Distance Domination-Support Thread

[00Syd]

Hi all. i'm new here, and in a long distance relationship which we are trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, to make D/s. He doesn't really know a lot about being Dominant, and i'm not sure if he's interested because i'm so interested in being submissive or if he's genuinely interested because he's enjoying the power. the thing is that he doesn't read much, and so i don't know how to explain to him what this is all about - he doesn't really understand what i'm talking about. so i was just wondering if anyone here has any ideas, i guess.

thanks.

I was/am in this situation. I talked to him A LOT, and also sent him (not boring) things to read on the subject. He understood the basic concept from articles, but didn't really GET IT until I sent him a few erotic stories which show more of how the concepts and big ideas and the entire dynamic can actually work. We tried a few things whenever we saw each other even when he still didn't really "get it" but I think just doing things helped him understand. See if he'd be willing to try a few basic things, because a lot of it is hard to understand until you actually try it out. But also make sure you know what your doing before you try anything

Hope that helps a little! I'll come back with more ideas and things I did when I think of 'em.

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

A is coming to visit today!!!!
he'll be here till friday

Congratulations MIS! Have a wonderful time!

 

[TeachMeSir]

Confused

.....

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

I don't want to get into details because I know that my issues are just that. Plus I wouldn't know where to start. Suffice to say that at the moment I am confused, unsure as to where I stand with a certain someone, worried & starting to get a little frustrated... which pisses me off even more because I know I don"t really have a valid reaosn to be feeling this!

The only advice I can give is to communicate how you feel to the other person.

Hope everything turns out alright.

 

[boobsqueeezer]

Hi all. i'm new here, and in a long distance relationship which we are trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, to make D/s. He doesn't really know a lot about being Dominant, and i'm not sure if he's interested because i'm so interested in being submissive or if he's genuinely interested because he's enjoying the power. the thing is that he doesn't read much, and so i don't know how to explain to him what this is all about - he doesn't really understand what i'm talking about. so i was just wondering if anyone here has any ideas, i guess.

thanks.

If he is refusing to read, I dont know how you can make him read (you being the submissive!). But perhaps you can try to send short videos of bdsm or give links for the same. He might get to learn it... and also to take him to chat rooms with bdsm subjects in IRC perhaps.

But again, if he still isnt interested in it, and he is sure of that, I dont know how one can make him interested. Loving being in power is different.... he might love to be in control but might not want to try the kinks!!

Regards,
Boobsqueeezer
India

 

[Sexualinnocent]

Hello...i am new to this lifestyle. i am lucky that the Master who is training me is kind and patient, but we have not met yet. It has all been online, and He has other subs, too, that are much closer. He is a wise Master, but doesn't quite grasp my feelings.

How do you get over the jealousy/sorry for self feelings when you are so far away? And feeling like there are others prioritized? i know, i SO know that is an irrational feeling...but i feel it none the less.

At least i may get to spend time with Him in RL at some point this spring.

Any input is welcome.

 

[his_carolyn]

new here

well i have skulked about on these boards for a few weeks now reading and enjoying the posts for the most part. now it is my turn

i am in a LDR with a Master that just curls my toes and makes me want to fall to my knees. We have not met as yet but are coming up for the 5 month mark and we had both decided that come April decisions would be made as to whether we took the relationship offline and into real time, with a view to me relocating a few months later.

i know already what my decision will be and always have, he gets to me in ways no-one else has ever done and for me i know he is the right one as cheesy as that may sound. he is what i have searched for for years and only now found.

but.. you knew there was a but right?

as try as i might i have these nagging doubts, just small things. he supposedly does not have a phone at home, he does have a landline because his pc is on dial up but no handset. i cannot ring him on his work cell or text it, he purchased another cell for me to contact him on but it is invariably turned off if i actually try and phone so i just leave texts or voice mail and hope he will get back to me eventually.

then there is the time he comes online lately. it is 2am at the earliest. initially it was 8pm or thereso.

we all know how many dishonest people there are on the net and some of these things and others just ring so many warning bells for me. he also spends a lot of time talking about if things do NOT work out come april.

On the other hand he frequently talks about when the kids and i move in with him, takes an immense interest in my kids and lets them email him questions if they wish to so they can get to know him a bit.

I trust him as much as I am able but these nagging doubts just will not go away and I find myself not opening up completely for fear of being hurt.

