If someone knowingly passed on a disease to you....

[SweetGigi]

I'm still scared to death. When I got these two break outs (again, the first time i've had any in three years) I was scared to even take a bath or wash myself for fear of spreading it to my genitals or eyes. Never in my life have I ever lived in such fear... I suppose to a degree ignorance is bliss. 29 years of living with fever blisters and now I can't even take a bath with out crying myself into fits.

is this really any way to live?

 

[RUbensBeautY]

I'm still scared to death. When I got these two break outs (again, the first time i've had any in three years) I was scared to even take a bath or wash myself for fear of spreading it to my genitals or eyes. Never in my life have I ever lived in such fear... I suppose to a degree ignorance is bliss. 29 years of living with fever blisters and now I can't even take a bath with out crying myself into fits.

is this really any way to live?

This may sound too simple and probably also harsh but please, relax.

Seriously, especially considering you are talking about a disease which has a prevalence of about 70% around my parts (50-80% in the US). Every second person that you pass on the street is likely to have it and spread it around, being much less careful and considerate than you are might I ad. I would have trouble counting the people in my immediate surroundings who don't suffer from cold sores once in a while, myself included. Stress, btw, being one of the potential triggering factors, though I am sure you know that.

I am not trying to tell you what to worry about or not, just highlighting the fact that you are by no means a leper or the carrier of some lethal disease.

Please don't let fear rule your life, being responsible is not the same as being paranoid.

With best intentions ,

 

[Homburg]

I remember having a cold sore a couple of times when I was in my teens. Makes me wonder.

 

[SweetGigi]

I remember having a cold sore a couple of times when I was in my teens. Makes me wonder.

that is about how often I break out. Once or twice in a 5 yr period or so... that is about it. Otherwise I just get 'the tingle' once in a while and stay clear of everyone I love and know when this happens.

I know what you are saying, Ruby. This is how everyone I know rationalized it as well. 'Its just fever blisters', they all say. Then I come across situations like this or people who feel these ways and it just brings back all these insecurities and feelings. Its like a break-out in and of itself.

 

[Etoile]

I agree with Ruby. Living in fear is NOT how to live your life. For one thing, you can transmit the virus at ANY time. Not just during outbreaks, and not just when you have prodrome ("the tingle") - ANY time. If you have no symptoms, there is still a 1% chance that it will be transmitted. So should you never kiss anybody again because there's a 1% chance of transmission? No!

Be safe, but don't be paranoid. Being worried about taking baths or contaminating children is a waste of energy. LIVE YOUR LIFE! Millions of perfectly happy people live perfectly healthy lives even with herpes. Don't let it control you.

 

[SweetGigi]

......Don't let it control you.

*giggles* that sounds like an advert. sorry to laugh but it was just cute.


thanks y'all.

 

[coy_one]

I know what you are saying, Ruby. This is how everyone I know rationalized it as well. 'Its just fever blisters', they all say. Then I come across situations like this or people who feel these ways and it just brings back all these insecurities and feelings. Its like a break-out in and of itself.

What angers me the absolute most in my situation is how HE shrugged off responsibility onto my 4 year old. That wasn't the first time he shrugged off responsibility either, so I'm sure I"m just pissed about the entire relationship and this has just clumped in there because there is so much anger.

I get them are you ready for this? Atleast every 3 months - this past month I was graced with them twice and a second one erupted on my lip at the same time. 3 - in a month.

If I could reach the stage where I only get them every year or 5, it sure as hell would speed up the emotional recovery.

I have been dealing with this since last August - so almost a 1.25 years now.

I'm just so angry at how he gave it to me and shrugged it off on MY son.

If nothing else, this thread has helped me even realize that's the part of the infection I hate the most.

 

[Etoile]

What angers me the absolute most in my situation is how HE shrugged off responsibility onto my 4 year old. That wasn't the first time he shrugged off responsibility either, so I'm sure I"m just pissed about the entire relationship and this has just clumped in there because there is so much anger.

I get them are you ready for this? Atleast every 3 months - this past month I was graced with them twice and a second one erupted on my lip at the same time. 3 - in a month.

If I could reach the stage where I only get them every year or 5, it sure as hell would speed up the emotional recovery.

I have been dealing with this since last August - so almost a 1.25 years now.

I'm just so angry at how he gave it to me and shrugged it off on MY son.

If nothing else, this thread has helped me even realize that's the part of the infection I hate the most.

Yes indeed, you're absolutely right about that. The personal component is FAR worse than the physical component.

And by the way, my wife gets them more often than you do, in a place I can pretty much guarantee is more painful than yours. (Let's just say it's close to where yours show up.) So it could always be worse, with this virus.

You seem to be focusing a lot on the aspect of blaming your son. I wonder if the virus is even the issue for you? I don't think it's so much about you having herpes, because that is relatively easy to deal with...it's more about the fact that he blamed your son, which could have been something like if he lost a valuable heirloom diamond ring, or ruined your car, or something. Did he blame your son in a moment of panic, or something? Maybe you were really outraged and he was scared so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind?

 

[graceanne]

I have cold sores (got 'em from my mom) and no one in my house does. I'm just careful not to kiss anyone when I'm in an outbreak or have 'the tingle'. lol I also treat them AS SOON as I get them, to reduce the outbreak. Recently they haven't been so bad, but it used to be that i got them nearly monthly. I've since realized that if my lips get chapped I will get a cold sore. So I have chap-stick EVERYWHERE. lol

My sister, also, has cold sores. She also got them from our mom. No one her family has them, either. She does what I do - doesn't kiss (or anything else) while her mouth is inflamed or 'tingly'.

