sadangel musings

[sadangel]

This may be in the wrong place. If it is, well, I'm still kinda new!!

I'll be back later and will post a couple of poems I've written over the years. I'm a little hesitant to share them, as I've had some really nasty comments made before. I don't mind critism, but outright meanness, I don't take kindly to it!! Be honest if you don't like it, and be honest if you do please.

 

[sadangel]

~:Sometimes:~



Sometimes.....
I watch the sun come up
and I realize that I have another day
to work toward my ambition

Sometimes...
I watch the sun go down
and I realize that I am another day older
a day wiser
and a step closer to my dreams

Someday....
I will reflect on these quiet times;
glad that I wondered,
and that I took the time to feel.

For every great accomplishment
starts with a glimmer of hope,
and a small dream dreamnt

copyright©1981 by df all rights reserved

**********
I was 16 when I wrote this. Gonna try to tell ages and maybe a little about poems when I can.

 

[sadangel]

~:Softest of Tones:~



i watch the wind
scurry across the field
just touching the edge of
innocence
before sunrise--

asking me why i have arrived so
early, for nothing awakens
'til noon.
but i myself cannot find
an immediate answer, so
i pause--

in time to hear myself reply
to the wind in the softest
of tones--

i enjoy the presence of a friend
who does not argue in
return

copyright 1979-2004 by dls
*****
I was 14 when I wrote this one. I had two friends that were my best friends and felt so caught in the middle. This poem came out of that feeling, while sitting by the river on our property alone. This is exactly how I wrote it then, with no capittalization.

 

[sadangel]

~:The Ballerina:~



The Dream
begins
gracefully
And dreamers in the shadows
are children
again.
Swaying
with the fluid motion
of the music
They watch with sad eyes,
tired eyes.
Wishing
but they will never know
the joy and pain of being
The Ballerina

copyright©1979 by ds/all rights reserved

Again, 14 when I wrote this. I wanted to be a ballerina, but never could dance. Still can't!!

 

[sadangel]

THe next two I'm putting in one post. They were written quite literally within 5 minutes of each other. I was going through a very hard time, very suicidal time and was having some horrific memories of child abuse that I'd been through. I was 33 when I wrote these.

*********

~:Embracing the Tiger:~



embracing the feelings, the thoughts inside,
embracing the fear, and rage besides.
embracing the emotions that tumble within.
releasing the pain, hatred and grief;
embracing the healing, loving, strengths.

"embracing the tiger",
that primitive beast.
the savage warrior,
on my pain does feast.
"owning the tiger",
and loving her too.
loving the savage,
isn't easy to do.

today, i'm finding where i begin,
and where the tiger ends.
"embracing the tiger",
my life-long friend.

copyright©1998-2004 by df all rights reserved



----------

~: Dark Side of Me:~


There's a dark side of me,
I can't let you see.
a side that's hateful and scorns.

There's a dark side of me,
I won't let be free,
A side that's tattered and torn.

There's a dark side of me,
raging in silence,
screaming in terror,
afraid of the violence,

Emotions must at all costs,
be kept inside, or I'll be lost.
Feelings stay hidden
and memories past.
I'm afraid to show you,
I cannot last.

There's a dark side of me.
that rages inside.
violence, anger and suicide,
the dark side of me,
always alone.

The dark side of me
I'm learning to own

copyright©1998-2004 by df all rights reserved

 

[Angeline]

Hello and welcome to the poetry forum.

Overall, I've very much enjoyed reading what you've posted so far. There's a raw honesty and self-awareness in your poems that comes across clearly to me. That, imo, is a wonderful quality that all the facilty in the world with language or writing experience can't match. Do I think your poetry can be better? Yes, I do, but I think that about everyone's poetry, certainly including my own.

You seem to write a lot about self-acceptance, and I suspect that there are many, many experiences--with the full range of emotions accompanying them--that led you to focus on this so much in your writing. I think if you wrote about some of those experiences, specifically, the combination of detail and the authenticity of your voice would make for spectacular poetry.

You are absolutely in the right place and please try to ignore any nasty comments (either from the past or that you might get if you submit your poems here). We all get them from time to time, but if you stick around you'll see that most people here are kind and just want to help.

 

[sadangel]

Hello and welcome to the poetry forum.

Overall, I've very much enjoyed reading what you've posted so far. There's a raw honesty and self-awareness in your poems that comes across clearly to me. That, imo, is a wonderful quality that all the facilty in the world with language or writing experience can't match. Do I think your poetry can be better? Yes, I do, but I think that about everyone's poetry, certainly including my own.

