The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[SailorJerry]

but it's interrupted by a passing submarine.

I put in a set of Hex Keys.

But the mechanics have all switched over to Torx fasteners.

I put in some dark matter.

 

[Dianthus]

But the mechanics have all switched over to Torx fasteners.

I put in some dark matter.

And you get a nice cloak made of an extraordinary fabric. Go ahead. Put it on. I dare you.

I put in a broken scanner.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a nice cloak made of an extraordinary fabric. Go ahead. Put it on. I dare you.

I put in a broken scanner.

which fails to give warning of an asteroid



I put in a larger lemon.

 

[SailorJerry]

which fails to give warning of an asteroid

I put in a larger lemon.

And you get a Ford Edsel.

I put in a tire iron and a jack.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a Ford Edsel.

I put in a tire iron and a jack.

which Jill cannot use.


I put in a 5-gal container of (the now rare) Maple syrup.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which Jill cannot use.


I put in a 5-gal container of (the now rare) Maple syrup.

and you're invited to a secret meeting of le fraternite de l'erable in St-Louis-de-Ha!-Ha!

I put in a fleur-de-lis, a shamrock, a thistle, and a rose entwined with a maple leaf...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you're invited to a secret meeting of le fraternite de l'erable in St-Louis-de-Ha!-Ha!

I put in a fleur-de-lis, a shamrock, a thistle, and a rose entwined with a maple leaf...

but they do not grow together

[ although I salute the lot of 'em ]


I put in a granite plinth

 

[Noor]

but they do not grow together

[ although I salute the lot of 'em ]


I put in a granite plinth

and you get a big yellow tractor going bowling through a field of hay



I put in a genie on a table top surfing through the month of may

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a big yellow tractor going bowling through a field of hay



I put in a genie on a table top surfing through the month of may

but the grass is uncut and the surf's not up



I put in a bloody great scythe.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but they do not grow together

[ although I salute the lot of 'em ]


I put in a granite plinth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx_T1R026Wc

But that damned Brittania connection keeps us from getting the fleur-de-lis in the garden...

but the grass is uncut and the surf's not up



I put in a bloody great scythe.

And the Grim Reaper gets told to do his job a bit more neatly.

I put in a fiery lake of brimstone...

 

[SailorJerry]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wx_T1R026Wc

But that damned Brittania connection keeps us from getting the fleur-de-lis in the garden...

And the Grim Reaper gets told to do his job a bit more neatly.

I put in a fiery lake of brimstone...

and you get Bob McKenzie with a bladder full of beer to put it out.

I put in a black dog, with a white stripe painted down its back.

 

[stickygirl]

and you get Bob McKenzie with a bladder full of beer to put it out.

I put in a black dog, with a white stripe painted down its back.

But it is sadly run down as it rested on a pedestrian crossing

I put in a churning urn of burning funk

 

[Handley_Page]

But it is sadly run down as it rested on a pedestrian crossing

I put in a churning urn of burning funk

and you see loads of puzzled frowns.


I put in a large Fire Extinguisher.

 

[stickygirl]

and you see loads of puzzled frowns.


I put in a large Fire Extinguisher.

but it's a halon gas one, it makes a hole in the ozone layer and we all fry

I put in a CD of James Taylor songs

to remind HP of the Steamroller lyrics

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's a halon gas one, it makes a hole in the ozone layer and we all fry

I put in a CD of James Taylor songs

to remind HP of the Steamroller lyrics

and you get back a Muzak tape loop for your very own elevator.

I put in the old Gaslight cafe on McDougall Street...

 

[stickygirl]

and you get back a Muzak tape loop for your very own elevator.

I put in the old Gaslight cafe on McDougall Street...

but a busload of Chinese tourists arrive and you can't get served

I put in The Brothers Karamazov

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but a busload of Chinese tourists arrive and you can't get served

I put in The Brothers Karamazov

and you get an appropriate punishment for the crime.

I put in a gambler, an idiot, and an adolescent...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an appropriate punishment for the crime.

I put in a gambler, an idiot, and an adolescent...

And they sit and play (surprisingly well, all thing considered)


I put in a piano roll
[ try this ]

 

[EroticaJunction]

I put in a piano roll
[ try this ]

Swingin... And you get back a pair of dancing shoes!

 

[Handley_Page]

Swingin... And you get back a pair of dancing shoes!

and what you puttin' in then ?

 

[YoursSINSerely]

Swingin... And you get back a pair of dancing shoes!

I think there's a pair of dancing shoes in the vending machine, and that's where I come in because I just know they are black satin stilettos.

I put in a pair of white elbow length gloves.

 

[SailorJerry]

I think there's a pair of dancing shoes in the vending machine, and that's where I come in because I just know they are black satin stilettos.

I put in a pair of white elbow length gloves.

and you get a full dance card, and a few admirers fist fighting in the parking lot for the last dance.

I put in a fun filled foxtrot. What frivolity !

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and you get a full dance card, and a few admirers fist fighting in the parking lot for the last dance.

I put in a fun filled foxtrot. What frivolity !

and, with a sly laugh, the fox trots off with your chick.

I put in a steamy tango...

 

[SailorJerry]

and, with a sly laugh, the fox trots off with your chick.

I put in a steamy tango...

Which sets off the fire alarms and sprinkler system, but the dance continues.

I put in a dozen burly boys from the fire brigade, who show up to investigate, much to the delight of the ladies present.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Which sets off the fire alarms and sprinkler system, but the dance continues.

I put in a dozen burly boys from the fire brigade, who show up to investigate, much to the delight of the ladies present.

and you get a really hot Conga Line.

I put in Carmen Miranda...