And my mom has 'em. Yes, she gave 'em to me and my sister, but back then she thought EVERYONE gets them. My littlest sister is 13, and neither she, nor my step dad, have cold sores. My mom's careful, now.

I, personally, don't think they're as contagious as the alarmists would have us believe.

 

[EmpressFi]

when I was in nursing school.. I was once sent home from the hospital because I had just "the tingle" and they didnt want to risk anything at all. I had full blisters on the corner of my lip before I got home that day and wasnt allowed to come back until it had healed. I've been getting "fever blisters" since I was a little girl, though I dont think I've had one in almost 2 years

 

[graceanne]

when I was in nursing school.. I was once sent home from the hospital because I had just "the tingle" and they didnt want to risk anything at all. I had full blisters on the corner of my lip before I got home that day and wasnt allowed to come back until it had healed. I've been getting "fever blisters" since I was a little girl, though I dont think I've had one in almost 2 years

Talk about a great way to get out of work. Say you've got 'the tingle'.

Actually, I was VERY VERY careful with the kids when they were infants. I had a cold sore when Beth was born, and the nurses warned me that with infants it can get IN them.

 

[SweetGigi]

.....I had a cold sore when Beth was born, and the nurses warned me that with infants it can get IN them.

Any form of HSV can kill an infant if it is serious enough so I have been told.

 

[Etoile]

Any form of HSV can kill an infant if it is serious enough so I have been told.

Transmission from Mother to Baby During or After Birth

The infection of a newborn baby with HSV can be serious, with the major concern being the risk of transmission to the baby at the time of birth or shortly thereafter. This occurs in one out of every 3,000 to 7,000 live births in the U.S.-about 1,000 cases per year.

HSV can be transmitted to your baby in three ways:

* by crossing the placenta;
* during the birth process; and
* after birth (postpartum).

Transplacental infection (true congenital HSV) accounts for only 5% of HSV cases in newborns, normally resulting from a primary infection (versus a recurrence) in the mother.

The risk that a mother transmits infection to her baby depends on the type of herpes infection (primary versus recurrent versus asymptomatic) that she has at the time of delivery.

* 30 to 50% of babies become infected if the mother develops primary HSV just before delivery.
* 3 to 5% of babies become infected if the mother is experiencing a recurrent infection, mainly because the baby has acquired some protective antibody while in the uterus.
* Four out of every 10,000 babies become infected from mothers who have a history of herpes without lesions or other symptoms.

In recent years, the incidence of perinatal (newborn) transmission has decreased. As a preventive measure, obstetricians are now careful to deliver babies by cesarean section (C-section) if the mother has active lesions at the time of delivery. Women with a known history of genital HSV will receive antivirals during delivery to reduce the risk of transmission to the fetus. Overall, compared to the large number of women who have HSV antibodies in their blood, very few babies actually become infected.

(source: http://www.healthline.com/yodocontent/pregnancy/infections-herpes.html)

Genital herpes can cause potentially fatal infections in babies if the mother has active genital herpes (shedding the virus) at the time of delivery. Cesarean delivery is usually recommended for active genital herpes. Fortunately, infection of an infant is rare among women with genital herpes infection.

(source: http://www.nyp.org/health/pregnancy-medical-conditions.html)

 

[mitchell67]

re: managed risk

Any form of HSV can kill an infant if it is serious enough so I have been told.

Any form of anything if it is serious enough can kill somebody. To put matters in perspective with another virus, we all have a chance of passing on the influenza virus onto somebody, which kills more than 30,000 people annually in the US alone with the mortality rates on the increase. Yet there is no social stigma attached to having the flu and nobody would reasonably suggest doing bodily harm to another because of transmission. I suspect that one reason is that we all fell equally susceptible to the flu as anybody else. It's normalized in the same way that we externalize autodeath rates as something that can only happen to other people. HSV type 1 although highly common is also something that maybe people never show symptoms for. The rates of infection range anywhere between 65-90% in part because of the high rates of false negative results. The simple truth is that it is accurate to assume that anybody over the age of 10 has been exposed to the virus.
The word herpes is plainly what creates the stigma of HSV type 1.

 

[coy_one]

You seem to be focusing a lot on the aspect of blaming your son. I wonder if the virus is even the issue for you? I don't think it's so much about you having herpes, because that is relatively easy to deal with...it's more about the fact that he blamed your son, which could have been something like if he lost a valuable heirloom diamond ring, or ruined your car, or something. Did he blame your son in a moment of panic, or something? Maybe you were really outraged and he was scared so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind?

No. He blamed my son because that is what he always did. Blamed everyone except himself. He rarely took personal responsibility. It was always, "Because of this person, place, event..." Never just HIM. I so many times wanted to say, "No - it's because of YOU."

I hate having the virus, to be frank. I was rejected by a man, when I had a cold sore and told him about my struggle. That hurt.

 

[snowy ciara]

There is still a part of me that think, "oh, its 'just' fever blisters", but there is the other part of me that feels like a diseased ridden animal.... contagious and un-worthy of being with any one else ever again. The "I'd kill them" statements don't help me feel any better about it either. All my life I've lived with this; my mother gave this to me for cryin' out loud. 99% of everyone in my life already has it- its just never been a big deal to have fever blisters. Now... now I feel like crawling in a hole and dying.

Please don't feel like you have to hide. Like Homburg said, you're being careful. You've talked to your SO and you're careful with the people around you. That's wonderful. The original question was what would you do if someone knowingly infected you, and you're not like that.