Endless Curiosity

[1sickbastard]

I am as well. While some are jealous of my overly obnoxious boobs, I am jealous of their perky, can buy cute bras boobs.
(don't be jealous of the back pain, trust me)

Remember, keep your shoulders back and your back straight.
I've noticed a lot of women have crappy posture and it's not limited to larger breast sizes.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Remember, keep your shoulders back and your back straight.
I've noticed a lot of women have crappy posture and it's not limited to larger breast sizes.

And I am bad with this. My daughter and I Have now developed a "Sit up straight" reminder with each other since we are both encountering this problem.

 

[Endless_Night]

< I have seen and been jealous on many occasions, but I usually admit to my jealousy. I tell people I am jealous. I will also admit to being in therapy and jealousy and insecurity have been a focus before. I am now in a position of understanding that they come from my own insecurities. Not something that others have. I've been insanely jealous of some of the women on here because of either physical beauty, their amazing personality and even their sexy voices/accents. But I have never taken my own insecurity and used it to hate on someone. The ones I think I've been most jealous of it was because I thought their beauty/personality/misc traits would cause me to lose something, and again, I realized that it was my own insecurity and jealousy that was making me lose the things I feared losing.

I am slightly stronger now because I understand that it is my problem, and no one elses. So when it comes up, I sit back and ask myself why I'm so insecure of that person. Confidence is something we all like seeing in another person, so I'm working on more confidence in myself. >

Wow! Thank you for the insight, Sassy. And kudos to you for being willing to put in the personal work.

 

[Endless_Night]

Let's not kid ourselves here.

Physical attractiveness is a competitive edge, not just in finding someone for a personal relationship, but in any social setting; workplace, judicial system, politics.
Some pretty people know this and use it for all it's worth.
Some pretty people don't or won't acknowledge this. < snip >

Oh, definitely not saying physical attraction doesn’t offer an edge!

Rather, it seems crazy to hate on people for what you do not have, whether it be youth, large breasts, long legs, full lips….

….nice feet.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Another story I can offer up for physical beauty. A few years ago I was getting close to the Dr saying "hmm your blood sugar is a little high" and I had a Mom who was already bedridden from too many strokes and heart attacks, and a father in law who was going through Cancer. So I said "enough is enough, it's time to get some of this damn weight off me!! It took me a year and a half to lose 60#s and I somehow managed to do it even through the death of my Mom and my Father in law.

But... As the weight started going down, it became about numbers. The number on the scale, the number on the inside of my clothes, how many pounds I had lost. As I lost this weight, people would tell me I could stop, that I looked beautiful. But to me, it was.. "No, I can lose just a few more pounds" I was a size 18/20 when I started and in the end I got down to a 4. But My thought process was "If I can just get to a 1, my daughter and I can wear the same pants" (don't mind the fact that she's all legs and her hips come up to my boobs)
No matter what number I reached I kept telling myself "A few more pounds"

But what I saw changing in other people around me hurt. Those who knew me were slightly worried, those who didn't, were all sweet and friendly and flirty. This angered me on many levels because I thought "wait a minute! 60 pounds ago, you wouldn't give me the time of day and now all the sudden you are all over me!! That's fucked up. I'm still me, I'm the same person. I'm sweet, and loving and caring! I am more than physical beauty!!!"

Then my Dad got Cancer and going though his Chemo and Radiation with him and watching my strong, amazing father slip away, I became the old me. The stress eater, the depressed me. All that hard work, came flying back and a year and a half of losing weight had disappeared.
When I gained all the weight back and had a hard time dealing with the loss of my Dad, I just got more and more depressed and stopped caring about why people didn't like me. But as bad as this sounds, I started feeling a little better about why they did. I may be "Fat" but now I knew people liked me for me. For the person I am. Not the appearance.

Those high blood sugars came back and I now have diabetes and am working on losing weight again, but doing it much slower and trying not to get all obsessive over numbers now. I'm good until I walk by a mirror.


So no matter what size a person is and how beautiful people think they are, everyone has demons. Sadly those demons are in our own mirrors and head though.

 

[ViciousTease]

Another story I can offer up for physical beauty. A few years ago I was getting close to the Dr saying "hmm your blood sugar is a little high" and I had a Mom who was already bedridden from too many strokes and heart attacks, and a father in law who was going through Cancer. So I said "enough is enough, it's time to get some of this damn weight off me!! It took me a year and a half to lose 60#s and I somehow managed to do it even through the death of my Mom and my Father in law.