As april draws closer I am becoming more and more concerned that I will find myself alone and that this has just been an 'interlude' for him yet I hope with every fiber of my being that I am wrong.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

well i have skulked about on these boards for a few weeks now reading and enjoying the posts for the most part. now it is my turn

i am in a LDR with a Master that just curls my toes and makes me want to fall to my knees. We have not met as yet but are coming up for the 5 month mark and we had both decided that come April decisions would be made as to whether we took the relationship offline and into real time, with a view to me relocating a few months later.

i know already what my decision will be and always have, he gets to me in ways no-one else has ever done and for me i know he is the right one as cheesy as that may sound. he is what i have searched for for years and only now found.

but.. you knew there was a but right?

as try as i might i have these nagging doubts, just small things. he supposedly does not have a phone at home, he does have a landline because his pc is on dial up but no handset. i cannot ring him on his work cell or text it, he purchased another cell for me to contact him on but it is invariably turned off if i actually try and phone so i just leave texts or voice mail and hope he will get back to me eventually.

then there is the time he comes online lately. it is 2am at the earliest. initially it was 8pm or thereso.

we all know how many dishonest people there are on the net and some of these things and others just ring so many warning bells for me. he also spends a lot of time talking about if things do NOT work out come april.

On the other hand he frequently talks about when the kids and i move in with him, takes an immense interest in my kids and lets them email him questions if they wish to so they can get to know him a bit.

I trust him as much as I am able but these nagging doubts just will not go away and I find myself not opening up completely for fear of being hurt.

As april draws closer I am becoming more and more concerned that I will find myself alone and that this has just been an 'interlude' for him yet I hope with every fiber of my being that I am wrong.

My advice is to listen to your gut......always.

I've never heard of a person who has a dial up modem and no actual phone. And if he bought a cell phone just for you then why would he never answer it?

I would definitely NOT meet him until you get these issues resolved.

 

[MScunt]

Hi his _ carolyn!

I'm in a LDR for 14 months now. My master lives in Canada, and I in Ohio. We are both married - he in a normal 30 yr. relationship, I in a marriage of convenience.

We've fallen in love, enjoying a fulfilling D/s relationship as is possible, under the circumstances. But, there is complete honesty between us. He is my best friend and I his. I could not survive this - or give of myself to him if I didn't have complete trust in my Master.

BTW: we are supposed to meet in April too - but realize, things may not work out for us this year . . . .

Having said that - I surely have so much compassion for you. My Master curls my toes and brings me to my knees; I SO understand your need to have him in your life. I encourage you to seek out the truth. I don't want to see you get hurt - not that finding out something you didn't want to know wont hurt sweetie - But you have to know . . . .

Like Daddytomylilgirl, I too feel he's not being honest with you. He either has a family or he's playing the field and doesn't want you to know it. I'd tend toward the first explanation. I can only imagine what it would be like if my Master tried to hide his family . . . .

Have you ever just asked him why he never has his cell turned on for you?
Why he's coming on 6 hours later?
What would be wrong with him getting a phone in his home to talk to you?

You need to express your need to understand his secretiveness. Don't let him tell you he's the Dom and he doesn't *have* to fess up . . . that's a load. D/s relationships ARE a two-way street, and there MUST be honesty between both parties.

Please keep us informed . . . .

Hugs, Mscunt

 

[his_carolyn]

i too am thinking of the family scenario. there are other things as well. he sent me pics the first day i met him online. just face shots and his face and neck were very tanned. he supposedly works outdoors. a few weeks ago he sent me naked body shots but cut the head off saying he does not send out cock pics that show his face. i could have accepted that but for the fact the body in the pictures is completely pale. i would expect that someone who works outdoors would at least have tanned arms and hands and this was not the case.

i am becoming more and more convinced that holding myself back is the best thing to do, it is only a couple more weeks. April the 1st is supposedly the day we make the decision as to whether we meet up or not and as much as i hope i am completely wrong about all of this i just cannot get past these feelings.

i have asked about the phone thing and his answers were as follows:

not allowed personal calls or texts on work phone
has not handset at home coz he got sick of sales calls
the phone he got for me to contact him on. it is his decision if he answers it or not.

it is all just a little to suspicious and yet there is another part of me that says i can trust this man implicitly

talk about feeling like i am between a rock and a hard place

 

[MScunt]

Yes, I can imagine how you feel . . . like you have only part of the pic to work with here - yet he expects your complete acceptance base on info *he* chooses to give you.

