So, you're Dictator of America.

[SEVERUSMAX]

Be honest, all of us are tempted by this idea. We're human.

So, frankly, if you went over to the dark side, you know, went evil, and became a dictator somehow, what would you do?

Would you be a real SOB or bitch?

Or would you do some good with your evil?

How would you rule?

Who would get banished to an Alaskan penal colony (aside from Palin, of course)?

Personally, while I'm a Libertarian now, if I were to be morally flexible enough to become a dictator, I'd have to adopt some socialist practices to hold onto power. It's the cynical side of me, which would come out should I be evil enough to assume absolute power.

So, I'd nationalize health care, set interest rates at a flat and unchangeable 10%, and give all students free college and/or vocational school education in exchange for "public service" in either the armed forces or public brothels.

Mind you, to pay for it, I'd send all fashion designers to Alaskan gulags, along with the supermodels needed to redress the gender imbalance in that state. Who knows, they might actually be the first political prisoners to gain weight while imprisoned? I'd also close all fashion magazines (hey, I'm a tyrant, so I can do this). And I'd ban neckties.

All federal employees would get a new uniform- East Indian style, of course.

I'd also make it illegal for anyone to raid Social Security to pay for discretionary spending. I'd also split Social Security into regional affiliates. Those displeased with their region's version can vote with their feet.

Partial-birth abortion and other late-term abortions would be illegal, but the rest would be perfectly legal and protected. Polygamy and gay marriage would be legal, though they could also opt for concubinage or "civil unions" if they prefer. And the law would recognize "illegitimate" children as having the same rights as those born in wedlock. Also, the law would recognize there being a "transitional" gender.

Puerto Rico would be given a tough choice: join us as a state and pitch in your fair share of taxes or become a sovereign nation. We don't care. Just pick a team. LOL.

Illegals would have 90 days to either get green cards, shack up with a US citizen, get pregnant, get a US citizen pregnant, or join "public service" in some form. If they did, they can stay and work toward citizenship. They'd also have to take formal classes in English grammar. If they failed, they'd be sent to Alaska for a few years, where they could try again for resident status. After all, Athens didn't pretend that foreigners were citizens, and neither should we.

Tariffs would replace direct taxes for most things. As would excise taxes and fines for wearing neckties. (The only penalty for wearing them, as I'd be a benevolent dictator.)

When I thought that the country was ready, I'd rename myself Raj Singh, put on a turban, grow out my hair and a full beard, and make Sikh outfits the new Federal uniforms.

I'd hold a plebiscite on a new Constitution, which would pack the Supreme Court with me and my revolutionary comrades as justices for life terms, so that we could be safely in power and hold the new elected government to following my new Constitution (this is where Sulla failed- he didn't live long enough to enforce his constitution on Rome).

 

[3113]

Dictator isn't good enough. Can we be gods instead? The Roman Emperors were.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Dictator isn't good enough. Can we be gods instead? The Roman Emperors were.

Why not? It's every megalomaniac's dream come true.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I just want to be King and rule as a benevolent monarchy.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Also, most politicians and Fed bosses would be put to the wall, if you know what I mean.

 

[Corylea]

In another forum I belong to, I started a thread that began with the question:

You're God for a day. You are omniscient and omnipotent, with the exception that you are limited to ONE single action. You can do ONE thing -- what is it?

I waited to see what people would say before replying to my own question, then eventually said:

When I look around the world, it seems to me as if a lot of the problems we have are caused by two things:

1) There are too many people in the world, and
a. Crowding makes people crazy
b. The existence of so many people means that people compete for finite resources -- land, water, and let's not even start on oil -- in a way that causes conflicts
c. The existence of so many people means that many animals are driven out of their former habitats, to the extent that there are too few of some species of animals to sustain a viable population

2) An awful lot of people are born to folks who should never have had children
a. Kids who grow up unloved are likely to have or cause problems, including drug addiction, aggressiveness, mental health problems, and problematic relationships
b. Kids who are born to people who can't even take care of themselves grow up with inadequate skills for life, making their lives difficult for themselves and making them need (regardless of whether or not they get) extensive social services
c. Teen-aged pregnancy often locks both the child and the mother into impoverished lives, both in the financial sense and in other senses

So, if I were God, I would make a fundamental change in the human animal, such that no woman would get pregnant unless both she and her male partner both thought (and meant) "I want to have a child" every day for a month AND thought (and meant) "I hope this makes a baby" while they were having sex.

