I need some Advice {Relationship Problem}

[SugarLacedLie]

Ok, I'm have a big of a relationship problem. First off, to fully understand I must tell you of how I came into the lifestyle. I had joined an Anime site, and I met my first Master there. We did have an online relationship which lasted for about a year. Then things got really complicated on his end and we ended up splitting.

The problem arises with the Master I have now. The thing is, he's not really a Master. We say we're in a M/s relationship, but he's more like a boyfriend than a Master. He is forty five and lives with his parents, doesn't have a job, and doesn't seem to want to get one. I've talked with him about it many times, but our talks don't seem to have any impact on him. I do care for him, and I know he does me too. But I feel that our relationship is going no where and we've been together nine months.

Now here is where the conflict arises. My first Master contacted me a few months ago and wants me to get back with him. I've told him of my situation with Jack (my current Master) and he understands. I really want to be with my first Master, but I can't find it in myself to leave Jack. It would break his heart and I don't have it in me to do that to someone.

So I have no idea what to do.

 

[ImOnIt]

man up. get your shit together. you havent given nearly enough information, and you know EXACTLY the sort of response youre gonna get based on that post.

Let me sum up your thread

>> hes not a winner for not sorting his shit out
>>ergo, so are you for staying with him

>>online relationships are often retarded
>>living with PARENTS at 45

>> LIVING WITH PARENTS AT 45

There, i saved you some time.

 

[Netzach]

Ok, I'm have a big of a relationship problem. First off, to fully understand I must tell you of how I came into the lifestyle. I had joined an Anime site, and I met my first Master there. We did have an online relationship which lasted for about a year. Then things got really complicated on his end and we ended up splitting.

The problem arises with the Master I have now. The thing is, he's not really a Master. We say we're in a M/s relationship, but he's more like a boyfriend than a Master. He is forty five and lives with his parents, doesn't have a job, and doesn't seem to want to get one. I've talked with him about it many times, but our talks don't seem to have any impact on him. I do care for him, and I know he does me too. But I feel that our relationship is going no where and we've been together nine months.

Now here is where the conflict arises. My first Master contacted me a few months ago and wants me to get back with him. I've told him of my situation with Jack (my current Master) and he understands. I really want to be with my first Master, but I can't find it in myself to leave Jack. It would break his heart and I don't have it in me to do that to someone.

So I have no idea what to do.

Are things going to get "really complicated" again if you get back with Dude 1? I mean is he all that great, or is it jumping from one moving train to the other?

It sucks to be the asshole and break up with someone, but it's part of life. Are you sure you want to be doing this in nine more months?

There's no law that says you must pick either of these people to be with.

 

[Tawny_Temptress]

Are things going to get "really complicated" again if you get back with Dude 1? I mean is he all that great, or is it jumping from one moving train to the other?

It sucks to be the asshole and break up with someone, but it's part of life. Are you sure you want to be doing this in nine more months?

There's no law that says you must pick either of these people to be with.

I was going to ask the same thing!

Also, think about someone who doesnt want to work for a living. I know you dont want to hurt him but it sounds like you would wind up supporting him eventually instead of is parents.

Good luck!

 

[phoenixangel]

you need to ask yourself what do want and need out of life, and will you get it from either of those men? heart aches heal, do you really want to stay with someone who's not even willing to take care of himself. do you think he's capable of taking care of you? as for your first master, is he going to pick up where he left off and just be for online fun. or will he really step into your life and fullfill what you want and need from life? there are things that are constant in life and there are things that are always changing. life is a chance that only you can take. and only you can decide who will join you in that journey. i wish you well and pray you find what you need.

 

[RawHumor]

>> LIVING WITH PARENTS AT 45

I hate to say it, but this is HUGE.

Not only living with his parents, but jobless too.

He's at the age where he could easily have his own kids or even grandkids, but instead he IS the kid. That's a sad statement right there.

Have you met either of these two guys IRL?

 

[SimonBrooke]

I hate to say it, but this is HUGE.

Not only living with his parents, but jobless too.

Got to agree.

A dom, in my experience and opinion, needs to be someone who is fairly dynamic in life - and activist, an animateur, a go-getter. This guy sounds (from this brief sketch) like a useless lump. Yes, you don't want to hurt him. That's nice of you. But what is he doing for you? And what is he prepared to do to keep you?

 

[MisterSir]

I really want to be with my first Master, but I can't find it in myself to leave Jack. It would break his heart and I don't have it in me to do that to someone.

But staying with somebody you don't love, barely like and will resent for staying with? Fucking great idea.

 

[rida]

without even considering the whole D/s or M/s or what not dynamic I'd say that you have to ask yourself if this man is suitable for you to have a relationship with.

leaving in your mom basement is not per se negative but coupled with the "never had a job" part I'd say it does not sound good. there might be extenuating circumstances but other than that ... I don't know.

also, you are 20 and he is 45. again not necessarily a problem but it compounds with the previous details .... I don't know

as for getting back with Master #1 I'm going to quote:

There's no law that says you must pick either of these people to be with.

Yeah. I'd say drop both and move on.
You are young and the world is full of people worth meeting.

 

[Adakgirl]

I really want to be with my first Master,

You want to be with someone who dumped you because life got too complicated on his end
(this in on-line code means the guy is married if you haven't figured that out by now)
then all of a sudden pops up and wants you back after what? 6/7 months no contact? Not a good idea. Of course you want to get back with him, he was your first on-line Master, And the second one isn't even a Dominant.

you will always feel attachment to him, but that isn't reason enough to set yourself up for another fall with him.
I suggest you use your head rather than go with your heart here.

but I can't find it in myself to leave Jack. It would break his heart and I don't have it in me to do that to someone.

