Internet relationships..can they be realized?

[afriendg]

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This is my first thread, and I'm not sure where to post it, so be gentle

What I'd like to know is, has anybody had an on-line relationship, whether it was casual, just friendly, purely sexual, or a full blown emotional affair..and what was the aftermath? I'm mainly interested in friendships or affairs that played out in "real life" and if the participants were glad they had put themselves out there when all was said and done...did anybody connect with someone from far away, feel a spark, and have it grow into a full blown love affair when they actually met...or is the whole fantasy thing pure fantasy...and should be left strictly on line?
Any thoughts, feelings, and true experiences would be appreciated

 

[infinity706]

It depends on the people. There are quite a few people on this site, including me, that have met people on the internet and made friends, fuck buddies, and even gotten married. You have to be yourself for it to work, though.

I haven't personally gotten married, though, considering I personally object to marriage.

 

[CatBrown]

never mind

deleted

 

[bailadora]

Probably not what you are looking for, but I've had an internet acquaintance become a real time friend.

We "met" on an online grief support forum and eventually found out we lived less than a mile from each other. We agreed to meet and became good friends. I think the friendship worked because there was no disparity between our "online" personas and how we were (are) IRL.

I've since moved from that area, but we still keep in touch and I plan to visit her when I go back.

 

[subwannabe]

Your question is pretty vague and a real generization of what you really want to know, which I don't really know what that is. I think you would get more useful responses if you didn't beat around the bush and just came out and asked a more specific question. I don't see where you can get any useful information from your wording because you are bound to get answers from all over the spectrum. I, for one, met online, long distance, and eventually got married. Others have had troubles and been victims, murdered, etc. and everything in between.

 

[Bandit58]

I met my Sir here in 2002, and I came to live with Him in January of 2004. As you can see in my sig line we married nearly 3 years later.

 

[Jacqui_S]

ive met a few of my online friends in person and now even go on regular nights out with a group of them.
theyre just friends though, but still very good ones.

 

[MrsMellowCake]

I've made a couple of really good frends based on their tweets. We meet regularly and we're very close indeed.
As for like, sexy type stuff, I've only had the opportunity to meet one guy from this great site...we talked for months and it was great, he came 400 miles to see me and that was great too, but ultimately he was dishonest with me and it didn't fo any further. I do think that it can work, but all parties have to be 100% honest especially if theres distance involved, or there ain't a chance.

 

[CoyoteTales]

Yes, yes, and yes.

If not for the Internet, I would not be where I am now. I have more friends -- and more than friends -- thanks to the 'net than I would have made living out of my parent's house, carless, jobless, and working in a library.

From the Internet, I got my first start because friends knew people who were willing to give me a foot in the door at companies they worked at.

From the Internet, I found people whose interests matched mine; some of whom were willing to meet up with me on neutral ground. I met my writing mentor, my art mentor, and my spiritual mentor thanks to friends I made online. I met the woman who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with on an online game, and we moved in together, did the 'meet the folks' thing, and it wasn't until we grew apart due to stress-induced differences that things fell apart. But between the beginning and the end, it was lovely for a long time.

The key trick is that you need to be patient. To get to know someone for their personal quirks and foibles, to get a feel of comfort being around them and with them online before you try and make the hop.

If there's too much pressure to meet? You might consider running. The only time you ought to consider hopping the fence from virtual to realspace is when both of you feel like you're ready, and not one day before. It's actually easier for me to open up and be 'me' when I can go to ground and vanish in a cloud of anonymity if need be.

But yeah. It can work, short and long term. You just have to be really careful.

I have better results from the 'net than I would -ever- have from a bar, or a church function or a blind dating service, where people are there to meet people. Like anywhere else on the 'net, I'm here to be helpful and interact for no other reason other than to touch electrons with like-minded author-types and people who are looking for advice.

-CT

 

[Noor]

I have been online since the late 1980's, and have met many people from the internet. Some have become very close friends, and relationships, but I have never met anyone specifically to hook up for a sexual relationship in rl with someone from lit, although I am open to it. I do know many of my previous cyber guys outside of lit.