This would mean that there would no longer be any unwanted children in the world, ever. It would mean that every person would have all the birth control they need, inside their own heads. It would mean that only people who had enough ability to make plans and follow through on them for a month could have children -- no more children born to drug addicts, very young teenagers, seriously crazy people, and so on.

There would be fewer people in the world, and every child would be a wanted child. I think that eventually, that would lead to a nicer world for everyone.


What would YOU do if you were God for a single day and could do only one thing?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

WE need to make some basic changes in this nation.

#1. You cant do business here if you dont have a corporate headquarters here. No more hiding money offshore. No more buying from yourself to hide profits. If your company imports anything from offshore, we'll assume you paid 10 cents an hour for labor and tax you accordingly.

#2. America has a higher standard of living than Crotch Rot, Asia. The hood is deed restricted, dude! This means the homeys cant live in appliance cartons and eat fat rats. If you have a business in America you will use American labor for goods sold in America. If your company sells stuff to Ass Pimple, Africa, you can build a factory in Africa and pay 10 cents an hour for labor. See #1 for what happens when you try to sneak shit in from Africa.

#3. If your employer provides you with benefits and annual leave, the dollar amount of the benefit is deposited into an account administered by the Federal Govt. You'll get an EBM card to use for medical expenses and paid time off. The account follows you from day one of employment. What you dont use accrues interest. You can use the EBM card to pay cash for medical care or join a health plan available to Federal Employees. Once your employer deposits money in the account, she cant touch it. It sux to be her.

#4. Criminal trials will be administered like NFL or MLB teams. That is, if youre on trial for Capital Murder ONE, the prosecutor and defense attorney will be the best in their respective leagues, based on win-loss statisitcs. CSI will work for you, too. Because we want justice NOT a new notch in the sheriff's gun.

#5. You can live wherever you can afford to live, but if youre homeless or strapped for money barracks-style quarters will be available, and include a cafeteria, bath facilities, basic medical care, laundry, and security. If youre a fucking pervert, like most here are, you bunk in a ward where we can watch you closely. Like my drill instructor told us: You cant blow air up a dick or pussy, so dont say youre doing CPR on your friend.

 

[rgraham666]

The first thing I'd do is say, "I quit."

I'm not nearly smart enough to be dictator of a large country. Or even a small one. No one is.

 

[neonlyte]

The first thing I'd do is say, "I quit."

I'm not nearly smart enough to be dictator of a large country. Or even a small one. No one is.

Don't you know how to use pliers?

 

[Saucy_Sage]

I just want to be King and rule as a benevolent monarchy.

From Start the Revolution Without Me:

Gene Wilder: "Someday I shall be King!"

Donald Sutherland: "And I shall be Queen!"


OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!!!!

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

I would immediately do the following:

1. Shut down CNN and ban any such all-news networks

2. Fire the government

3. Eliminate the money system

4. Institute total automation

5. Send all homophobes to some island in the middle of nowhere

6. Find the love of my life, settle into a big coastal home overlooking the Pacific, buy a bunch of dogs, food, movies, etc....

7. Release prisoners doing time for ridiculous, low-rent drug-related offenses

8. Institute a national 'no speaking' day once per week where everyone is required to shut their f---ing mouths and just 'be.'

 

[Safe_Bet]

I would immediately do the following:

1. Shut down CNN and ban any such all-news networks

2. Fire the government

3. Eliminate the money system

4. Institute total automation

5. Send all homophobes to some island in the middle of nowhere

6. Find the love of my life, settle into a big coastal home overlooking the Pacific, buy a bunch of dogs, food, movies, etc....

7. Release prisoners doing time for ridiculous, low-rent drug-related offenses

8. Institute a national 'no speaking' day once per week where everyone is required to shut their f---ing mouths and just 'be.'

5a. Set fire to the island.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

 

[Selena_Kitt]

And I'd ban neckties.

And I'd ban thongs.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Also, most politicians and Fed bosses would be put to the wall, if you know what I mean.

face first.

