How To Get To Heaven When You Die
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xfrodobagginsx
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phrodeau
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Looks like the Holy Spirit Decoder really screwed up a lot of people.
Hypoxia
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And it left out kangaroos, 'possums, and cacti. Sad.
phrodeau
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And it says hyraxes and rabbits chew their cud, when they don't and never have.
Hypoxia
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And it says insects walk on "all fours." Only ones I see like that are mantids. The rest are all satanic. Kill! Kill!
Tryharder62
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phrodeau
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Not cud. The word used is definitely cud. The Bible uses all sorts of words for bodily fluids and excretions. Did you know that menstrual blood is completely different from regular blood, according to the Bible?They redigest undigested food. In essence they eat their own poop!
Tryharder62
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Menstrual blood is different than normal blood in that it contains blood, but also old parts of uterine tissue, cells from the mucous lining of the vagina, and bacteria making up the vagina flora.
phrodeau
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The Bible has no comment about the other matter in the menses, only the blood part.Menstrual blood is different than normal blood in that it contains blood, but also old parts of uterine tissue, cells from the mucous lining of the vagina, and bacteria making up the vagina flora.
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ishtat
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The problem with the unicorn is on us not God. As we translate the bible into different languages we can unintentionally cause problems that were not there. The Hebrew word re'em signifies a horned animal aurochs, a now extinct ancestor of today's cattle. For some unknown reason the translators of the KJV chose to substitute unicorn for the name of this animal each time it occurred. The Bible in the original language never mentioned unicorns.
At least that's what the voices in my pre-frontal cortex whisper.
This is completely correct. A re'em is an aurochs otherwise known as a wild ox. They were fairly common throughout the Northern hemisphere in biblical times, the last being hunted to extinction in Poland as recently as 1627 AD. The RSV and the NRSV use 'wild ox' but they are much more accurate translations than the KJV.
Unfortunately some fundamentalist evangelicals insist that the KJV is an accurate translation which it ain't as another poster already pointed out. And don't even get into the almah- parthenos - virgin controversy. The Catholics built volumes of dogma on that cock up (or not cock up, depending on your point of view.
)
Tryharder62
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Take a look at insects. They do basically walk on all fours. Some insects have modified front legs in order to dig and carry. Some have modified back legs, like the cricket, so they can jump.
4 walking legs plus two modified.
When I was really young, I used to worry about insects and bugs. I didn't like it if a fly got in our car and didn't get out until way down the road. I thought their family back home would be missing them and the fly would be upset he was lost.
xfrodobagginsx
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Nope, it's the truth.
Hypoxia
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Tell that to the kangaroos and chollas.
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Okay, I'll explicate. Biblical texts make no mention of plants or animals existing outside a very small portion of earth. Writers of those texts had no knowledge of anything outside their immediate view. Lord {JHWH} didn't tell them about lifeforms beyond that small realm. Marsupials? Cacti? What those?
Didn't tell them much about sanitation, either. Where's the commandment to wash hands before eating? Didn't mention germs or heliocentrism or zero or a usable value of Pi. Didn't mention plate tectonics to explain volcanoes.
Biblical texts tell people how to behave, not how reality works.
Hypoxia
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AFAIK the largest group of insects is Hymenoptera: sawflies, wasps, bees, ants. Related groups contain moths, butterflies, flies, fleas, beetles. None fit your model, nor do roaches and silverfish. And hoppers and crickets do walk on all sixes.Take a look at insects. They do basically walk on all fours. Some insects have modified front legs in order to dig and carry. Some have modified back legs, like the cricket, so they can jump.
4 walking legs plus two modified.
Biblical apologists have many excuses. Lord {JHWH} didn't count jumping legs as legs! Those aren't what are meant by 'insects'! I gave up around there.
Tryharder62
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I'm not making any excuses, I'm just telling it like I see it. It always amazes me that unbelievers are so worried about what insects they should eat. No worries. God was helping the people of Israel at a time when sanitary conditions and illnesses were terrible. I can't get anybody to read on into the New Testament when these things were lifted. Eat what you want as long as it doesn't bring other people down.
So if the only thing that's keeping you from being a Christian is the insects that you can and cannot eat rest assured. You can eat all the insects you want. It's just something I choose not to do.
Come over to the "light" side.
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phrodeau
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What will the truth be next year? It seems to change with every new translation.
xfrodobagginsx
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Why wouldn't they believe it?
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Hypoxia
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No, what keeps me from Xianity or any other belief system is, they're belief systems, not knowledge systems. Belief is for dogs.
ObTopic -- How to get to heaven when you die?
* Don't die. Maybe reincarnate. Or be cloned.
* Make heaven on Earth so you needn't go anywhere.
* Indulge a few belief systems -- one might be right.
* Jump into a black hole. Death will take forever.
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Tryharder62
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Hypoxia
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We reach the divide between community and authority. The food is good, the rules may suffice, but the theology is insane. So, go with the flow.We have great pot lucks. Just sayin'
Ignore the talking bushes and reptiles and other hallucinations.
We joined a suburban Unitarian Universalist fellowship and were wed by their marryin'-buryin' man. After weekly 'services' came the French Lunch, a potluck of sandwiches and salads and wine. Lots of wine. And chatter. Sonic meltdowns. Even worse than Methodists.
colddiesel
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If you want to gain some sort of understanding of what a bunch of evil, intolerant bloody bastards, alleged Christians, a church and its ministers can be, have a look at this wikipedia article on the Presbyterian factions in Scotland.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Prebyterian_Church_of_ Scotland
I was brought up in far NW Gaelic speaking Scotland. I remember 3 ministers from my childhood, all brutal, intolerant, bible thumping perverts who in their dual role as schoolmasters took delight in beating the young children in their charge - to drive out Satan I suppose.
These men (women not allowed) utterly dominated their small communities (and still do), and I cannot remember a single act or thought of so called 'Christian' values from any of them.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Prebyterian_Church_of_ Scotland
I was brought up in far NW Gaelic speaking Scotland. I remember 3 ministers from my childhood, all brutal, intolerant, bible thumping perverts who in their dual role as schoolmasters took delight in beating the young children in their charge - to drive out Satan I suppose.
These men (women not allowed) utterly dominated their small communities (and still do), and I cannot remember a single act or thought of so called 'Christian' values from any of them.
jaF0
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The bushes and lizards are my friends.
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