Old male friend, bad. Young male friend, good.

[Christopher2012]

So hey, legit How-To question that does NOT involve self-pity, self-hatred, or any other bad "self-" stuff.

Part I

So some of you know about this if we've been talking via PM. I need some serious advice about this situation. I never thought I'd be in a situation like this. And I might be acting immature in this situation! I just know that I've never experienced something like this and I really don't know how to find a resolution. So I need your help.

There is an older gentleman, probably in his 50's. He doesn't get prescriptions filled at my pharmacy but he comes in a lot, checks his blood pressure, and oftentimes asks me lots of questions about OTC medications. Now, I'm really nice to all my customers no matter how needy they seem to be. And this guy always tried to keep me even though I had other customers to help and my job to do. I didn't mind it since some customers don't understand that I'm under a heavy workload... but then he revealed to me something that I was *not* expecting. During a 5 o'clock rush-hour, this man poured his heart out to me in front of a bunch of customers. He told me that ever since he looked into my eyes that he wanted to make love to me, that he felt chemistry between us, that he wanted to hold me, etc... and honestly, my first response was "Uhhh... uhhh...." I had no idea what to say. It took a good 15-minute conversation to explain to him that there was no chance of any kind of relationship.

I went over the pure basics: I'm a professional, I can't engage in customers in a romantic way, and I'M NOT GAY. He apparently didn't get it. So ever since, he has been coming in every day that I work and talking to me about random subjects non-sexually related. He asked if we could just be friends. I responded "No." He is still persistent.

So today, he comes by as always and starts talking about the Superbowl. And I do engage in the conversation just because, as a professional, I can't just tell him to fuck off. And I admit that the Seahawks played a damn good game and am very disappointed in the Peyton and the Broncos, that they just didn't execute. So... in an attempt to go back to work, he stops me and hands me a letter...

The first thing I see is a thank-you card along with a two-page hand-written letter explaining why he felt the way he does about me. He goes on to explain that he thought I was gay by the way I use hand-gestures and because I'm compassionate, caring, and not egotistical. He says that straight men are just into themselves and just wanting to get laid. Now, let me just point out, I DO NOT have any type of stereotypical gay tendencies. I hope that doesn't come off as offensive. What I mean by that is that you would never think I'm gay by my mannerisms, my hand gestures, or my overall personality. But regardless, it shouldn't matter. He then tells me that he wants me to be his friend and we can talk about "ANYTHING" and then he gives me his phone number and asks me to call him if I have any kind of "niceness" that he expects I have.

What I want to know is... what do I do? This man does not get prescriptions filled at my store and I cannot get him banned from the store. I tried talking to the store manager for some advice and he says that he'll escalate the situation to the district manager to see if she can do anything... but I doubt it.

I have NEVER been in a situation like this. I honestly am scared this dude my slice my tires or stalk me or something. He does NOT understand. MOTHERFUCKER, NO MEANS NO.

So what do I do? I don't even know... I've explained it to him professionally. What are my options?

Part II

Here's the "Young Man" part.

This is more of an update to my past problems. I work with a tech who is a very attractive man to women. He's tall, has everything women want, and a funny/slick personality which is the exact opposite of me. This dude is the kind of guy any woman would love to fuck. His girlfriend is freakin gorgeous and he has girl-friends on the side who are ridiculously hot.

The point about him is that he's heard my story about how insecure I am. And he has shown serious interest in becoming my friend. He wants to hang out, play Battlefield, go to bars to meet women, act as my wingman, etc. And it could be exactly what I need to boost my ego. I've never had guy friends. I've never had guys want to hang out. And this guy is serious. We were actually supposed to go out for his birthday and I bailed because I was exhausted from work and he nut-checked me and swore that if I ever bailed on him again that he would drag me out. I think I need that. I think I need motivation.

I explained to him the deeper side, that I was really nervous about going out and then he said "That's fine. I got a 55" plasma at the house. Just come over, chill, grab a beer, and we'll play Battlefield. If you can't deal with the crowd, why not do what you do with another person?" Makes a lot of sense. This guy seems like he really want to help me out. And damn does he have some HOT ass female friends. He said he'd hook me up. But I was like "nnahh... let's not for now." So I think it's a really good thing. I need that guy-friend in my life who will push me, nut-check me, and hold me accountable for social interactions.