Anyone can join the line to gang-bang the person who fucked you up.

 

[DesertPirate]

face first.

Anyone can join the line to gang-bang the person who fucked you up.

Only if I can bring a baseball bat lubed with Ben-Gay

 

[Stella_Omega]

Only if I can bring a baseball bat lubed with Ben-Gay

Of course you can!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

What may be the most amazing result of this whole thing is a complete house-cleaning in Washington. Do you know that it's perfectly legal in California to write "No" on your ballot in the write-in section? I just might . . .

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

VP

Wont happen, amigo. Kiddies wont bother to vote, and the Usual Suspects are too fucking stupid to find the polling place...maybe if you dropped crack rocks to mark the trail.

 

[Safe_Bet]

VP

Wont happen, amigo. Kiddies wont bother to vote, and the Usual Suspects are too fucking stupid to find the polling place...maybe if you dropped crack rocks to mark the trail.

Hey, VM I didn't know you were running for Vice Pres!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Not a chance. Can you imagine the dress code changes they'd have to make to accomodate me in the Senate? Besides, there isn't enough airconditioning in the world to make Foggy Bottom liveable to a bear in the summer.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

To be honest, I'm the person I come closest to trusting with absolute power, because I know myself better than anyone else. Other people, even people I respect, I tend to assume would fall to the temptation to abuse their power. Mainly because I can't see inside their heads, only in my own.

As for godlike powers, I'd not worry about overpopulation. I'm a Stoic, which means that I have a certain inherent reverence for the divinity of Nature and respect for the ordo natura. I view Nature as having instinctive wisdom in creating a self-correcting problem that contributes to human evolution through natural selection. Whether through war, famine, poverty, or disease, tragic as all of these are, the Darwinian process of survival of the fittest corrects the issue of overpopulation.

That might sound callous, but trust me, I do empathize with those who suffer from these necessary evils. I just accept that God, or Nature (which, to me, are one and the same), knows best. The logic of the Logos (the divine intelligence or Providence manifested in Nature) is superior to our finite minds.

Perhaps I would see it differently if I were a Deity myself, but I doubt it.

On the other hand, the afterlife is a matter that needs clarification and correction.

I would find out what kind of afterlife there was and fix any problems with the justice of it, making sure that finite offenses (or sins, if you prefer) carried only finite penalties. Basically, I'd scrap Heaven and Hell (if they exist, which I doubt, given the wisdom of the Logos) and set up an afterlife where the shades of the dead waited until I was ready to judge them. Then I would pronounce their fates at my leisure, with plenty of time to weigh every issue fully and come to the best conclusion. The waiting would happen in a great hall of the dead, of sorts.

I would make every punishment fit the crime, as I determined the crime to be. And then when the sin was properly requited, I would end the punishment immediately, and find a new place for the duly corrected dead. Perhaps Earth, perhaps not, depending on whether I thought reincarnation a worthy and just fate for the dead.

Basically, I would be Osiris all over again, a scrupulously and unerringly precise and just judge, with no streak of mercy or cruelty in me. All justice would be proportionate to the act committed, for good or ill. No one would be treated better or worse than he or she deserved. At last, there would be such a thing as absolute justice in the Cosmos, if it didn't already exist. That's what I would do with my power.

Well, that and create my own personal Paradise, where specially created beings would exist to service me and my desires, as well as the appetites of the truly virtuous.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

face first.

Anyone can join the line to gang-bang the person who fucked you up.

Even better than firing squads, which was my idea. Well, maybe gang-bangs, and then firing squads, since I wouldn't want them running loose to ruin my utopia all over again.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Oh, as Dictator, I'd naturally put an end to the business of unbacked paper money. All Treasury notes would be backed by specie (gold, silver, and platinum, of course). I might back some money by real estate, too, just to avoid excess deflation.

Counterfeiting would be a problem of the past.

Oh, and outsourced products with American CEOs would be treated as foreign goods, not American, and thus subject to tariffs as well. This would add greatly to our source of revenue and also discourage outsourcing. Yes, I'm an economic nationalist, so sue me.

 

[Lee Chambers]

I'm going to have to come back to this tomorrow, because it's late and I have to be up early for work.