Pet Peeves..we all have them so come share.

[teknight]

People that tie you up on the phone (and not in the good, kinky phonesex way), to fill your ears with irrelevant shit. Assholes!

 

[scraggles]

People that tie you up on the phone (and not in the good, kinky phonesex way), to fill your ears with irrelevant shit. Assholes!

OMG... thats one of my biggest ones too teknight, my MIL just called this morning to tell me who and who had just died recently.. went on for 20 minutes trying to convience me I knew who they were..and I didnt know them at all.. LOL..LIKE who gives a damn..if I didnt know who they were..Duh..

 

[FungiUg]

People that tie you up on the phone

Wow... my brain ran away with that one! Who knew you could fit a phone up there?

 

[NomadLady]

Wow... my brain ran away with that one! Who knew you could fit a phone up there?

OMG, thanks FungiUg, I soooooo needed that laugh just now...

 

[DirtyPet]

Oh, and people who talk about "the lifestyle," "true" anything, and "the gift of submission."

May I ask why? I'm really curious since I hear these things often and I've never heard anyone complain about it...

 

[rida]

I did mean to agree with you on the fake tits part....I totally understand making up for what you didn't get naturally or evening out things when one is larger/smaller (my sister did that) but to go so far past the edge that EVERYONE knows those tits just don't match that body is ridiculous. Not to mention when women go that large and their breats don't even move is just crazy.

But ... silicone is forever!

 

[CutieMouse]

"My Dominant/Master isn't dominant/masterful enough!"

"My boyfriend isn't into this, but I *need* to be submissive! He just doesn't understand! He's so selfish! How do I make him dominate me?"

"OMG I am a total sumbissive. I am so submissive I have this cool slave name instead of my real name. I am yours Master - do whatever you wish! Wait... what do you mean you want me to clean the oven?"

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

"My Dominant/Master isn't dominant/masterful enough!"

"My boyfriend isn't into this, but I *need* to be submissive! He just doesn't understand! He's so selfish! How do I make him dominate me?"

"OMG I am a total sumbissive. I am so submissive I have this cool slave name instead of my real name. I am yours Master - do whatever you wish! Wait... what do you mean you want me to clean the oven?"

Like. Like. Like.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Oh, and people who talk about "the lifestyle," "true" anything, and "the gift of submission."

May I ask why? I'm really curious since I hear these things often and I've never heard anyone complain about it...

Heh. You need to hang around here a bit more then.

While I also dislike all of those terms, 'the gift of submission' is the one that rankles me the most. My submission is not a gift. It's a part of me, it's the way I am. It's like saying my sense of humour, the way I drool on the pillow when I'm asleep, my flat feet, or my enjoyment of Bruce Willis movies are also gifts. They're not, they're just parts of the whole.

The other thing that shits me is 'sisters in submission' and calling other subs 'sis' but I do think that's more an online thing. It's still lame in my book. Submission in *not* some cool club, some fraternity/sorority, where we all have to watch each others backs and commune and sing kumbaya.

*growls a bit*

 

[FungiUg]

Oh, and people who talk about "the lifestyle," "true" anything, and "the gift of submission."

May I ask why? I'm really curious since I hear these things often and I've never heard anyone complain about it...

They bug me also, so I'll throw in my thinking.

"the lifestyle"
What is a lifestyle? Think about all of the things that go into it. Work and income, locality, your friends and family, your interests and hobbies etc. Now for some people, they make BDSM the central theme of their lives and everything else is arranged around that. For them, BDSM is a "lifestyle". I'd say that those people are rare though, and for most of it it is an interest instead.

Which is better or worse? Well, neither really. It's a personal decision as to how you want to organise your lifestyle, and what's most important to you. Where it becomes annoying is those people who assume that it is a lifestyle for everyone who is into BDSM (it's not), or that if you're not into it as a lifestyle that you're somehow a "lesser being".

Anything people use as a reason to put down others annoys me, BDSM included.

"true" anything
This one almost crops up in a discussion with someone denigrating someone else. "Oh, you're not a true dom/sub/40' gorilla". The reality is... who defines true? Who defines what is and isn't a dominant or submissive or top or bottom? The labels are convenient ways of identifying with a set of people who have a similar way of behaving. That's it. If you identify with a label, who is to say you are or aren't a true whatever?

