LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

Status
Not open for further replies.
satindesire said:
o_O; Whoa dude.
Click to expand...

I have missed you so much, kitty.

Sir_Winston54 said:
Okay, that made me laugh. Thanks!
Click to expand...

You laugh because you just scored a vintage ottoman last weekend at a primo yard sale. I'm right, aren't I?

FloggingMolly said:
Aye, but if she did, he wouldn't be posting about how much he liked them :D

You're a smart kid, but you aren't too big to go over my knee again...
Click to expand...

We all agreed at the counselor that you would respect my boundaries. Do you have any idea how many rules you are breaking here?
 
DeepGreenEyes said:
You're a nice kitty. I remember when I was seven. I had a kitty. Or maybe it was some sort of blue ottoman.
Click to expand...

Sir_Winston54 said:
Okay, that made me laugh. Thanks!
Click to expand...

DeepGreenEyes said:
You laugh because you just scored a vintage ottoman last weekend at a primo yard sale. I'm right, aren't I?
Click to expand...
Actually... no.

But we are *having* a yard sale tomorrow morning. We've spent the last week sorting out and selecting merchandise, and spent this entire evening watching Eureka and Haven while pricing said merchandise. It's time to get rid of a bunch of the stuff we've each bought at yard sales, LOL. Plus some other things *not* bought at yard sales, but for whatever reason no longer needed/wanted.

So we can take the money from this yard sale and go spend it at other people's yard sales... :eek:
 
Sir_Winston54 said:
Actually... no.

But we are *having* a yard sale tomorrow morning. We've spent the last week sorting out and selecting merchandise, and spent this entire evening watching Eureka and Haven while pricing said merchandise. It's time to get rid of a bunch of the stuff we've each bought at yard sales, LOL. Plus some other things *not* bought at yard sales, but for whatever reason no longer needed/wanted.

So we can take the money from this yard sale and go spend it at other people's yard sales... :eek:
Click to expand...

Shhh! Don't tell him that, or else he might forget I'm kitty! :eek:
 
satindesire said:
Come on, I'm pregnant and emotional and you're making me tear up, for reals.
Click to expand...
Huh? What? :: flustered, confuzzled and scared by teary pretty girls ::

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.


Wait, what? Yes, I DID mean it! But we lubs ya... :rose:

(And huggles to the little 'un, and high fives to Mister.) :)
 
So, I joined the collarme site I saw talked about in here, and not 15 minutes after I joined I started getting harrassed by some guy who had it stuck in his brain that I'm a fake and that my recent pic in my profile was years old and that I'm actually a man..


That was the funniest hour I've ever spent dealing with a troll.
 
DeepGreenEyes said:
We all agreed at the counselor that you would respect my boundaries. Do you have any idea how many rules you are breaking here?
Click to expand...

I know, I'm just the worst parent in the world, aren't I?
And I'm sure, if you looked, at least one of the shirts you just dump on the floor instead of putting in the laundry hamper for me to wash would have been clean enough for having your school photo taken, but no, you just wanted to be different and go topless, didn't you?

Now, how about some milk and cookies?
 
Erryn_Silver said:
So, I joined the collarme site I saw talked about in here [...] That was the funniest hour I've ever spent dealing with a troll.
Click to expand...
It can be amusing at times, but I have to be in the mood for it. Most of the times these days I'm just too plain grumpy.
 
Okay, so not a PM or an Email, but a How To thread: *Tricks of trade* scoring with online women on literotica


little_kid said:
Dealing with BDSM womens' advertisements.

Lets admit it,Most of us men are just jerks, looking for a woman to talk dirty and show herself on cam, that's all.
Hence many of us would even respond to BDSM ads both as master and as subs.
Frankly I also wouldn't mind having some hot ass chick as my slave who undresses on my command on her webcam, and I also wouldn't mind becoming slave to some thick ass MILF,licking her pussy all the day, but in my heart I'm not a BDSM guy.So There is a problem, if you respond to a mistress looking for slave, in her public thread and then you respond to another girl who is looking for master.
So that girl will search your previous posts and find that you're just a dude who plays both as master and a slave hence you're a vanilla guy. means less chances of success.
So while replying BDSM ads, send PM and not respond in open threads lol
Another thing, atleast refer to BDSM terminology at least once so you don't act like a jerk when she's talking about something.
Because if you mess up in your first few chat-sessions, she'll create a new ad saying her previous master was a vanilly lol. Also sometimes the wanna-be-slave-girls are actually 'Pro' i.e. they'll looking for relocating to America and want some sponser. make sure you don't fall in those Russian bride scam.
Same goes for mistresses, they ask for money to train you sometimes.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Essene said:
Okay, so not a PM or an Email, but a How To thread: *Tricks of trade* scoring with online women on literotica
Click to expand...

