The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[SailorJerry]

but the booze is not on board.


I put in a small lifeboat full of booze

And you get a very different version of The Life of Pi.

I put in a slice of homemade strawberry rhubarb pie, a la mode. Enjoy.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get a very different version of The Life of Pi.

I put in a slice of homemade strawberry rhubarb pie, a la mode. Enjoy.

but the cream's gorn orf.


I put in a new lightbulb

 

[stickygirl]

but the cream's gorn orf.


I put in a new lightbulb

but it's not low wattage and you get arrested for environmental crime

I put in a fair wind and a guiding star

 

[Handley_Page]

but it's not low wattage and you get arrested for environmental crime

I put in a fair wind and a guiding star

but the stars are obscured by cloud and the sails are rotten and fall apart.


I put in a satellite receiver

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the stars are obscured by cloud and the sails are rotten and fall apart.


I put in a satellite receiver

and the satellite enjoys the reception.

I put in a catered affair...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the satellite enjoys the reception.

I put in a catered affair...

and the wind blows the tent away. . . .


I put in a bottle of spring water.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the wind blows the tent away. . . .


I put in a bottle of spring water.

and you're as bouncy as Tigger all day.

I put in a bottle of the uisce bheatha, the old eau-de-vie, that proverbial water of life...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you're as bouncy as Tigger all day.

I put in a bottle of the uisce bheatha, the old eau-de-vie, that proverbial water of life...

but the Graveyard may not be quite the right place to try it.



I put in a granite headstone

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the Graveyard may not be quite the right place to try it.



I put in a granite headstone

and you get a nostalgic visit to Rockhead's Paradise in Montreal.

I put in a memory of things past...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get a nostalgic visit to Rockhead's Paradise in Montreal.

I put in a memory of things past...

And you get a quizical look. Silly man! ALL memories are of things past!

I put in a camera which takes photos 15 minutes into the future.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get a quizical look. Silly man! ALL memories are of things past!

I put in a camera which takes photos 15 minutes into the future.

and it brings you memories of futures lost.

I put in the Alcheringa...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it brings you memories of futures lost.

I put in the Alcheringa...

complete with clog-dancing fairies who wake the world.


I put in a pair of silenced clogs

 

[Tio_Narratore]

complete with clog-dancing fairies who wake the world.


I put in a pair of silenced clogs

and you're charged with sabotage by the gendarmes in Normandie.

I put in an assembly of Luddites...

 

[stickygirl]

and you're charged with sabotage by the gendarmes in Normandie.

I put in an assembly of Luddites...

but when danger looms the assembly is broken up

I put in a perch and a rod

 

[Handley_Page]

but when danger looms the assembly is broken up

I put in a perch and a rod

but the pole does not seem right



I put in a chain

 

[stickygirl]

but the pole does not seem right



I put in a chain

but it doesn't stay furlong ( boom boom! )

I put in a hectare

 

[Handley_Page]

but it doesn't stay furlong ( boom boom! )

I put in a hectare

but the followers of Hecate get confused by the signs


I put in a sample of God's Acre

 

[YoursSINSerely]

but the followers of Hecate get confused by the signs


I put in a sample of God's Acre

and, I put it in a pot and plant a marigold in the center.

I put in some seeds in a little plastic bag.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, I put it in a pot and plant a marigold in the center.

I put in some seeds in a little plastic bag.

and they dry out nicely; until the plastic cracks and it rains.


I put in a cloudy dawn

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and they dry out nicely; until the plastic cracks and it rains.


I put in a cloudy dawn

and you get another rainy day.

I put in the Rainbow Serpent...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you get another rainy day.

I put in the Rainbow Serpent...

and you get a copy of Wade Davis' Serpent and the Rainbow, delivered by a very sedate Haitian.

I put in a Voodoo Doll.

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a copy of Wade Davis' Serpent and the Rainbow, delivered by a very sedate Haitian.

I put in a Voodoo Doll.

Which Baron Samedi wants back - NOW



I put in a new Bible

 

[stickygirl]

Which Baron Samedi wants back - NOW



I put in a new Bible

But Ruth & Esther make a proverbial exodus

I put in a fish and four small loaves

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But Ruth & Esther make a proverbial exodus

I put in a fish and four small loaves

and the fish is well-fed.

I put in a sermon on a seamount...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the fish is well-fed.

I put in a sermon on a seamount...

but it's interrupted by a passing submarine.


I put in a set of Hex Keys.