Laurel
Kitty Mama
- Joined
- Aug 27, 1999
- Posts
- 20,692
JUDGMENT DAY
I really stalled on today's weigh-in. Sure, it was the first week, and you should never expect big results - or any results - because these things take time and everyone's system is unique and weight is just a number but who am I kidding. I went to bed with The Scale looming menacingly in my mind.
Woke up and walked past It, then went into the kitchen and started water for my tea, then petted my cat and talked to my boyfriend. After walking around the house and wasting as much time as I could, I finally re-approached the scale. Stepped on, looked down... and flowers bloomed and birds sang pretty songs and Indiana Jones theme music swelled and I LOST 2 AND A HALF POUNDS. I'm down below 126 pounds for the first time since November.
My goal weight is 110 lbs. because that's historically been when I've felt best, what my body seems to support. But I'm older now. Plus lately I've put on a bit of muscle in my attempt to lose the fat via squats and such, so if I end up at 115 or lower I'll be totally happy. To be honest, whatever the scale says is irrelevant so long the little wattle under my chin and under my shoulderblades and the jiggle around my waist is gone (though I'd like to keep a bit of the butt jiggle
).
Today is another fast day. And I'm not sad about it, actually. Yesterday I had Mexican food, quesadilla and everything. It's very, very nice to have days when I can just eat normal meals and not worry. For the last few months of trying this diet or that, cutting calories, and pushing aside the sour cream, it feels fantastic to be able to guiltlessly enjoy a bit of the creamy stuff. Even with no restrictions and eating each meal until I was finished with it, I ate only around 1500 calories yesterday. Even had a little ice cream. Spending a couple days operating on essentially an empty stomach has made me realize that I don't need to have something in it every second of every day.
Another thing: I've always forced myself to eat breakfast because we're told it's The Most Important Meal of the Day. But my body (especially my stomach) really really doesn't want food first thing when I wake up. I get actually hungry around lunchtime. Now that I'm trusting to my body more, I haven't been eating breakfast. I have tea when I wake up along with a big glass of water, and I feel much much much better.
I've realized that the vast majority of reasons I eat have little to do with actual hunger - or even with enjoying food. There's this, "I should eat now in case I'm hungry later" train of thought that goes on - like the "eat breakfast no matter what!" thing. I should store away food in my thighs and belly, like a squirrel, in the unlikely event that somehow in the course of my day I'm transported to the Antarctic without a lunchbox.
Then there's the semi-related "If you don't eat at least once an hour, you won't have energy and you'll pass out!" train of thought. And I've actually felt lightheaded when I haven't eaten for a couple hours in the past, but thinking back I'm seeing that was me psyching myself into a tizzy, and that my body wasn't actually deprived. I'm strong. I'm healthy. I'm not hypoglycemic. I can go for hours without food and be just fine. Caffeine here and there definitely helps (as it always does), but even without that I'd be fine just keeping hydrated and busy.
There are other non-reasons too. Like "I'm actually thirsty but think it's hunger" and "I'm really bored". And then there are times when I eat because enjoy the taste. But even my pleasure eating is just a fraction of my non-hunger eating, and less so than past. I'll find myself mindlessly working my way through a chocolate mousse and realize I'm not even tasting it, just plugging away at it because it's supposed to be enjoyable even though it's not something I crave at that moment. Most of my non-hunger-reasons for eating have little to do with fun or pleasure or health - it's just joyless routine drudgery. Eating should never be drudgery or shameful, but that's what I've made it into, over the years.
I can trace some of it back to being a kid with an extremely overactive thyroid and high metabolism. We were poor-ish, and food was not something doled out in buckets. A can of Campbell's soup was diluted with two cans of water so it could feed the kids. I always felt half-starved even though we were actually well-fed, just not overfed. So once I was out on my own, I really indulged in ice cream and big portions. I believed in "eating whatever I wanted". That to me was part of being an adult.
My high metabolism staved off the effects of this gluttony for years, but now I can see two things: 1) being piggish turns the act of eating into something routine and miserable, and 2) my body would really rather I give it a little time away from food. At least, that's the message I feel my body is sending me with the weight loss and the overall better feelings I'm having.
But I'm just starting Week 2! So we'll see.
All that jibber jabber aside
YAAY TWO POUNDS!
http://31.media.tumblr.com/e79732ac8be49af7fad803bbbb5f5eb0/tumblr_mwgk3zNrgn1sgl0ajo1_400.gif
http://37.media.tumblr.com/cb690895ca04ddaa39d1f63292d5155f/tumblr_mxo1ge0zHG1sgl0ajo1_500.gif
I really stalled on today's weigh-in. Sure, it was the first week, and you should never expect big results - or any results - because these things take time and everyone's system is unique and weight is just a number but who am I kidding. I went to bed with The Scale looming menacingly in my mind.