But the main problem is Part I.

 

[LadyVer]

My father was a pharmacist. I don't recall his ever having this kind of issue with a customer, although he had some interesting customers. A madam, call girls, a customer with epilepsy whose dog had epilepsy. A bookie. I could go on.

The thing is, many pharmacists are introverts and aren't socially skilled. This becomes a problem because most customers don't understand this. You'll probably just have to tell the older guy that your new gf is keeping you busy because she loves your hand movements. And that he needs to get his mental health issues checked out, that you didn't sign up for being sexually analyzed or propositioned by your customers, well unless they're women, I guess.

 

[Christopher2012]

Part II is no problem. At all. Just hang out one day, see how you feel about it.

Part I You're going to have to get stern but polite with him. What a creeper!

Yeah, I feel very blessed to have to have the opportunity to hang out with the young guy. He's very genuine. He seems to really care about me even though he knows my problems. Tonight, he even said "You know what Chris? I think I like working with you than any other pharmacist." That makes me feel really good. He really and truly seems to want to pursue a friendship with no wrong intentions. I'm really glad that I have this opportunity. I hope I don't blow it.

Life brings a lot of lessons. Maybe this is just fate giving me a break. I don't want to get my hopes up, but if me and him becomes good friends, I would seriously owe him a lot. I'm usually the one who refuses to believe that there is any good in people but... for some reason, I honestly think that his heart is pure in this situation. He seriously looks at me and swears that his friends will not look at me judgmentally. He is fully aware of all my insecurities and I think he really wants to see me with a woman.

His intensions seem completely genuine. I need to capitalize on this. And I need to really appreciate what he seems to be willing to do for me even though we just work together. He claims to have been through my struggle. So hopefully, I'll end up with a solid group of friends at the end of the day.

And I told him straight out, I'm not looking for a perfect-body blonde. I'm just looking for a nerdy girl with glasses who is really cute and playful. He says that I can land a girl like that easily. So we'll see. I hope he's right. But he said that I would absolutely, 100% have to go out and meet women. I can't just stay home and play video games. So we'll see.

I guess at the end of the day, I'm very grateful that a guy like that seems to genuinely care about a pathetic person like me. If things work out, I owe him a lot.

 

[Christopher2012]

My father was a pharmacist. I don't recall his ever having this kind of issue with a customer, although he had some interesting customers. A madam, call girls, a customer with epilepsy whose dog had epilepsy. A bookie. I could go on.

The thing is, many pharmacists are introverts and aren't socially skilled. This becomes a problem because most customers don't understand this. You'll probably just have to tell the older guy that your new gf is keeping you busy because she loves your hand movements. And that he needs to get his mental health issues checked out, that you didn't sign up for being sexually analyzed or propositioned by your customers, well unless they're women, I guess.

Thanks for the input! Actually, the young girls up front have given me full permission to tell him that I'm engaged to one of them. They actually want me to tell this guy that I have a serious relationship with one of them. And they will back me up 100%. They are super cool chicks, though a little young for me. haha

 

[LadyVer]

Thanks for the input! Actually, the young girls up front have given me full permission to tell him that I'm engaged to one of them. They actually want me to tell this guy that I have a serious relationship with one of them. And they will back me up 100%. They are super cool chicks, though a little young for me. haha

Dedicated to pharmacists: you're beautiful james blunt

 

[Cathleen]

Regarding part 1, I'd avoid him when he comes in. Head for the back and let others attempt to assist him. Your supervisor should step in as non-confrontationally as possible. I also like the idea of saying you have a girlfriend, I wouldn't indicate it's a co-worker however, it might be best she remain outside the workplace.

Regarding part 2, I don't know your situation well at all, but something gives me pause about this person. You certainly know him and you say he's genuine but I'd keep my guard up. Go hang out but keep an eye out -- one thing that makes me say that is your remark about his friends not being judgemental toward you. I find that an odd statement to say to someone. Just my gut.

Good luck with the older guy.

 

[BertrandRussell]

... It took a good 15-minute conversation to explain to him that there was no chance of any kind of relationship...

15 minutes? It took you 15 minutes to say 'no'? You should be able to do it in 15 seconds.

