The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you get a really hot Conga Line.

I put in Carmen Miranda...

and you get a head full of fruit.


I put in a new voltmeter

 

[stickygirl]

and you get a head full of fruit.


I put in a new voltmeter

but you encounter the same old resistance

I put in and canting keel

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you encounter the same old resistance

I put in and canting keel

and it chants "I think I can, I think I can" over and over again.

I put in a keelhauled sailor...

 

[stickygirl]

and it chants "I think I can, I think I can" over and over again.

I put in a keelhauled sailor...

and you get Barnacle Bill the wailer

I put in the third runway at Heathrow

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get Barnacle Bill the wailer

I put in the third runway at Heathrow

and you still have 7-hour delays for departures.

I put in a row between Heathcliff and Catherine...

 

[stickygirl]

and you still have 7-hour delays for departures.

I put in a row between Heathcliff and Catherine...

but you're left wuthering if Kate and Cliff were still out there, on the moors

I put in a young man worth nearly 10,000 a year

 

[Handley_Page]

but you're left wuthering if Kate and Cliff were still out there, on the moors

I put in a young man worth nearly 10,000 a year

and you get a very long queue of young girls after him.


I put in the latest fad diet book.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a very long queue of young girls after him.


I put in the latest fad diet book.

and you lose 20 lbs of fad in the first week!

I put in a tasty dinner...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you lose 20 lbs of fad in the first week!

I put in a tasty dinner...

but do not enjoy it
[ my taste buds are fried ]


I put in a long cool drink

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but do not enjoy it
[ my taste buds are fried ]


I put in a long cool drink

and get a short-order hot meal.

I put in a greasy spoon...

 

[Handley_Page]

and get a short-order hot meal.

I put in a greasy spoon...

With a new species of fungus thereon


I put in a new disinfectant

 

[Tio_Narratore]

With a new species of fungus thereon


I put in a new disinfectant

and it's called "Troll-B-Gone!"

I put in a very gruff billy goat...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it's called "Troll-B-Gone!"

I put in a very gruff billy goat...

nahhhh, that's just me in a very pissy mood.

I put in a bottle of vodka.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

nahhhh, that's just me in a very pissy mood.

I put in a bottle of vodka.

and out you come as chipper and cheerful as can be.

(She: I really shouldn't drink. It's bad for my legs.
He: Does it make them swell?
She: No, I'm afraid it makes them spread.)

I put in a bit of cranberry juice...

 

[stickygirl]

and out you come as chipper and cheerful as can be.

(She: I really shouldn't drink. It's bad for my legs.
He: Does it make them swell?
She: No, I'm afraid it makes them spread.)

I put in a bit of cranberry juice...

but not enough to stop the burn

I put in a litre of Live Yoghurt

( and it is a litre not liter )

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but not enough to stop the burn

I put in a litre of Live Yoghurt

( and it is a litre not liter )

and the bacilli don't care whose orthography you follow.

I put in a rose by any other name...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the bacilli don't care whose orthography you follow.

I put in a rose by any other name...

Got a strange smell, though. Certainly not sweet; more sour, really.


I put in an air freshener

 

[SailorJerry]

Got a strange smell, though. Certainly not sweet; more sour, really.


I put in an air freshener

Unfortunately it's the plug in kind, with a UK standard plug. I put it back in the machine.

I also put in a universal kit for international power outlets.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

Unfortunately it's the plug in kind, with a UK standard plug. I put it back in the machine.

I also put in a universal kit for international power outlets.

Oh, Goody! I can take that vibrator anywhere, now.

I put in an overnight bag.

 

[SailorJerry]

Oh, Goody! I can take that vibrator anywhere, now.

I put in an overnight bag.

and you get a whole bunch of extra attachments for that vibe. Some are curious tho, with instructions in Cyrillic.

I put in a well used Russian-English dictionary, with all the sex terms underlined.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and you get a whole bunch of extra attachments for that vibe. Some are curious tho, with instructions in Cyrillic.

I put in a well used Russian-English dictionary, with all the sex terms underlined.

And, I'm off to Moscow . . .

I put in a fur hat.

 

[SailorJerry]

And, I'm off to Moscow . . .

I put in a fur hat.

But the Palace Guards at Buckingham don't recognize the fur, tho the scent seems vaguely familiar.

I put in a field guide to the mating habits of various Canadian wildlife. The centerfold is of a pair of breeding mink.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

But the Palace Guards at Buckingham don't recognize the fur, tho the scent seems vaguely familiar.

I put in a field guide to the mating habits of various Canadian wildlife. The centerfold is of a pair of breeding mink.

And, I wonder if sex wearing fir is better than sex wearing stilettos.

I put in a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

[SailorJerry]

And, I wonder if sex wearing fir is better than sex wearing stilettos.

I put in a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

(Personally, I prefer my partner to get rid of all the fur.)

And you get the world wide, moist sound of 40Million wet, middle aged panties all hitting the floor at the same time.

I put in a double standard.

 

[Dianthus]

And you get the world wide, moist sound of 40Million wet, middle aged panties all hitting the floor at the same time.

I put in a double standard.

And you get fake pirate gold (dubloons!).

I put in the pattern for my steampunk costume.