What men get wrong

[Athalia]

I'm amused about the many things men get wrong about the female sexual experience. For instance, I'm sure you've come across a phrase like "As his massive tool plunged in and out of me, I suddenly felt the hot splash of his cum released into my womb."

I've never felt that "hot splash." The first few times I read phrases like that, I wondered if it was because I lacked the proper sensory receptors down there, but then I started talking with other women and did some research, and I found that they hadn't felt it either. I realized that I was normal. (I already knew that I could feel heat and cold in my vagina since, like most women, I'm convinced that gynecologists have a special refrigerator in their office where the keep the speculums.)

Figure it out, guys. When your semen comes out of you, it's at body temperature (or even a little below, which is what you have a scrotum for). So when it goes into me, I'm also at body temperature. So what's to feel?

When I pointed this out to my SO, he speculated that when a man masturbates, the warm semen spills out onto his hand or belly or whatever, which is used to feeling things at room temperature, so the body-temperature semen feels warm to him. "Plus, it makes the writing hotter." Maybe it does for men, but it just makes me laugh, and puts me "out of the moment."

Ladies, are there any other things you find comical or grating? And guys, I'd love to see somebody start a similar thread on "what women get wrong." I'm keen to know.

 

[djserani]

The only thing that kills me is that I love how EVERY woman on the face of the planet seems to love the taste of semen and a guy's cock. I mean, come ON. Some of us do, yes, but every one?

That said, I will say that I have actually felt what you mentioned above. To be fair, though, I was watching out for it. But I'm an oddball about that, so take that as you will.

I, too, would love to know what men say we get wrong.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

I just love it when guys assume that becaause I have a mild handicap, I'll be grateful when they act like sleezeballs trying to get in my pants.

 

[Boota]

I just love it when guys assume that becaause I have a mild handicap, I'll be grateful when they act like sleezeballs trying to get in my pants.

To be fair, most guys are sleazeballs when they are trying to get into a girls pants, so any handicap you have is likely coincidental.

 

[Boota]

To the original post, my wife swears she can feel it when I ejaculate inside of her, but I've never written erotica from a female perspective so it hasn't come up.

 

[Miss_Pixie]

To be fair, most guys are sleazeballs when they are trying to get into a girls pants, so any handicap you have is likely coincidental.

That's probably slightly true lol, however I had one fellow ask me, "If we have sex will I catch your...thing" all I could do was laugh

 

[Boota]

Ah, men. We're so cute at that age. (Whatever age, really. I know 40 year-olds who act worse than any high school kid.)

 

[TheeGoatPig]

Way too many men write up height/weight/size charts that don't make any sense.

"She was 6'-0" tall, athletically built weighing in at 60 pounds, had 44 dd cups with 2" long nipples and 18" diameter areola (spelling please?), and a butt that stuck out a foot from her back."

Whether you like the laundry list of details or not, that just doesn't add up! It's nonsensical, and written by someone that has no idea what the measurements they are using really mean (all of those are from various stories combined into one horrid description).

 

[mynameisben]

Way too many men write up height/weight/size charts that don't make any sense.

"She was 6'-0" tall, athletically built weighing in at 60 pounds, had 44 dd cups with 2" long nipples and 18" diameter areola (spelling please?), and a butt that stuck out a foot from her back."

Whether you like the laundry list of details or not, that just doesn't add up! It's nonsensical, and written by someone that has no idea what the measurements they are using really mean (all of those are from various stories combined into one horrid description).

And women love it when a guy describers her like a police rundown of numbers and attributes. Makes 'em hot!

 

[sr71plt]

I'm amused about the many things men get wrong about the female sexual experience. For instance, I'm sure you've come across a phrase like "As his massive tool plunged in and out of me, I suddenly felt the hot splash of his cum released into my womb."

Ummm, no, no, I've never read that in a story. I doubt I ever got that far into such a story. Not quite sure why you did.

 

[TE999]

When writing a storyproviding a minimal physical description of the characters allows the readers to use their imaginations; even place themselves in a characters' role. Women's height, weight, bust and butt sizes are for dressmakers, not erotica.

 

[mynameisben]

I already knew that I could feel heat and cold in my vagina since, like most women, I'm convinced that gynecologists have a special refrigerator in their office where the keep the speculums.)