I think that you have boundary problems. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries

 

[twister947]

You're too nice for your own good. Give this creep nothing but ice. As for your supervisors, shame on them...

 

[NightL]

I hope I don't blow it.

You have nothing to blow - just had to write that

actually I am serious - just be yourself - there are no expectations you should live up to except for are you enjoying yourself? If not move on.

as to No. 1 scenario "FUCK OFF!!!" is probably about as professional as you need to get. The person has overstepped boundaries - you have already said no. You are not going to get fired for telling this person exactly as I suggested.

 

[BertrandRussell]

You have nothing to blow - just had to write that

actually I am serious - just be yourself - there are no expectations you should live up to except for are you enjoying yourself? If not move on.

as to No. 1 scenario "FUCK OFF!!!" is probably about as professional as you need to get. The person has overstepped boundaries - you have already said no. You are not going to get fired for telling this person exactly as I suggested.

Speaking as an employer - and having been one for 20+ years - I disagree with the particular language advocated in the above post.. Otherwise, I agree.

You do not have to use obscenities to get your point across. Outside of work, "FUCK OFF!!!" is fine. When upper management hears about this, you want to be totally, 100% in the right, having done everything by the book. Then they have no choice but to side with you.


PS: Note that another poster also uses the word 'boundaries'.

 

[firedance_]

I feel a little bit of your pain.

Sometimes I work a job in a very male dominated industry. I work with dudes and all the customers are dudes. Customers creep a lot. Not too often where I would feel like quitting but often enough to have to devise strategies for getting them to leave you alone. Like someone else mentioned, let others deal with him. Ppl you work with know about this issue so just back out and take a 10 when he's around, or just to the back. If that isn't possible, my usual mechanism of defense is being very firm, terse, and almost cold. Don't make eye contact, don't engage in conversation. If he starts asking you questions about health, just say, did you need a prescription? Ok then I'm going to have to help the customer next in line. Don't smile, don't look him in the face. Ignoring persistent customers tells them I am not interested in chatting. And then when they actually ask me out, I shut them down immediately. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Best recourse would just be to duck out though, since it sounds like he isn't getting the message. Also, call your HR dept. we ban people from out work all the time. They should be able to do that easily. Good luck!!

 

[Bramblethorn]

15 minutes? It took you 15 minutes to say 'no'? You should be able to do it in 15 seconds.

I think that you have boundary problems. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries

Some people are very, very good at not hearing "no".

I'd be telling the guy something along the lines of "this isn't appropriate" and "unless you have a question about prescriptions, I need to get back to work", politely but firmly.

Along with that, I would give my supervisor written notice of the situation, including:

- photocopy of the guy's letter
- statement about how you're dealing with this situation
- asking whether they are OK with your approach to it

That way, if the situation does blow up somehow, you're not vulnerable to "this is the first we've heard of this, you handled it all wrong", which can happen. I don't think it's likely to go that way, but it doesn't hurt to cover yourself.

 

[Cumference]

If he keeps going after having been clearly told, that you are NOT interested, it is stalking/ sexual harassment.

Inform your boss and inform HR.
Avoid him.

 

[fire_breeze]

So hey, legit How-To question that does NOT involve self-pity, self-hatred, or any other bad "self-" stuff.

Part I

So some of you know about this if we've been talking via PM. I need some serious advice about this situation. I never thought I'd be in a situation like this. And I might be acting immature in this situation! I just know that I've never experienced something like this and I really don't know how to find a resolution. So I need your help.

There is an older gentleman, probably in his 50's. He doesn't get prescriptions filled at my pharmacy but he comes in a lot, checks his blood pressure, and oftentimes asks me lots of questions about OTC medications. Now, I'm really nice to all my customers no matter how needy they seem to be. And this guy always tried to keep me even though I had other customers to help and my job to do. I didn't mind it since some customers don't understand that I'm under a heavy workload... but then he revealed to me something that I was *not* expecting. During a 5 o'clock rush-hour, this man poured his heart out to me in front of a bunch of customers. He told me that ever since he looked into my eyes that he wanted to make love to me, that he felt chemistry between us, that he wanted to hold me, etc... and honestly, my first response was "Uhhh... uhhh...." I had no idea what to say. It took a good 15-minute conversation to explain to him that there was no chance of any kind of relationship.

