Don't Beat Me!

[BiBunny]

I have this problem, and I figured y'all could help me with it or at least make me feel better about it.

I basically consider myself a moderate to heavy painslut. I'll take damn near anything you want to dish out if I know you're not really going to cause harm. I have this one problem, though. I'm really, really, really jumpy about being spanked/whipped/beaten. Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

I haven't always been this way. I used to love to be hit with *whatever*. A couple of years ago, though, I had this moron who didn't know what he was doing really hurt me. As in, bruised internal organs hurt me. Since then, I've been funny about letting anyone strike the backside of my body with anything.

I can generally handle heavy floggers, but anything with the least amount of sting tends to hit the Panic button in my brain. Sometimes I can be guided through it, but usually not. The blows don't even have to hurt. It's just that I hit freak-out mode, and I can't do anything but panic. I always make sure my play partners know this about me before I ever get in that situation, but it still sucks. First of all, it'll wreck a scene in a heartbeat. And it's really embarrassing. What sub doesn't like a spanking, ffs? And even though everyone who's ever hit that roadblock with me has been really cool about it (including new boy from last night), it frustrates the heck out of me. Yeah, go ahead and slap me in the face, and punch me, and humiliate me and all sorts of things other people wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole, but don't spank me, even with your hand. WTF?

Anyway, has anyone ever been faced with something like this before? How do you get past it? I know it has to do with trusting your partner, but I even flip out about it with Kitty sometimes. I know it's probably not a big deal to anyone but me, but it really does bother me. I hate making an ass of myself over something so minor, you know?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

So it's a limit for you irrespective of where it falls on the pain meter. You're entitled and Miss Bunny I don't see why you should be embarrassed. Why would you want to conform ? Sounds like the bad experience gave you a healthy pre-occupation with self preservation. Perhaps I am missing the point, all reads as sound from here.

I'll wait for you to enlighten me : smiles :

 

[BiBunny]

So it's a limit for you irrespective of where it falls on the pain meter. You're entitled and Miss Bunny I don't see why you should be embarrassed. Why would you want to conform ? Sounds like the bad experience gave you a healthy pre-occupation with self preservation. Perhaps I am missing the point, all reads as sound from here.

You're right. I shouldn't worry about it, but I do. Silly rabbit.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Going on my problems which arose with bondage after my father's suicide, I would firstly say it isn't necessarily about trust in all cases...can be about PTSD and mental triggers. For us it has been a slow process of working on it mentally and physically and is still a work in progress to come close to what we used to do, and at times is still 3 steps forward, 2 backward. It takes time, and the more you push, the more time it seems to take.

Catalina

 

[JMohegan]

Anyway, has anyone ever been faced with something like this before? How do you get past it? I know it has to do with trusting your partner, but I even flip out about it with Kitty sometimes. I know it's probably not a big deal to anyone but me, but it really does bother me. I hate making an ass of myself over something so minor, you know?

Being struck with anything makes me want to grab said object and shove it right down the striker's throat. Literally. There's nothing erotic about it to me at all. In theory, given enough time and a trustworthy partner, I could work to get past this - but why would I? Why should I?

More to the point here, why should you?

Is there a Bottom of the Year competition that I don't know about? With compulsories, like ice skating or diving or some other so-called sport?

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Is there a Bottom of the Year competition that I don't know about? With compulsories, like ice skating or diving or some other so-called sport?

Not that I identify as a bottom but who told !

: triple axel , lutz, crowd goes wild :

On a more serious note, Ebonyfire helped me a great deal, over the last hurdle. Her advise stuck.

 

[JMohegan]

Not that I identify as a bottom but who told !

: triple axel , lutz, crowd goes wild :

On a more serious note, Ebonyfire helped me a great deal, over the last hurdle. Her advise stuck.

I'm chuckling at the first part of this, but scratching my head at the second.

What was her advice?

