Lady in Black's Honest Opinion

LadyL_In_Black

Really Experienced
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
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224
I know opinions are like assholes we all have them and they can stink!

My opinion about life is people are too hung up on what others think and they shouldn't because everyone's opinons can be so different then yours but their opinion doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong!

My opinion is I think no one should marry because some people think a marriage is ownership and I hate being owned! Everyone should be together because they want to be not because they are made to be by a piece of paper. Divorce is too hard and messy and everyone gets hurt but if you are just living together it's easy to just take your things and go without any legal issues.

If I knew then what I know now I would never have married and if I get single I will never marry again!

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO OR TAKE YOUR LIFE AWAY FROM YOU! No one should stop you from being happy if they say they love you then they should want to see you happy just as you would and should want to see them happy! If the love is gone then people should just move on and not make the other person miserable or trapped!

Just my opinion!

:kiss:
 
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Sorry to say but I disagree with your opinion and my opinion is that what you have just described is a BAD marriage and not how every marriage operates or feels. Because a good marriage can complete you and help you to become everything you have ever wanted to be and give you the freedom to be yourself but allow you to have love and support and to share your life and love with someone who you have CHOSEN to be bound to till death do you part good times and bad.

True marriage is not about suffocating you or stripping away your identity or life, it is about two people loving each other being committed to each other and wishing to celebrate that commitment and binding to each other in a recognized way. Every marriage just as every relationship has its good times and its bad times this I don't disagree with but the feelings and oppressions you have described as your opinion......just sounds like an unhealthy relationship doesn't sound like its the piece of papers fault.......Just my opinion.
 
Sorry to say but I disagree with your opinion and my opinion is that what you have just described is a BAD marriage and not how every marriage operates or feels. Because a good marriage can complete you and help you to become everything you have ever wanted to be and give you the freedom to be yourself but allow you to have love and support and to share your life and love with someone who you have CHOSEN to be bound to till death do you part good times and bad.

True marriage is not about suffocating you or stripping away your identity or life, it is about two people loving each other being committed to each other and wishing to celebrate that commitment and binding to each other in a recognized way. Every marriage just as every relationship has its good times and its bad times this I don't disagree with but the feelings and oppressions you have described as your opinion......just sounds like an unhealthy relationship doesn't sound like its the piece of papers fault.......Just my opinion.

Yes a very bad marriage too true and I have noticed more unhappy marriages then happy ones which is why I have the opinion I do really!

I agree about what you say about a good marriage but unfortunately they are rare.

No, I am not saying it's the papers fault I am saying that if you do end up married to the wrong person it is hell trying to get free if they do not want you to go and they have a lot of power. Even if a person moves out doesn't mean they will be safe. IF you just lived together it would be easier to break free is all.

Again my opinion based on what I have seen and live...not right or wrong just is what it is my opinion.

Blessed are those that have found their soulmate and are complete!

Be true to yourself and do not allow someone to guilt you into anything, especially marriage. If your inner self says no stick with that feeling and don't let anyone change your mind!

Rayne Cloud: Thank you for posting. Sounds like you know or are in a great relationship and are blessed!
 
I know opinions are like assholes we all have them and they can stink!

My opinion about life is people are too hung up on what others think and they shouldn't because everyone's opinons can be so different then yours but their opinion doesn't mean they are right and you are wrong!

My opinion is I think no one should marry because some people think a marriage is ownership and I hate being owned! Everyone should be together because they want to be not because they are made to be by a piece of paper. Divorce is too hard and messy and everyone gets hurt but if you are just living together it's easy to just take your things and go without any legal issues.

If I knew then what I know now I would never have married and if I get single I will never marry again!

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND NEVER ALLOW ANYONE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO OR TAKE YOUR LIFE AWAY FROM YOU! No one should stop you from being happy if they say they love you then they should want to see you happy just as you would and should want to see them happy! If the love is gone then people should just move on and not make the other person miserable or trapped!

Just my opinion!

:kiss:


I feel very sad you've gotten so bitter over something that can be very beautiful for so many. If its gotten so bad then get out of it before youre completely hardened and even being alone and happy won't be achievable..
 
