Virginity is it a big deal?

[Mykittyw3t]

Growing up I've was never allowed to date. My family was always protected even now at 23 they want me to save myself for marriage. But I've dont have thr time to date or im never alone and any relationship I've had they ruined it. As my 24th birthday comes up I'm starting to think I'm falling behind on milestones. I just want to have the experience of sex. I masturbate but it's not the same. Anyway I can experience it with dating someone or is it something I need to wait on?

 

[Loyalish1245]

I came from a conservative christian household who wanted me to wait. I didnt and life was better for it. My sister waited and finally had sex at 38. She has repeatedly said it was the wrong choice. Do it for your body and your mind.

 

[Graybear1826]

Growing up I've was never allowed to date. My family was always protected even now at 23 they want me to save myself for marriage. But I've dont have thr time to date or im never alone and any relationship I've had they ruined it. As my 24th birthday comes up I'm starting to think I'm falling behind on milestones. I just want to have the experience of sex. I masturbate but it's not the same. Anyway I can experience it with dating someone or is it something I need to wait on?

What feels right to you? That's really all that matters. It should be someone important to you.

 

[tommyt125]

My take on it growing up kind of sheltered is that you should talk to trusted friends even a therapist if you want. And make sure you educate yourself on safe sex and how to be assertive with consent or rejecting someone. At the end of the day if you want to do it do it but make sure you’re being safe and in safe situations.!

 

[Rabelbabe]

girl let me tell you your future, you are gonna end up like me. Sexually frustrated and regretting having only 1 cock in your life. Your husband will control everything about sex and you wont know if it normal. You will feel broken when you have urges, you will also feel like a slut and you will end up cheating with anyone who wants to use you because it doesn't matter. You want to feel something even if it is being a sex slave because you have been rejected too many times and feeling numb. Even rape would sound an amazing experience because you crave sex so much that you dont care how it comes. I am 26 and 2 years into my martiage and I cant take it anymore. I am meeting the cock of my dreams soon, is a BBC traveling all the way from NY, I hope he is real and I hope he treats me like the slut I want to feel.

 

[Theatreslut]

Growing up I've was never allowed to date. My family was always protected even now at 23 they want me to save myself for marriage. But I've dont have thr time to date or im never alone and any relationship I've had they ruined it. As my 24th birthday comes up I'm starting to think I'm falling behind on milestones. I just want to have the experience of sex. I masturbate but it's not the same. Anyway I can experience it with dating someone or is it something I need to wait on?

I waited. While it may have been the right choice for me at the time, given the amount of guilt and shame I had internalized, I absolutely wouldn’t wait if I had it to do all over again. I have since become polyamorous and happily play around on here.

When I asked my current (progressive) pastor how he makes decisions about who to have sex with and other rules around sex, he said that if you boil down the ethics in the Bible, and take out the stuff that is only relevant to that culture, he sees two important things

1. Sex should be fun. If you aren’t enjoying your sex life change it.

2. Sex should be something that makes everyone involved feel valued. Think like consent but bigger than that. If anyone is feeling used, you need to stop. That includes you.

Beyond that, it’s how your mind and heart lead you. If you only feel valued by having sex in a committed relationship, then do that. If being able to explore sexually in more of a hookup or fwb situation makes you feel valued because you can have fun without the levels of emotional intimacy, do it, and then give those levels of emotional intimacy to the person or people closest to you

 

[ericalauren]

I’m probably no help because I’m asexual. I would just do what is right for you. If you want to have sex, go for it! If not, that’s a valid option, too.

 

[Stephie02]

Please be patient with yourself, and nice to yourself. So many things can go wrong if your not.

 

[ronde]

Growing up I've was never allowed to date. My family was always protected even now at 23 they want me to save myself for marriage. But I've dont have thr time to date or im never alone and any relationship I've had they ruined it. As my 24th birthday comes up I'm starting to think I'm falling behind on milestones. I just want to have the experience of sex. I masturbate but it's not the same. Anyway I can experience it with dating someone or is it something I need to wait on?

I too grew up in a family that believed sex was only for marriage. I didn't wait, but my situation isn't for everyone. I knew at the time that I was going to marry the girl.

