The "I don't want to talk about AI" thread, and the new topic is: squirrels and assorted fuzzballs

[DevlinSkye]

"The "I don't want to talk about AI" thread"

They're not listening out there!!!!

Lets stab them with pen and scathing words, or better yet hammer them with blunt sarcasm..

 

[SamanthaBehgs]

Especially when it's from paper thin metal?

Exactly. It's already weapon-adjacent.

 

[Statius]

Especially when it's from paper thin metal?

I'd give ya pass because I'd cut myself on accident too

 

[AwkwardMD]

I worked for Cutco. Briefly.

 

[NuclearFairy]

I once watched a knife infomercial where a guy accidentally cut off his own hand. Although, from the calm way he said, "Oh dear, would you look at that? It looks like I may need to go to the hospital." It might've just been a dream. It was years ago, and when you fall asleep watching infomercials the line between dream and reality can get a little blurry.

 

[Erozetta]

I worked for Cutco. Briefly.

I loathe their knives. The cook at work and my former boss swears by them. I tried one and was like... This shit ain't balanced right at all! I proved it quickly by cutting an orange with their knife then mine. Theirs was hacked to pieces, mine I cut so thin you could almost see through. (then candied them to go on a cake!)

They still swore by the cutco knives and said I did it wrong, so I let them both use my knife. Ever visually watch someone get pissed off when they realize they're wrong but can't admit it? I did twice in the same day, lol. (My knives were cheaper than the cutco ones, too.)

 

[onehitwanda]

I loathe their knives. The cook at work and my former boss swears by them. I tried one and was like... This shit ain't balanced right at all! I proved it quickly by cutting an orange with their knife then mine. Theirs was hacked to pieces, mine I cut so thin you could almost see through. (then candied them to go on a cake!)

They still swore by the cutco knives and said I did it wrong, so I let them both use my knife. Ever visually watch someone get pissed off when they realize they're wrong but can't admit it? I did twice in the same day, lol. (My knives were cheaper than the cutco ones, too.)

---

Wanda's Recipe For Ancestral Rage, a play in one act:

Scene: A kitchen at a holiday let. Enter Wanda, a threadbare soul with few temporal needs, one of such needs being a functional knife of some sort.

Wanda: Oh. What a quaint kitchen. Come, Imp of the Perverse, let us ascertain the status of this here alleged food preparation space.

Wanda inspects the knife block.

Wanda: Oh. How unsurprising. The knives are blunt. A whetstone, a whetstone, my kingdom... my virginity... oh, alright, thruppence for a whetstone.

Wanda stares disconsolately at the sorry array of implements.

Wanda: They have a fucking teapot shaped like a duck and all their knives are blunt. One star review and some sarcasm, here we go.

Imp of the Perverse: Let's stab somebody.

Wanda: It might be more effective to hit them over the head with the breadknife, but okay. It's Tuesday, let's go.

Exeunt Sanguines, Diverse Alarums, Enter Nice Boys in Uniforms &c.

---

I think what offends me most is people who buy nice knives but then don't look after them. It's the work of five minutes once a month or so to maintain the edge on your knives.

Of course, then you get the savages who take a newly-sharpened knife and cut on a glass or ceramic cutting board...

 

[stickygirl]

Well of course I chopped me own peewee orf so Mamma had no choice but change me name from Adam to Eve. The doctor was impressed with my handiwork but suggested a professional to do the hooharfalular, and here we are. I think it was something cheap like a Sabatier, which we got from saving Kellogg's packets - they still feature a cock on the packet.

 

[onehitwanda]

Well of course I chopped me own peewee orf so Mamma had no choice but change me name from Adam to Eve. The doctor was impressed with my handiwork but suggested a professional to do the hooharfalular, and here we are. I think it was something cheap like a Sabatier, which we got from saving Kellogg's packets - they still feature a cock on the packet.

What's really ironic is that there are some very, very nice Sabatier knives... but the name "Sabatier" is not trademarked so anyone with a hammer and some steel can make a knife and label it Sabatier.

still love my dildo curvy handles.

 

[StillStunned]

still love my dildo curvy handles.

Other monsters have a vagina dentata. Wanda has a vagina gladiata.

 

[Erozetta]

---

Wanda's Recipe For Ancestral Rage, a play in one act:

Scene: A kitchen at a holiday let. Enter Wanda, a threadbare soul with few temporal needs, one of such needs being a functional knife of some sort.