Lit is not my internet home, its more like a lake home I visit during the season. Most of my friends whom I met original online are from a shared interest mailing listing that started out as a bulletin board.

Recently, I have met a few new people from facebook, friends of friends which has been quite nice. There are many current and former litsers on my facebook as well who have become friends over the years. Including some who have met their spouses on lit, like Bandit.

 

[a75]

There was a period in my life (mid 20's-early 30's) when I had been using the net for all kinds of meeting with new people; friendship, casual encounters, relationship etc. From my experience, I 've come to the conclusion that it depends on what one is expecting; there is no "satisfaction guarantee", but some things are made easier and some other more difficult.

Simple friendship is very easy, with plenty of sites and chat rooms for one to find the right people who share common interests and beliefs.

Occasional sex isn't as easy as it's usually described by the media, but I 'd say that it's easier to find someone through the net than through the "real life". The reason is that (a) you know from the beginning who is looking for sex (or you favorite kind of sex), therefore you don't waste your time, and (b) people feel more free on the net thanks to its anonymity, they 're less shy, it's easier for them to flirt, fantasize, forget their taboos. Some of the best fucks in my life have been with women I 've met on the net; the majority of them woudn't have gone that long if our acquaintance had taken place in a non-digital environment.

But when the question goes to "normal" love relationships with someone from the net, I 'm afraid things become too difficult. It's happened to me twice, lasted enough time but eventually failed. What was the advantage in the "occasional sex scenario" (sex-centered connection, absence of other things to care about etc), proved to be a critical disadvantage in the case of permanent relationships. Another reason is that through the net it's easier to idealize, to see the other as a projection of what you need, not of what he/she really is. I 'm not saying it will fail 100%; I know people who reallu found their soulmate on the net. But my experience says that a relationship starting and evolving in "real life" has by far more chances to succeed.

 

[Noor]

I think people idealize their partners however they meet them. A disadvantage of the internet is that unless its a tight long term community you don't have the advantage of seeing new people reacting with others or get feedback from your friends in quite the same way.

Many people are quite private about who their internet friends are, so they lose the support system they would otherwise have with a relationship or friendship in rl.

I have rl friends who come on lit from time to time, and my rl friends are aware of whom I chat with on line. Some of my lit/online friends have become friends with my rl friends.

Of course I am not a lot different in real life. I live in a conservative place so my sexuality is private beyond people I know well but otherwise I am pretty much WYSIWYG, except in rl I may be a bit wilder

 

[Noor]

I met my Sir here in 2002, and I came to live with Him in January of 2004. As you can see in my sig line we married nearly 3 years later.

Has it only been 3 years? Seems like forever, of course I remember when you guys met...

 

[bobsgirl]

When you make friends online, you hope they're dealing as honestly with you as you are with them. There are some world class liars out there, so you have to be very careful.

That being said, I met one of my dearest friends here at Lit. We've met in person, and we talk nearly every day.

 

[applejammm]

When you make friends online, you hope they're dealing as honestly with you as you are with them. There are some world class liars out there, so you have to be very careful.

.....that true..plus..you have to be careful showing your pictures...choose those only can be trusted...and never use fake pictures..would be very disappointing

 

[JayJ42]

Having been with my lady for over a decade, I can attest that you can make internet relationships work in real life, but mine might be different, because we started out just as friends who talked to each other while in bad relationships, and the realization of our feelings towards one another came out of nowhere, and we've been happily together ever since.

That being said, you've gotta be VERY careful, lots of creeps and trolls out there these days who just set out to ruin lives. It's gotta be someone you trust, and trusts you. Talk to them on the phone, share pics (but like the above post, be careful with that), do all you can to know as much as you can about the person before meeting them in real life.

This site is built around fantasy, and the internet is one of the biggest facilitators of that, with all of us just being text and whatever graphics we choose to post online to represent ourselves. The bottom line is an internet relationship will make or break itself based on the couple's ability to distinguish internet fantasy from IRL reality. That's why you have to do all you can to learn about each other as real people, and not the people you want or hope they can be.

