The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Tio_Narratore]

And it takes 14 policemen, 15 soldiers and a Mother Superior to sort out the mess.


I put in a Shakespeare first folio :"what I did in my Holidays"

and you get a command performance of Twelfth Night.

I put in the libretto for Kiss Me, Kate...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a command performance of Twelfth Night.

I put in the libretto for Kiss Me, Kate...

But the new words for "I hate Men" cannot be broadcast for fear of upsetting someone.



I put in a slim volume of avant-garde poetry

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the new words for "I hate Men" cannot be broadcast for fear of upsetting someone.



I put in a slim volume of avant-garde poetry

and instead of blank verse, it has blank pages.

I put in a Post-Modern interpretation of the poems that aren't there...

 

[Handley_Page]

and instead of blank verse, it has blank pages.

I put in a Post-Modern interpretation of the poems that aren't there...

but the resulting bun-fight ensures that the Police are called to sort out the mess.


I put in a silent jury

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but the resulting bun-fight ensures that the Police are called to sort out the mess.


I put in a silent jury

and you get a mistrial.

I put in a writ of habeas corpus...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get a mistrial.

I put in a writ of habeas corpus...

and the English Teacher sends it back with all the spelling errors highlighted.



I put in a Latin-Greek Dictionary

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the English Teacher sends it back with all the spelling errors highlighted.



I put in a Latin-Greek Dictionary

and it's all Greek to the VM.

I put in a mea culpa...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it's all Greek to the VM.

I put in a mea culpa...

and the Judge defers sentence for Reports.


I put in a Brief.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and the Judge defers sentence for Reports.


I put in a Brief.

and you get back Boxers.

I put in half a bikini...

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get back Boxers.

I put in half a bikini...

but you cannot decide whether its or Left or Right half.



I put in a old paint brush

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but you cannot decide whether its or Left or Right half.



I put in a old paint brush

and you get an interesting ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAHGbhmGttQ

I put in an afternoon with Charlotte the Harlot...

http://www.ibiblio.org/bawdy/ballads/charlotte.html

 

[Handley_Page]

and you get an interesting ride.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAHGbhmGttQ

I put in an afternoon with Charlotte the Harlot...

http://www.ibiblio.org/bawdy/ballads/charlotte.html

But the anti-venom is very old.


I put in a snake box

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But the anti-venom is very old.


I put in a snake box

and- Presto! Change-O!- a chicken pops out.

I put in a misplaced Burmese Python...

 

[Handley_Page]

and- Presto! Change-O!- a chicken pops out.

I put in a misplaced Burmese Python...

but it don't speak the language so well.



I put in a short-cut to the Everglades

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it don't speak the language so well.



I put in a short-cut to the Everglades

and it inadvertently drains the wetlands, destroying a National Park and an entire ecosystem.

I put in 35,000 homeless alligators looking for the bloke who did it...

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it inadvertently drains the wetlands, destroying a National Park and an entire ecosystem.

I put in 35,000 homeless alligators looking for the bloke who did it...

and, they all get captured by the bloke who turns them into 70,000 pair of stilettos, 1,500 purses, and one very nice belt for himself with a big silver belt buckle in the shape of Florida.

I put in a Panama hat and a Cuban cigar.

 

[desertslave]

and, they all get captured by the bloke who turns them into 70,000 pair of stilettos, 1,500 purses, and one very nice belt for himself with a big silver belt buckle in the shape of Florida.

I put in a Panama hat and a Cuban cigar.

But all you get are ashes in your canal zone.

I put in a yellow fever vaccine.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

But all you get are ashes in your canal zone.

I put in a yellow fever vaccine.

and it saves the yellow fever from an epidemic of people.

I put in something good for what ails you...

 

[Handley_Page]

and it saves the yellow fever from an epidemic of people.

I put in something good for what ails you...

And you wake up a week later feeling dog rough.


I put in a Cross-Country Wireless set.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

And you wake up a week later feeling dog rough.


I put in a Cross-Country Wireless set.

and, the angry country screams out, "For Christ's sake, can you hear me now?"

I put in a land line.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, the angry country screams out, "For Christ's sake, can you hear me now?"

I put in a land line.

but it's a bit soggy under the Atlantic.

I put in a line dryer.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but it's a bit soggy under the Atlantic.

I put in a line dryer.

and you find a line of soggy offensive lines, defensive lines, thin bue lines, squall lines, lines of sight, and more waiting to get dried.

I put in a good old-fashioned clothes line...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you find a line of soggy offensive lines, defensive lines, thin bue lines, squall lines, lines of sight, and more waiting to get dried.

I put in a good old-fashioned clothes line...

And you get a wrestler with a sore neck, and a referee calling 'foul.'

I put in a sleeper hold.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And you get a wrestler with a sore neck, and a referee calling 'foul.'

I put in a sleeper hold.

and you lose the crowd's attention.

I put in naked jello wrestling...

 

[SailorJerry]

and you lose the crowd's attention.

I put in naked jello wrestling...

And Bill Cosby is seen face palming from a ringside seat.

I put in a cold pitcher of Hawaiian Punch!