My master works outside. He is definitely bronze about the face, hands and forearms during the summer months. Right now though, he's faded to *almost* the same color all over. If your Dom is in one of the southern states of the US, he should at least have a trucker's tan, lol.

The relationship I have with my Master is different in that he shares his days with me . . . I've seen the places he works out in the *bush* and have pics of him beside his Caterpillar in his overhauls. I take an active interest in his life, his children and even his wife - so I feel free to ask all sorts of questions and do.

Could you ask for a picture from him while he's at work? For me, it's something like - well, even last night . . . "Master, can you take your camera to work and get a picture of the Pitcher plants when they come up on the Muskeg?" And he will oblige me when the plants come up.

Could you ask for a picture of his bed? Tell him when you fantasize about being with him, you want it to be as realistic as possible.

Ask yourself why there is a part of you that trusts this man implicitly?

I understand you're afraid that if you pursue these answers and he really sees your mistrust, he'll walk away. You hold more power than you're giving yourself credit for. A Dom can't be a Dom without a willing submissive. Are you willing, like me, to be involved with a married person? You have to weigh what you receive out of this relationship against what you might receive, if you find he does have a wife or another on line relationship. carolyn, you must be strong - set your boundaries and stick to them. That is the only way you'll be satisfied . . . .

My heart is with you - MScunt

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

i have asked about the phone thing and his answers were as follows:

not allowed personal calls or texts on work phone
has not handset at home coz he got sick of sales calls
the phone he got for me to contact him on. it is his decision if he answers it or not.

I just realized something which I'm not sure if you have brought up with him but how does his family/friends get in contact with him if he has no phone for personal use?

And I'm sorry but no one gets that many sales calls that they get rid of their home phone.

Just be smart. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

[his_carolyn]

you are right, i never even thought about how his friends and family were getting in touch with him. god how fucking stupid am i

 

[Sexualinnocent]

Oh hon you are NOT stupid, just want to be loved. Master tells me that He will punish me if I do not believe He will be here for me...and get through the addiction with me...I am hoping to meet Him soon too. He has no wife but children and grandchildren.

i wish i knew how to be a good sub.

 

[EmpressFi]

Oh hon you are NOT stupid, just want to be loved. Master tells me that He will punish me if I do not believe He will be here for me...and get through the addiction with me...I am hoping to meet Him soon too. He has no wife but children and grandchildren.

i wish i knew how to be a good sub.

I'm curious.. what makes you think you're not a good sub?

 

[MScunt]

No, you are not fucking stupid . . . . women are so loving and trusting, and as Sexualinnocent said - you want love. It's so very hard to know when they lie over the Internet. You'll get through this because you're smart and have already figured it out. That's why you're asking intelligent questions based on your intuition.

Hugs~MScunt

 

[missdesiree]

far and away

Wow! I was starting to think i was the exception. How encouraging that there are many more long distance sub/DOM relationships. There are nuances in DOM/sub relationship which run so deep, the cyber hand is just as intense as the flesh and bone hand. The openness, trust and desire to be the instrument of pleasure can be conveyed and channeled with infinite creativity! Distance can be an obstacle meant to be concurred. The mental head fuck is very necessary and done correctly , hearing them or reading them matters little.
missdesiree

 

[SubKekiLee]

I too am in a LDR with a wonderful Dom.. Who is Married and I am married as well we have been together for going on 6 months now... He was completely honest with me from day one as was I with him... I read your story His Carolyn and my heart just hurt for you... As the other subs have said and Daddy has said it truly sounds as if he is hiding something from you... My Sir... and I have rules and I know these rules and his wife knows of me and my husband knows of my Dom. I am Poly... Please protect yourself... These types of relatioships take an extreme amount of trust and it just doesnt sound right from the way you are explaining it.... and you dont deserve to be hurt... I wish you all the best...

 

[his_carolyn]

well tonight he came on and I asked for his decision on the relationship, saying I needed to know.

Unsurprisingly he spurted out all the reasons it would not work.

I did not bother firing any return shots, there is no point.

But to say I am the most loyal slave he has ever known online or in real time and then dump me in the next sentence just is unfair. I would rather he cut through the bullshit and was honest just once.

God it hurts, even though I tried to prepare myself for this.

 

[minx1]

wow, there's a lot of posting going on here at the mo. Great to see!