 

[BiBunny]

Being struck with anything makes me want to grab said object and shove it right down the striker's throat. Literally. There's nothing erotic about it to me at all. In theory, given enough time and a trustworthy partner, I could work to get past this - but why would I? Why should I?

More to the point here, why should you?

Is there a Bottom of the Year competition that I don't know about? With compulsories, like ice skating or diving or some other so-called sport?

Yes. There is. It's top-secret, though. Those of the strictly Domly persuasion aren't supposed to know about it. Oops....

Seriously, though, I think it's more about it being something I used to enjoy and would still like to do than being a good bottom. I liked it back then, and I would like to derive enjoyment out of it again. I just have this stupid mental block that's standing in my way.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I'm chuckling at the first part of this, but scratching my head at the second.

What was her advice?

Ice skating terms from Google, I may at times be inadvertently obscure, lets hope resourcefulness compensates ?

: smiles :

I think overall her advise was to believe in myself, that the things that make me unique are okay. She kept it pretty simple, for me that worked. I don't think it hurt that the discussion was had with a dominant woman I hold huge respect for. This discussion started on a thread of Shy's and then moved to pm, I was at the time considering the overall incompatibility of a developing relationship. I think that's what set me off, even before the starters block. Heh sports analogy .

Link to Eb Ma'am's initial comments to me .

 

[nh23]

I know we've already talked about this, but I stand by what I said. It's not really something I think you should worry about. We all have our vices. You know I LOVE canes, the crop, paddles, whatever can be dished out..I just love to be beat..lol. But, pull out a ball gag and I"m in tears. It's a bit irrational, but it's me. I can sympathize though with wanting to get past it so that you can enjoy it once again. Since you used to enjoy it in the past. What I would recommend is to go very, very slowly. Maybe start with the flogger (I know how much you love that..lol) to get you relaxed and warmed up, and then have him go on to a light spanking with his hand. Maybe ask him to be sure to let you know when the spanking will start that way you can prepare yourself mentally. If you start to panic..have him stop at once, and try again later. Gritting your teeth and letting yourself get into a full blown panic will only make things worse. If all else fails..give me a call. I have needles..

 

[BiBunny]

Going on my problems which arose with bondage after my father's suicide, I would firstly say it isn't necessarily about trust in all cases...can be about PTSD and mental triggers. For us it has been a slow process of working on it mentally and physically and is still a work in progress to come close to what we used to do, and at times is still 3 steps forward, 2 backward. It takes time, and the more you push, the more time it seems to take.

Catalina

You know, I never thought about it as a form of PTSD, but I think you're right. It is. Off to Google all the stuff I've forgotten about PTSD now. And you're totally right about the more you push, the harder it is to overcome. Maybe I should just back off myself about it.

Ice skating terms from Google, I may at times be inadvertently obscure, lets hope resourcefulness compensates ?

: smiles :

I think overall her advise was to believe in myself, that the things that make me unique are okay. She kept it pretty simple, for me that worked. I don't think it hurt that the discussion was had with a dominant woman I hold huge respect for. This discussion started on a thread of Shy's and then moved to pm, I was at the time considering the overall incompatibility of a developing relationship. I think that's what set me off, even before the starters block. Heh sports analogy .

Link to Eb Ma'am's initial comments to me .

Thanks for that link, Miss Rebecca. Eb's words actually did help.

I know we've already talked about this, but I stand by what I said. It's not really something I think you should worry about. We all have our vices. You know I LOVE canes, the crop, paddles, whatever can be dished out..I just love to be beat..lol. But, pull out a ball gag and I"m in tears. It's a bit irrational, but it's me. I can sympathize though with wanting to get past it so that you can enjoy it once again. Since you used to enjoy it in the past. What I would recommend is to go very, very slowly. Maybe start with the flogger (I know how much you love that..lol) to get you relaxed and warmed up, and then have him go on to a light spanking with his hand. Maybe ask him to be sure to let you know when the spanking will start that way you can prepare yourself mentally. If you start to panic..have him stop at once, and try again later. Gritting your teeth and letting yourself get into a full blown panic will only make things worse. If all else fails..give me a call. I have needles..