But... As the weight started going down, it became about numbers. The number on the scale, the number on the inside of my clothes, how many pounds I had lost. As I lost this weight, people would tell me I could stop, that I looked beautiful. But to me, it was.. "No, I can lose just a few more pounds" I was a size 18/20 when I started and in the end I got down to a 4. But My thought process was "If I can just get to a 1, my daughter and I can wear the same pants" (don't mind the fact that she's all legs and her hips come up to my boobs)
No matter what number I reached I kept telling myself "A few more pounds"

But what I saw changing in other people around me hurt. Those who knew me were slightly worried, those who didn't, were all sweet and friendly and flirty. This angered me on many levels because I thought "wait a minute! 60 pounds ago, you wouldn't give me the time of day and now all the sudden you are all over me!! That's fucked up. I'm still me, I'm the same person. I'm sweet, and loving and caring! I am more than physical beauty!!!"

Then my Dad got Cancer and going though his Chemo and Radiation with him and watching my strong, amazing father slip away, I became the old me. The stress eater, the depressed me. All that hard work, came flying back and a year and a half of losing weight had disappeared.
When I gained all the weight back and had a hard time dealing with the loss of my Dad, I just got more and more depressed and stopped caring about why people didn't like me. But as bad as this sounds, I started feeling a little better about why they did. I may be "Fat" but now I knew people liked me for me. For the person I am. Not the appearance.

Those high blood sugars came back and I now have diabetes and am working on losing weight again, but doing it much slower and trying not to get all obsessive over numbers now. I'm good until I walk by a mirror.


So no matter what size a person is and how beautiful people think they are, everyone has demons. Sadly those demons are in our own mirrors and head though.

This is an issue that people who've never struggled with weight loss fail to understand. I've always carried extra weight, so the way I was treated felt normal to me. It's all I'd ever known. My biggest struggle when I was younger was with friends who were once very thin and suddenly complained constantly about putting on weight. I didn't get it. I was overweight but I didn't whine about it all the time. I'm finally working toward a healthier me and I understand it now. People I've known my whole life suddenly treat me as though I'm a better person, more valuable, smarter, etc. At first I resented the hell out of it. I still do with those closest to me. It's got to be even harder for the previously thin folks that are not accustomed to the negativity.

 

[SassySheDevil]

This is an issue that people who've never struggled with weight loss fail to understand. I've always carried extra weight, so the way I was treated felt normal to me. It's all I'd ever known. My biggest struggle when I was younger was with friends who were once very thin and suddenly complained constantly about putting on weight. I didn't get it. I was overweight but I didn't whine about it all the time. I'm finally working toward a healthier me and I understand it now. People I've known my whole life suddenly treat me as though I'm a better person, more valuable, smarter, etc. At first I resented the hell out of it. I still do with those closest to me. It's got to be even harder for the previously thin folks that are not accustomed to the negativity.

This was part of my problem. Growing up, I was very skinny. Always.(anorexic for a while even) But because I was top heavy, I was still insecure (how stupid was I?) When the weight started coming on, I Justified it by saying "Hey, at least they are looking at my eyes more now" or "My back doesn't hurt as much now" and it didn't take long for it to get out of control.
I told myself that since people weren't looking at me as much anymore, I had to find other ways to stand out, which was why I think my personality became so strong.
when I met my husband, I was 96# and thank goodness he in not vain and never asked me to get back to that. he has loved me through all my numbers and has probably dealt with it better than I ever have. The roller coaster ride is hard. It takes an emotional toll on people.

 

[DarkSimian]

I'm just going to say that I am really inspired by y'all. I look like Homer Simpson naked, so y'all are awesome just the way you are. Thin, fat, tall, short, y'all rock!

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

Super big hugs to those who struggle with weight loss.
Most of you know, i underwent the gastric bypass on May 31 and have so far lost 66 pounds. I'm still 'fat' at 5'2" but I feel better. My confidence is a bit better as well. Most people just congratulate me on my efforts to lose the weight and call me "brave"..

I, unlike Sassy, was always chunky and a bit nerdy (#valedictorian) and driven to be the best at whatever I attempted. If I did not think I could win or come out on top, I didn't pursue it. (Cheer leading, for instance... I'm a DC, not a shred of "I" in me and I struggle with the pep talking. Think Yoda, only a wee bit cuter.. you do not try, young Padawan. You do....)


