Why are we the way we are?

[CrazyToona]

I try to understand why and how as well! Why people want it (on both sides: the Dom wants to dominated, the sub being submitted, the sadist to hurt and the masochist to be hurt, and all the possible combinations)! How did you know that this is what you are? When did you know? Would you like to be free of it and live a normal life?

 

[shrek100]

Why?
I love sex. I love the way it all feels.
I am a switch. I love to be dominated, an escape from reality. The stress etc.
total surrender!
I love to dominate, push boundaries. Get them begging. Get them shocked

If I was a doctor. I would probably say. I have imposter syndrome. I run multi companies employing people and deep down I feel a fraud but I can switch

Today I so want to be dominated and used.
Tomorrow - who knows

Would I change? Not at all. I probably would have experimented with same sex earlier in life

 

[AprilTwenties]

God, no idea boo. In my past life I was, like, a prim and proper bitch but had a chip on my shoulder. My fam were very religious and I was adopted, so there's whole adopted shit there to deal with - abandonment issues etc. Talking 'bout sex was a no no. My first sexual stuff with a boy had him dump me after he had his way.

I came across the writings of this bitch, by accident, who was a hooker and that was it. From intrigue 'bout her life to fantasizing and getting moist an' shit, then wanting to find her...'cos she was just the next city along, boo.

Met her. Totally infatuated with how she lived her life, got her to train me. Said I wanted to be like her. She trained me, owned me and I hook for her.

Why? I had beatings if I didn't keep to 'the programme', chastised for saying or doing the wrong shit. I surrendered to her. The gangbangs, the drugs, the drink. Broke me down, made me in her image, living this life.

My thoughts mean nothing. Her opinion is my opinion. I don't have to think. I just do. I find that freeing, boo.

I'm desensitised to fucking, to people's opinion of me and what I look like. All that matters is her opinion.

Would I like to be free of it? Why? I love the lifestyle I live.

Make sense?

A x

 

[SmilingLez]

Would you like to be free of it and live a normal life?

Define "a normal life"

 

[CrazyToona]

Define "a normal life"

I guess just to be satisfied with Vanilla, Romance and cozy relationship. Sometimes I look at that kind of couple, and I am so so envious, to be good and fulfilled in that calm normality.

 

[SmilingLez]

I guess just to be satisfied with Vanilla, Romance and cozy relationship. Sometimes I look at that kind of couple, and I am so so envious, to be good and fulfilled in that calm normality.

You still believe the prince rescues the princess and everyone lives happily ever after. Your normal life does not exist. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. As long as there are people there will always be a power dynamic.

 

[PleasureDaddy]

I’ve was (and am) hyper sexual even before I knew what it was or what it meant. If someone got tied up, or threatened with punishment..I was instantly interested.

 

[CrazyToona]

Possible, but in my opinion building a D/s S/M couple is miles away from whatever dynamic that plays in "other" couples. It is just another level of complexity.

 

[CrazyToona]

I’ve was (and am) hyper sexual even before I knew what it was or what it meant. If someone got tied up, or threatened with punishment..I was instantly interested.

How old were you?

 

[SmilingLez]

Possible, but in my opinion building a D/s S/M couple is miles away from whatever dynamic that plays in "other" couples. It is just another level of complexity.

True and there are many flavors of BDSM, kink, mind fuck, D/s, TPE, etc. my past two dynamics had nothing to do with physical pain and were TPEs. It appears (to me) that you are trying to lump all the different possibilities into one category and it doesn't work. There are "normal" couples per your definition that still have a 50s housewife kink. And also let's not forget the fetish aspect in these "normal"couples.

Just because you don't see it in the wild, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist

 

[CrazyToona]

True and there are many flavors of BDSM, kink, mind fuck, D/s, TPE, etc. my past two dynamics had nothing to do with physical pain and were TPEs. It appears (to me) that you are trying to lump all the different possibilities into one category and it doesn't work. There are "normal" couples per your definition that still have a 50s housewife kink. And also let's not forget the fetish aspect in these "normal"couples.

Just because you don't see it in the wild, it doesn't mean it doesn't exist

I think I am envious also of possibilities. It is a complicated task to find the right person for a BDSM couple, people are afraid, they hide, they feel guilt, they are trapped in a couple that does not fit as well. I thinks (and that is only my opinion) for a large majority it is a total mess. And I am sometime furious against myself, I want to scrap it all in a corner, burn it and warm my hand by the fire. I believe there are other people that feel the same, they maybe found a cure.

 

[SmilingLez]

I think I am envious also of possibilities. It is a complicated task to find the right person for a BDSM couple, people are afraid, they hide, they feel guilt, they are trapped in a couple that does not fit as well. I thinks (and that is only my opinion) for a large majority it is a total mess. And I am sometime furious against myself, I want to scrap it all in a corner, burn it and warm my hand by the fire. I believe there are other people that feel the same, they maybe found a cure.

You're treating an alternative lifestyle like it is a disease, looking for a cure. There are plenty of ways that you can meet like-minded folk. FetLife is good to find local munches in your area.

 

[PleasureDaddy]

How old were you?

Young enough that I wouldn’t publicly post the age.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I came to D/s very recently. DD/lg specifically. I have no interest in going back to vanilla. I am married to my Dom and my submission has been liberating. He lifts me up in life, supports my career, and calms my horrible anxiety, guides me through difficult times.
Nope, I'm not going back.

 

[average_red]

I still don't know. I'm thinking about giving this stuff a try... not much point holding back at this point.

on the one hand I remember this one Asian chick I knew saw me working with rope and she joked about having me tie her up. It didn't work out, but I remember looking at that rope and thinking 'if I do this I won't be able to go back.' always wanted to, never had the chance to try it... probably started when I found a copy of ashley's book of knots, I am that kind of autistic I guess... but I never was interested in it until the exact moment that I realized that she wasn't entirely joking.

women are strange creatures, they can enjoy pain. regardless of what they said at the beginning the few women I was with long term preferred rough sex by the end. I don't think that what we did was particularly kinky, so I cannot speak to people in 'the life' but causing such intense pleasure through physical effort (and pain) is a drug... one I would like to take again. I understand it, conceptually, I used to really enjoy street fights, the pain was thrilling, but the only pain I enjoy personally in sex is the same as working out... only I don't enjoy working out as much, But who knows? if I end up in a freaky relationship with a really freaky girl I'll probably make her try to cause me pain a few times to see. If nothing else it would give me an excuse to give her a spanking, which I think that I might actually enjoy.

 

[ToHerWill]

I tried being "normal" once. It was boring, uncomfortable, and honestly felt like wearing shoes two sizes too small. I lasted a couple of minutes and ran back to my natural habitat.
So no, I don't want to "fix" anything. Better to live the life that actually fits me.