Have my opinion, Want yours before I share

[cuddlywife]

If you have ready my threads, you know I am conservative. My husband on the other hand is not so conservative. One of the things he really loves me to do is tease his bum with a massager.

At first it was the outside, then it was a little inserted. Now its all 6 inches of his massager. He loves it and begs for me to do it all the time.

Needless to say, it took me a while to believe what he was asking would feel good. Now he wants to take it to the next level. He wants me to put on a massager so it looks like I am a guy and do him that way.

Question:
Does this mean he does or might have gay tendancies?

 

[sdineen]

gnj

i dont think so. He is in awe of your beauty, and cannot face it openly

 

[monkeyman057]

Anything might be.

I might be a smurf. (But I'm not. Shhh!)

I think the term 'gay tendencies' is a little misleading. The term 'gay' would imply that he has no interest in the oposite sex.

If you're asking if his request is an indication that he might have an interest in experiencing sex with another man - yes, that could be the case. Or it could just be that he's a kinky guy that wants to explore with you.

Either way - would you think less of him for it?

I guess what I'm asking is - If he's committed to you and loves you and is loyal does it really matter?

 

[southern_gal]

Who cares? I think that if both of you are monogamous and you like doing it, (he obviously likes it) then do it. I am wanting to do things like this. I think my guy would be all for it and I am getting more and more able to do things that I used to not think I could. I cheer the both of you on for exploring things that will make sex even spicier.

 

[march_manness]

No... Just because an area of his body receives sexual stimulation doesn't change/determine his orientation. Otherwise gays would freak out... "He wants to put his thing in my tight hole... Could he be heterosexual?"

 

[monkeyman057]

No... Just because an area of his body receives sexual stimulation doesn't change/determine his orientation. Otherwise gays would freak out... "He wants to put his thing in my tight hole... Could he be heterosexual?"

I agree. What feels good to him only determines what feels good. It has nothing to do with orientation.

As an aside - your reply conjured up some hillarious mental imagery. Thanks for the laugh march_manness

 

[amofiga]

If you have ready my threads, you know I am conservative. My husband on the other hand is not so conservative. One of the things he really loves me to do is tease his bum with a massager.

At first it was the outside, then it was a little inserted. Now its all 6 inches of his massager. He loves it and begs for me to do it all the time.

Needless to say, it took me a while to believe what he was asking would feel good. Now he wants to take it to the next level. He wants me to put on a massager so it looks like I am a guy and do him that way.

Question:
Does this mean he does or might have gay tendancies?

No, not anymore than all of us have some level of interest (small to large) in the same sex. Lots of women like looking at beautiful women who have nice bodies. Lots of guys admire men with athletic well toned muscular bodies. We don't necessarily find ourselves attracted in a way that wants sexual contact.

Your BF obviously likes having his ass stimulated. Lots of guys love having a finger in their ass while fucking or getting a blowjob. A running vibrator in your ass can feel very nice whether you are male or female. It sounds like he's just interested in expanding the sexual menu that you share. If it really bothers you to peg him, then explain that and let him explain the reasons for his interest. If it doesn't bother you, than do it. Whatever you do, do NOT judge or make him feel foolish, perverted, or tell him you think he's gay. While it's possible he may have some bi-sexual curiousity, it's more than likely that he's straight as an arrow but simply wants a wide variety of sex with you. If he were gay, he'd probably be out looking for a guy and not asking to have his fun with you.

 

[OnceFuturePoly]

Go read what Alice says...

You might also want to consider exactly what the stigma against gay men consists of. I'm sure others can tell you much better, but I know some elements include

• effeminate appearance attributed to gay men,
• being dominated by another man, e.g. "prison bitch"
• Religious/moral prejudice against male-male sex.

Many men and women try very hard to avoid any association with "gay" or "homosexual" because of the stigma. Anal play "looks" enough like gay male sex that people avoid it for that very reason.

Sexual orientation is not so much what one does as what arouses a person. For example, it may be very difficult for a blindfolded female to tell if they are receiving oral sex from a man or a woman, but they may be very turned on by the idea of one gender eating them out and turned off by the idea of the other gender going down on them.

