The Isolated Blurt BDSM Thread

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I feel so much more clear-headed than I have in a while.

I want to talk about stuff but I can't think of what I want to talk about. (Which means I should stop avoiding getting in bed.)
 
I hate getting up this early when it is dark and cold outside and my insides feel like they are shivering....but i so do love that i get paid on friday and my kids can have what they want for christmas.





sorta a bdsm blurt...if you can look at it like i do lol
 
I can't remember when I got up this early willingly and without hitting snooze on my alarm clock a million times. I wonder if this is more of a mania or if it is more me getting back on track. I know I have serious mood swings. I'm not sure if it is a chemical imbalance or what. A friend told me that he thought I just wanted something to be wrong with me. I've fought against being labeled and realized that deep down I don't want anything to be wrong with me (meaning chemical imbalance). I just want to work through my shit and get on with life. I know that at times I love it. I want those times to be all the time.

I read something recently in another threat that got me thinking. Thanks, BiBunny. I don't want to keep posting my ups and downs. Those belong in a journal.

That aside...chocolate with ginger is fantastic. I wish the ginger had a bit more bite though. Next I want to try a dark chocolate with chipotle, salt, and popping candy. I can't quite figure what I think that will taste like.

I'm so ready to start painting some stuff. I can't wait for the time off I'm about to get. 1.5 days of work to go. :)
 
I can't remember when I got up this early willingly and without hitting snooze on my alarm clock a million times. I wonder if this is more of a mania or if it is more me getting back on track. I know I have serious mood swings. I'm not sure if it is a chemical imbalance or what. A friend told me that he thought I just wanted something to be wrong with me. I've fought against being labeled and realized that deep down I don't want anything to be wrong with me (meaning chemical imbalance). I just want to work through my shit and get on with life. I know that at times I love it. I want those times to be all the time.

I read something recently in another threat that got me thinking. Thanks, BiBunny. I don't want to keep posting my ups and downs. Those belong in a journal.

That aside...chocolate with ginger is fantastic. I wish the ginger had a bit more bite though. Next I want to try a dark chocolate with chipotle, salt, and popping candy. I can't quite figure what I think that will taste like.

I'm so ready to start painting some stuff. I can't wait for the time off I'm about to get. 1.5 days of work to go. :)

You're welcome, for whatever I did. ;)

Also, try dark chocolate with cayenne pepper. Mmm!
 
I wanna join the pity party from above! I was doing so much better being back in the same country and only one time zone away from him, but now being back in Europe for Christmas and seven time zones away again makes me want to scream. I hate it. It feels like a step backwards, even if it is just because of the holidays.

I miss his voice. :(
 
I got a 'new' car! One with a working heater! :nana: And I hear rumors that the company that 'adopted' us for Christmas is getting me a new cell phone and K said he'd get me a printer for Christmas! :nana: And with the next check I'm getting new glasses.:nana:
 
I got a 'new' car! One with a working heater! :nana: And I hear rumors that the company that 'adopted' us for Christmas is getting me a new cell phone and K said he'd get me a printer for Christmas! :nana: And with the next check I'm getting new glasses.:nana:

Very happy for you Gracie!

Looks like the karma train is headed your way :)
 
Ummmmm..... so it's snowing. Didn't think I'd be seeing real snow in this part of Italy this year!
 
I'm all wired because tomorrow is FINALLY that appt. with the outside-the-box MD I scheduled back in September when this last flare happened.

I'm turned around again, doing something that I know works for me, though I'm not in love with it, and I'm kind of wondering about this, though. The therapy I'm considering is low dose naltrexone. I did the legwork and found someone who gives it to CD pt's. The reason it's still in phase II trials and unlikely ever to make it as a first line treatment is simply this - it's a tiny dose of methadone basically. No patent for any company and about 40 bucks for a month of it.

It seems to work for a lot of people really well and the worst side effects really do seem to be limited to sleeplessness. Even the liver panel stuff seems to be a non issue on the microdosing that this regimen consists of. Then there's always that one person who's "it almost killed me to pull my meds, I wish I'd stayed on my other meds"

My MD is a jerk. He actually threatened me with rectovaginal fistula as a way to scare me into sticking with 6mp. Funny how well that WORKED though, I mean fuck, I'm on 100 mg's sock it to me! Emotionally I know that it rocks for me, and I know that it's the lesser of many evils, but call me crazy that I'm not happy to jack my immune system during flu season, and that 1% of everyone in trials and tests who gets full blown lymphoma gives me pause.

So I'm all excited, wired, and weird. I don't think about the fact that I'm sick much latetly and now I have to put on sick person brain and find out about this whole thing.
 
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OK so I got very juicy-stoned in Amsterdam and over dinner he managed to persuade me to agree to engage in enema play that night (me as recipient). Goddamn those late-night-opening sexual supply stores in that town lol! Anything involving arses and liquids had been a hard limit for me.

I only did it as a favour for him but my GOD, I REALLY got off on it.

And the moral of the story is - you often can't know whether you'd like or hate something until you try it.
 
Oranges are very bad after brushing one's teeth. And it's not even directly after.

Damn. Forgot about that.
 
So mum got diganosed with breast cancer early last month.

Today we were told they think she's also got Chronic Myelogenous Lukemia too. She's got to have a bone marrow biopsy taken on monday for further testing to determine the severity etc of it.

So she has breast cancer and white blood cell cancer. Great.

Oh and her next chemo session for the breast cancer is christmas eve.
 
Yeah, it's going to be a rather crap christmas.

She was supposed to have the chemo tuesday but her white cell count was too low, so it had been postponed until next tuesday. Then because of this it's been put back til thursday so they can get the bone marrow results back and know what they're dealing with. Apparently how they go about treatment depends on the stage of the lukemia. If it's early stages then they hold off on treating it until the breast cancer is treated; if it's mid stages then they'll speed up her chemo so they can start the lukemia treatment asap.

*sigh* just when things were starting to look like they were settling down again.
 
Holy Shit! Could the people upstairs be ANY louder?!?!

Honest to God I think I could count each and every lick. Although I think this is a fight. Either that or these guys are really into whatever it is they are doing.

Damn.
 
I am so fucking bored and this whole domestic engineering crap is not helping. My brain is about ready to leak out of my ears.

I miss having to think beyond daily grind bullshit. And conversations don't involve mom stuff. And creativity beyond what to fix for dinner. And problem solving that has nothing to do with kid stuff.

If my niece didn't have my graphing calculator I'd go back through my college math books.

*head/desk*

My brain is molding.
 
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