You seem to write a lot about self-acceptance, and I suspect that there are many, many experiences--with the full range of emotions accompanying them--that led you to focus on this so much in your writing. I think if you wrote about some of those experiences, specifically, the combination of detail and the authenticity of your voice would make for spectacular poetry.

You are absolutely in the right place and please try to ignore any nasty comments (either from the past or that you might get if you submit your poems here). We all get them from time to time, but if you stick around you'll see that most people here are kind and just want to help.

Thank you very much. I bolded one paragraph to ask a question. Can you explain whether you mean I should write, maybe short chapters of what those experiences were, or more of trying to find a way to put it into poetry/prose form? I've been writing a book about those experiences for 15 years. It seems the more I write, the more I remember and then the writing stops so I can catch my breath again. The book will most likely never be published, simply because I don't think that there are many who want to read the writings of a "nobody" someone that isn't rich or famous or whatnot. I'm NOT being self-deprecating, just being honest, at least that's what I believe.

If you are talking about writing, more in a story form I can do that here, since this isn't just about my poetry, but also about my "musings" the things that touch me, or have helped to shape who I am today and who I may be tomorrow.

I welcome honest criticism. A writer just as a painter can learn from those who have gone before, and one day, maybe we can help to teach others. Even if it's only to encourage.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you very much. I bolded one paragraph to ask a question. Can you explain whether you mean I should write, maybe short chapters of what those experiences were, or more of trying to find a way to put it into poetry/prose form? I've been writing a book about those experiences for 15 years. It seems the more I write, the more I remember and then the writing stops so I can catch my breath again. The book will most likely never be published, simply because I don't think that there are many who want to read the writings of a "nobody" someone that isn't rich or famous or whatnot. I'm NOT being self-deprecating, just being honest, at least that's what I believe.

If you are talking about writing, more in a story form I can do that here, since this isn't just about my poetry, but also about my "musings" the things that touch me, or have helped to shape who I am today and who I may be tomorrow.

I welcome honest criticism. A writer just as a painter can learn from those who have gone before, and one day, maybe we can help to teach others. Even if it's only to encourage.

I meant writing poetry about your experiences. And of course that could take the form of any kind of poetry--form poetry, free verse, whatever. I thought, for example, that you did rhyme really well in "Dark Side of Me." That one sounds like it could even be a lyric. If you felt more comfortable with a story format though, you could try prose poetry which might look very much like a story (a short one), but draws more on the elements of poetry, like metaphor and other poetic language tools, than straight prose (like informational writing) would. There are many, many ways to go depending on what appeals to you.

Overall though I think of such poem writing as narrative poetry. One can tell the story but still be quite poetic. Some of the poems you've posted here are good (good writing), but talk mainly in general, nonspecific terms. To me, specific is always better, more compelling because if I can see, feel, taste, etc., as I am reading a poem, I feel as if I'm transported into it myself. And maybe others here can say what they think about this, but for me that is the best kind of poetry, the kind that draws me into the poet's world.

 

[sadangel]

I meant writing poetry about your experiences. And of course that could take the form of any kind of poetry--form poetry, free verse, whatever. I thought, for example, that you did rhyme really well in "Dark Side of Me." That one sounds like it could even be a lyric. If you felt more comfortable with a story format though, you could try prose poetry which might look very much like a story (a short one), but draws more on the elements of poetry, like metaphor and other poetic language tools, than straight prose (like informational writing) would. There are many, many ways to go depending on what appeals to you.

Overall though I think of such poem writing as narrative poetry. One can tell the story but still be quite poetic. Some of the poems you've posted here are good (good writing), but talk mainly in general, nonspecific terms. To me, specific is always better, more compelling because if I can see, feel, taste, etc., as I am reading a poem, I feel as if I'm transported into it myself. And maybe others here can say what they think about this, but for me that is the best kind of poetry, the kind that draws me into the poet's world.

Thank you. I haven't really written for about 8 years and I'm just now starting to get my feet wet again with it. The last week or so, I'm getting ideas of what to write. I've never really considered free verse, but I know that sometimes I do write that way. I will definitly take a try at doing some writings that way and see what becomes of it!! I have a feeling it will end up going in the direction of prose poetry, which sounds more like my style of wrting to begin with. I'll probably share some more poems later, but just wanted to start small.