Woke up and walked past It, then went into the kitchen and started water for my tea, then petted my cat and talked to my boyfriend. After walking around the house and wasting as much time as I could, I finally re-approached the scale. Stepped on, looked down... and flowers bloomed and birds sang pretty songs and Indiana Jones theme music swelled and I LOST 2 AND A HALF POUNDS. I'm down below 126 pounds for the first time since November.
My goal weight is 110 lbs. because that's historically been when I've felt best, what my body seems to support. But I'm older now. Plus lately I've put on a bit of muscle in my attempt to lose the fat via squats and such, so if I end up at 115 or lower I'll be totally happy. To be honest, whatever the scale says is irrelevant so long the little wattle under my chin and under my shoulderblades and the jiggle around my waist is gone (though I'd like to keep a bit of the butt jiggle
).Today is another fast day. And I'm not sad about it, actually. Yesterday I had Mexican food, quesadilla and everything. It's very, very nice to have days when I can just eat normal meals and not worry. For the last few months of trying this diet or that, cutting calories, and pushing aside the sour cream, it feels fantastic to be able to guiltlessly enjoy a bit of the creamy stuff. Even with no restrictions and eating each meal until I was finished with it, I ate only around 1500 calories yesterday. Even had a little ice cream. Spending a couple days operating on essentially an empty stomach has made me realize that I don't need to have something in it every second of every day.
Another thing: I've always forced myself to eat breakfast because we're told it's The Most Important Meal of the Day. But my body (especially my stomach) really really doesn't want food first thing when I wake up. I get actually hungry around lunchtime. Now that I'm trusting to my body more, I haven't been eating breakfast. I have tea when I wake up along with a big glass of water, and I feel much much much better.
I've realized that the vast majority of reasons I eat have little to do with actual hunger - or even with enjoying food. There's this, "I should eat now in case I'm hungry later" train of thought that goes on - like the "eat breakfast no matter what!" thing. I should store away food in my thighs and belly, like a squirrel, in the unlikely event that somehow in the course of my day I'm transported to the Antarctic without a lunchbox.
Then there's the semi-related "If you don't eat at least once an hour, you won't have energy and you'll pass out!" train of thought. And I've actually felt lightheaded when I haven't eaten for a couple hours in the past, but thinking back I'm seeing that was me psyching myself into a tizzy, and that my body wasn't actually deprived. I'm strong. I'm healthy. I'm not hypoglycemic. I can go for hours without food and be just fine. Caffeine here and there definitely helps (as it always does), but even without that I'd be fine just keeping hydrated and busy.
There are other non-reasons too. Like "I'm actually thirsty but think it's hunger" and "I'm really bored". And then there are times when I eat because enjoy the taste. But even my pleasure eating is just a fraction of my non-hunger eating, and less so than past. I'll find myself mindlessly working my way through a chocolate mousse and realize I'm not even tasting it, just plugging away at it because it's supposed to be enjoyable even though it's not something I crave at that moment. Most of my non-hunger-reasons for eating have little to do with fun or pleasure or health - it's just joyless routine drudgery. Eating should never be drudgery or shameful, but that's what I've made it into, over the years.
I can trace some of it back to being a kid with an extremely overactive thyroid and high metabolism. We were poor-ish, and food was not something doled out in buckets. A can of Campbell's soup was diluted with two cans of water so it could feed the kids. I always felt half-starved even though we were actually well-fed, just not overfed. So once I was out on my own, I really indulged in ice cream and big portions. I believed in "eating whatever I wanted". That to me was part of being an adult.
My high metabolism staved off the effects of this gluttony for years, but now I can see two things: 1) being piggish turns the act of eating into something routine and miserable, and 2) my body would really rather I give it a little time away from food. At least, that's the message I feel my body is sending me with the weight loss and the overall better feelings I'm having.
But I'm just starting Week 2! So we'll see.
All that jibber jabber aside
YAAY TWO POUNDS!
http://31.media.tumblr.com/e79732ac8be49af7fad803bbbb5f5eb0/tumblr_mwgk3zNrgn1sgl0ajo1_400.gif
http://37.media.tumblr.com/cb690895ca04ddaa39d1f63292d5155f/tumblr_mxo1ge0zHG1sgl0ajo1_500.gif
