an open invite to tear a poem to pieces

[champagne1982]

There is no way that any one will mistake me knowing what I am doing

Hang around long enough and you'll get a feel for "knowing" what you like and that reflects on knowing what everyone else is doing . You will then be a know-it-all, or at least have been called one at least once. This is how we roll.

 

[HarryHill]

Hang around long enough and you'll get a feel for "knowing" what you like and that reflects on knowing what everyone else is doing . You will then be a know-it-all, or at least have been called one at least once. This is how we roll.

..
guess it takes longer than a year. Champers, I turned on my avatars last week and looking at yours, I just gotta say, Damn!..

 

[twelveoone]

yo, todski, forget the 10,000 things, poetry can be reduced to three things
Sound
Meaning
and Sight
sure they overlap, and sight is not that big of an issue

 

[todski28]

Thamks for that 1201 I was actually having heart palpitations, and a partiazl brain embalism as it is, now I gotta learn 10, 000 things??? I was thinking fuck me gently with a chainsaw and call me done

 

[twelveoone]

Thamks for that 1201 I was actually having heart palpitations, and a partiazl brain embalism as it is, now I gotta learn 10, 000 things??? I was thinking fuck me gently with a chainsaw and call me done

fuck me gently with a chainsaw
...reminds me of a song

 

[todski28]

Hmmm must be an interesting song. Read your poem three times got more on every read which still translated to not a lot. Read all comments then re read it it was pretty fucking good...... Once I got it. I'm starting to think that the writing of so many police incident reports has retarded my views in poetry at the moment, however I'm trying to unlearn it.

To champaign The very day someone calls me a know all I'll track you down and let you know that I finally made it

 

[twelveoone]

Hmmm must be an interesting song. Read your poem three times got more on every read which still translated to not a lot. Read all comments then re read it it was pretty fucking good...... Once I got it. I'm starting to think that the writing of so many police incident reports has retarded my views in poetry at the moment, however I'm trying to unlearn it.

To champaign The very day someone calls me a know all I'll track you down and let you know that I finally made it

did I call it?
x amount of information, x being what you need to perform an alignment, reread what butters said in that code thread. Now that thing I asked you to read has a template which is a sort of form, it is rather common structure in comedy. There was about three other pages of material, that I did not even bother to write, now I did work like a bastard to align the story, and made up a hefty dose, what was given to me, goldenrod, a tiny path and micky mouse , hey this reminds me of new poems, which can get pretty dreadful.

 

[todski28]

did I call it?.

Unfortunately just like most everything else around here I am having to be spoon fed my education, at least it is in comedic doses and not instruction manual format.

 

[twelveoone]

Unfortunately just like most everything else around here I am having to be spoon fed my education, at least it is in comedic doses and not instruction manual format.

You asked for it. In an upcoming an ingeniously named Prose Poem rolls eyes, and this is cheap and easy, there are four sets of charterers (FDG and me count as one) don't worry if it doesn't make sense, and what I use is a cheap trick, but what I want you to learn is once you put something in, intertwine and finish it. Pay attention to the king he is in there for another reason (I dread this part) 1 and 2 and
I didn't do this for you, I just wanted to write uncoded prose (you really shouldn't think) for a change and make it as absurd as possible. And remember don't try any of the stunts I pull, I'm a trained professional...
jackass

one more thing, get in, do what you have to do, and get out. only once or twice did I ever get, "well I wanted more"

 

[HarryHill]

What are we reading?

 

[darkmaas]

What are we reading?

Jabberwocky by a student of Joyce (or maybe Elvis).

::

 

[HarryHill]

Jabberwocky by a student of Joyce (or maybe Elvis).

::

Caroll was a student of Joyce?

 

[twelveoone]

Jabberwocky by a student of Joyce (or maybe Elvis).

