, everyone has an opinion and I am just looking to hear(read) many thoughts and try to use what is provided and my own judgements to figure out what I need to do.

 

[Comshaw]

Umm... I never said fantasizing was polyamorous, I was asking those in a polyamorous relationship, what their thoughts were is all.

My wife and I were in a poly relationship with another couple for 15 years. It was like any other relationship, it had it's ups and downs. The one thing it did require is hard work. In a one on one couples relationship you only have one line ( from you to your partner) to work on. When you ad two more individuals, the relationship lines go from two to seven. Like I said, a lot of work.

And before anyone asks the question, the reason we are no longer in that poly relationship is that the other couple got divorced. And no it didn't have anything to do with me or my wife.

I will say this, the ups far out weighed the downs. Well come to think of it the ups and downs were roughly equal in number.


Comshaw

 

[richard_daily]

How would you feel if your girlfriend came to you and said, "Baby, you know I love you right? Well, now I'm in love with your best friend too."

My best friend is a hot lesbian, so I'd be into it.

 

[richard_daily]

That's not even the same thing I asked. I didn't say I was in love with this other woman. I was saying I feel similar feelings to what I felt early on in my current relationship with this other person. I was asking if it was possible to love two people at the same time.
To take your question, it would be more like saying something more along the lines of: "I think I am beginning to develop feelings for someone else and I am unsure as to what to do."
Look, everyone has an opinion and I am just looking to hear(read) many thoughts and try to use what is provided and my own judgements to figure out what I need to do.

The heart wants what the heart wants. Putting it in a box isn't going to make those feelings go away.

 

[KimGordon67]

That's not even the same thing I asked. I didn't say I was in love with this other woman. I was saying I feel similar feelings to what I felt early on in my current relationship with this other person. I was asking if it was possible to love two people at the same time.
To take your question, it would be more like saying something more along the lines of: "I think I am beginning to develop feelings for someone else and I am unsure as to what to do."
Look, everyone has an opinion and I am just looking to hear(read) many thoughts and try to use what is provided and my own judgements to figure out what I need to do.

You'll find non-monogamy is an area in which people feel pretty happy to be judgemental. You might have better luck on a board other than the GB (e.g. I post in Fetish & Sexuality for stuff on non-monogamy).

 

[jezzilee]

That's not even the same thing I asked. I didn't say I was in love with this other woman. I was saying I feel similar feelings to what I felt early on in my current relationship with this other person. I was asking if it was possible to love two people at the same time.
To take your question, it would be more like saying something more along the lines of: "I think I am beginning to develop feelings for someone else and I am unsure as to what to do."
Look, everyone has an opinion and I am just looking to hear(read) many thoughts and try to use what is provided and my own judgements to figure out what I need to do.

Trust me, it was merely a question and the reason I worded it that was because of the question of loving two people at the same time. I am one of the least judgemental people in the world, I have a live and let live attitude and believe people should find their happiness in whatever way they feel comfortable with. Love two people if it makes you happy