The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

But a mad mother throws it into the back yard after stepping on it in the middle of the night.



I put in slippers.

Owing to a computer problem they emerge as Flippers.


I put in an original 78 of Bix Beiderbeck

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Owing to a computer problem they emerge as Flippers.


I put in an original 78 of Bix Beiderbeck

and it gets played at 331/3, lowering it by more than a full register.

I put in Alvin and the Chipmunks...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it gets played at 331/3, lowering it by more than a full register.

I put in Alvin and the Chipmunks...

singing from their wheel-chairs into their long beards.



I put in a Jazz trumpet

 

[Tio_Narratore]

singing from their wheel-chairs into their long beards.



I put in a Jazz trumpet

and it gets a mute stuffed in its bell.

I put in a sopranino recorder...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it gets a mute stuffed in its bell.

I put in a sopranino recorder...

but it plays contra-Bass.



I put in an Oboe

 

[PinkPeep]

but it plays contra-Bass.



I put in an Oboe

and you get an elbow injury from a clarinet...

I put in dragon fodder.

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an elbow injury from a clarinet...

I put in dragon fodder.

But it's the wrong type and the Dragon lays his kit out all over your boots.




I put in a plate full of ice cream

 

[Noor]

But it's the wrong type and the Dragon lays his kit out all over your boots.




I put in a plate full of ice cream

and you get raspberry sorbet

I put in an eiderdown

 

[Saxon_Hart]

and you get raspberry sorbet

I put in an eiderdown

But the local reggae band decides to play get on up.



I put in a Rastafarian

 

[Handley_Page]

But the local reggae band decides to play get on up.


I put in a Rastafarian

But you cannot understand a word of that strange patois he uses in place of English.


I put in a "Rasta made Simple" book

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But you cannot understand a word of that strange patois he uses in place of English.


I put in a "Rasta made Simple" book

and you get a bowl of pasta, al dente of course.

I see your Patois and raise you three Creoles and a Pidgin...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get a bowl of pasta, al dente of course.

I see your Patois and raise you three Creoles and a Pidgin...

You get a free tutorial from Rosetta Stone.

I see you need help and air drop a can of coke while you are walking the grasslands of Africa.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get a free tutorial from Rosetta Stone.

I see you need help and air drop a can of coke while you are walking the grasslands of Africa.

and the gods sing "Still Crazy After All These Years" with backup by Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

I put in some things that fall apart...

 

[fed0ra]

and the gods sing "Still Crazy After All These Years" with backup by Ladysmith Black Mambazo.

I put in some things that fall apart...

The Italians march in protest, between coffee breaks or are those Greeks or the Spanish?

I watch the Dreamliner on the runway..

 

[Tio_Narratore]

The Italians march in protest, between coffee breaks or are those Greeks or the Spanish?

I watch the Dreamliner on the runway..

and it manages to take off.

I put in about 275 passengers with crossed fingers and unspoken prayers...

 

[fed0ra]

and it manages to take off.

I put in about 275 passengers with crossed fingers and unspoken prayers...

A priest, a rabbi, an imam, pray together and hope their combined magical powers will hold the contraption up.

I put my telescope to use, watch my neighbor

 

[Tio_Narratore]

A priest, a rabbi, an imam, pray together and hope their combined magical powers will hold the contraption up.

I put my telescope to use, watch my neighbor

and you get quite a show.

I put in an exhibitionist ventriloquist with a silicone sex doll...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get quite a show.

I put in an exhibitionist ventriloquist with a silicone sex doll...

The doll is punctured.

I put in a franchise for Chippendales

 

[Handley_Page]

The doll is punctured.

I put in a franchise for Chippendales

But the furniture is a load of cheap junk


I put in an Adam fireplace

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the furniture is a load of cheap junk


I put in an Adam fireplace

and it gets stuffed with original sinners.

I put in a package deal on plenary indulgences...

 

[fed0ra]

and it gets stuffed with original sinners.

I put in a package deal on plenary indulgences...

You get a "get out of jail free" card for 24 hours.


I put in an evening with Alain Ducasse.

 

[Handley_Page]

You get a "get out of jail free" card for 24 hours.


I put in an evening with Alain Ducasse.

and you get a boiled egg.



I put in a menu

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get a "get out of jail free" card for 24 hours.


I put in an evening with Alain Ducasse.

and you get a dinner in the inside garden at L'Amphytrion.

I put in a midnight stroll down the Cour Mirabeau...

 

[fed0ra]

and you get a boiled egg.



I put in a menu

You get a paper airplane

I put in a hot sticky bun

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get a paper airplane

I put in a hot sticky bun

and you get stuck in Chelsea.

I put in breakfast in bed for St. Lucy's Day...