So far, with the weight loss on me. I have not noticed an increased interest from either sex, so I can safely say that people just just like me and respect me.

The funniest thing I've gotten though has been commenting on how short I am getting.. I'm 5'2".... I'm not shrinking height wise. I think though my big personality stands out a bit more when they see this spit fire of a woman come at them, no holds barred, where before I was just the really smart fat chick...lol

And i didn't mean to say i don't ever get jealous. Everyone does at some point. But I do think I recognize it for what it is, remind myself of why I'm special and unique, and go on about my merry business.

Insecurity plays a big part in that. I've never viewed myself as a sexual object or one to be desired. Academically, professionally, hell even physically.. I believe I'm one to contend with. But sexually? *Squick* I freeze up when I get the hint that someone is having thoughts like that about me. It's one thing to joke and flirt with someone, but when I think that multiple people might be imagining various ways of being with me in an actual sexual situation, I get a little queasy.

 

[Desire51]

Jealousy

I don't get jealous. We should all join in a massive summer close out beach house party and enjoy a several hundred person orgy.

But how do you learn to have confidence in yourself when you have been stupid enough to let the men you have had relationships with: convince you that you are not good enough, or pretty enough, or do enough for them, or they just cheat on you? Or like my soon to be ex-husband of 21 years, emotionally abuse you and withhold sex for seven years?? I'm not completely stupid, I started college for the first time a little over a year ago at the age of 50, got my Certificate for Veterinary Assist in May and will continue on for my Assoc. Degree., but I have no confidence in myself or trust my judgement anymore. I am working on my jealousy issues, but I am having problems convincing myself that I deserve better, or that any man who shows an interest in me isn't going to just use me. To top it off, even though I suspected it for a long time, I discovered less than a year ago, that I am a sub.(that's enough just by itself) and this is the main reason I need to get a handle on myself. Any suggestions are welcome on how I might be able to boost my confidence level. I realize it's ultimately all in my head, but...how do you learn to let go? I know this is not a good post and I apologize...

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I want to add my thanks to Sassy for opening up like that. It's never easy, especially in a place like this where you might be opening yourself up to attack by some ass or another as well. Not likely to happen in this thread, but even so. I appreciate the additional depth of understanding as to what some people might be going through.

I rather like the concept of knowing who likes you for you, and who is paying lip service to you due to whatever their fucked up notion of what's cool may be I suppose it's human nature, and something we all might go through in youth. But with age and maturity, you would hope that people learn what is important in life and what isn't. Unfortunately, lots of people don't ever seem to learn that lesson. Knowing right up front who is shallow and who isn't seems to me to be a pretty nifty way to just cut through all the bullshit.

 

[Inspirinious]

Hello. My name is Inspi. And I am addicted to Lit.

I too first started with the Stories, then I discovered the forums, especially Am Pics. When my inner exhibitionist came out, I began posting on my own pic threads.

As with other addictions, it has its swings from strong to weak. At times I was very addicted and couldn't think of much else. Other times I broke away and left. But I have always come back. I have always come back. After years of posting pics, I have finally broken that exhibitionist addiction. I haven't posted pic in over a year. Is there a coin for that?

Most of my time on Lit I have been a contributor, a supporter, and a friend to all. But I have had a few lapses where I haven't been a good citizen of Lit. If you have experienced me that way, please accept my apology. It is something I continue to work on.

Today I found this thread, and what a breath of fresh air it is. Open, honest, insightful, sometimes serious, sometimes playful. But everyone is always respectful of others. I have spent some time today reading the entire 25 page thread, something I very seldom do with existing threads. So many great conversations that I wish I had been here to contribute my 2 cents to. But as they say, better late than never.

So I am now here. Reading the posts of many people I already know, and my respect for them has only grown. I hope that I can contribute in an intelligent, articulate manner so that others may feel the same about me.

Carry on.

 

[ViciousTease]

I want to add my thanks to Sassy for opening up like that.

I second that!

Hello. My name is Inspi. And I am addicted to Lit.

...

So I am now here. Reading the posts of many people I already know, and my respect for them has only grown. I hope that I can contribute in an intelligent, articulate manner so that others may feel the same about me.