The pleasure from sex isn't based directly on orientation, but on what stimulation works. Orientation may influence who one has sex with (and limit some stimulation methods), but it is the pleasure from the stimulation that produces the orgasm.

Anal play can feel very good to either sex. The female g-spot is often called the female prostate, which implies men can get as much pleasure from their prostate as women get from their g-spot.

So pegging or dildoing your man doesn't make him attracted to other men (the definition of gay), it just makes him feel very good.

 

[bad_dave]

Its not gay, your a women...

 

[Deleted member 1405174]

Not necessarily. If a woman is doing it or you are even doing it yourself it is ok. Receiving pleasure from anal is perfectly normal. I used to love it until I developed colon troubles (not caused by this).

 

[silverwhisper]

the phrase "gay tendencies" is a bit of a problem. if you like having a penis pumping inside your vagina, does that mean you have straight tendencies?

i'd say that what it means is he's discovered that the prostate is an erogenous zone. a lot of people haven't made that discovery.

could it mean that your husband might be bi? possibly--but that depends on how you define such things. since there's a whole lot of ways to define sexuality a lot of folks eschew such labels and simply know what they enjoy.

ed

 

[softbuzz]

Your husband has discovered one of the most powerful erogenous zones in the male body. It will give him more pleasure than all the external zones put together.
You love him and want him inside you, and he loves you and wants you inside him.
If he was gay/bi he would want a man inside him instead of you.
You could try sharing the pleasure by getting a double ender so that both of you can be penetrated at the same time.

 

[njlauren]

The anal opening is loaded with nerve endings and when a male is 'pegged' the prostate gland is stimulated which can make for one hell of an orgasm (it is possible to orgasm from the stimulation alone, without touching the cock).

While gay men have anal sex, there is nothing inherently gay about having anal sex with your husband (I am not demeaning being gay, just saying it doesn't mean it makes someone gay). Being gay means you are sexually and emotionally attracted to a same sex partner rather then an opposite sex one (it is funny how the anti gay types focus on the sex alone, as if a gay male or gay female can't love another man/woman and have a relationship that has sex but isn't the only thing *sigh*).

In any event, a lot of men are into that, more than you think, it is quite common.. On top of everything else, it also is healthy, too, as long as you do it right (ie use plenty of lube, don't try and force it, work up to insertion by using fingers, etc), it also has a health benefit, stimulating the prostate like that can help maintain prostate health and potentially stave off enlarged prostates and other ills potentially from what I have read.

You can also have a lot of fun with it, you can role play, tell him you are gonna split him in two for the nasty crack he made about your legs to his friend last week, etc

One piece of advice, find a good harness, a lot of the ones they sell at adult boutiques can be kind of crappy, if you don't feel comfortable going to a story to buy one call up one of the better erotic stores that sell on the net like Good Vibrations in SF, Babes in Toyland in NYC or Eve's Garden in NYC, give them a call and ask (they are all run by women, so you might feel more comfortable with them).

 

[GrrlFriday]

Maybe he wants you to wear the massager so that your hands and arms are free to hold him?

 

[purplelove]

It's easy to think he might be gay but he also might just like his ass being played with. How do you feel about fucking him ? Is it a turn on for you at all?

 

[satindesire]

If you have ready my threads, you know I am conservative. My husband on the other hand is not so conservative. One of the things he really loves me to do is tease his bum with a massager.

At first it was the outside, then it was a little inserted. Now its all 6 inches of his massager. He loves it and begs for me to do it all the time.

Needless to say, it took me a while to believe what he was asking would feel good. Now he wants to take it to the next level. He wants me to put on a massager so it looks like I am a guy and do him that way.

Question:
Does this mean he does or might have gay tendancies?

How would it?

Unless you are male, and are inserting your penis into him, it's not gay.

Since you're female and inserting a toy into him, it's an extremely heterosexual act.

 

[SweetErika]

Did he say he wanted you to "look like a guy", or is that your perception/notion?

