Queersetti
Bastardo Suave
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2003
- Posts
- 37,288
How To Get To Heaven When You Die
- Thread starter xfrodobagginsx
- Start date
- Status
Que
aʒɑ̃ prɔvɔkatœr
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Posts
- 39,882
I think the Gideon's version of the Bible is shorter than that post.
girlsmiley
catastrophe
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2010
- Posts
- 22,148
St Peter probably has her in his basement. You know what he's like.
Otherwise Fata I reckon. Because I don't know. Being pretty much the basis of how I blame anyone for anything. Zero facts, no reason at all.
I'd be a great lawyer I think. Politician. Police officer in Queensland.
:lick:
B
Bookishleigh
Guest
phrodeau
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2002
- Posts
- 78,588
Oh, please. Only misguided people would give their lives to Jesus Christ, because Jesus Christ never gave his life to them.
Whatever sacrifice you may think Jesus Christ made was wiped out when he got up and walked out of his tomb.
Hard_Rom
Northumbrian Skald
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2014
- Posts
- 13,623
Without a gospel of Mary we don't even know that happened. Its all hearsay.
Metaphors, myths, parables and fables.
B
Bookishleigh
Guest
They left out the part in the Bible where he said, "I'm out, bitches."
Hard_Rom
Northumbrian Skald
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2014
- Posts
- 13,623
Queersetti
Bastardo Suave
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2003
- Posts
- 37,288
B
Bookishleigh
Guest
Long live Buddy Christ...
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/bd/29/a2/bd29a292f2a448403c93849697939d62.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/bd/29/a2/bd29a292f2a448403c93849697939d62.jpg
Christobal
Mostly I'm comfortable
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2016
- Posts
- 3,470
This place explains it all. The six thousand years of evolution, the dinosaurs, the Flintstones and everything. I'm not kidding about the Flintstones. It's explained.
https://arkencounter.com/
Edited to add.
If I were in the neighborhood I would probably stop to see it. Hey, I've been to Disney World too.
https://arkencounter.com/
Edited to add.
If I were in the neighborhood I would probably stop to see it. Hey, I've been to Disney World too.
Last edited:
Queersetti
Bastardo Suave
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2003
- Posts
- 37,288
Hard_Rom
Northumbrian Skald
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2014
- Posts
- 13,623
There was no evolution. There was a revolution in heaven and paradise. Totalitarian leader holding his minions and his subjects in a tight grip. Unable to express themselves or be all they can be.
Disgustipated
LAWLZ
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2011
- Posts
- 25,596
B
Bookishleigh
Guest
Christobal
Mostly I'm comfortable
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2016
- Posts
- 3,470
Sorry rex. You have been replaced by the lizard for similar reptile types in the ark. Besides what the fuck is up with those useless front legs? DAD? DAD?
Queersetti
Bastardo Suave
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2003
- Posts
- 37,288
Disgustipated
LAWLZ
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2011
- Posts
- 25,596
B
Bookishleigh
Guest
Good point. Drowning the whole earth? Dick move. Killing all the first born? Another dick move. Tormenting Job to prove his faith? Super dick move.
Hard_Rom
Northumbrian Skald
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2014
- Posts
- 13,623
The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
1. There was a Master come
unto the earth, born in
the holy land of Indiana,
raised in the mystical
hills east of Fort Wayne.
2. The Master learned of this
world in the public schools of
Indiana, and as he grew,
in his trade as a mechanic
of automobiles.
3. But the Master had learnings
from other lands and other
schools, from other lives that
he had lived. He remembered
these, and remembering became
wise and strong, so that others
saw his strength and came
to him for counsel.
4. The Master believed that he
had power to help himself
and all mankind, and as he
believed so it was for him,
so that others saw his
power and came to him to be healed of their troubles
and their many diseases.
5. The Master believed that it
is well for any man to
think upon himself as a son
of God, and as he believed,
so it was, and the
shops and garages where he
worked became crowded and
jammed with those who sought
his learning and his touch,
and the streets outside
with those who longed only
that the shadow of his
passing might fall upon them,
and change their lives
6. It came to pass, because
of the crowds, that the
several foremen and shop
managers bid the Master
leave his tools and go
his way, for so tightly
was he thronged that neither
he nor other mechanics had
room to work upon the
automobiles.
7. So it was that he went
into the countryside, and
people following began to call
him Messiah, and worker of
miracles; and as they believed,
it was so.