::

such a waste of talent confined to a few short poems and inane posts,
i.e. I think I saw three of yours, no comments from you, nothing worth comments on over there? Are We (as in Queen Vicky) beyond that, now. Did We receive a laurel wreath or something, that you took off your head and you are resting on now gazing at cerulean skies?
Or are you another one of those, that wants to take issue with my comments, while leaving so little or your own?
I think I left something like 15, some with specifics, go disagree - at least that will give the writer something to think about.
It is work.

 

[bronzeage]

Originally Posted by darkmaas View Post
Jabberwocky by a student of Joyce (or maybe Elvis).

such a waste of talent confined to a few short poems and inane posts,
i.e. I think I saw three of yours, no comments from you, nothing worth comments on over there? Are We (as in Queen Vicky) beyond that, now. Did We receive a laurel wreath or something, that you took off your head and you are resting on now gazing at cerulean skies?
Or are you another one of those, that wants to take issue with my comments, while leaving so little or your own?
I think I left something like 15, some with specifics, go disagree - at least that will give the writer something to think about.
It is work.

Close, so very close. Right poet, wrong poem

"Just the place for a Snark!" the Bellman cried,
As he landed his crew with care;
Supporting each man on the top of the tide
By a finger entwined in his hair.

"Just the place for a Snark! I have said it twice:
That alone should encourage the crew.
Just the place for a Snark! I have said it thrice:
What I tell you three times is true."

 

[darkmaas]

such a waste of talent confined to a few short poems and inane posts,
i.e. I think I saw three of yours, no comments from you, nothing worth comments on over there? Are We (as in Queen Vicky) beyond that, now. Did We receive a laurel wreath or something, that you took off your head and you are resting on now gazing at cerulean skies?
Or are you another one of those, that wants to take issue with my comments, while leaving so little or your own?
I think I left something like 15, some with specifics, go disagree - at least that will give the writer something to think about.
It is work.

Sorry old boy. I didn't want to start a flame war. I was riffing (badly) on your previous post which contained:

Pay attention to the king he is in there for another reason (I dread this part) 1 and 2 and
I didn't do this for you, I just wanted to write uncoded prose (you really shouldn't think) for a change and make it as absurd as possible. And remember don't try any of the stunts I pull, I'm a trained professional...

I thought you would be ... well pleased that someone read and understood your response to todski's query.

On the subject of reviewing, (either in the review thread or on individual posted poems) I no longer do it very often unless asked. Too many angry poets whose views of their own work did not mesh with mine. You must get the same sort of thing. Perhaps you are better at it than I or your skin is thicker.

Again a thousand apologies for raising your blood pressure.

darkmass.

::

 

[twelveoone]

Sorry old boy. I didn't want to start a flame war. I was riffing (badly) on your previous post which contained:



I thought you would be ... well pleased that someone read and understood your response to todski's query.

On the subject of reviewing, (either in the review thread or on individual posted poems) I no longer do it very often unless asked. Too many angry poets whose views of their own work did not mesh with mine. You must get the same sort of thing. Perhaps you are better at it than I or your skin is thicker.

Again a thousand apologies for raising your blood pressure.

darkmass.

::

No apology needed, or perhaps I should to you. Misunderstood, that it was only a riff.
In my case I get it from both ends, so it is difficult to get out of gunslinger mode.
It is all a matter of perspective. Writers must realize it is the "view" (used both ways), that is the poem. Readers must realize that two steps over from their present place the "view" changes.
Yes, some people are not worth it, but that number is less than you think, I don't count the people that have a singular bad reaction, as not worth it, I understand that.
I get tired of the alt wars also. The alt posts, the anons.
As for raising my blood pressure, if someone doesn't I'd be dead.

 

[darkmaas]

No apology needed, or perhaps I should to you. Misunderstood, that it was only a riff.
In my case I get it from both ends, so it is difficult to get out of gunslinger mode.
It is all a matter of perspective. Writers must realize it is the "view" (used both ways), that is the poem. Readers must realize that two steps over from their present place the "view" changes.
Yes, some people are not worth it, but that number is less than you think, I don't count the people that have a singular bad reaction, as not worth it, I understand that.
I get tired of the alt wars also. The alt posts, the anons.
As for raising my blood pressure, if someone doesn't I'd be dead.