I went over the pure basics: I'm a professional, I can't engage in customers in a romantic way, and I'M NOT GAY. He apparently didn't get it. So ever since, he has been coming in every day that I work and talking to me about random subjects non-sexually related. He asked if we could just be friends. I responded "No." He is still persistent.

So today, he comes by as always and starts talking about the Superbowl. And I do engage in the conversation just because, as a professional, I can't just tell him to fuck off. And I admit that the Seahawks played a damn good game and am very disappointed in the Peyton and the Broncos, that they just didn't execute. So... in an attempt to go back to work, he stops me and hands me a letter...

The first thing I see is a thank-you card along with a two-page hand-written letter explaining why he felt the way he does about me. He goes on to explain that he thought I was gay by the way I use hand-gestures and because I'm compassionate, caring, and not egotistical. He says that straight men are just into themselves and just wanting to get laid. Now, let me just point out, I DO NOT have any type of stereotypical gay tendencies. I hope that doesn't come off as offensive. What I mean by that is that you would never think I'm gay by my mannerisms, my hand gestures, or my overall personality. But regardless, it shouldn't matter. He then tells me that he wants me to be his friend and we can talk about "ANYTHING" and then he gives me his phone number and asks me to call him if I have any kind of "niceness" that he expects I have.

What I want to know is... what do I do? This man does not get prescriptions filled at my store and I cannot get him banned from the store. I tried talking to the store manager for some advice and he says that he'll escalate the situation to the district manager to see if she can do anything... but I doubt it.

I have NEVER been in a situation like this. I honestly am scared this dude my slice my tires or stalk me or something. He does NOT understand. MOTHERFUCKER, NO MEANS NO.

So what do I do? I don't even know... I've explained it to him professionally. What are my options?

Part II

Here's the "Young Man" part.

This is more of an update to my past problems. I work with a tech who is a very attractive man to women. He's tall, has everything women want, and a funny/slick personality which is the exact opposite of me. This dude is the kind of guy any woman would love to fuck. His girlfriend is freakin gorgeous and he has girl-friends on the side who are ridiculously hot.

The point about him is that he's heard my story about how insecure I am. And he has shown serious interest in becoming my friend. He wants to hang out, play Battlefield, go to bars to meet women, act as my wingman, etc. And it could be exactly what I need to boost my ego. I've never had guy friends. I've never had guys want to hang out. And this guy is serious. We were actually supposed to go out for his birthday and I bailed because I was exhausted from work and he nut-checked me and swore that if I ever bailed on him again that he would drag me out. I think I need that. I think I need motivation.

I explained to him the deeper side, that I was really nervous about going out and then he said "That's fine. I got a 55" plasma at the house. Just come over, chill, grab a beer, and we'll play Battlefield. If you can't deal with the crowd, why not do what you do with another person?" Makes a lot of sense. This guy seems like he really want to help me out. And damn does he have some HOT ass female friends. He said he'd hook me up. But I was like "nnahh... let's not for now." So I think it's a really good thing. I need that guy-friend in my life who will push me, nut-check me, and hold me accountable for social interactions.

But the main problem is Part I.

Part II, as many people have pointed out, is simple. He wants to be friends. I think he may even understand your situation (and probably been there). Hang out. You explained it to him? Good. So if you are a bit awkward, he will be completely cool with it.

As you said, you need guy friends who will call you out when you are being an arse (even just withdrawing) and I think you're just over-thinking it. Hang out - enjoy male companionship (in a totally nonsexual way) and relax. You yourself said this is good for you - and it is. And I am truly thrilled at reading this - you are a good guy, Christopher .

Part 1.
This borders on sexual harassment. And it sucks. I've been there, and it really really sucks. You will have to be persistent and you cannot waver. If the client comes in the get his prescript filled or wants something related to your job, do your duty with a smile and with the utmost professionalism so he has nothing to complain about. Anything personal, politely but firmly decline. He talks about the game? Simple: "Mr. Smith, if there is nothing else, then please excuse me but I must complete this work." (even if you don't, pretend.) He propositions you? Decline. Firmly and politely: "No thank you, Mr. Smith". Use the formal title to create distance and write down the date and time of every non-professional behaviour. Keep everything he gives you (but do NOT read it - if it's not in an envelop, put it in one and seal it) put it in a file, including date and time. If he asks why you haven't responded, simply say, "Mr. Smith, I did not read it as I cannot."

