Here We Go Again...

[thatgirl2136]

Hello everyone,
I'm back again with another question.
(this was my first one just incase anyone needs to catch up before answering this http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=670988)

as an update I ended up commiting to an open relationship with my Dom. It was an incredibly hard decision after everything, but I decided to take one last chance and risk it all.....Things became incredibly better between us, our communication is a million times better... and most of all he did not pressure me to step out of my distinct comfort of a sub...
Up until just a week or so ago....

Now, he has seen every inch of my body......and I've yet to see his...yes, I know his face and clothed body, but nothing more.
A few days ago he told me he took pictures and wanted to show me.....but only if I was his Mistress a few times.
I honestly attempted and it lasted a whole couple minutes, I couldn't do it, it wasn't right.
So he deleted the pictures.

Is this fair that I have to attempt to be a Mistress in order to see what he looks like?
I feel like my emotions are being used against me.....Like I'm being punished in one of the most cruel ways just because I cannot get myself to Dominate....
It's just not who I am.

Thanks for any input..


*EDIT* 10/17
I have broken up with him. The situation was too out of control.

 

[FurryFury]

While some Doms like to push our limits, other people, who sometimes claim to be Doms, simply want whatever it is you can't give. I call this "fucking with me/you/whomever."

Generally with this happens to me, it means the relationship with that person isn't a good fit for me. It sounds like, as much as you may wish otherwise, your relationship with this person isn't a good fit for either of you. That's my opinion.

 

[darebearstare]

i dont really know your whole story but for me i am unable to domme anyone i am a sub through and through.....just my opinion.....although as a sub i supposed dommeing my Master could be a task i would have to complete in order to keep my Master happy however i dont think i would be satisfying

 

[darebearstare]

i agree with you

 

[Plasmaball]

he wants you at arms length while he eats his cake. He is taking the DOM aspect literally.
Its fun to sub but seriously dont put up with that crap

 

[StrayKat]

I consider myself a switch but I am probably much more on dominant side so I wouldnt have a problem with being a Mistress. What you talk about though is a kind of blackmail that would end any kind of relationship for me.

Few years ago I had fun with online "Dom" for few months. He was sadistic manipulative bastard but it suited me at the time perfectly. It came to an end though when I showed myself on cam and he refused to do the same. I know it wouldnt be a big deal for some, but for me it is very no-no. It reminds me of wankers anonymous, internet is too full of them and I am gutted with them. Not to mention that I lost whatever little respect I had for him, man that doesnt dare to show his face is not a kind of man that would have any chance to hold any kind of power over me.

I know your situation is different, but it sounds just as wrong to me. He seems to be using you to fulfill his fantasies without any regard to your limits.

 

[Love2Lust]

I agree with the majority....if you say the communication between you two has improved then it should have been understandable to him when you told him that you couldn't handle being his Mistress. He shouldn't be bribing you with pictures of himself to get you to do something your uncomfortable with. That goes beyond "pushing limits".

Personally, I think you should have been allowed to see more of his body a long time ago.

 

[caged_doll]

Hello everyone,
I'm back again with another question.
(this was my first one just incase anyone needs to catch up before answering this http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=670988)

as an update I ended up commiting to an open relationship with my Dom. It was an incredibly hard decision after everything, but I decided to take one last chance and risk it all.....Things became incredibly better between us, our communication is a million times better... and most of all he did not pressure me to step out of my distinct comfort of a sub...
Up until just a week or so ago....

Now, he has seen every inch of my body......and I've yet to see his...yes, I know his face and clothed body, but nothing more.
A few days ago he told me he took pictures and wanted to show me.....but only if I was his Mistress a few times.
I honestly attempted and it lasted a whole couple minutes, I couldn't do it, it wasn't right.
So he deleted the pictures.

Is this fair that I have to attempt to be a Mistress in order to see what he looks like?
I feel like my emotions are being used against me.....Like I'm being punished in one of the most cruel ways just because I cannot get myself to Dominate....
It's just not who I am.

Thanks for any input..

I think it is manipulative. As a submissive to men, dominating a man goes against my very core. I couldn't do it. It's just not me. I don't liken it to a Dominant giving an order. It's like he's telling you to go against yourself if you really want to see the pics. I think it's awful.