I feel very sad you've gotten so bitter over something that can be very beautiful for so many. If its gotten so bad then get out of it before youre completely hardened and even being alone and happy won't be achievable..

I tried to divorce six time in three years and it isn't as easy as just saying do it. All situations are different but guess if things get worse I will find a way to do just that but now isn't the time. Have to wait until I am able to make a clean get a way next time around.

I'm not bitter just how I see it and my reality isn't someone elses but I still have hope that before I die I will find my soul mate.

Thank you though for your advice and post!

Oh, and I do believe in true love even if I don't believe in marriage. Finding it is the difficult part but once you do it I am sure is the most wonderful feeling in the world.
 
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After what I've watched my parents go through with their divorce and how they seem almost unfeeling towards not only each other but us kids as well. I can safely say that I doubt I will ever step into a wedding gown a day in my whole life.

I don't need two bits of jewelry and a piece of paper to say I love someone. It might be legally recognized by people but it's not personally recognized by me. Joining hands and saying 'til death do us part' doesn't mean you love that person in front of you - arranged marriages still happen all the time.

All the power to you if you want to get married and I've attended numerous weddings for friends and family and probably hundreds more to come but no one will ever be coming to mine. I could think of a million ways to celebrate love and marriage isn't even in the top 500,000.

To me it's just legal entrapment and a religious facade. If I ever get married, it's be in a black dress in a cemetery, most morbid day of my life!
 
Hmmm...perhaps I am mistaken but it seems you guys are missing a rather HUGE part of the argument. That being that you do not legally have to be married for there to be legal complications with a 'living together' spouse. The law here in Australia is that if you have lived with your partner for more than 6 months then you have the same legal power as a married couple in terms of assets, children, superannuation and debts. A lot of people do not know this as I believe it is only a new law. This is from memory from my introduction to law studies a few years back, so the details are a little washy. But basically there can be equally complicated breakups for unmarried partners breaking up due to the newness of the law, there is no marriage certificate to back up claims, but also because a lot of people do not know about the law. There is a huge increase of 'moochers' who entice vulnerable people into a live-in relationship only to leave 6 months later and file legal papers for half of all assets. That is why a lot of people are getting the equivalent of a prenuptial before a spouse moves in with them.

So really, the only reason people get married now is for VISA reasons (most countries don't allow that as an excuse to grant citizenship anyway anymore), religious reasons or tradition.

Anyway, that is just my little bit of added information.
 
Hmmm...perhaps I am mistaken but it seems you guys are missing a rather HUGE part of the argument. That being that you do not legally have to be married for there to be legal complications with a 'living together' spouse. The law here in Australia is that if you have lived with your partner for more than 6 months then you have the same legal power as a married couple in terms of assets, children, superannuation and debts. A lot of people do not know this as I believe it is only a new law. This is from memory from my introduction to law studies a few years back, so the details are a little washy. But basically there can be equally complicated breakups for unmarried partners breaking up due to the newness of the law, there is no marriage certificate to back up claims, but also because a lot of people do not know about the law. There is a huge increase of 'moochers' who entice vulnerable people into a live-in relationship only to leave 6 months later and file legal papers for half of all assets. That is why a lot of people are getting the equivalent of a prenuptial before a spouse moves in with them.

So really, the only reason people get married now is for VISA reasons (most countries don't allow that as an excuse to grant citizenship anyway anymore), religious reasons or tradition.

Anyway, that is just my little bit of added information.



There is also no rule that says a partner whom you have been with is not hard to get away from even if you have not married them.....I am sure we have all heard tales of jealous ex girlfriends or jealous ex boyfriends. Or just fucked up ex partners in general.

I get that you have seen and experienced bad things in your marriage and in others...but I don't see how that is the fault MARRIAGE in general but rather a result of who the relationships were with.

And to answer your statement earlier.....My marriage has seen many many many ups and downs. Almost ended a few times.......but there are certainly good times with those bad times.
 
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While I have mixed feelings in the "institution" if marriage, it's currently the only universally recognized bond between two people (outside of blood).

You don't even want to know what can happen to you and your loved one if you aren't married.
Just one of the many reasons people like me want and need the right to marry
 
While I have mixed feelings in the "institution" if marriage, it's currently the only universally recognized bond between two people (outside of blood).