I cannot reiterate this: be polite, but be firm. Do not give him any excuse to claim that you were anything but professional with him. If possible, have one of the other pharmacist deal with him.

Essentially, you need to collect evidence in case he decides to claim that you are harassing him or whatever. I doubt that it will come to that, but this is what I was advised to do. Also, contact your HR head and ask for advice. Eventually, though, without any encouragement, these lonely people will leave you alone.

Good luck.

 

[FGB]

Yeah, be careful!

Sounds like a stalker/serial killer wannabe!

One point I'm not clear on...and perhaps that is my fault however, the more I read the more confused I became .

So...and it does not really matter to me except the story makes me curious...are you Straight, Bi or Gay?

 

[Christopher2012]

Part II, as many people have pointed out, is simple. He wants to be friends. I think he may even understand your situation (and probably been there). Hang out. You explained it to him? Good. So if you are a bit awkward, he will be completely cool with it.

As you said, you need guy friends who will call you out when you are being an arse (even just withdrawing) and I think you're just over-thinking it. Hang out - enjoy male companionship (in a totally nonsexual way) and relax. You yourself said this is good for you - and it is. And I am truly thrilled at reading this - you are a good guy, Christopher .

Part 1.
This borders on sexual harassment. And it sucks. I've been there, and it really really sucks. You will have to be persistent and you cannot waver. If the client comes in the get his prescript filled or wants something related to your job, do your duty with a smile and with the utmost professionalism so he has nothing to complain about. Anything personal, politely but firmly decline. He talks about the game? Simple: "Mr. Smith, if there is nothing else, then please excuse me but I must complete this work." (even if you don't, pretend.) He propositions you? Decline. Firmly and politely: "No thank you, Mr. Smith". Use the formal title to create distance and write down the date and time of every non-professional behaviour. Keep everything he gives you (but do NOT read it - if it's not in an envelop, put it in one and seal it) put it in a file, including date and time. If he asks why you haven't responded, simply say, "Mr. Smith, I did not read it as I cannot."

I cannot reiterate this: be polite, but be firm. Do not give him any excuse to claim that you were anything but professional with him. If possible, have one of the other pharmacist deal with him.

Essentially, you need to collect evidence in case he decides to claim that you are harassing him or whatever. I doubt that it will come to that, but this is what I was advised to do. Also, contact your HR head and ask for advice. Eventually, though, without any encouragement, these lonely people will leave you alone.

Good luck.

You're right. As much as I want to pull this guy aside and tell him to get lost, I definitely don't need to have documented proof for my boss to fire me. After reading the note again, I just get infuriated. He actually says in the letter that he would "bet money" that I was gay because of how nice I am, how considerate I am, etc. i just want to tell him, "Motherfucker, that's called my fucking job!" It's my job to be those things. And I have social anxiety, so I act weird with hand gestures and looking around when talking to people. Man, I just get so mad thinking about it.

As far as the question about my sexuality, let me make this very clear, I do not find men attractive. I only desire women. I have never looked at a man and felt any kind of romantic and/or sexual desire. I am straight.

I seriously need to get a girlfriend... I need a woman. I need the vag.

 

[LadyVer]

You're right. As much as I want to pull this guy aside and tell him to get lost, I definitely don't need to have documented proof for my boss to fire me. After reading the note again, I just get infuriated. He actually says in the letter that he would "bet money" that I was gay because of how nice I am, how considerate I am, etc. i just want to tell him, "Motherfucker, that's called my fucking job!" It's my job to be those things. And I have social anxiety, so I act weird with hand gestures and looking around when talking to people. Man, I just get so mad thinking about it.

As far as the question about my sexuality, let me make this very clear, I do not find men attractive. I only desire women. I have never looked at a man and felt any kind of romantic and/or sexual desire. I am straight.

I seriously need to get a girlfriend... I need a woman. I need the vag.

I was thinking about your thread earlier. It definitely sounds like you're being sexually harassed. And the guy sounds weird, like a predator. Not only that, for anyone to assume they have the right to tell others what their sexual orientation is, especially people they don't know, and at their place of work, is totally bizarre.

