How to spot a dom?

[Xswfx]

How would i ever spot a dom in the wild? Lol! Its so hard to tell!! Im sexually submissive , and i have attracted mostly vanilla or switch people my whole life.

 

[J D Danger]

How would i ever spot a dom in the wild? Lol! Its so hard to tell!! Im sexually submissive , and i have attracted mostly vanilla or switch people my whole life.

how much do you know about the BDSM scene in your area?

 

[CuriousRick]

How would i ever spot a dom in the wild? Lol! It’s so hard to tell!! Im sexually submissive , and i have attracted mostly vanilla or switch people my whole life.

I think it’s harder to spot a submissive in the wild. Too many have to be strong in life and business and need to let go and submit in private

 

[wwot40]

They never introduce themselves as dominant, nor do they expect anyone to submit without consent or conversation. What people usually notice is their calm confidence, the ease with which they make decisions, and their willingness to take the lead when it’s welcomed. They pay close attention to others, offer choices, and respect boundaries. Their presence feels steady rather than controlling, and people often feel safe and heard around them. They have no interest in forcing authority on strangers, but those who enjoy structure and direction often relax in their orbit and naturally lean into that dynamic. When that happens, they talk about it openly, because their dominance is built on trust, clarity, and mutual agreement, not assumption.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

They never introduce themselves as dominant, nor do they expect anyone to submit without consent or conversation. What people usually notice is their calm confidence, the ease with which they make decisions, and their willingness to take the lead when it’s welcomed. They pay close attention to others, offer choices, and respect boundaries. Their presence feels steady rather than controlling, and people often feel safe and heard around them. They have no interest in forcing authority on strangers, but those who enjoy structure and direction often relax in their orbit and naturally lean into that dynamic. When that happens, they talk about it openly, because their dominance is built on trust, clarity, and mutual agreement, not assumption.

you wouldn't happen to know such a person?

 

[wwot40]

you wouldn't happen to know such a person?

Not sure but ilike to think I am approaching that.

 

[VerbalAbuse]

Not sure but ilike to think I am approaching that.

oh, my

 

[wwot40]

oh, my

You may just have to see…

 

[Exploringwife46]

It's dependent on how open they are about themselves. There may only be subtle signs that hint at the dominance or submission of a person. It's not full proof but dress and mannerisms at two subtle ways to tell. There are clear D/s jewelry that those in the lifestyle would pick up upon.

 

[Aisline2007]

They never introduce themselves as dominant, nor do they expect anyone to submit without consent or conversation. What people usually notice is their calm confidence, the ease with which they make decisions, and their willingness to take the lead when it’s welcomed. They pay close attention to others, offer choices, and respect boundaries. Their presence feels steady rather than controlling, and people often feel safe and heard around them. They have no interest in forcing authority on strangers, but those who enjoy structure and direction often relax in their orbit and naturally lean into that dynamic. When that happens, they talk about it openly, because their dominance is built on trust, clarity, and mutual agreement, not assumption.

This. It's not about being "alpha" it's about being steady and focused. And that aura just naturally comes from that person. Thank you for articulating this so well.

 

[wwot40]

This. It's not about being "alpha" it's about being steady and focused. And that aura just naturally comes from that person. Thank you for articulating this so well.

you are most welcome. I glad what I wrote resonated with you. I have given it some thought over the years.

 

[Aisline2007]

you are most welcome. I glad what I wrote resonated with you. I have given it some thought over the years.

It shows! Just reading this my head was nodding. I've met too many "doms" on here who just turned out to be walking red flags. Simply horny controlling people. This description was perfect.

 

[wwot40]

It shows! Just reading this my head was nodding. I've met too many "doms" on here who just turned out to be walking red flags. Simply horny controlling people. This description was perfect.

Now I am flattered. Thank you so much.

 

[Aisline2007]

Now I am flattered. Thank you so much.

You're welcome. I do love a person who is well spoken and articulate.

 

[wwot40]

You're welcome. I do love a person who is well spoken and articulate.

I try my best. I appreciate your thoughtful responses.

 

[Xswfx]

It's dependent on how open they are about themselves. There may only be subtle signs that hint at the dominance or submission of a person. It's not full proof but dress and mannerisms at two subtle ways to tell. There are clear D/s jewelry that those in the lifestyle would pick up upon.

Uhh i dont care about if someones in the life style, in fact would rather avoid someone in the life style tbh. Im not looking for a professional sex worker, im just talking about normal people

 

[J D Danger]

Uhh i dont care about if someones in the life style, in fact would rather avoid someone in the life style tbh. Im not looking for a professional sex worker, im just talking about normal people

what do you want out of a Dom?

 

[Britva415]

Uhh i dont care about if someones in the life style, in fact would rather avoid someone in the life style tbh. Im not looking for a professional sex worker, im just talking about normal people

Why can't someone who's not a sex worker be "in the lifestyle?"

What do you think, do you think that regular people who are kinky don't sometimes proudly or subtly display the trappings of their kinks and symbols of their relationship and their dynamic?

The idea that someone who does must be "not normal" and equal to a whore is... Uninformed, at best. There are other labels I could put on it but


you know what, idgaf. You're asking how to spot people and rejecting some sound advice. Whatever, good luck

 

[Xswfx]

Sorry, came out wrong.

To me, "being in the lifestyle" translates to someone already being in a relationship...right? Or theyre sleeping with other people?

"Regular" people- people not into bdsm

anyway, to me its a complete turnoff when people are displaying "trappings of their kinks"

 

[kreemi_pi]

How would i ever spot a dom in the wild? Lol! Its so hard to tell!! Im sexually submissive , and i have attracted mostly vanilla or switch people my whole life.

Use your DomDar

 

[kreemi_pi]

Or your Domoscope?

 

[kreemi_pi]

Doms are everywhere. They are...ahem...Domnipresent

 

[Britva415]

anyway, to me its a complete turnoff when people are displaying "trappings of their kinks"

Well, it's also not very reliable either, so, there's that.

Anyway, if you want to find someone, what you should probably do is use the matchmaking tools available rather than imagine that you'll be able to succeed by just meeting people and knowing what they're into, in your regular life interactions.

Fetlife is not a dating app but can help you learn exactly where and when Doms might gather to meet people for play or for love. Other apps/websites are kink friendly and give you the opportunity to state clearly what you're looking for and let them match to you based on that.

 

[Xswfx]

Maybe ill try it.

 

[SmilingLez]

Go to a local munch (FetLife is a good way to find local munches). Get to know the host/ hostess, be yourself, socialize and let it happen organically