Dark Side of me; I actually had a guy that writes music and lyrics ask me if he could attempt to put it to music for himself. I trust him explicitly to not take credit for it. I've known him a long time and was shocked he even considered it. He has been experimenting with piano and guitar and said it sounds best when he puts it to the guitar. Said it comes off in a slower mucial pace than what he's used to, but he played it for a couple of friends and they liked it. I'm hoping to hear it the next time I see him, but don't know when that will be. It's been about 10 years since I've seen him or talked to him, but we keep up with emails fairly often.

I appreciate your thoughts more than you know. I feel we can never learn too much and I hope to continue learning every day. You are helping me with that!!

 

[SilvaMel]

Wow. Your poems are beautiful and exciting. There is a peaceful rhythm and style that I found comforting...

 

[sadangel]

Wow. Your poems are beautiful and exciting. There is a peaceful rhythm and style that I found comforting...

Thank you.

Just thought I'd share one little side note about Embracing the Tiger. I wrote that long before I ever had a computer or had heard of artists other than Rembrandt, Picasso and such. I posted the poem on-line for myself on my website and had thoughts of the perfect picture for it. About 5 years ago, I joined a copyright friendly avatar/siggie forum and started making contact with Digital Artists that allow their work to be used for a simple copyright credit. One of the names I was given to contact was Jim Warren. Well, started an email correspondence as I continued to look at all his artwork. I found a picture that just drew me in. It was part tiger-- part female human. I showed him my poem that I'd written and he gave me permission to use that artwork to make siggies/avatars and desktop wallpapers for a few people. I made one that had his artwork and my poem. It turned out pretty cool. He liked that it just fit so well together and realized it had been written long before I ever even knew of him. We occasionally still chat, and he always encourages me to keep writing even if I never share a thing.

(I don't have the siggies or wallpaper anymore, since having a massive hard drive failure that wiped EVERYTHING. Maybe someday soon, I'll start trying to do it again and if I do, I'll consider sharing it here if anyone is interested.)

 

[champagne1982]

This may be in the wrong place. If it is, well, I'm still kinda new!!

I'll be back later and will post a couple of poems I've written over the years. I'm a little hesitant to share them, as I've had some really nasty comments made before. I don't mind critism, but outright meanness, I don't take kindly to it!! Be honest if you don't like it, and be honest if you do please.

Well, hello. I saw you've also posted in the roll call and I'd like to welcome you to the "PoBo". I like these poems that you've shared, they can use some streamlining in edit such as trimming the unneccessary pronouns and conjunctions but I'll say that about almost all poems I read. You'll eventually find that many of the poets here would sooner sacrifice an idea if we have to murder the syntax for the sake of a rhyme or an iambic foot. Work really hard at finding a better word that fits into a poem and says it all without adding extra verbage too your work.

I think that you may want to keep your poems here, from the younger you, in a block that you can use to remind us and (most important) yourself of that person and that circumstance that caused these to spring into being. Acknowledging the voice in these poems as the growing poet is an important step in finding new ideas and subjects to explore now, in this stage of your experience.

Good luck with your writing. Thanks for sharing and I really, really hope you continue to post with us here and bring some new work for us.

 

[bluerains]

your

works remind me of Running From Safety from Bach...the inner child walking
from fear...a fresh look from your eyes is delightful...big wink...blue

 

[Angeline]

Thank you. I haven't really written for about 8 years and I'm just now starting to get my feet wet again with it. The last week or so, I'm getting ideas of what to write. I've never really considered free verse, but I know that sometimes I do write that way. I will definitly take a try at doing some writings that way and see what becomes of it!! I have a feeling it will end up going in the direction of prose poetry, which sounds more like my style of wrting to begin with. I'll probably share some more poems later, but just wanted to start small.

Dark Side of me; I actually had a guy that writes music and lyrics ask me if he could attempt to put it to music for himself. I trust him explicitly to not take credit for it. I've known him a long time and was shocked he even considered it. He has been experimenting with piano and guitar and said it sounds best when he puts it to the guitar. Said it comes off in a slower mucial pace than what he's used to, but he played it for a couple of friends and they liked it. I'm hoping to hear it the next time I see him, but don't know when that will be. It's been about 10 years since I've seen him or talked to him, but we keep up with emails fairly often.

I appreciate your thoughts more than you know. I feel we can never learn too much and I hope to continue learning every day. You are helping me with that!!