Nice find. There's a sociology/anthropology angle to it that I like. :D

A a "Despicable Me" honesty, as well.

My favorite was this part, that reads like a Lonely Planet guidebook:


Playground vs General Board(GB)

The people in both sections hate each-other. So if you post more in one section, you've less chances of getting accepted by the people of other section.

General board by and large is notorious for racial fights, trolling, being rude to each other.
Playground is by and large attention-whores high on anti-depressants with no-real life playing non-sense word and mind-games.
but what is your mission as an unlaid horny male? score some woman to dangle her tits on cam for you and talk dirty right ? so you're safer playing around in the playground for that purpose.

I was hoping for a BDSM board analysis at the end, but he mostly confined that to the earlier "BDSM chicks" section.
 
Actually, there's quite a few women on the GB that will flash their tits for you and most of them are pretty dirty.
 
@}-}rebecca---- said:
Ohhh just received an email that I have PM mail at alt . Please see the following :


hi ,
>
> how r u?....i m eddie frm xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx... (removed to 'protect' privacy)
>
> tell me more about ur likes n dislikes
>
> waiting 4 ur reply
>
> take care
>
> bye


Sitting here thinking to myself 'ohhhh awww lucky girl I am' he obviously wrote that especially for me.......swoons...lol. I then embark into dangerous territory ( yes obviously I have too much time on my hands today ) I will look at his profile.



Disclaimer I take no responsibilty for your wellbeing if you decide to read past this point.

most of the girls i had sex with have said "eddie can someone really satisfy a women like you". well i think thats a compliment which a guy expect from every women. I am really very serious about my health nowadays n i excercise 4-5 times week but girls are ultimate fantasy. i prefer going to bars than nightclubs because you get some time to be with your girl to talk n get her some orgasm. i would love if the girl is dominant but probably i would'nt mind if she wants me to be dominant. which i am definetly all the time. when i am on the bed with girl i would love experience everything. i would do crazy things which i reckon no girl would have ever experienced. i always want to concentrate on one girl rather than having sex with two at the same time. i would'nt mind if the girl want to experiment something new on me. i would love it......c ya girls ..c u on the bed.

I am looking for a girl who really enjoys sex . she should be as agressive as me because sex is an adventure if there is no agression there would'nt be any excitement. my sexual fantasy since childhood is to give a girl a throat job and cum into her mouth if she is happy to take it. believe me girls i am known to be a good masseur when i am on the bed with a girl. i believe if u want to have full pleasure of sex you should start with oral sex and carry on for atleast half an hour to get the maximum orgasm. girl ..trust me if you wanna have the best sex ...be with me.....hahaha


Shudders Think I will go take a shower now .........
Click to expand...



Whoa a half hour?! Could you last that long? I mean that is like a real long time. That's 30 whole minutes of pleasure!

Thanks for the laugh! HAHAHA
 
You know what's hilarious about that? He goes on an on about how he's the ultimate lover, yet he's CONVINCED that the "ultimate sex" is a "throat job" like every woman's tonsils are her clitoris. :rolleyes:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

P
Bots.... Lots and Lots of Bots...
Replies
12
Views
453
lil_jenni
lil_jenni
T
Exhibitionism and the extreme pleasure of humiliation
Replies
17
Views
1K
Utmale48
Utmale48
T
Subs, what do you think about devotion?
Replies
14
Views
1K
G00d91rl
G
L
Leahaven
37 38 39
Replies
960
Views
36K
justanewsub
justanewsub
BiBunny
The Language Practice Thread
2
Replies
42
Views
4K
BiBunny
BiBunny
Back
Top