They dip the speculums in liquid nitrogen to disinfect them. Then they are stored in a special cryogenic chamber designed to lower the temperature further as they dry, just for fun.

 

[jomar]

I'm amused about the many things men get wrong about the female sexual experience. For instance, I'm sure you've come across a phrase like "As his massive tool plunged in and out of me, I suddenly felt the hot splash of his cum released into my womb."

I've never felt that "hot splash." The first few times I read phrases like that, I wondered if it was because I lacked the proper sensory receptors down there, but then I started talking with other women and did some research, and I found that they hadn't felt it either. I realized that I was normal. (I already knew that I could feel heat and cold in my vagina since, like most women, I'm convinced that gynecologists have a special refrigerator in their office where the keep the speculums.)

...

Hello Athalia,

I would never imply anything was wrong with you because you didn't feel the "splash." Never! The fault lies with your man, your friend's husbands and lovers. They are obviously not "projectors."

As a projector my, shall we say, ejaculation, is incredibly forceful. So forceful in fact, research has shown, that my partner feels incredibility strong, thrusting/pumping, discrete pulses within her when I come and my girth expands and throbs, sending her into paroxysms of delight.

When my love/lover regains consciousness she/they tell/tells me that what sent her/them over the edge was not only the girth expansion, but mainly the smashing, bullet-like hits against the back of her/their womanhood when I come. They love the helpless staccato punch of the male orgasm

You mentioned the womb...do you like womb fucking?...an entirely different thread...mmm...I can help.

Athalia, may I ask...do you shave?

 

[ModernDayHermes]

i dont think i've ever described it like that, but maybe it's a situation where someone said it hundreds of years ago and men we've all just been going along with it. just like the stupid, "can't have your cake and eat it too" thing. nobody agrees with that stupid shit, but we've all said it.

maybe more female writers should describe that exact moment as a contrast to what has been said? set the record straight so to speak.

 

[tolyk]

I have been with women that can feel me throbb when I cum, but my fiancee can't. Generally it is when we don't use a condom that it can be felt. But yes, that line was horrible!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think the things each sex most often get wrong, say some very important things about what each sex in general would like in a partner.

Women tend to write men with too much talk, too many emotions, preturnaturally aware of their partner's needs, monogamous.

Men tend to write women without enough talk, emotions, or thought processes, and tend to make them far more poly than most women actually are.

Women write men who, for some reason, want to wait for the right time-- often the right time does not happen untill the last scene of the story, and it's mind-boggling True Love then and there. I haven't met many men who wanted to wait till the end of the first scene, personally!

Men tend to write women who suddenly "become moist" and are ready for sex within the first paragraph. Most women I know need at least a page to make that decision...

Men often write women who have the world's most sensitive boobs. Women write men who have the world's most sensitive nipples so I guess that one's a wash

Men, when writing lesbian sex, tend to think of cunt-licking or vibrators. My friends like those things, but they do relish a strapon. many of my lesbian friends do not want anything that looks like a man's dick though... the women that do call themselves 'dykes or 'queer' not 'lesbians.'

Women when writing gay male sex often focus on anal sex, turning it into an analog for vaginal intercourse. Their men worry about taking each other's virginity, and 'feel more adult' once they've done the anal deed. They really focus on the prostate, and like their men to come at the same time.

Male writers like to have their women gasp; "I'm cooooommmmiiinngggg!" (or shout it, or scream it) Women love to talk about the jets of come splattering stomachs and hands and faces. I figure-- we all want to know our partners made it, huh?

Women have their men (in gay scenes) lick each other clean kind of as a matter of course. The guys I know-- either it's something they specifically love (creampies) or else they avoid it.

And women write about men feeling their partner's jets of come in anal sex just as often as men write about women feeling it in their pussies, so...

 

[sr71plt]

OK, bottom line, getting it clinically "right" isn't really the goal of good erotica. Clinically and technically, the physical sex act is pretty ridiculous. Erotica is all about building and delivering arousal and anticipation of orgasm. It's like the set of a stage play. Ever gone on stage and seen the set up close? Or the stage costumes? These are constructed to deliver an illusion as viewed from the audience. They aren't technically exact renderings. These wouldn't convey over the footlights.

