The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[hellguy]

you get some help carrying them over to the blaze.

I put in a nice cold drink after all of that work...

And you get a very grateful worker.

I put in the backups I was hoarding.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a very grateful worker.

I put in the backups I was hoarding.

and you get a "good grief!" comment from me.

I put in a wheel barrow to make it a little easier for you...

 

[hellguy]

and you get a "good grief!" comment from me.

I put in a wheel barrow to make it a little easier for you...

And you get a very sweaty man.

I put in the soap for the shower after all of the hard work.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a very sweaty man.

I put in the soap for the shower after all of the hard work.

and I give the soap back...

and put in the shower gel.

 

[hellguy]

and I give the soap back...

and put in the shower gel.

And you get a very happy man.

I put in the secret recipe for my one of a kind pork loin.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a very happy man.

I put in the secret recipe for my one of a kind pork loin.

and you get a table full of hungry diners.

I put in a Diabetic Slow Cooker Cook book...

 

[hellguy]

and you get a table full of hungry diners.

I put in a Diabetic Slow Cooker Cook book...

And you get some funny looks.

I put in the restaurant critics reviews of your cookbook. 4 Stars

 

[kimbalee]

And you get some funny looks.

I put in the restaurant critics reviews of your cookbook. 4 Stars

And you get a chuckle for that one.

I put in a person to be nominated for Worst Cooks in America...

 

[hellguy]

And you get a chuckle for that one.

I put in a person to be nominated for Worst Cooks in America...

And you get the acceptance speech from my ex-wife.

I put in the Tums.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get the acceptance speech from my ex-wife.

I put in the Tums.

and I up the Tums and raise you some Nexium.

I put in a menu for take out...

 

[hellguy]

and I up the Tums and raise you some Nexium.

I put in a menu for take out...

And you get a frat party, Delta Kappa Dia, wanting to place a large order.

I put in the phone number to the sister sorority, Beta Pi Dia.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a frat party, Delta Kappa Dia, wanting to place a large order.

I put in the phone number to the sister sorority, Beta Pi Dia.

and you get a huge order for them: "50 servings of the Cream of Sum Yung Gy. delivered fresh, please."

I put in an order from a different menu...

 

[hellguy]

and you get a huge order for them: "50 servings of the Cream of Sum Yung Gy. delivered fresh, please."

I put in an order from a different menu...

And you get a large order from the co-ed checkers team for something called "nerd pie"

I put in the order for the sorority.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a large order from the co-ed checkers team for something called "nerd pie"

I put in the order for the sorority.

and the sorority shows up at your doorstep.

I put in a coupon for a maid service for the next day...

 

[hellguy]

and the sorority shows up at your doorstep.

I put in a coupon for a maid service for the next day...

And you get three very emotionally scarred maids.

I put in the vouchers for "therapy" at my place.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get three very emotionally scarred maids.

I put in the vouchers for "therapy" at my place.

and the maids leave even more traumatized afterwards. lol

I put in some indecipherable writing on a bathroom wall...

 

[hellguy]

and the maids leave even more traumatized afterwards. lol

I put in some indecipherable writing on a bathroom wall...

And you get back the right amount of alcohol needed to be able to read it.

I put in something to hold your hair back with for later.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get back the right amount of alcohol needed to be able to read it.

I put in something to hold your hair back with for later.

and you get a book on hair dos and don'ts.

I put in a slap on the ass for pulling my hair...

 

[hellguy]

and you get a book on hair dos and don'ts.

I put in a slap on the ass for pulling my hair...

And you get a smack right back.

I put in the riding crop.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a smack right back.

I put in the riding crop.

and you get a pair of riding pants and a jockey cap.

I put in a feather...

 

[hellguy]

and you get a pair of riding pants and a jockey cap.

I put in a feather...

And you get a little tickle.

I put in my copy of 101 Fun Things to do on a First Date

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a little tickle.

I put in my copy of 101 Fun Things to do on a First Date

and you get your dance card filled fast.

I put in a request for #45 on the list...

 

[hellguy]

and you get your dance card filled fast.

I put in a request for #45 on the list...

And you get a candle lit dinner, a romantic beach stroll, and a full body massage.

I put in the pictures from a very nice date.

 

[kimbalee]

And you get a candle lit dinner, a romantic beach stroll, and a full body massage.

I put in the pictures from a very nice date.

and you get them scrapbooked into an amazing keepsake album.

I put in memories from page 62...

 

[hellguy]

and you get them scrapbooked into an amazing keepsake album.

I put in memories from page 62...

And you get back the second edition, Things to do When the First Date Goes Too Well


OH! I put those in a safe to keep people from seeing the proof.