8. If a storm passed as
he spoke, not a raindrop
touched a listener’s head;
the last of the multitude
heard his words as clearly
as the first, no matter
lightning nor thunder in
the sky about. And always
he spoke to them in parables.
9. And he said unto them,
“within each of us lies the
power of our consent to health
and to sickness, to riches
and to poverty, to freedom
and to slavery. It is we
who control these, and
not another.”
10. A mill-man spoke and said,
“Easy words for you, Master,
for you are guided as we
are not, and need not toil
as we toil. A man has to
work for his living in
this world.”
11. The Master answered and said,
“Once there lived a village
of creatures along the bottom
of a great crystal river.
12. “The current of the river
swept silently over them
all - young and old, rich
and poor, good and evil,
the current going its own
way, knowing only its own
crystal self.
13. “Each creature in its own
manner clung tighty to the
twigs and rocks of the river
bottom, for clinging was their
way of life, and resisting
the current what each had
learned from birth.
14. “But one creature said at
last, ‘I am tired of clinging.
Though I cannot see it
with my eyes, I trust that
the current knows where it is
going. I shall let go, and
let it take me where it will.
Clinging, I shall die of boredom.’
15. “The other creatures laughed and
said, ‘Fool! Let go, and that
current you worship will throw
you tumbled and smashed
across the rocks, and you
will die quicker than boredom!’
16. “But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath
did let go, and at once
was tumbled and smashed by
the current across the rocks.
17. “Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the
current lifted him free from
the bottom, and he was bruised
and hurt no more.
18. “And the creatures downstream, to
whom he was a stranger,
cried, ‘See a miracle! A creature
like ourselves, yet he flies!
See the Messiah, come to save
us all!’
19. “And the one carried in
the current said, ‘I am
no more Messiah than you.
The river delights to lift
us free, if only we dare
let go. Our true work is
this voyage, this adventure.’
20. “But they cried the more,
‘Saviour!’ all the while clinging
to the rocks, and when they
looked again he was gone, and
they were left alone making
legends of a Saviour.”
21. And it came to pass when
he saw that the multitude
thronged him the more day on
day, tighter and closer and
fiercer than ever they had,
when he saw that they pressed
him to heal them without rest,
and feed them always with
his miracles, to learn for them
and to live their lives, he
went alone that day unto a
hilltop apart, and there he prayed.
22. And he said in his heart,
Infinite Radian Is, if it
be thy will, let this cup
pass from me, let me lay
aside this impossible task.
I cannot live the life
of one other soul, yet ten
thousand cry to me for life.
I’m sorry I allowed it all
to happen. If it be thy
will, let me go back to my
engines and my tools and
let me live as other men.
23. And a voice spoke to him on
the hilltop, a voice neither
male nor female, loud nor
soft, a voice infinitely kind.
And the voice said unto him,
“Not my will, but thine be
done. For what is thy will
is mine for thee. Go thy
way as other men, and
be thou happy on the earth.”
24. And hearing, the Master was
glad, and gave thanks, and came
down from the hilltop humming
a little mechanic’s song.
And when the throng pressed
him with its woes, beseeching
him to heal for it and learn
for it and feed it nonstop
from his understanding and to
entertain it with his wonders,
he smiled upon the multitude
and said pleasantly unto them,
“I quit.”
25. For a moment the multitude
was stricken dumb with
astonishment.
26. And he said unto them,
“If a man told God that he
wanted most of all to help the
suffering world, no matter the
price to himself, and God
answered and told him what he
must do, should the man do
as he is told?”
27. “Of course, Master!” cried the
many. “It should be pleasure
for him to suffer the
tortures of hell itself, should
God ask for it!”
28. “No matter what those tortures,
nor how difficult the task?”
29. “Honor to be hanged, glory
to be nailed to a tree
and burned, if so be that
God has asked,” said they.
30. “And what would you do,”
the Master said unto the
multitude, “if God spoke directly
to your face and said,
‘I COMMAND THAT YOU BE
HAPPY IN THE WORLD, AS
LONG AS YOU LIVE.’ What
would you do then?”
31. And the multitude was silent,
not a voice, not a sound
was heard upon the hillsides,
across the valleys where
they stood.
32. And the Master said unto
the silence, “In the path
of our happiness shall we
find the learning for which
we have chosen this lifetime.
So it is that I have
learned this day, and
choose to leave you now
to walk your own path,
as you please.”
33. And he went his way
through the crowds and
left them, and he
returned to the everyday
world of men and machines.