Carry on.

Welcome, Inspi! It's about time you showed up.

 

[Inspirinious]

I'd like to know why so many who have dealt with jealousy on the board lash out in mean ways vs dealing with it themselves internally.

Why is jealousy so hard to deal with? Why does it bring out the bully and make people mean?

Great question.

I'll give my view of people, and maybe what causes this.

People are different in many different ways. Some are extroverts, and some are introverts. Some are possessive, others are sharing. Some internalize stuff, and others just have to release their emotions, often in ways that displease others. Some people are just angry about things they feel they have no control over.

If you combine in a person the traits of possessive, a need to release their emotions, and angry with things, you have a person that lashes out in jealousy in a mean sort of way. I just connect the dots.

 

[Inspirinious]

I second that!

Welcome, Inspi! It's about time you showed up.

Thank you. I guess that I haven't been a very good stalker, or I would have discovered this weeks ago.

 

[curvyangel1969]

These are truly some amazingly open and heartfelt stories.
I feel jealousy at times. Usually not about others looks but about their confidence in themselves no matter what size or shape they are. I don't think anyone has ever been jealous of me. I was the fat shy one in hs. Made fun of by peers and told I was fat by people who were supposed to love me. Its taken me a long time to get where I am today. To be able to say you a pretty you are smart you are worthy. So my hats off to everyone who can admit to or has overcome or working on themselves to remove jealously or toxic people from their lives.

 

[AlwaysSoaked]

These are truly some amazingly open and heartfelt stories.
I feel jealousy at times. Usually not about others looks but about their confidence in themselves no matter what size or shape they are. I don't think anyone has ever been jealous of me. I was the fat shy one in hs. Made fun of by peers and told I was fat by people who were supposed to love me. Its taken me a long time to get where I am today. To be able to say you a pretty you are smart you are worthy. So my hats off to everyone who can admit to or has overcome or working on themselves to remove jealously or toxic people from their lives.

I have had two women here on lit who were vicious in their jealousy of me. One is gone one is not. Am I jealous of perfection? Yes. But I don't believe it's real. I think some people use false photos. I have also been hit in a disturbing way by males on lit when I asked an honest question about letting a man down easily who might have been playing me. See the "why I never answered your pm thread." I did not post my problem there but it was a recycled pm that came to me that was extremely fake and I was naive enough to believe the man was sincere and had an issue I wasn't strong enough to deal with. I'm not trying to complain, just to say it happens to us and we give and we give and we are hurt. I'm a real person who has a life and kids and a husband. I come hear because I'm addicted too. Diagnosed and all. So, that is my story. That's all.

 

[Inspirinious]

These are truly some amazingly open and heartfelt stories.
I feel jealousy at times. Usually not about others looks but about their confidence in themselves no matter what size or shape they are. I don't think anyone has ever been jealous of me. I was the fat shy one in hs. Made fun of by peers and told I was fat by people who were supposed to love me. Its taken me a long time to get where I am today. To be able to say you a pretty you are smart you are worthy. So my hats off to everyone who can admit to or has overcome or working on themselves to remove jealously or toxic people from their lives.

Thank you for sharing.

I was the scrawny weakling with the thick glasses, very introverted and made few friends. It has taken me decades to accept who I am and that people can love me for who I am inside, if I just let that show through. I like to think that I am a very loving, caring, helping, thoughtful person.

Unfortunately, I do have some emotional scars that sometimes lash out, and I constantly struggle to keep that inner demon hidden out of sight.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

I'd like to know why so many who have dealt with jealousy on the board lash out in mean ways vs dealing with it themselves internally.

Why is jealousy so hard to deal with? Why does it bring out the bully and make people mean?

I think it can be simplified into one word: competition.

From the time we're small, we're taught to compete against others. For a parents' affection against another sibling, a parent's job, for a parent's time and attention.

As we age, we compete against others in school, in sports, for approval and praise in everyday life. We then compete for the cutest boy/girl in school, are taught through media (TV, magazines, social networking) to be noticed, admired, gratified with compliments. We all want to be the one that wins those silly titles in high school, "Best Couple" or "Most likely to succeed" or whatever those things are.

When we don't get these things and see others do, it fosters jealousy, or feelings of envy. The old question, "Why didn't that happen to me/why didn't I get the same thing they did," is at the base of everything. We all want to be the popular kid and it translates to being an adult. We compete against others for jobs, promotions, the hot girl/guy, the best house, the nicest car, that designer purse.