This sounds like sensible advice. I'm going to have print out an instruction manual: How to Spank a Bunny. Or else I'll just call you for the needles.

 

[SweetErika]

Assuming you really want to change this, as opposed to living with it, making it one of your individual preferences or quirks:

I'm thinking it can probably be dealt with through slow exposure and cognitive behavior therapy techniques. Identify what went wrong in the bad experience, analyze the feelings and thoughts associated with it and future experiences and work on shaping a new reality with positive experiences.

For example, one of the things that went wrong was the Top didn't know what he was doing in terms of playing safely, right? You might focus on what you're doing differently to ensure future Tops know what they're doing and keep reassuring yourself with the thought that the action (gentle spanking, or whatever) couldn't possibly harm you. You also might limit the area of the blows with physical barriers (e.g. putting a folded towel on your back) for further reassurance until you're comfortable with the activity, and when you move onto something new.

Back off if your logical thoughts support your feelings, for sure, but don't lapse into letting your feelings control your thoughts and actions because they may not truly fit the current reality. If you do, practice stopping yourself and replacing the irrational thoughts and feelings with logical ones. Give yourself LOTS of comfort and reassurance, and ask the same from your Top. It's going to take a lot of practice to change the habit of interpreting things based on what happened in the past.

There's no easy way to deal with exposing ourselves to things that were traumatic in the past, but they usually CAN be re-integrated into our lives in a healthy way if we take a slow and steady approach. This isn't an area where you need to be a perfectionist or overachiever, so go with pushing beyond your current comfort level just a little bit and allow yourself to have feelings and reactions. The important thing is that you're moving toward where you want to be, not where you actually *are* at any given point.

 

[BiBunny]

Assuming you really want to change this, as opposed to living with it, making it one of your individual preferences or quirks:

I'm thinking it can probably be dealt with through slow exposure and cognitive behavior therapy techniques. Identify what went wrong in the bad experience, analyze the feelings and thoughts associated with it and future experiences and work on shaping a new reality with positive experiences.

For example, one of the things that went wrong was the Top didn't know what he was doing in terms of playing safely, right? You might focus on what you're doing differently to ensure future Tops know what they're doing and keep reassuring yourself with the thought that the action (gentle spanking, or whatever) couldn't possibly harm you. You also might limit the area of the blows with physical barriers (e.g. putting a folded towel on your back) for further reassurance until you're comfortable with the activity, and when you move onto something new.

Back off if your logical thoughts support your feelings, for sure, but don't lapse into letting your feelings control your thoughts and actions because they may not truly fit the current reality. If you do, practice stopping yourself and replacing the irrational thoughts and feelings with logical ones. Give yourself LOTS of comfort and reassurance, and ask the same from your Top. It's going to take a lot of practice to change the habit of interpreting things based on what happened in the past.

There's no easy way to deal with exposing ourselves to things that were traumatic in the past, but they usually CAN be re-integrated into our lives in a healthy way if we take a slow and steady approach. This isn't an area where you need to be a perfectionist or overachiever, so go with pushing beyond your current comfort level just a little bit and allow yourself to have feelings and reactions. The important thing is that you're moving toward where you want to be, not where you actually *are* at any given point.

This sounds good to me. I'm just not sure that anybody's going to want to go to that much trouble to reprogram me (and I hardly blame them). I know it's not the Top's responsibility to solve all the bottom's problems, but maybe there's a special one somewhere. I'll store this info away for future use if there is.

 

[SweetErika]

This sounds good to me. I'm just not sure that anybody's going to want to go to that much trouble to reprogram me (and I hardly blame them). I know it's not the Top's responsibility to solve all the bottom's problems, but maybe there's a special one somewhere. I'll store this info away for future use if there is.