If I was younger, my vag would be yours.

 

[NightL]

Show your employer the letter. If employers are worried about feathers being ruffled then tell them to deal with it. All due respect to BertrandRussell, but if the employers I offer my services and skills to don't take care of the issue, that has been witnessed by clients/patients/staff, I would most certainly tell someone who has not heard the word "No" to "Fuck Off". Employers are not gods - they are just people who require the skills and services of others for the operation of their business. They have a responsibility to provide a safe work environment, if they don't I would deal with the harassment as best I see fit - and "Fuck Off" would sit just well with me.

I have no issue with flattery and or indeed flirting if respect is displayed to all involved and the environment where it is given, but if a polite and courteous decline has been ignored and it becomes harassment - that then becomes the employer's issue.

 

[Christopher2012]

I was thinking about your thread earlier. It definitely sounds like you're being sexually harassed. And the guy sounds weird, like a predator. Not only that, for anyone to assume they have the right to tell others what their sexual orientation is, especially people they don't know, and at their place of work, is totally bizarre.

If I was younger, my vag would be yours.

Hahaha nice. Thanks for that.

Yeah, the dude has no idea who I am yet claims to "like me for me." Wtf is that?

Anyway, appreciate the love.

 

[Christopher2012]

Show your employer the letter. If employers are worried about feathers being ruffled then tell them to deal with it. All due respect to BertrandRussell, but if the employers I offer my services and skills to don't take care of the issue, that has been witnessed by clients/patients/staff, I would most certainly tell someone who has not heard the word "No" to "Fuck Off". Employers are not gods - they are just people who require the skills and services of others for the operation of their business. They have a responsibility to provide a safe work environment, if they don't I would deal with the harassment as best I see fit - and "Fuck Off" would sit just well with me.

I have no issue with flattery and or indeed flirting if respect is displayed to all involved and the environment where it is given, but if a polite and courteous decline has been ignored and it becomes harassment - that then becomes the employer's issue.

Oh don't worry, my store manager read the letter BEFORE I did. And he said that he was going to escalate it to the district manager. I would tell my pharmacy supervisor but she's a cunt. I don't talk to her about anything. My district manager is really cool though. So I'm just waiting. My store manager said to expect a phone call soon.

 

[STRC]

I think LadyVer has hit it right on the head. You should also tell this guy that he is sexually harassing you and he needs to stop and leave you alone. He is not to come into the store to talk to you. IF he does come in to the Pharmacy and needs to talk to someone, to speak to someone else. You may want to call the police and let them know in case this man has done this to others in the past. He may have an established pattern already!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You can fuck your employers wife if youre making him plenty of money, you can kick his mothers ass if youre making him plenty of money. He'll find some crazy excuse to rationalize it.

The other thing is no one wants to dirty their hands, and if you don't mind getting in the shit the boss will leave you alone.

People don't want nice, they want money and protection/security and want to stay clean. The minute you cant deliver even your mom will toss your ass to the curb.

FIREBREEZE? Go look in the mirror. You expect us to believe guys stalk you? LOL

 

[Christopher2012]

You can fuck your employers wife if youre making him plenty of money, you can kick his mothers ass if youre making him plenty of money. He'll find some crazy excuse to rationalize it.

The other thing is no one wants to dirty their hands, and if you don't mind getting in the shit the boss will leave you alone.

People don't want nice, they want money and protection/security and want to stay clean. The minute you cant deliver even your mom will toss your ass to the curb.

FIREBREEZE? Go look in the mirror. You expect us to believe guys stalk you? LOL

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JBJ!

http://youtu.be/-K1vGcH3gSY

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JBJ!

http://youtu.be/-K1vGcH3gSY

I never met a fag who didn't wear a KICK ME sign.

 

[Aphro]

You're just going to have to start being rude. Like, really rude. As in, please leave me alone or I will have to call the police and have you removed from my store kind of rude.

He has not taken the hint, and he is harassing you.

If you were a woman being harassed by a man, then you would have gone Defcon 5 on him already. Because your a guy, and he's a guy, you don't want to seem like a wuss...but this is sexual harassment. I know you can't risk your job by punching him in the face, but, he is not your friend. Get rid, now. If your supervisors will not help you, then involve the law and get a restraining order against him. Show them the letter.