Hope that helps, and sorry for the long post. Have seen many internet relationships crash and burn, but have seen ones like mine that work. Good luck

 

[afriendg]

Your question is pretty vague and a real generization of what you really want to know, which I don't really know what that is. I think you would get more useful responses if you didn't beat around the bush and just came out and asked a more specific question. I don't see where you can get any useful information from your wording because you are bound to get answers from all over the spectrum. I, for one, met online, long distance, and eventually got married. Others have had troubles and been victims, murdered, etc. and everything in between.

Ok , OK just curious my friend..of course you're right..the outcome can be anything from marriage to death..unless you think that marriage is death..lol..seriously..I'm about to embark on such a friendship..not for the first time, and I just wondered what others might have experienced..

 

[afriendg]

Probably not what you are looking for, but I've had an internet acquaintance become a real time friend.

We "met" on an online grief support forum and eventually found out we lived less than a mile from each other. We agreed to meet and became good friends. I think the friendship worked because there was no disparity between our "online" personas and how we were (are) IRL.

I've since moved from that area, but we still keep in touch and I plan to visit her when I go back.

That sounds great..lucky that you lived close enough to meet

 

[afriendg]

If not for the Internet, I would not be where I am now. I have more friends -- and more than friends -- thanks to the 'net than I would have made living out of my parent's house, carless, jobless, and working in a library.

From the Internet, I got my first start because friends knew people who were willing to give me a foot in the door at companies they worked at.

From the Internet, I found people whose interests matched mine; some of whom were willing to meet up with me on neutral ground. I met my writing mentor, my art mentor, and my spiritual mentor thanks to friends I made online. I met the woman who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with on an online game, and we moved in together, did the 'meet the folks' thing, and it wasn't until we grew apart due to stress-induced differences that things fell apart. But between the beginning and the end, it was lovely for a long time.

The key trick is that you need to be patient. To get to know someone for their personal quirks and foibles, to get a feel of comfort being around them and with them online before you try and make the hop.

If there's too much pressure to meet? You might consider running. The only time you ought to consider hopping the fence from virtual to realspace is when both of you feel like you're ready, and not one day before. It's actually easier for me to open up and be 'me' when I can go to ground and vanish in a cloud of anonymity if need be.

But yeah. It can work, short and long term. You just have to be really careful.

I have better results from the 'net than I would -ever- have from a bar, or a church function or a blind dating service, where people are there to meet people. Like anywhere else on the 'net, I'm here to be helpful and interact for no other reason other than to touch electrons with like-minded author-types and people who are looking for advice.

-CT

Thanks for the informative and uplifting post..of course you're right, it's easy to hide behind the 'net..in the words..but if you're honest and patient..things can work out..

 

[afriendg]

Having been with my lady for over a decade, I can attest that you can make internet relationships work in real life, but mine might be different, because we started out just as friends who talked to each other while in bad relationships, and the realization of our feelings towards one another came out of nowhere, and we've been happily together ever since.

That being said, you've gotta be VERY careful, lots of creeps and trolls out there these days who just set out to ruin lives. It's gotta be someone you trust, and trusts you. Talk to them on the phone, share pics (but like the above post, be careful with that), do all you can to know as much as you can about the person before meeting them in real life.

This site is built around fantasy, and the internet is one of the biggest facilitators of that, with all of us just being text and whatever graphics we choose to post online to represent ourselves. The bottom line is an internet relationship will make or break itself based on the couple's ability to distinguish internet fantasy from IRL reality. That's why you have to do all you can to learn about each other as real people, and not the people you want or hope they can be.

Hope that helps, and sorry for the long post. Have seen many internet relationships crash and burn, but have seen ones like mine that work. Good luck

Thanks...don't know what will happen, but appreciate your sound advice..

 

[JayJ42]

Thanks...don't know what will happen, but appreciate your sound advice..

No problem, glad to help

 

[indyguy78]

I've met many friends online also met a couple of hook ups online too. It can be good but it depends on the people really like others have said. I personally wont meet with anyone until I have talked to them a long while.