Our society fosters this, drives it and it's the rare individual that can break away from it completely. Some trains of thought believe that jealousy fosters excellence; maybe it does. But it also fosters hate, grief, insecurity, rage, pain and depression.

I think it takes some age, experience and a deep knowledge of one's self to break the pattern; I find that this often doesn't happen until we get older. But everyone has scars from jealousy. Maybe we need the scars before we can have a better understanding of it? I don't know.

 

[JennyNo1]

I'm going to address both of the forms of jealousy talked about here. I've experienced one case of being jealous in a relationship here on Lit, and I think it boiled down to the fact that I felt betrayed. I don't trust easily as a rule, but I had slowly come to trust this person and let him into my inner core, telling him things I probably hadn't told anyone. When I saw that he was gradually forming the same type of relationships with lots of other women, I felt betrayed. On top of that, one of the women was someone I considered a good friend, and it seemed she was purposely trying to displace me. I did blurt quite a few times, both to him and just randomly on threads. I finally reached a point where I realized things were not what I had thought they were and stopped talking to him. I have to just withdraw when I feel those pangs building up. To me, that feeling of betrayal, hurt, humiliation, and embarrassment is a toxic combination that can easily take control if you let it. I don't know if that's an answer or a long ramble, but those are my thoughts on that!

The other kind of jealousy is what I would more typically call envy. I've reached the point in my life where I have all the material stuff I could want and a nice nest egg built up. But I also have many girlfriends who genuinely have happy marriages and great families - they adore their husbands and their husbands adore them. Most of them live in truly splendid homes. They have their problems like anyone, but I do envy them the parts of their lives I don't have. At the same time, I know most of us got where we are as a result of the choices we made. So I don't begrudge them one thing - I'm happy for them and glad they are still my friends after so many years. I'm also one of those who struggles with weight and have since I hit my 40s. It is aggravating, because until then I was skinny with relatively big boobs and curves - and I never had to try to attract attention. I was also a total bitch a lot of the time. Now, I get NO attention in RL even though I think I've managed to slay that inner bitch most of the time and I'm actually a pretty nice person now with a lot to give someone. Most people still determine a person's worth by what they look like outside though.

 

[AKentuckyLady]

I thought this fit the subject matter pretty well.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/4d/f1/1f/4df11f845e97fdf06acb7aa9d3410403.jpg

 

[Endless_Night]

So.....By my calculations tomorrow is Public Sex Saturday. How does this work? Dose VT just walk into the thread and say, “Game on.”?

- Are we supposed to recount public sex experiences?
- Are we supposed to ask questions about public sex experiences?
- Are we suppose to share fantasies of wanted public sex experiences?
- All of the above????

Not that I’ll have anything to add to the conversation, you understand. (Not an exhibitionist ). But I’d still like to know the rules so I can rate contributors properly.

No worries. I’ll be gentle. As a judge.

 

[ViciousTease]

So.....By my calculations tomorrow is Public Sex Saturday. How does this work? Dose VT just walk into the thread and say, “Game on.”?

- Are we supposed to recount public sex experiences?
- Are we supposed to ask questions about public sex experiences?
- Are we suppose to share fantasies of wanted public sex experiences?
- All of the above????

Not that I’ll have anything to add to the conversation, you understand. (Not an exhibitionist ). But I’d still like to know the rules so I can rate contributors properly.

No worries. I’ll be gentle. As a judge.

Yes.

 

[Inspirinious]

So.....By my calculations tomorrow is Public Sex Saturday. How does this work? Dose VT just walk into the thread and say, “Game on.”?

- Are we supposed to recount public sex experiences?
- Are we supposed to ask questions about public sex experiences?
- Are we suppose to share fantasies of wanted public sex experiences?
- All of the above????

Not that I’ll have anything to add to the conversation, you understand. (Not an exhibitionist ). But I’d still like to know the rules so I can rate contributors properly.

No worries. I’ll be gentle. As a judge.

If this thread was on AmPics, I would say that photos would be in order. But as it in the Playground, I would say that stories are appropriate.

Too bad. I have a lot of photos.

 

[Endless_Night]

Yes.

Hahahahahahaha! Okay.

*sharpens judge's pencil*

And apparently I left off the photo option.