I sort of envy you for the adventurous road you are starting down. When I first came to this forum, I was in a similar position: I had started writing again after not doing so for around eight years, too. I was rusty at first, but I began writing every day, writing and reading poetry here and elsewhere. After three or four months of doing that I could see the improvements I had made. It was pretty damn exciting to me.

I agree with Champ; keep all your old stuff together. Then you can go back after having written again for a while and see the progress you make. I find just being around others who also love to write and share and talk about their work to be very inspiring. There are people here with a variety of tastes in poetry, from form to free verse to illustrated poems, pretty much you name it. And one thing we all share is we just love to talk lol, so feel free to dive in and start more threads, ask, participate in challenges and games here or start your own.

Good luck with the lyric thing! My beloved is a poet and a musician but so far what we've written together is mostly pretty goofy. I think I'll go rag on him about how *other* people are collaborating.

 

[sadangel]

Well, hello. I saw you've also posted in the roll call and I'd like to welcome you to the "PoBo". I like these poems that you've shared, they can use some streamlining in edit such as trimming the unneccessary pronouns and conjunctions but I'll say that about almost all poems I read. You'll eventually find that many of the poets here would sooner sacrifice an idea if we have to murder the syntax for the sake of a rhyme or an iambic foot. Work really hard at finding a better word that fits into a poem and says it all without adding extra verbage too your work.

I think that you may want to keep your poems here, from the younger you, in a block that you can use to remind us and (most important) yourself of that person and that circumstance that caused these to spring into being. Acknowledging the voice in these poems as the growing poet is an important step in finding new ideas and subjects to explore now, in this stage of your experience.

Good luck with your writing. Thanks for sharing and I really, really hope you continue to post with us here and bring some new work for us.

Hmmmm change??!!

I will have to consider perhaps revising some of the poems, but leaving the original works as is and posting the revised ones along side when I finally take that plunge. As to keeping the one's from the younger me in one block, I can do that by keeping them within the first two posts. I don't have a tremendous amount of them from my teen years, but a few. I'm going to admit something. I don't understand "syntax" I just know writing. I have so much still to learn!!

I already have new poems and thoughts springing up already, kinda in a different way than I have usually written, but the thought of the "prose/poetry" form or free form seems to be how it is heading now. A way to tell the story, while maintaing the poetry or prose side of it. In my head, it perhaps sounds easier to understand, yet still conveys the meaning, perhaps more clearly. I have ideas for not just explaining how the little girl felt and the teenager, but the young adult and the person I see I am emerging as. I'm becoming more accustomed to myself and that thoughts aren't necessarily wrong or right, but they are just thoughts. New ways to express old feelings. I have to admit, I have some 'erotic' poems that are springing to mind, but I'll post those in a different thread, if that's ok. I guess for me, keeping the past me a little seperate from the "present and future" me. Am I rambling

 

[sadangel]

works remind me of Running From Safety from Bach...the inner child walking
from fear...a fresh look from your eyes is delightful...big wink...blue

I haven't heard of "Running from Safety" will have to do some research....I love research!! Yes, the inner child/children have run from fear for long enough. Their voices are starting to emerge with mine.

Thank you for your kind words.

PS:
I haven't figured out how to make the "multi quote" thingie work, so haven't been able to quote each one and answer in one post. I'm too lazy to do it the manual way!! *sheepish grin*

PSS:
Looked it up on Google. Sounds like a book worth reading!! I didn't realize he had written Jonathon Livingston Seagull. Been YEARS since I've read that one.

 

[sadangel]

I sort of envy you for the adventurous road you are starting down. When I first came to this forum, I was in a similar position: I had started writing again after not doing so for around eight years, too. I was rusty at first, but I began writing every day, writing and reading poetry here and elsewhere. After three or four months of doing that I could see the improvements I had made. It was pretty damn exciting to me.

I agree with Champ; keep all your old stuff together. Then you can go back after having written again for a while and see the progress you make. I find just being around others who also love to write and share and talk about their work to be very inspiring. There are people here with a variety of tastes in poetry, from form to free verse to illustrated poems, pretty much you name it. And one thing we all share is we just love to talk lol, so feel free to dive in and start more threads, ask, participate in challenges and games here or start your own.

Good luck with the lyric thing! My beloved is a poet and a musician but so far what we've written together is mostly pretty goofy. I think I'll go rag on him about how *other* people are collaborating.