I'm old enough to give you some advice though.

1. Having sex just to have sex will probably not be what you think it will be, especially if you're a virgin. It takes a partner who understands to make that first time something you will remember as being probably not great, but still nice.
2. What sex really is is both partners giving to each other, and for that to happen you need to feel at least something for your partner. The most active erogenous zone in the human body is the brain. If you don't mentally feel very close to your partner it's just two people going through the motions without the feelings that make sex really great.

 

[Graybear1826]

I waited. While it may have been the right choice for me at the time, given the amount of guilt and shame I had internalized, I absolutely wouldn’t wait if I had it to do all over again. I have since become polyamorous and happily play around on here.

When I asked my current (progressive) pastor how he makes decisions about who to have sex with and other rules around sex, he said that if you boil down the ethics in the Bible, and take out the stuff that is only relevant to that culture, he sees two important things

1. Sex should be fun. If you aren’t enjoying your sex life change it.

2. Sex should be something that makes everyone involved feel valued. Think like consent but bigger than that. If anyone is feeling used, you need to stop. That includes you.

Beyond that, it’s how your mind and heart lead you. If you only feel valued by having sex in a committed relationship, then do that. If being able to explore sexually in more of a hookup or fwb situation makes you feel valued because you can have fun without the levels of emotional intimacy, do it, and then give those levels of emotional intimacy to the person or people closest to you

Perfect!

 

[Theatreslut]

Another thing that is important to know is that basically everyone find their first time more awkward than pleasurable. Movies and stuff make sex look instinctive but it usually takes a few times for it to work.

For example my husband and I didn’t even manage full penetration our first time.

Even after you have some practice, sex can be weird. At times it’s funny. Bodies do weird things, that often aren’t sexy. So make sure you choose a partner who makes you feel safe enough to laugh when something weird happens

 

[sister jenny]

There is only one thing that matter.

What do you want?

Fuck what everyone says.
Fuck expectations.

Just do what you want.
What feels right for you.

Do you wanna wait? Wait.
Do you wanna have sex now? Go do it.

You decide.
No one else.

 

[curioustxn]

Growing up I've was never allowed to date. My family was always protected even now at 23 they want me to save myself for marriage. But I've dont have thr time to date or im never alone and any relationship I've had they ruined it. As my 24th birthday comes up I'm starting to think I'm falling behind on milestones. I just want to have the experience of sex. I masturbate but it's not the same. Anyway I can experience it with dating someone or is it something I need to wait on?

If you are 23/24, you are old enough to be on your own, taking care of yourself. If you family is interfering in your life, move to another city and find some privacy.

 

[LMWM321]

Growing up I've was never allowed to date. My family was always protected even now at 23 they want me to save myself for marriage. But I've dont have thr time to date or im never alone and any relationship I've had they ruined it. As my 24th birthday comes up I'm starting to think I'm falling behind on milestones. I just want to have the experience of sex. I masturbate but it's not the same. Anyway I can experience it with dating someone or is it something I need to wait on?

I'm a guy, so keep that in mind.

My advice to young people, including my own kids: Have sex before you marry - maybe even a LOT of sex... And with more than just one person.

As I see it, sexual compatibility is enormously important and essential to a relationship lasting a lifetime. And you won't really know this until you have had sex with someone - repeatedly. And compatibility means many things. For example, you don't want to find out after you marry someone that they desire sex once a month, while you want it 3x/week. Or find that your sexual interests are very different - for example: you crave receiving oral and he/ she hates giving it. I know this sounds superficial and reductive, but these things will matter over time, a lot! And it may be unrealistic to expect someone's natural likes and dislikes will eventually fall in line with yours. Because they likely won't. A huge desire discrepancy that is present before the marriage is not likely to change.

Some suggest that virginity is a gift that should be given to someone you love deeply. Well, I disagree with this, too.. I think you should hold out for someone you care for, feel safe with, and are respected by... But don't equate Sex with Love. If you do, you'll end up convincing yourself you love someone just because you had sex with them. As someone who's been happily married for 35 yrs, I can tell you that Love is about soooo much more than just sex.