1. There was a Master come
unto the earth, born in
the holy land of Indiana,
raised in the mystical
hills east of Fort Wayne.
2. The Master learned of this
world in the public schools of
Indiana, and as he grew,
in his trade as a mechanic
of automobiles.
3. But the Master had learnings
from other lands and other
schools, from other lives that
he had lived. He remembered
these, and remembering became
wise and strong, so that others
saw his strength and came
to him for counsel.
4. The Master believed that he
had power to help himself
and all mankind, and as he
believed so it was for him,
so that others saw his
power and came to him to be healed of their troubles
and their many diseases.
5. The Master believed that it
is well for any man to
think upon himself as a son
of God, and as he believed,
so it was, and the
shops and garages where he
worked became crowded and
jammed with those who sought
his learning and his touch,
and the streets outside
with those who longed only
that the shadow of his
passing might fall upon them,
and change their lives
6. It came to pass, because
of the crowds, that the
several foremen and shop
managers bid the Master
leave his tools and go
his way, for so tightly
was he thronged that neither
he nor other mechanics had
room to work upon the
automobiles.
7. So it was that he went
into the countryside, and
people following began to call
him Messiah, and worker of
miracles; and as they believed,
it was so.
8. If a storm passed as
he spoke, not a raindrop
touched a listener’s head;
the last of the multitude
heard his words as clearly
as the first, no matter
lightning nor thunder in
the sky about. And always
he spoke to them in parables.
9. And he said unto them,
“within each of us lies the
power of our consent to health
and to sickness, to riches
and to poverty, to freedom
and to slavery. It is we
who control these, and
not another.”
10. A mill-man spoke and said,
“Easy words for you, Master,
for you are guided as we
are not, and need not toil
as we toil. A man has to
work for his living in
this world.”
11. The Master answered and said,
“Once there lived a village
of creatures along the bottom
of a great crystal river.
12. “The current of the river
swept silently over them
all - young and old, rich
and poor, good and evil,
the current going its own
way, knowing only its own
crystal self.
13. “Each creature in its own
manner clung tighty to the
twigs and rocks of the river
bottom, for clinging was their
way of life, and resisting
the current what each had
learned from birth.
14. “But one creature said at
last, ‘I am tired of clinging.
Though I cannot see it
with my eyes, I trust that
the current knows where it is
going. I shall let go, and
let it take me where it will.
Clinging, I shall die of boredom.’
15. “The other creatures laughed and
said, ‘Fool! Let go, and that
current you worship will throw
you tumbled and smashed
across the rocks, and you
will die quicker than boredom!’
16. “But the one heeded them
not, and taking a breath
did let go, and at once
was tumbled and smashed by
the current across the rocks.
17. “Yet in time, as the creature
refused to cling again, the
current lifted him free from
the bottom, and he was bruised
and hurt no more.
18. “And the creatures downstream, to
whom he was a stranger,
cried, ‘See a miracle! A creature
like ourselves, yet he flies!
See the Messiah, come to save
us all!’
19. “And the one carried in
the current said, ‘I am
no more Messiah than you.
The river delights to lift
us free, if only we dare
let go. Our true work is
this voyage, this adventure.’
20. “But they cried the more,
‘Saviour!’ all the while clinging
to the rocks, and when they
looked again he was gone, and
they were left alone making
legends of a Saviour.”
21. And it came to pass when
he saw that the multitude
thronged him the more day on
day, tighter and closer and
fiercer than ever they had,
when he saw that they pressed
him to heal them without rest,
and feed them always with
his miracles, to learn for them
and to live their lives, he
went alone that day unto a
hilltop apart, and there he prayed.
22. And he said in his heart,
Infinite Radian Is, if it
be thy will, let this cup
pass from me, let me lay
aside this impossible task.
I cannot live the life
of one other soul, yet ten
thousand cry to me for life.
I’m sorry I allowed it all
to happen. If it be thy
will, let me go back to my
engines and my tools and
let me live as other men.
23. And a voice spoke to him on
the hilltop, a voice neither
male nor female, loud nor
soft, a voice infinitely kind.
And the voice said unto him,
“Not my will, but thine be
done. For what is thy will
is mine for thee. Go thy
way as other men, and
be thou happy on the earth.”
24. And hearing, the Master was
glad, and gave thanks, and came
down from the hilltop humming
a little mechanic’s song.