 

[Netzach]

If he's telling you how to top him and that you have to top him, that's one thing. As far as I'm concerned, I've got every right to tell my husband that I want to be bondaged up tonight, and what rope to use and how long I want to be in, and if he doesn't like it, he can sub up and tough tit.

"Be a Mistress" is not a valid command to someone who isn't. It's not any fair to want to be dominated by a non-dominant. Dominating is something you can't help but throw up your hands and go "wha?" Topping is something you may find *icky* but could do if told exactly how and where and how long.

 

[thatgirl2136]

Thank you everyone for your input...I have broken up our relationship.
Everything piled together has gone too far.
I have been held at arms length for far too long and cannot take it any longer

It's nice to see that I am not the only one who thought this situation was asinine.

 

[thatgirl2136]

If he's telling you how to top him and that you have to top him, that's one thing. As far as I'm concerned, I've got every right to tell my husband that I want to be bondaged up tonight, and what rope to use and how long I want to be in, and if he doesn't like it, he can sub up and tough tit.

"Be a Mistress" is not a valid command to someone who isn't. It's not any fair to want to be dominated by a non-dominant. Dominating is something you can't help but throw up your hands and go "wha?" Topping is something you may find *icky* but could do if told exactly how and where and how long.

yes i understand what you are saying....and you're absolutely right....but for him he has sub desires from a past relationship that he seems to want again...he did not inform me of this until after we were getting involved and he knew i was strictly submissive....

 

[togethergone]

If your strictly a sub and he's asking you to be a dom and your not comfortable then don't do it. If he's not willing to accept that then that's his loss.

 

[rida]

yes i understand what you are saying....and you're absolutely right....but for him he has sub desires from a past relationship that he seems to want again...he did not inform me of this until after we were getting involved and he knew i was strictly submissive....

Good that you ended as it was not working for you.

I just have a question: if you two were open and poly (or something like that), why couldn't he get his submissive jollies with a Domme instead of asking you?

Since it is over it is a moot point, so no need to asnwer. It just puzzled me.

 

[thatgirl2136]

Good that you ended as it was not working for you.

I just have a question: if you two were open and poly (or something like that), why couldn't he get his submissive jollies with a Domme instead of asking you?

Since it is over it is a moot point, so no need to asnwer. It just puzzled me.

oh no i'll answer....he did not want an open relationship but because we're on opposite sides of the country and do indeed have our own lives i found it unfair to both parties to have to be tied to someone when you don't even know if you will have that real life chemistry.....
i told him to date and find a girl who would please him the way he needs to be pleased, but he said he couldn't find anyone who he thought would be able to like his past gf. that and he was determined to make me do it.

 

[estellacumsalot79]

.....

 

[thatgirl2136]

.....

.......?

 

[Plasmaball]

sounds like he wants to string you along whole looking for that other woman. Granted he may of already found it and wants a side project.

 

[tomcat52]

.....

I agree

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

.......?

put it on your ignore, would be the wisest course of action for that one

 

[subwannabe]

You did right to dump him.

 

[thatgirl2136]

put it on your ignore, would be the wisest course of action for that one

thanks for the info

 

[unregistered]

 

[Etoile]

yes i understand what you are saying....and you're absolutely right....but for him he has sub desires from a past relationship that he seems to want again...he did not inform me of this until after we were getting involved and he knew i was strictly submissive....

Wow, it's almost like you were dating an ex of mine.

 

[Adakgirl]

You made the right decision...even if you were able to Top him, even if you were able to do the infant/sex role play thing (which is sick imo) you got no signs of emotion from him, it was not there. Without that you have nothing at all. I know it's not easy but try move on get past it and chalk that all up to a learning experience. We are here for you if you need us.

 

[badmatt]

oh no i'll answer....he did not want an open relationship but because we're on opposite sides of the country and do indeed have our own lives i found it unfair to both parties to have to be tied to someone when you don't even know if you will have that real life chemistry.....
i told him to date and find a girl who would please him the way he needs to be pleased, but he said he couldn't find anyone who he thought would be able to like his past gf. that and he was determined to make me do it.

thatgirl, I just wanted to say that, like some of the others, I'm glad you were able to make a break of it. It didn't sound like it was healthy for you. Having been in quite the opposite situation, where a sub had moved back to her hometown across the country, and then she suddenly wanted to be a domme with me, I know what you faced. For me, having tried very early on to switch for a partner made it easy, when she asked, I said no. At which point I was called just about every name I had ever heard and then she broke it off.