 

[followmenow6969]

[/FONT][/FONT]
This is my first thread, and I'm not sure where to post it, so be gentle

What I'd like to know is, has anybody had an on-line relationship, whether it was casual, just friendly, purely sexual, or a full blown emotional affair..and what was the aftermath? I'm mainly interested in friendships or affairs that played out in "real life" and if the participants were glad they had put themselves out there when all was said and done...did anybody connect with someone from far away, feel a spark, and have it grow into a full blown love affair when they actually met...or is the whole fantasy thing pure fantasy...and should be left strictly on line?
Any thoughts, feelings, and true experiences would be appreciated

I met the man of my life here on Lit 10 years ago, and we love each other more today .... It's been amazing!

 

[Bramblethorn]

Just about all my lovers in the last 20 years have been people who I originally met online. For some of those we became friends, then met, then became lovers; for others we became online lovers before meeting and continued afterwards.

So, yeah, it's certainly possible. I do think it's hard to really gauge compatibility until you've spent a bit of time with somebody in person, so I get twitchy about people who get engaged before they've ever met.

The toughest part for me has been long-distance issues; it's difficult when you can only meet up every couple of years.

 

[UnderMyKilt]

[/FONT][/FONT]

What I'd like to know is, has anybody had an on-line relationship, whether it was casual, just friendly, purely sexual, or a full blown emotional affair..and what was the aftermath? I'm mainly interested in friendships or affairs that played out in "real life" and if the participants were glad they had put themselves out there when all was said and done...did anybody connect with someone from far away, feel a spark, and have it grow into a full blown love affair when they actually met...or is the whole fantasy thing pure fantasy...and should be left strictly on line?
Any thoughts, feelings, and true experiences would be appreciated

This is an old thread but since it seems to be a bit revived I'll chime in.

YES, internet relationships "can be realized" and can be relationships beyond the cyber realm. I've now been married to my "internet crush" for 20 years.

My wife and I met, and spent a great deal of our courtship, communicating online. We met in a non-sexual online forum, on Compuserve (does that date us) that was dedicated to our favorite classic rock band. We weren't looking, but we found each other.

When we met (online), she was largely estranged from her husband though they were still in the same house. She had already made arrangements for her own place and moved out a week later. In our first online meeting she told me she probably wouldn't have internet for a week while she moved. When I didn't hear from her for during that week, I was skeptical that maybe she had a change of heart till she contacted me again after her move was complete.

I was separated from my first wife, learning to live as a single dad, and was in the midst of divorce proceedings. Both of us had spouses that left us intellectually and emotionally starved.

Regular contact on the forum turned into private messages, then one-on-one chats, and eventually into frequent phone calls. In a relationship that did not involve the "distraction" of a physical relationship, but only sharing our pasts, our feelings, our daily activities including the burdens of being single parents, and who we were and what we believed via written and spoken word only, I chance to say that by the time we met in person we knew the other person better than couples that had been together for years. There was (still is) nothing, absolutely nothing that we did not share and did not know about each other.

Eventually, and as I recall without originally having that intent, one talk got very intimate and she made the move, or said the words, that transformed it into phone sex. Occasional phone sex became a frequent but not every day occurrence. We exchanged many photos, some of them naked and of a very sexual nature but mailed them since this was twenty years ago and neither of us had a digital camera at the time. I took mine with a self timer on an SLR, her sister took hers for her. (way to go sis !!) These added a visual dimension to our phone sex.

By the time she was finally able to fly out from the east coast to CA for a visit, my divorce was final and I proposed to her on Pismo Pier (before we'd ever had "in person sex"...which we finally did that night). With six months of pent up emotions, desire, and anticipation, that first sex was head exploding intense.

She had many loose ends to take care of back east, not the least of which was her divorce, and it was going to be at least six months before she could move to CA so the intense online and telephone communication and emotional connection continued.

BTW, while she was out here on that trip, we spotted a Connectix Color QuickCam in a CompUSA, bells went off in our heads, and I bought two.

For the next six months, we regularly used the Quickcam for videochats, as an adjunct to phone sex and cybersex. Even with the technology limitations of the era, slow speed, low resolution, unreliable software, it was a big turn on.

By the time we were finally together for good, our intimate knowledge of each other was so complete, and our emotional connection was so strong, that there has never been awkward moment in bed between us and our sex was intimate and explosive. It still is!!