And when the throng pressed
him with its woes, beseeching
him to heal for it and learn
for it and feed it nonstop
from his understanding and to
entertain it with his wonders,
he smiled upon the multitude
and said pleasantly unto them,
“I quit.”
25. For a moment the multitude
was stricken dumb with
astonishment.
26. And he said unto them,
“If a man told God that he
wanted most of all to help the
suffering world, no matter the
price to himself, and God
answered and told him what he
must do, should the man do
as he is told?”
27. “Of course, Master!” cried the
many. “It should be pleasure
for him to suffer the
tortures of hell itself, should
God ask for it!”
28. “No matter what those tortures,
nor how difficult the task?”
29. “Honor to be hanged, glory
to be nailed to a tree
and burned, if so be that
God has asked,” said they.
30. “And what would you do,”
the Master said unto the
multitude, “if God spoke directly
to your face and said,
‘I COMMAND THAT YOU BE
HAPPY IN THE WORLD, AS
LONG AS YOU LIVE.’ What
would you do then?”
31. And the multitude was silent,
not a voice, not a sound
was heard upon the hillsides,
across the valleys where
they stood.
32. And the Master said unto
the silence, “In the path
of our happiness shall we
find the learning for which
we have chosen this lifetime.
So it is that I have
learned this day, and
choose to leave you now
to walk your own path,
as you please.”
33. And he went his way
through the crowds and
left them, and he
returned to the everyday
world of men and machines.
Christobal
Mostly I'm comfortable
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2016
- Posts
- 3,470
Rom that was way too long. Let's not get into a length of post battle with the OP. 
Hard_Rom
Northumbrian Skald
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2014
- Posts
- 13,623
Rom that was way too long. Let's not get into a length of post battle with the OP.
Heretic! The words of the messiah cannot be abridged. It must be read in the original language and unrevised. Heathen!
JBCorbell
Tempus fugit
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2006
- Posts
- 3,960
Hard_Rom
Northumbrian Skald
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2014
- Posts
- 13,623
Incomplete and non-canonical. OP will reject. Would probably have been or actually was repressed.
As the narrative opens, the Savior is engaged in dialogue with his disciples, answering their questions on the nature of matter and the nature of sin. At the end of the discussion, the Savior departs leaving the disciples distraught and anxious. According to the story, Mary speaks up with words of comfort and encouragement. Then Peter asks Mary to share with them any special teaching she received from the Savior, “Peter said to Mary, ‘Sister, we know that the Savior loved you more than the rest of the women. Tell us the words of the Savior which you remember—which you know (but) we do not, nor have we heard them.’” Mary responds to Peter’s request by recounting a conversation she had with the Savior about visions.
(Mary) said, "I saw the Lord in a vision and I said to him, ‘Lord, I saw you today in a vision.’" He answered and said to me: “Blessed are you, that you did not waver at the sight of me. For where the mind is, there is the treasure." I said to him, "So now, Lord, does a person who sees a vision see it <through> the soul <or> through the spirit?"
In the conversation, the Savior teaches that the inner self is composed of soul, spirit/mind, and a third mind that is between the two which sees the vision. Then the text breaks off and the next four pages are missing. When the narrative resumes, Mary is no longer recalling her discussion with the Savior. She is instead recounting the revelation given to her in her vision. The revelation describes an ascent of a soul, which as it passes on its way to its final rest, engages in dialogue with four powers that try to stop it.
Her vision does not meet with universal approval:
But Andrew answered and said to the brethren, "Say what you think concerning what she said. For I do not believe that the Savior said this. For certainly these teachings are of other ideas."
Peter also opposed her in regard to these matters and asked them about the Savior. "Did he then speak secretly with a woman, in preference to us, and not openly? Are we to turn back and all listen to her? Did he prefer her to us?"
However Levi defends Mary Magdalene and quells Peter's attack on her. In the text, Peter appears to be offended by the discovery that Jesus selected Mary above the other disciples to interpret his teachings.
Karen King also sees evidence for tensions within 2nd-century Christianity, reflected in "the confrontation of Mary with Peter, [which is] a scenario also found in The Gospel of Thomas, Pistis Sophia, and the Coptic Gospel of the Egyptians. Peter and Andrew represent orthodox positions which deny the validity of esoteric revelation and reject the authority of women to teach."
Noor
Citizen of the World
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2003
- Posts
- 32,234
No, only 4 guys' interpretation of it. Not sure who the 4 guys are.
- Status
Similar threads