Haven't had time to read and catch up yet but wanted to say hi to everyone. Hope you are all well

I am back in an LDR, thankfully only for a few weeks. So far its been a week and I am doing pretty good...only another 5 or so to go! lol

I doubt I will here much from him during this time but thats ok as I know how much we want to get back to eachother.
On the plus side, its great to catch up with my family and friends and do loads of girly stuff with my mum

 

[DomWharfsBitch]

wow, there's a lot of posting going on here at the mo. Great to see!

Haven't had time to read and catch up yet but wanted to say hi to everyone. Hope you are all well

I am back in an LDR, thankfully only for a few weeks. So far its been a week and I am doing pretty good...only another 5 or so to go! lol

I doubt I will here much from him during this time but thats ok as I know how much we want to get back to eachother.
On the plus side, its great to catch up with my family and friends and do loads of girly stuff with my mum

Glad that you got to go home and spend time with your mum..I know you are enjoying that!

Good to hear the part about the LDR..Hope that things are good between you and your master my friend!!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Hello...i am new to this lifestyle. i am lucky that the Master who is training me is kind and patient, but we have not met yet. It has all been online, and He has other subs, too, that are much closer. He is a wise Master, but doesn't quite grasp my feelings.

If you feel that he doesn't grasp your feelings, can you feel that absolute trust that is needed to submit to him? I am not trying to be harsh, but that is something that would seem like a red flag to me.

The twin pillars of a relationship in this lifestyle are communication and trust. PLEASE, PLEASE be careful. Thats all...

How do you get over the jealousy/sorry for self feelings when you are so far away? And feeling like there are others prioritized? i know, i SO know that is an irrational feeling...but i feel it none the less.

Being far away is a bitch. There is no way to soft soap that in the least.

Feeling like others are prioritized, well, that is a different story. Part of that depends on whether your relationship is one on one or poly. If you don't feel like you are important to him, taht again would be a red flag.

Now, my suggestion is to communicate these feelings with him. As a Dominant, I can tell you that we are NOT mind readers. We need to know how our submissives are feeling.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

well i have skulked about on these boards for a few weeks now reading and enjoying the posts for the most part. now it is my turn

i am in a LDR with a Master that just curls my toes and makes me want to fall to my knees. We have not met as yet but are coming up for the 5 month mark and we had both decided that come April decisions would be made as to whether we took the relationship offline and into real time, with a view to me relocating a few months later.

i know already what my decision will be and always have, he gets to me in ways no-one else has ever done and for me i know he is the right one as cheesy as that may sound. he is what i have searched for for years and only now found.

but.. you knew there was a but right?

as try as i might i have these nagging doubts, just small things. he supposedly does not have a phone at home, he does have a landline because his pc is on dial up but no handset. i cannot ring him on his work cell or text it, he purchased another cell for me to contact him on but it is invariably turned off if i actually try and phone so i just leave texts or voice mail and hope he will get back to me eventually.

then there is the time he comes online lately. it is 2am at the earliest. initially it was 8pm or thereso.

we all know how many dishonest people there are on the net and some of these things and others just ring so many warning bells for me. he also spends a lot of time talking about if things do NOT work out come april.

On the other hand he frequently talks about when the kids and i move in with him, takes an immense interest in my kids and lets them email him questions if they wish to so they can get to know him a bit.

I trust him as much as I am able but these nagging doubts just will not go away and I find myself not opening up completely for fear of being hurt.

As april draws closer I am becoming more and more concerned that I will find myself alone and that this has just been an 'interlude' for him yet I hope with every fiber of my being that I am wrong.

IMO, communication is the most important aspect to a relationship in this lifestyle. Without communication there can be no trust....

It sounds to me like you are seeing red flags. Don't ignore them. It is easy to get yourself in a bad situation, whether just being strung along by a wanna-be or finding yourself in a position RT where you could be seriously injured.

PLEASE, for your own sake, be sure that you have these doubts resolved before you go for a meet, especially if it involves travel of more than an hour or so. ie if you can't just say ooopsss and turn around and go home.

BE CAREFUL...

 

[MasterPhoenix]

you are right, i never even thought about how his friends and family were getting in touch with him. god how fucking stupid am i

We all make mistakes... we all want things to be true...

That does not make you stupid...

 

[Heylee]

Thanks to those of you who replied to me (sorry it's been a few days, it's been a busy week).

Thanks for the advice - I will look into videos and such. It's not that he's not interested (he is apparently quite curious), he just does not like to read. He's been looking aroound for info as well, but I guess i'm more search-saavy than he is.

Thanks for your help, and let me know if you have any other ideas!