You don't even want to know what can happen to you and your loved one if you aren't married.
Just one of the many reasons people like me want and need the right to marry

Pop down to Montreal Vail,

We can get married here if you like :) :rose:
 
There is also no rule that says a partner whom you have been with is not hard to get away from even if you have not married them.....I am sure we have all heard tales of jealous ex girlfriends or jealous ex boyfriends. Or just fucked up ex partners in general.

I get that you have seen and experienced bad things in your marriage and in others...but I don't see how that is the fault MARRIAGE in general but rather a result of who the relationships were with.

And to answer your statement earlier.....My marriage has seen many many many ups and downs. Almost ended a few times.......but there are certainly good times with those bad times.

Rayne: True I know marriage has it's ups and downs and if the love is strong you can get through anything together. My stupid self married a man I was not in love with and I told him no and told him I wasn't in love with him but he wanted to marry me anyway. I felt obligated because he saved me from a stalker by letting me move in after the stalker trashed the house I was renting. It did get the stalker to leave me alone but in the mean time he fell in love with me. He is ten years older and I was too stupid to stick with no.

IF I was in love with him then I would have had no issues staying married even with his control issues and in ability to show our daughter love only strict rules and control. Almost like he was jealous I loved her and enjoyed being with her. Long story short, I made my bed and have to live with it or die trying to get away. If you knew how his so called friends were you would realize I don't have a chance in Hell of divorcing or moving out. The law can't protect me so I have to use my wits to keep things sane! My only escape is work and being on line when he isn't around.

I don't blame marriage, I just meant that I wish I never got married and I have never seen any marriage were it worked and both people were happy that is all!

I agree with you about the other side of things just have my opinion on it and opinions are not right or wrong they just are....it is what it is and I wish I never created this topic SORRY!
 
Please do not feel that my opinions mean you should silence yours or feel bad for creating this topic it truly seems like you need to purge the emotions and perhaps get some perspective and help.

I do not know details about you or your marriage really but from what you have written thus far I know enough to know you are unhappy, you are scared and that you want to get out but feel for what ever reason you can not.

I realize stepping away can be scary enough on its own but if your fears are more that he will not let you or will hurt you if you try, then you really do need to seek legal advice and you need to report how you are feeling and what has happened to make you feel this way and get a restraining order in place immediately.

You also need to get you and your daughter some place safe, do you have friends or family you can stay with preferably as far away from him as possible....the less accessible you are to him the more secure you will feel.

I hope all goes well, there are organizations out there that can help you, I do not know what country you are from so am unable to give you details of relevant ones but you should be able to google some. I wish you well
 
No, I am not saying it's the papers fault I am saying that if you do end up married to the wrong person it is hell trying to get free if they do not want you to go and they have a lot of power. Even if a person moves out doesn't mean they will be safe. IF you just lived together it would be easier to break free is all.

Again my opinion based on what I have seen and live...not right or wrong just is what it is my opinion.

Blessed are those that have found their soulmate and are complete!
My 2 cents:
It is not the paper's fault, per se. But the fact that the paper exists and it carries legal weight does affect relationships and decisions regarding becoming committed.

And there are no soulmates- relationships take attraction, compatibility and work. There is not a predetermined soul out there for me, there exist(s) the girl/girls that I'll have (a) relationship(s) with.
 
My 2 cents:
It is not the paper's fault, per se. But the fact that the paper exists and it carries legal weight does affect relationships and decisions regarding becoming committed.

And there are no soulmates- relationships take attraction, compatibility and work. There is not a predetermined soul out there for me, there exist(s) the girl/girls that I'll have (a) relationship(s) with.

To me a soulmate is someone that if they were gone your soul would feel incomplete. A strong bond that when you are with them everything seems in harmony. The world could fall to pieces around you but with your true love nothing would matter as long as you were together.

Have strong feelings about my feelings of deep love and my desire to find that kind of person keeps me going. If it wasn't for my faith and my child I would have given up long ago.

Tomorrow brings a new chance for happiness and a new beginning to wipe the slate clean! Never give up until tomorrow comes no more!

I will continue to search for my hearts desire even in the darkest of times there is hope!
 
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