Laughter is Contagious

[smotherman]

Three Couples

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple were retired, the second couple were middle-aged and the final couple were newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.


"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

 

[talikat]

Three Couples

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple were retired, the second couple were middle-aged and the final couple were newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.


"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

LMAO!!!!

 

[ga400us]

Three Couples

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple were retired, the second couple were middle-aged and the final couple were newlywed.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.


"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

There goes my chance at being on yard crashers!

 

[ga400us]

Love and Understanding

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening
to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows
can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week or so later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,
"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows
can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

A few days later they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.

You must park...." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't
know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can
get through?"

Then with the love and understanding that all long-married husbands possess,
he replied, "Why don't you just leave the fucking car in the garage this time?"

 

[talikat]

On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening
to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows
can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week or so later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said,
"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows
can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

A few days later they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.

You must park...." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't
know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can
get through?"

Then with the love and understanding that all long-married husbands possess,
he replied, "Why don't you just leave the fucking car in the garage this time?"

Ha!! *snerk*

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/188246_213709758771438_590691213_n.jpg

 

[talikat]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/644178_457241261013474_137006339_n.jpg

 

[ga400us]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/644178_457241261013474_137006339_n.jpg

Priceless!

 

[Slow Ride469]

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg109/Tidex12/293997_4184235285562_1777799459_n_zps8d2919cb.jpg

 

[Slow Ride469]

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg109/Tidex12/563119_4475963218578_991762824_n_zps4b8033b3.jpg

 

[talikat]

http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg109/Tidex12/563119_4475963218578_991762824_n_zps4b8033b3.jpg

hahahahahahahaha OMG!!

 

[talikat]

http://www.buddthompson.com/images/62d1b055c4e450d4f706bb71d3a0e035.jpg

 

[chatman2]

chatman2

Teacher was talking about foods etc and asked the class what is the most stangest thing your family has had.
Little Johnny raised his hand and was chosen to answer. He said," Well my father eats light bulbs!"
The teacher said I can't believe that, have you seen him?
Little Johnny, said, "No but I heard him tell mom to hurry up and cut the light out as he was going to eat that thing!"

 

[talikat]

Teacher was talking about foods etc and asked the class what is the most stangest thing your family has had.
Little Johnny raised his hand and was chosen to answer. He said," Well my father eats light bulbs!"
The teacher said I can't believe that, have you seen him?
Little Johnny, said, "No but I heard him tell mom to hurry up and cut the light out as he was going to eat that thing!"

LMAO!!!!

So, you think you've seen everything??

http://www.buddthompson.com/So_You_Think_You_ve_Seen.html

 

[ga400us]

The latest anaesthetic !!!

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke with toothache an anesthetic injection.

"No way! No Needles. I hate needles !" the guy said.

So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas and the man objects again.

"I can't do the gas thing either."he says.

"The thought of having that gas mask over my face makes me feel faint."

She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection,"the patient says. " I'm fine with pills."

When she returns she says, " Here's a Viagra and a glass of water."

The guy says, "Wow ! I didn't know that Viagra worked as a painkiller."

"It doesn't," she said.

"But it'll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out!!"

 

[talikat]

The female dentist prepares the needle to give the bloke with toothache an anesthetic injection.

"No way! No Needles. I hate needles !" the guy said.

So the dentist starts to hook up her nitrous oxide gas and the man objects again.

"I can't do the gas thing either."he says.

"The thought of having that gas mask over my face makes me feel faint."

She then asks the guy if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection,"the patient says. " I'm fine with pills."

When she returns she says, " Here's a Viagra and a glass of water."

The guy says, "Wow ! I didn't know that Viagra worked as a painkiller."

"It doesn't," she said.

"But it'll give you something to hold on to while I pull your tooth out!!"

LMAO!!!!!



Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers... and the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

 

[1Browneyedguy]

At the mention

of singer Taylor Swifts' name.... Most men fear her, more then the thought of a prostate exam

 

[talikat]

of singer Taylor Swifts' name.... Most men fear her, more then the thought of a prostate exam

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

 

[1Browneyedguy]

for Talikat

The other night on David Letterman.. he had Joan Rivers... She was saying about her drooping boobs etc...

She said the when she bent over the day to do her nails... She thought she had 12 !

 

[talikat]

The other night on David Letterman.. he had Joan Rivers... She was saying about her drooping boobs etc...

She said the when she bent over the day to do her nails... She thought she had 12 !

LMAO!!!

 

[RNJAG]

On and old Johnny Carson show Zsa Zsa Gabor was on. She was talking about her favorite pets and had brought on the show one of her long haired what ever cats. At one point Johnny asks Zsa Zsa if he could pet her pussy. With out hesitation or a blink she said "Sure! let me get rid of this damn cat!" I think Johnny just about spit out his false teeth he was laughing and blushing so hard.

 

[ga400us]

LMAO!!!!!



Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.’ The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers... and the cat can't get it.

He got an A.

BRILLIANT!

 

[talikat]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/150436_499479793448599_1045382630_n.jpg

 

[Earl]

Aliens

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying,

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the
younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older,
wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, You never muck with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.

 

[talikat]

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying,

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Pissed at the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said gruffly, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really think that will make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky young alien. He aimed his weapon and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards him and blew the
younger alien off his feet and threw him in a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older,
wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, You never muck with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!

 

[ga400us]

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/150436_499479793448599_1045382630_n.jpg

Veggie porn? Not what I'm used to seeing, but then carrots are different than cucumbers.