This can also sometimes crop up in sentances like "oh, you're not a true dominant as you haven't been trained by X/Y/Z or you didn't go to ABC school". Who trained X/Y/Z? Who put together ABC school? Where did those people get to define the "true" way? Similarly, a lot of people talk about "old school BDSM" as the "true" definition of what BDSM should be. Which is a load of garbage because BDSM as a recognised term hasn't been around for that long.

There's a good article by Jay Wiseman on "old school BDSM" here: An Essay About "the Old Days" by Jay Wiseman.

So once again, I find the concept of "true" anything is just an excuse to put down or denigrate other people.

"the gift of submission."
Not everyone regards submission as a gift. Some do, some don't. Is dominance a gift? For example, with a good rope top, think about the amount of time they have to spend learning how to tie someone up, what's safe and what's not, which ropes to use when, etc, etc. So if you are then tied up by a good rope top, is their time a gift?

This one doesn't particularly bother me, it's just food for thought and very subjective. The assumption that all submission is a gift would bother me, since most submissives I know of are into it to get their own needs met.

Related to this one for me would be "oh, the submissive has all the power" (I think that even cropped up in a CSI episode) which is, of course, no more true than the dominant having all the power. The truth is, in a D/s style interaction between a dominant and submissive, power is a flexible and fluid thing. No one person has all the power. A submissive can end things, but so too can a dominant. It takes the active participation of two people (or more) to make a scene. I do like the term "power exchange" though, because that implies that power isn't a static thing but rather is being moved between the two people.

So my suspicion is that the trite nature of these statements would be what would bug people. I just shrug them off, but there have been times they've annoyed me too I guess.

 

[FungiUg]

Something that used to bug the hell out of me, but now I've learned to shrug it off, is the whole online BDSM jargon thing.

When people start randomly Capitalising words for no apparent reason, adding S/slashes into the capitalised words to be "inclusive", addressing you or expecting you to address others with particular titles when they're not your dominant or submissive, etc, etc... Even the "PYL/pyl" that gets used here in Lit land falls into this category.

Now I just ignore them and scream at the monitor a bit. Aside from having to clean the monitor more, I'm pretty much over it all.

 

[graceanne]

"My Dominant/Master isn't dominant/masterful enough!"

"My boyfriend isn't into this, but I *need* to be submissive! He just doesn't understand! He's so selfish! How do I make him dominate me?"

"OMG I am a total sumbissive. I am so submissive I have this cool slave name instead of my real name. I am yours Master - do whatever you wish! Wait... what do you mean you want me to clean the oven?"

Yep.


On the whole lifestyle/true/gift thing:

Lifestyle is too vague and quite often used by people who are into the second part, being 'true'. Who makes the true rules? Where's that book? And the whole gift thing, well after a really good play time I promise you that my hubby is the gift, not me. If submission is a gift, then so is dominance. Don't agree? Watch someone in a sub frenzy because they need a dominant.

 

[graceanne]

The other thing that shits me is 'sisters in submission' and calling other subs 'sis' but I do think that's more an online thing. It's still lame in my book. Submission in *not* some cool club, some fraternity/sorority, where we all have to watch each others backs and commune and sing kumbaya.

*growls a bit*

I just noticed this part, and I have to add a yep to this one. I remember one time a person on this forum starting a thread that I felt was not too bright. I still didn't say anything, but to someone elses comment I LOL'd and I got the roughside of her anger because as her 'sister sub' i should have backed her up.

After I finished gagging at the whole thing I was like 'excuse me? when the hell did I sign up for this?

Yeah, that.

*hugs*

I actually bought into that stuff for a bit. I don't think I ever went for the 'true' bullshit, but the whole lifestyle thing and the gift thing. When I first was learning and reading up and stuff, but someone (I don't recall who, but I think it was cm - might have been osg) went off on it and what they were saying made, and makes, sense.

 

[FungiUg]

I actually bought into that stuff for a bit.

I suspect we all do. We're attracted to the fantasy, but we learn the reality.

 

[graceanne]

I suspect we all do. We're attracted to the fantasy, but we learn the reality.

Yeah, that's what I think. It's called growing. lol

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I actually bought into that stuff for a bit.

I kind of want to get into the community thing a bit more actually. Not the lifestyle, but the community. I'd like to learn some things, and maybe go to one or two events just to see what it is like.

 

[FungiUg]

I kind of want to get into the community thing a bit more actually. Not the lifestyle, but the community. I'd like to learn some things, and maybe go to one or two events just to see what it is like.