Well it was a bad riff. Both Harry and Bronzeage took me literally as well.

You ought to bury the gunslinger. He's doing you no favours. He's a crutch.

Burying is easily done on planet Cyberia. The ground is soft, the skies blue and the necessary paperwork is in rhyming couplets.


darkmaas.

::

 

[twelveoone]

Burying is easily done on planet Cyberia. The ground is soft, the skies blue and the necessary paperwork is in rhyming couplets.


darkmaas.

::

screams
do you know I once said I never met a villanelle I liked, I think I saw one once (on literotica) it helped that it didn't announce the fact, and now I'm not sure I did.

 

[todski28]

.
It is all a matter of perspective. Writers must realize it is the "view" (used both ways), that is the poem. Readers must realize that two steps over from their present place the "view" changes.
QUOTE]

Here we have a gem of information that I am struggling with, by trying to explain every thing I'm on about so that there is no misinterpretation which tends to lead to long winded prose.

 

[todski28]

screams
do you know I once said I never met a villanelle I liked, I think I saw one once (on literotica) it helped that it didn't announce the fact, and now I'm not sure I did.

I have seen this villanelle with your comments on it stating that very thing can't think where or who wrote it either. when you are trying to read as much as I have been lately all the azure skies, blend with the dappled drops of water, and the metaphors turn into migranes. Maybe that's why large simple men should stick to lifting heavy things hahaha

 

[twelveoone]

I have seen this villanelle with your comments on it stating that very thing can't think where or who wrote it either. when you are trying to read as much as I have been lately all the azure skies, blend with the dappled drops of water, and the metaphors turn into migranes. Maybe that's why large simple men should stick to lifting heavy things hahaha

claymore or surgical knife, I'm comfortable either way
an age of no bread and guillotines, mirrored hall, Louis XVI of France. That was put in for three reasons and it starts a pattern for a least one (foreshadowing) Glad to see you back. I'm outta here, place is so much better without...so says the anon.

 

[Angeline]

I have seen this villanelle with your comments on it stating that very thing can't think where or who wrote it either. when you are trying to read as much as I have been lately all the azure skies, blend with the dappled drops of water, and the metaphors turn into migranes. Maybe that's why large simple men should stick to lifting heavy things hahaha

The problem is the words, not the ideas. You use cliches, migraines tend to follow.

Try writing a good poem about the sea without using any cliches or even the words sea, ocean, wave, sand, beach or water etc.. That will take you interesting places when you find ways to make the meaning clear without what are basically crutch words, y'know? "Azure" is not a bad word in and of itself. You just have to find the right place for it and it's not where you usually think.

 

[bronzeage]

The problem is the words, not the ideas. You use cliches, migraines tend to follow.

Try writing a good poem about the sea without using any cliches or even the words sea, ocean, wave, sand, beach or water etc.. That will take you interesting places when you find ways to make the meaning clear without what are basically crutch words, y'know? "Azure" is not a bad word in and of itself. You just have to find the right place for it and it's not where you usually think.

Big wet thing, that moves a lot,
you want some of this?
Show me what you got.
I'll shove you back to the abyss.

I've got seven ass kissing yes men.
they all say I can do it,
but I have to confess then,
I always knew it.

Cause you cannot refute,
never fuck with Old Canute.

 

[Angeline]

Big wet thing, that moves a lot,
you want some of this?
Show me what you got.
I'll shove you back to the abyss.

I've got seven ass kissing yes men.
they all say I can do it,
but I have to confess then,
I always knew it.

Cause you cannot refute,
never fuck with Old Canute.

You are a river to your people.

 

[todski28]

Thanks for showing how it's done bronze! that is a really good exercise that i will try.