I ask because that may be a sticking point for you mentally. My husband wanting me to look/act/be like a guy vs. give him immense pleasure with a toy are certainly distinct ideas in my mind. Honestly, even if he DID want me to crossdress or roleplay a guy, that'd be fine because the reality is that I still have breasts, a vagina and I'm not a guy--it would just be fantasy/play--although I can appreciate that we don't all feel the same way about stuff like that.

My husband does enjoy strap-on play, and while it does give me the chance to let certain characteristics surface, it certainly does not make either of us feel like I'm a man in any way! He has expressed that apart from the physical pleasure and mental thrill of doing something that's somewhat different/taboo, there's a huge part of him that enjoys the intimacy of being penetrated. In many ways, it's as close as he can get to experiencing what I do when we're having sex; not gender-wise, but on a more basic, emotional level. I'm not sure if I explained that accurately, but my point is that it's pretty cool for both of us to experience different giver/receiver roles and perhaps looking at it that way will help you see it in a different light.

Another thing you might want to consider is how much courage it probably took your husband to even broach the subject of anal play and sex. At every step along the way, I bet he questioned and agonized to a certain extent, worrying that you would view it as effeminate or gay or view him differently after he let the proverbial cat out of the bag. You might want to keep that in mind when you're considering his request, and think about how loving it'd be for you to find the courage to give it a fair try.

Hopefully at the very least, you'll be open to considering and adapting different views on this an other issues. I think it's fair to say the opinions you've received so far are coming from people with very diverse backgrounds, sexualities, religions, political persuasions and other views. When lots of very different people are saying the same thing (that anal play and sex with a woman have nothing to do with a man's masculinity or sexual orientation, in this case), there's typically a lot of substance and truth to it, right?

 

[Eilan]

Its not gay, your a women...

So multiple people, all female, are posting as cuddlywife?

Unless you are male, and are inserting your penis into him, it's not gay.

And even then, according to the "rules" of the GLBT forum, male-male anal penetration isn't gay behavior if the men involved consider themselves straight. Don't label me, man!

Does this mean he does or might have gay tendancies?

No.
[/thread]

 

[satindesire]

And even then, according to the "rules" of the GLBT forum, male-male anal penetration isn't gay behavior if the men involved consider themselves straight. Don't label me, man!

Sexual behavior and sexual orientation are two different things, though, and that's something those GLBT forum folks need to recognize. For example?

I'm pansexual, but I'm married to and monogamous with a man. People often assume I'm straight because my sexual behavior is straight, but I orient as pan.

Labels are only bad to people who are scared of them!

 

[echologue]

Sexual behavior and sexual orientation are two different things, though, and that's something those GLBT forum folks need to recognize. For example?

I'm pansexual, but I'm married to and monogamous with a man. People often assume I'm straight because my sexual behavior is straight, but I orient as pan.

Labels are only bad to people who are scared of them!

I agree. Love and desire have nothing to do with gender or labels, I keep hoping I wake up in a world where this taken for granted, like the variations of the sky.

 

[Thefamiliar]

Does it matter if he is or not?

True love says I love you anyway...

Worse things could happen, he could go to another woman to fulfil this fantasy...while you point the finger crying gay husband...let him use his toy on you, bet you would understand it then.

Being a woman, I wouldn't mind my man using a strap on on me that way...but then, he already has the equiptment. Lol So, pointless...except the vibratting part...hmmm...(oh honey...i have an idea...)

I highly doubt hes gay. If so, count yourself blessed. If not count yourself blessed. He handed you a fairly strong weapon. You can choose to use it against him, or for him. Not many trust their SO with such a voulnurability.

And so I scratch my head in puzzlement. Why does it matter?

 

[123Josh]

No, I use a vibrator quite often and I've never had one gay thought

 

[luvnmyboys]

obviously he enjoys this. if you are comfortable doing it, do it! don't think it over too much. if you don't enjoy it or don't want to do it, then talk to him about it. i'm not going to guess why he likes this, but it sounds like he does and it's great if you're willing to pleasure him in this way.

 

[bailadora]

You might want to give this story a read. IMO, the author does a pretty good job of explaining the various reasons a man might ask his lover for this kind of play.

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

If it feels good do it! Why do we need to define people so strictly?