ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[FungiUg]

My thoughts in RED

You know, you ought to come with a warning sign that you think.

 

[satindesire]

You know, you ought to come with a warning sign that you think.

God forbid, since I have that neat vagina thingy and all.

 

[DiscusDave]

God forbid, since I have that neat vagina thingy and all.

Don't vaginas come with warnings anyway?

 

[satindesire]

Don't vaginas come with warnings anyway?

Yes, two warnings. They say "Caution: Curves Ahead" and "Slippery When Wet".

 

[FungiUg]

God forbid, since I have that neat vagina thingy and all.

Could be worse. You could have a cock! Tell ya, when that thing gets all red and angry... ain't much room for thinking!

http://jennygardiner.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/rooster.jpg

Been wanting to post a cock pic for ages!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Me

It's a nice place to go to speak your mind. At this point I decided to search his post history and came up with a rather odd single post (his one and only in years on this site), one paragraph about having sex with his mother during Christmastime when he was 15 years old. Poorly written, terrible grammar and spelling, in exactly his 'style' of writing. I'm using style generously here, please note.

So do you really honestly have sex with your mom?

Asshat

WTF?

I'm disturbed because I'm pretty sure Mads is having sex with my mom.

 

[satindesire]

I'm disturbed because I'm pretty sure Mads is having sex with my mom.

I don't know. That looked shopped to me. I've seen a lot of shops before, you know, and the pixels just weren't right.

 

[Essene]

Ah, I see. What's your username?

Asshat

umm? lol

give me a min to check it
Asshat is offline.
Asshat is online.

(Asshat identity removed to protect the ignorant) I recognized the identity immediately. He had sent me several asshat PMs and so I told him off and ignored him on Lit.

do u go on that website often?

Me

Daily.

You didn't by chance send me a sexual PM, did you?

Asshat

i dont think so

just a simple HI Yeah, it's pretty sad that he sends so many he can't even keep track of what random girl he's poking for cyber

Me

Oh, okay, good!

This made me "lol", and I'm not simply saying it for lack of anything better.

An aside: Ooooh you're on FB?

 

[RawHumor]

Essene sent me this wickedly erotic PM that involved her pussy biting my cock off.

It got me off 3 times just reading it.

 

[FloggingMolly]

I'm disturbed because I'm pretty sure Mads is having sex with my mom.

LMAO!

 

[satindesire]

This made me "lol", and I'm not simply saying it for lack of anything better.

An aside: Ooooh you're on FB?

Yes, I am! I'll PM you.

 

[Essene]

Essene sent me this wickedly erotic PM that involved her pussy biting my cock off.

It got me off 3 times just reading it.

Oh GOD this just smells of desperation. You WISH my pussy would bite your cock off, but your weenie isn't worthy. Sorry, but until you take me to Greece, no dice.

Yes, I am! I'll PM you.

Okie!

 

[satindesire]

Oh GOD this just smells of desperation. You WISH my pussy would bite your cock off, but your weenie isn't worthy. Sorry, but until you take me to Greece, no dice.

I didn't think de-peenie-fying was that expensive these days.

 

[Essene]

I didn't think de-peenie-fying was that expensive these days.

It is if they want it amputated by the best de-peenie-fyer evah!

If you happen to stumble upon my personals thread, you'll understand what it is about my milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard.

 

[RawHumor]

Oh GOD this just smells of desperation. You WISH my pussy would bite your cock off, but your weenie isn't worthy. Sorry, but until you take me to Greece, no dice.

Pffft.

If we go to Greece, we go DUTCH baby.

I'm nobody's Sugar Daddy.

Which probably explains, at least in part, my singleness at the moment.

 

[Essene]

Pffft.

If we go to Greece, we go DUTCH baby.

I'm nobody's Sugar Daddy.

Which probably explains, at least in part, my singleness at the moment.

Mmm hmm...

 

[satindesire]

Which probably explains, at least in part, my singleness at the moment.

BINGO!!!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I don't know. That looked shopped to me. I've seen a lot of shops before, you know, and the pixels just weren't right.

Thanks for trying to comfort me.

LMAO!

Get home. Now.

 

[satindesire]

Get home. Now.

...Before the chicken nuggets burn!

 

[FloggingMolly]

Get home. Now.

I'd like to see you make me! When you're big enough, I'll be too old.

 

[FungiUg]

I'd like to see you make me! When you're big enough, I'll be too old.

Too old to go home? Scary!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Too old to go home? Scary!

She's getting dementia.

I'd like to see you make me! When you're big enough, I'll be too old.

Please. You're embarrassing me. MisterSir's mom doesn't post photos here.

That we know of.

 

[FungiUg]

She's getting dementia.

Ah. So not too old to go home, but too old to remember where it is!

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Ah. So not too old to go home, but too old to remember where it is!

You're a nice kitty. I remember when I was seven. I had a kitty. Or maybe it was some sort of blue ottoman.

 

[satindesire]

You're a nice kitty. I remember when I was seven. I had a kitty. Or maybe it was some sort of blue ottoman.

; Whoa dude.