As for guys who fetishize virginity, who make a big deal about whether or not a woman is a virgin? Gross. Run from those fuckers. They're toxic..

 

[CuriousJInLA]

I'm a guy, so keep that in mind.

My advice to young people: Have sex before you marry - maybe even a LOT of sex... And with more than just one person.

As I see it, sexual compatibility is enormously important and essential to a lasting relationship. And you can't really gauge sexual compatibility without, well... having sex with someone. You don't want to marry someone only to learn then that his/ her idea of frequent sex is once a month, while yours is 3x / week. And that you crave receiving oral and he/ she hates giving it. I don't been to be so reductive, but these things DO matter. A lot.

Some suggest that virginity is a gift that should be given to someone you love deeply. Well, I disagree with this, too.. I think you should hold out for someone you care for, feel safe with, and and respected by... But don't equate the act with Love. And elevate the act to where you'll convince yourself you love someone just because you had sex with them. Love is about soooo much more than just sex.

As for guys who fetishize virginity, who make a big deal about whether or not a woman is a virgin? Gross. Run from them.

I had sex with one virgin and that was my high school girlfriend, and I was one too. I’d never want that again. It means nothing to me. I don’t understand guys who want to take a woman’s virginity. It’s creepy

 

[Wageslave]

It's a matter of life or death to a Muslim woman

 

[curioustxn]

It's a matter of life or death to a Muslim woman

All the more reason to move away, and leave that insane religion behind!!!!!

 

[EmmAgain]

You’ll never forget your first time. You may well end up forgetting your second, third, and thousandth time - but never your first. So why not make it at least a little meaningful?

You don’t have to love somebody to sleep with them. But you do need to feel, at very least, respect and affection. Try dating apps, your social network, even random people browsing in a library you exchange smiles and click with.

Good sex is AMAZING. Bad sex will leave you wishing you’d been roofied.

 

[Dreamer110]

You’ll never forget your first time. You may well end up forgetting your second, third, and thousandth time - but never your first. So why not make it at least a little meaningful?

You don’t have to love somebody to sleep with them. But you do need to feel, at very least, respect and affection. Try dating apps, your social network, even random people browsing in a library you exchange smiles and click with.

Good sex is AMAZING. Bad sex will leave you wishing you’d been roofied.

While I definitely enjoyed my first time if I knew then what I know now.......

 

[gtnlynn]

My wife was far from being a virgin when we married at 22. She enjoyed a lot of sex in college. I waited until our wedding night, and it was extremely stressful avoiding sex during our seven years of dating. Looking back, I wish that I had enjoyed safe sex before we married. My reason for waiting was the fear of getting her pregnant. Birth control was not a sure thing in our dating years.

 

[Dreamer110]

My wife was far from being a virgin when we married at 22. She enjoyed a lot of sex in college. I waited until our wedding night, and it was extremely stressful avoiding sex during our seven years of dating. Looking back, I wish that I had enjoyed safe sex before we married. My reason for waiting was the fear of getting her pregnant. Birth control was not a sure thing in our dating years.

You're a better man than me.

 

[gtnlynn]

You're a better man than me.

It was really difficult. Fortunately, my future wife gave me some really good hand jobs. She tried to get me to fuck her, and I came close. Looking back, she says she is glad I waited, but I wish I had started fucking her as soon as we went to college.

 

[Dreamer110]

I wouldn't be able to resist.

 

[StrangerDuJour]

All the more reason to move away, and leave that insane religion behind!!!!!

an insensitively blithe response

 

[curioustxn]

You’ll never forget your first time. You may well end up forgetting your second, third, and thousandth time - but never your first. So why not make it at least a little meaningful?

You don’t have to love somebody to sleep with them. But you do need to feel, at very least, respect and affection. Try dating apps, your social network, even random people browsing in a library you exchange smiles and click with.

Good sex is AMAZING. Bad sex will leave you wishing you’d been roofied.

I completely agree with this!!!! In my opinion, a woman's first sexual experience is critical to her future emotional feelings toward her future sexual relationships. A bad experience can give her negative feelings toward men, and a good, (loving), experience can give positive feelings toward men.

Just my opinion.......