Ohhh yes you can, you certainly can. Only for a few weeks then he will simply move on to trying to establish the next on-line relationship. Trust me this guy is probably well used to women leaving him.

Oh yes, you do have it in you, you won't crush his world, you may think that but if you do then you are quite naive when it comes to these type relationships. Listen to what the others have told you and move on from both these men.

 

[HoHoBomb]

Ok, I'm have a big of a relationship problem. First off, to fully understand I must tell you of how I came into the lifestyle. I had joined an Anime site, and I met my first Master there. We did have an online relationship which lasted for about a year. Then things got really complicated on his end and we ended up splitting.

The problem arises with the Master I have now. The thing is, he's not really a Master. We say we're in a M/s relationship, but he's more like a boyfriend than a Master. He is forty five and lives with his parents, doesn't have a job, and doesn't seem to want to get one. I've talked with him about it many times, but our talks don't seem to have any impact on him. I do care for him, and I know he does me too. But I feel that our relationship is going no where and we've been together nine months.

Now here is where the conflict arises. My first Master contacted me a few months ago and wants me to get back with him. I've told him of my situation with Jack (my current Master) and he understands. I really want to be with my first Master, but I can't find it in myself to leave Jack. It would break his heart and I don't have it in me to do that to someone.

So I have no idea what to do.

Don't worry about Jack, his mamma will bake him a pie.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Got to agree.

A dom, in my experience and opinion, needs to be someone who is fairly dynamic in life - and activist, an animateur, a go-getter. This guy sounds (from this brief sketch) like a useless lump. Yes, you don't want to hurt him. That's nice of you. But what is he doing for you? And what is he prepared to do to keep you?

Or to put it this way, a man who is successful, motivated, self-assured and independent can be dominant from a place of inner strength. Guys who are 45 and living with mum often have low self esteem and refuse to take responsibility for their situation and work to improve it. They do not dominate through strength, they make you the whipping bitch for their own insecurities.

As for your ex-master... have you only been dissatisfied with your current guy and seen his faults for what they are since a plan B walked onto the scene? If so, that suggests to me you have a basic fear of winding up alone for any period of time, which is an issue in and of itself. Your post reads as though there is no option C, whereas it's almost always healthier to have a period of being single and focusing on what you want from your life before you throw yourself at the feet of the next guy who bothers to IM you.

Plus, if I understand you right, neither of these relationships have been realtime anyway. Why do you want to invest so much on people you're unlikely ever to lay eyes on? Why not ditch the pair of them and start looking for someone who is after a proper relationship?

I think you're afraid to do that and that your own self esteem needs some building up. You won't do that by immolating yourself on the cyber-altar of men you have never met.

Turn off the damn PC and get a life is my advice. You will regret the wasteful loss of these precious years so much when you are older. There's a whole fucking world out there.

 

[SimonBrooke]

As for your ex-master... have you only been dissatisfied with your current guy and seen his faults for what they are since a plan B walked onto the scene? If so, that suggests to me you have a basic fear of winding up alone for any period of time, which is an issue in and of itself. Your post reads as though there is no option C, whereas it's almost always healthier to have a period of being single and focusing on what you want from your life before you throw yourself at the feet of the next guy who bothers to IM you.

You know, I know it's none of my business but I think you submissive types should elect Velvet shop steward of your union. She always has sensible, practical, well thought out and kindly advice.

As she and others have said, you don't need either of these guys - and you're likely better off without either of them.

 

[tritiusj]

..............

 

[yourmissl]

Good Lord I almost spat coffee all over my monitor! Fucking hilarious.

Wish it had been almost! LOL.

Honey, Velvet said it all. Good luck.

I'll vote for VD by the way.

cheers,
miss l

 

[MisterSir]

I'll vote for VD by the way.

Also known as the motto for the International Union of Condom Haters.

 

[Homburg]

Don't worry about Jack, his mamma will bake him a pie.

*snort*

Funniest post I've seen here this year.

 

[graceanne]

All of velvets advice was awesome.

Beyond that, by refusing to dump guy number 2, you are as guilty for enabling his childish behavior as his parents. It's time for him to grow up and face reality. Reality rule number one? No one is gonna stay with a guy who's 45, lives with his folks, and doesn't want to get a job.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Don't worry about Jack, his mamma will bake him a pie.

Am I the only person who immediately thought of Jason Biggs?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You know, I know it's none of my business but I think you submissive types should elect Velvet shop steward of your union. She always has sensible, practical, well thought out and kindly advice.

Tsk tsk Simon, you know what happens when sammy-assed subs like me get an ego.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Am I the only person who immediately thought of Jason Biggs?

No.

I'm getting 'Bad Boy Bubby'

And I'm scared.

 

[SugarLacedLie]

I hate to say it, but this is HUGE.

Not only living with his parents, but jobless too.

He's at the age where he could easily have his own kids or even grandkids, but instead he IS the kid. That's a sad statement right there.

Have you met either of these two guys IRL?

Yes, I've met my current Master, the first one no.

 

[Etoile]

DTMFA. Yup.

 

[RawHumor]

DTMFA. Yup.

Translation, please?

 

[RawHumor]

Yes, I've met my current Master, the first one no.

You don't owe anyone a lifelong commitment. If you don't think he's the one, then breaking it off sooner is better than later.