The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[stickygirl]

but it cannot find the spare wheel.


I put in a limited-slip differential box

but her box is too slippy for that

I put in a pirates hat and a bottle of grog

 

[Handley_Page]

but her box is too slippy for that

I put in a pirates hat and a bottle of grog

but the bottle's empty and you cannot sign "Yo Ho Ho" without


I put in a bottle of Dutch Gin.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the bottle's empty and you cannot sign "Yo Ho Ho" without


I put in a bottle of Dutch Gin.

and you poke your finger in a dike's hole.

I put in the return of the Zuider Zee...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you poke your finger in a dike's hole.

I put in the return of the Zuider Zee...

and you get a new Bay of Fundy, with only one flood and no ebb.

I put in a few new Dutch swear words.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a new Bay of Fundy, with only one flood and no ebb.

I put in a few new Dutch swear words.

and your mouth gets washed out with Old Dutch Cleanser.

I put in a guided tour of de Walletjes...

 

[Handley_Page]

and your mouth gets washed out with Old Dutch Cleanser.

I put in a guided tour of de Walletjes...

and you get a bad miniature of the Night Watch



I put in a working pocket watch

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get a bad miniature of the Night Watch

I put in a working pocket watch

But it complains about never getting any time off.

I put in some double overtime pay.

 

[Handley_Page]

But it complains about never getting any time off.

I put in some double overtime pay.

just as the Income Tax goes up.



I put in a small minibus

 

[Tio_Narratore]

just as the Income Tax goes up.



I put in a small minibus

and you get an infinite omnibus.

I put in an autobus...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an infinite omnibus.

I put in an autobus...

but the computer's 'gorn orf'.


I put in a steering wheel.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the computer's 'gorn orf'.


I put in a steering wheel.

and you get a flywheel.

I put in a Fifth Wheel...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a flywheel.

I put in a Fifth Wheel...

And, there is grandma . . . sitting all alone in the third row seat of the minivan.

I put in a roof rack. (it's a very large vending machine)

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And, there is grandma . . . sitting all alone in the third row seat of the minivan.

I put in a roof rack. (it's a very large vending machine)

and you get a rack that sends all the men through the roof.

I put in a car top carrier...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a rack that sends all the men through the roof.

I put in a car top carrier...

but the instructions say :"No Car Tops"


I put in a soaking jacket which was in the canal.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the instructions say :"No Car Tops"


I put in a soaking jacket which was in the canal.

and you get a smoking jacket which was in the chunnel.

I put in a date with Mrs. Malaprop...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a smoking jacket which was in the chunnel.

I put in a date with Mrs. Malaprop...

and I discover a "previous engagement"



I put in a date for a Dentist appointment

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and I discover a "previous engagement"



I put in a date for a Dentist appointment

and she declines, citing the ethics of patient/practitioner relations.

I put in a Dentist to appoint a date...

 

[Handley_Page]

and she declines, citing the ethics of patient/practitioner relations.

I put in a Dentist to appoint a date...

but he's not warm, soft & cuddly. . . .


I put in a "Wanted" advert

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but he's not warm, soft & cuddly. . . .


I put in a "Wanted" advert

and you get 3,658 unwanted responses.

I put in one good candidate...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get 3,658 unwanted respomses.

I put in one good candidate...

and, the vote is unanimous!

I put in a blank paper ballot.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, the vote is unanimous!

I put in a blank paper ballot.

and the winner is "None of the above".


I put in a spare orange high heel

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the winner is "None of the above".


I put in a spare orange high heel

and you get a thank you kiss from a lady with one orange pump.

I put in a free pass to the Bata Shoe Museum...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a thank you kiss from a lady with one orange pump.

I put in a free pass to the Bata Shoe Museum...

but they have too many orange shoes already.


I put in a can of black shoe paint

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but they have too many orange shoes already.


I put in a can of black shoe paint

and you're made an honourary member of the Blackfeet First Nation.

I put in a Colonel of the Seventh Cavalry who doesn't ride well anymore...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you're made an honourary member of the Blackfeet First Nation.

I put in a Colonel of the Seventh Cavalry who doesn't ride well any more...

but the surgeon does not recommend . . . . .



I put in a sharp pair of scissors and a mirror.