There's a big glop of fantasy in good erotica. So what if the story doesn't get everything factually "right." Did it arouse and make the reader want to share the experience? If it worked in that vein, it's working. And, more often than not, to be working, it's got to deliver on a bigger scale than clinical correctness.

 

[Stella_Omega]

OK, bottom line, getting it clinically "right" isn't really the goal of good erotica. Clinically and technically, the physical sex act is pretty ridiculous. Erotica is all about building and delivering arousal and anticipation of orgasm. It's like the set of a stage play. Ever gone on stage and seen the set up close? Or the stage costumes? These are constructed to deliver an illusion as viewed from the audience. They aren't technically exact renderings. These wouldn't convey over the footlights.

There's a big glop of fantasy in good erotica. So what if the story doesn't get everything factually "right." Did it arouse and make the reader want to share the experience? If it worked in that vein, it's working. And, more often than not, to be working, it's got to deliver on a bigger scale than clinical correctness.

I'll agree with every word of this.

 

[Verdad]

Hello Athalia,

I would never imply anything was wrong with you because you didn't feel the "splash." Never! The fault lies with your man, your friend's husbands and lovers. They are obviously not "projectors."

As a projector my, shall we say, ejaculation, is incredibly forceful. So forceful in fact, research has shown, that my partner feels incredibility strong, thrusting/pumping, discrete pulses within her when I come and my girth expands and throbs, sending her into paroxysms of delight.

When my love/lover regains consciousness she/they tell/tells me that what sent her/them over the edge was not only the girth expansion, but mainly the smashing, bullet-like hits against the back of her/their womanhood when I come. They love the helpless staccato punch of the male orgasm

You mentioned the womb...do you like womb fucking?...an entirely different thread...mmm...I can help.

Athalia, may I ask...do you shave?

. .

 

[fuckwaffle]

it's the porn industry!

they have shown men the things women like.

big dicks, hard fucking. they like that big dick shoved down their throat as far as the guy can push it. they also love to kneel naked in heels on a hard cold floor and give hour long blow jobs. then hop in the bed, spread their legs and yell 'give it to me baby' as the guy shoves that massive tool into her.

that's what porn has taught men, if your woman doesn't like that she's inferior to those women in his porn movies.

 

[djserani]

http://i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii177/1volupturary_manque/smilies/lol.gif

 

[corpusconfero]

Way too many men write up height/weight/size charts that don't make any sense.

"She was 6'-0" tall, athletically built weighing in at 60 pounds, had 44 dd cups with 2" long nipples and 18" diameter areola (spelling please?), and a butt that stuck out a foot from her back."

Whether you like the laundry list of details or not, that just doesn't add up! It's nonsensical, and written by someone that has no idea what the measurements they are using really mean (all of those are from various stories combined into one horrid description).

Oh my god, I just laughed myself to tears reading that. Thank you SO MUCH!!

 

[Neast19]

The only thing that kills me is that I love how EVERY woman on the face of the planet seems to love the taste of semen and a guy's cock. I mean, come ON. Some of us do, yes, but every one?

To be honest it'd be a very short story if she didn't like it.

'I unzipped my fly and released my throbbing manhood. Mary knelt before, subservient and willing, desperate to please. We locked eyes, and she slowly opened her mouth, inviting me in. Her lips met my head as her tongue flicked it's way on a cruel path down my shaft. After several exploratory bob's, she managed to engulf my entire cock in her mouth, sending fireworks off in my head. I couldn't hold off any longer, I felt my balls contract and spasm as jets of semen smashed into the back of her throat.

She coughed and spluttered, convulsing in disgust.

"Ugh! Thats fucking disgusting," she screamed, bent double spitting out my load all over my feet.

"How dare you! You prick! It's like fucking phlegm and you want me to swallow it?"

"Honey, please forgive me! Look, why don't you lie back and I'll do you!" I replied, desperate to get back into the good books and move on.

"Fuck off you bastard! Don't come near me! In fact, the sofa's looking a pretty good spot for you to sleep tonight!" Mary replied, murder in her eyes.

Deflated, defeated, I walked out of the room, knowing that in this mood there was no reasoning with Mary. Fuck though, it had been worth it!​

Actually I quite like this, maybe I'll insert it somewhere.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNG2PhzeZck

Just for you Neast. Never fails to crack me up.

 

[Neast19]

Haha, made me chuckle! Thanks for sharing.