Adventure is not my middle name. I don't cope well with change, but sometimes change is good. I like that we can always continue to grow no matter how old we get, if we are willing to do so. I'm doing some of the challenges and exercises. It's what's gotten my writing juices flowing again!! I hadn't thought about it, but I guess I have been doing some collaboration. Cool!!

 

[sadangel]

~:As I Sit Here:~


As I sit here quietly,
listening to your word
I hear your voice through the silence.
you tell me to think only of you.
and as I become restless for a touch;
you tell me to be still
to know that only you are God.

My soul cries out for your voice
my heart for a touch from your hand.
Please don't leave me here alone.
I couldn't face the darkness
by myself.

Just a rainbow to hold onto,
and your love to wrap me around.
and in silence
Will I hear your voice,
and touch your love!

copyright©1996 by df all rights reserved

*******
Written when I was first realizing I was truly a lesbian. (Now, I'm on a journey again and realizing I am more bi than lesbian). I felt alone, even from God. This is where I am coming from with this poem. I was about 31.

 

[sadangel]

~:Will I?:~

Will I ever love again?
Can I give myself
as anything but a friend?

I want to love
to feel and care.
But I'm afraid
so I do not dare.

You hurt me in a place
I never hurt before
You hurt me in my heart
and then wounded my soul

copyright©1998-2004 by df all rights reserved

*****
Several people thought I wrote this about a lover. It was actually written to my mother, though she has never read it. I wrote it after a horrible fight where she let me know that she wished I'd never been born, never survived birth, that I should never have existed in this world. The people that thought I wrote this to a former lover, gave her a hard time, and I ended up having to go on line to the chat room we frequented and convince them that it wasn't about her. Then I told them the whole story of where it came from. They apoligized to her over and over and things were fine after that. That former lover and I, (She was the first female lover I had. It was worth the pain afterwords!!) are still very good friends.

 

[AlanJL43]

I thought I was the only one

~:Will I?:~

Will I ever love again?
Can I give myself
as anything but a friend?

I want to love
to feel and care.
But I'm afraid
so I do not dare.

You hurt me in a place
I never hurt before
You hurt me in my heart
and then wounded my soul

copyright©1998-2004 by df all rights reserved

*****
Several people thought I wrote this about a lover. It was actually written to my mother, though she has never read it. I wrote it after a horrible fight where she let me know that she wished I'd never been born, never survived birth, that I should never have existed in this world. The people that thought I wrote this to a former lover, gave her a hard time, and I ended up having to go on line to the chat room we frequented and convince them that it wasn't about her. Then I told them the whole story of where it came from. They apoligized to her over and over and things were fine after that. That former lover and I, (She was the first female lover I had. It was worth the pain afterwords!!) are still very good friends.

WOW, Sad. Like me. My mom told me in front of my friends the exact same thing! I remember the day, April3, 1994!

I have not talked to her since, even though grandma has passed a way and my brother passed away last year!

Alan

 

[sadangel]

WOW, Sad. Like me. My mom told me in front of my friends the exact same thing! I remember the day, April 3, 1994!

I have not talked to her since, even though grandma has passed a way and my brother passed away last year!

Alan

I'm sorry that you heard those words also. I think sometimes people, our parents included, have no idea the scars they leave us with. I'd rather to have been beaten every day than to have heard some of the words she said. The old adage: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". It's a lie. This is the version I came up with, and many agree.

I haven't talked to my mother, nor seen her since her third wedding in 2000. I left our state and even though she has traveled the USA and visited my state, she never had "time" to see me. Always something more important. *sigh* She did however send me a Christmas Card and a Gift Card this year, for the first time. I guess she's trying.

"Sitcks and stones may break my bones; but words will cut me to the core".

 

[eastern sun]

I'm sorry that you heard those words also. I think sometimes people, our parents included, have no idea the scars they leave us with. I'd rather to have been beaten every day than to have heard some of the words she said. The old adage: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me". It's a lie. This is the version I came up with, and many agree.

I haven't talked to my mother, nor seen her since her third wedding in 2000. I left our state and even though she has traveled the USA and visited my state, she never had "time" to see me. Always something more important. *sigh* She did however send me a Christmas Card and a Gift Card this year, for the first time. I guess she's trying.

"Sitcks and stones may break my bones; but words will cut me to the core".

Have you ever read "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz?

It's the best discussion of the use of words as "black magic" I've come across. And it focuses on the harm we do our children, often inadvertently, with the negative things we say.

I highly recommend it.