Agreed. I'm hopefully taking my lover to our bi-annual national BDSM conference/workshop thingie in a couple of months time. Assuming I can assemble the money.

Community is different to lifestyle. For example, I am still (sort of) part of the NZ science fiction/fantasy community, but I'd hardly call it my lifestyle.

Live long and prosper.

 

[Seurat]

Hypocrites and bigots.

Don't judge me personally responsible for actions 'my people' did to 'your people'. I am not them. Don't bitch to me about your weight problem unless you want to hear me bitch about mine. Don't make a judgment about me being a freak because of what I do in the bedroom, assumptions you base on limited information, when by all appearances it seems you would have sex with a sheep and lick them clean afterward. I don't comment about your life unless you offer it up for discussion, and I expect the consideration same in return.


Oh, and 'people' that use 'quotes' too much.

 

[Jaded_One]

But ... silicone is forever!

ROFLMAO!

Biggest pet peeve .... wet sponge left in the sink....after it's been used to wipe up spilled milk... which was not cried over.

 

[redheadedtxn]

uber religious people posting neverending rhetoric on facebook. i've had to actually block a few from my news feed view

 

[JMohegan]

May I ask why? I'm really curious since I hear these things often and I've never heard anyone complain about it...

Lizzie, FungiUg, and Graceanne hit on some of the main points.

I'll just add a general observation that quite a few people seem drawn to D/s as a form of escapism from the realities of their day to day existence. Doms and subs are imagined as fantasy versions of the partners they think they've always wanted, as well as the idealized personas that they themselves have always dreamed of becoming.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as all involved are on the same page with regard to the extent of the fantasy element. However, fans of escapist D/s somehow seem more prone than others to pontificate on the fabulousness of their lifestyle, the true identity of themselves and their partners, perfect trust, ultimate commitment, complete devotion, and the spectacular gift of their submission.

All of which seems not only cloying, but worthy of frequent eyeball rolling, to me. Not because I condemn the escapist version of D/s itself; I don't. It's just that addressing outsiders with these claims seems like an attempt to draw other people into an elaborate form of roleplay. Fine in a club established for that purpose, but irritating in a public venue such as this one.

 

[graceanne]

I kind of want to get into the community thing a bit more actually. Not the lifestyle, but the community. I'd like to learn some things, and maybe go to one or two events just to see what it is like.

Oh, I'm not condemning the community. I'd be a bigger part if it weren't for the daycare issue. lol

 

[satindesire]

I think that D/s CAN be a 'gift' to your partner. I just don't hold it on a pedestal like that's the only gift you can give.

Every time you do something for your partner, that's a gift out of love. When you make them soup when they're sick, when you pick up their dry cleaning without being asked, when you try out a new fantasy...those are all from the heart. So is D/s. It's no greater or less than any other 'gift' we give our partners.

 

[graceanne]

I think that D/s CAN be a 'gift' to your partner. I just don't hold it on a pedestal like that's the only gift you can give.

Every time you do something for your partner, that's a gift out of love. When you make them soup when they're sick, when you pick up their dry cleaning without being asked, when you try out a new fantasy...those are all from the heart. So is D/s. It's no greater or less than any other 'gift' we give our partners.

I can go for it being a gift as long as both sides are a gift, not just submission.

 

[DirtyPet]

Lizzie, FungiUg, and Graceanne hit on some of the main points.

I'll just add a general observation that quite a few people seem drawn to D/s as a form of escapism from the realities of their day to day existence. Doms and subs are imagined as fantasy versions of the partners they think they've always wanted, as well as the idealized personas that they themselves have always dreamed of becoming.

There's nothing inherently wrong with that, as long as all involved are on the same page with regard to the extent of the fantasy element. However, fans of escapist D/s somehow seem more prone than others to pontificate on the fabulousness of their lifestyle, the true identity of themselves and their partners, perfect trust, ultimate commitment, complete devotion, and the spectacular gift of their submission.

All of which seems not only cloying, but worthy of frequent eyeball rolling, to me. Not because I condemn the escapist version of D/s itself; I don't. It's just that addressing outsiders with these claims seems like an attempt to draw other people into an elaborate form of roleplay. Fine in a club established for that purpose, but irritating in a public venue such as this one.

Thank you for answering me. I do get the Dom's that tell me I'm not a true submissive, which I never claimed to be lol.

Thanks to everyone else as well for your answers..as always I learned a few more things lol