I don't see it as the Top reprogramming you, or doing much of the work at all, really. True, it might be easier to avoid impact play altogether than check in with you, work within your limitations at any given session and provide reassurance that supports your positive thoughts and feelings, but I don't suppose you want to bottom for someone who's not willing to do that much, especially if they enjoy impact and you as a bottom.

The vast majority of the work lies with you. They just need to be on the same page about it and willing to support you in your quest to move forward.

Take a look at what you're most likely going to need, and present it to them. Let them decide whether it's too much for them or not, and at that point you can decide whether you want to move forward, with or without impact. Some of us Toppy-types hate not being given the choice, you know?

 

[SweetGigi]

.....Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up....

can i just hug the heck out of you for this quote? I love that movie.

ok to the serious. I am NOT a pain slut and I am learning to handle pain in small doses for Jim... but this weekend, when he teased me about getting beaten with a lexan cane i nearly broke down. I hid it well from him- playing it off as just me playing along- but deep down inside my guts churned at the thought of that cane touching my skin.

I hope to one day be able to take a moderate beating from Jim, but I seriously doubt I will ever enjoy being truly and vigorously beaten. I'm right there with you, hun.... hang in there!!

 

[BiBunny]

can i just hug the heck out of you for this quote? I love that movie.

I was wondering if anyone would ever notice that. Thank you!

ok to the serious. I am NOT a pain slut and I am learning to handle pain in small doses for Jim... but this weekend, when he teased me about getting beaten with a lexan cane i nearly broke down. I hid it well from him- playing it off as just me playing along- but deep down inside my guts churned at the thought of that cane touching my skin.

I hope to one day be able to take a moderate beating from Jim, but I seriously doubt I will ever enjoy being truly and vigorously beaten. I'm right there with you, hun.... hang in there!!

I secretly fantasize about canes, but I know that the reality would be totally different than the way it plays out in my head.

 

[YourCaptor]

Trust.

I am of the opinion that proper trust can not be achieved with a simple playmate.

If you decided to go with someone permanently, I think you will be able to work it out.

 

[BiBunny]

Trust.

I am of the opinion that proper trust can not be achieved with a simple playmate.

If you decided to go with someone permanently, I think you will be able to work it out.

I was a collared pet for nearly two years. I had the same problem then, and I'd have trusted him with my life (still would, in fact). It's more operant conditioning and reprogramming than anything.

 

[YourCaptor]

I was a collared pet for nearly two years. I had the same problem then, and I'd have trusted him with my life (still would, in fact). It's more operant conditioning and reprogramming than anything.

Oooo, that makes it soo much more fun!

Solution: Conditioning

That is sexy as hell, enjoy

 

[Bi_Kitty]

Oooo, that makes it soo much more fun!

Solution: Conditioning

That is sexy as hell, enjoy

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q98/twhrider13/Breadcat.jpg

 

[Etoile]

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

 

[BiBunny]

Stalk...stalk...POUNCE!

 

[YourCaptor]

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q98/twhrider13/Breadcat.jpg

Conditioning is basically training, except you should really be careful with it. Condition creates new connections in the brain, and its surprising simple, but difficult to do without side effects. Unless the subject is willing, do not attempt it.

 

[Bi_Kitty]

Conditioning is basically training, except you should really be careful with it. Condition creates new connections in the brain, and its surprising simple, but difficult to do without side effects. Unless the subject is willing, do not attempt it.

[bitch mode] Ok that totally when overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr your head and besides I think we are all adults here and know how to google the word "conditioning." Besides, Bunny has her bachelor's degree in psychology she doesn't need you to explain operant conditioning to her. [/bitch mode]

 

[graceanne]

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Ok, too much television for you, girlfriend.

That said, this is only a problem if you make it a problem. In other words, unless it's bothering you I wouldn't worry about it. If it is, I guess that the general consensus to getting rid of phobias is to do whatever until you're not afraid anymore. I know that while I'll never be big on needles, I don't hyperventilate at the idea like I used to. But I get blood drawn ever two weeks and subdermal shots every two weeks. You get used to it.