Wanda: Oh. What a quaint kitchen. Come, Imp of the Perverse, let us ascertain the status of this here alleged food preparation space.

Wanda inspects the knife block.

Wanda: Oh. How unsurprising. The knives are blunt. A whetstone, a whetstone, my kingdom... my virginity... oh, alright, thruppence for a whetstone.

Wanda stares disconsolately at the sorry array of implements.

Wanda: They have a fucking teapot shaped like a duck and all their knives are blunt. One star review and some sarcasm, here we go.

Imp of the Perverse: Let's stab somebody.

Wanda: It might be more effective to hit them over the head with the breadknife, but okay. It's Tuesday, let's go.

Exeunt Sanguines, Diverse Alarums, Enter Nice Boys in Uniforms &c.

---

I think what offends me most is people who buy nice knives but then don't look after them. It's the work of five minutes once a month or so to maintain the edge on your knives.

Of course, then you get the savages who take a newly-sharpened knife and cut on a glass or ceramic cutting board...

I'll get stabby if anyone uses my knives (or sewing shears) to cut paper. But yes, glass or ceramic cutting boards, too, lol.

And yeah, I sharpen my knives about every other week (depending on usage), but I also use them for hours every single day at times. I bring my knives to work with me in a leather roll. The ones at work keep getting shoved in a drawer and no one but me sharpens them. I got rid of the cutco knives about a year ago and replaced them with a cheap but decent set of Mercer knives. Not pretty, but functional and decent starter knives for the cook to get used to real knives without being so expensive I'd need to kill someone if they got damaged, lol.

 

[StillStunned]

I had a ceramic knife for a while. It was never truly sharp, and I only used it for fish, but after a month or so a jagged triangle broke out of the blade.

 

[onehitwanda]

I bring my knives to work with me in a leather roll.

I think I may be developing an unhealthy crush on you.

I keep promising myself a proper kitchen with space for everything someday. Someday keeps shifting out though.

I had a ceramic knife for a while. It was never truly sharp, and I only used it for fish, but after a month or so a jagged triangle broke out of the blade.

I have never trusted ceramic blades. Steel behaves itself, ceramics are like horses; they'll turn on you without hesitation and murder you to maimed.

 

[stickygirl]

Can you cut the Fabric of Time with pinking shears or do you need something industrial?

 

[stickygirl]

I think I may be developing an unhealthy crush on you.

I keep promising myself a proper kitchen with space for everything someday. Someday keeps shifting out though.


I have never trusted ceramic blades. Steel behaves itself, ceramics are like horses; they'll turn on you without hesitation and murder you to maimed.

I use ceramic for my whipping - steel just won't cut dyneema rope

 

[onehitwanda]

I use ceramic for my whipping - steel just won't cut dyneema rope

I would imagine some sort of high-quality carbon-steel sheers might work, but I only have experience with paracord and normal marine-grade stuff.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Can you cut the Fabric of Time with pinking shears or do you need something industrial?

Doesn't matter as long as it's used.

Because time is marked out by the second hand.

 

[onehitwanda]

Doesn't matter as long as it's used.

Because time is marked out by the second hand.

 

[onehitwanda]

Other monsters have a vagina dentata. Wanda has a vagina gladiata.

No, Harry, it's Vagina Gladiosaaaaah!

 

[Erozetta]

I think I may be developing an unhealthy crush on you.

I keep promising myself a proper kitchen with space for everything someday. Someday keeps shifting out though.


I have never trusted ceramic blades. Steel behaves itself, ceramics are like horses; they'll turn on you without hesitation and murder you to maimed.

I made the leather roll myself, lol. I need to make a new one, though. My knives have started to poke through the leather at the end.

Ceramic blades: I had one. I hated it. I threw it at a tree near my old apartment and it surprisingly stuck in the tree (I don't think I stabbed the tree, I think it got caught in the bark as it was falling). It might still be there. It was too high in a much too thin tree for me to climb to retrieve. Somewhere in Massachusetts there may be a squirrel with a ceramic paring knife

 

[onehitwanda]

Somewhere in Massachusetts there may be a squirrel with a ceramic paring knife

ROZ NO! YOU ARMED THE FLUFFY RATS

 

[Statius]

I made the leather roll myself, lol. I need to make a new one, though. My knives have started to poke through the leather at the end.

Ceramic blades: I had one. I hated it. I threw it at a tree near my old apartment and it surprisingly stuck in the tree (I don't think I stabbed the tree, I think it got caught in the bark as it was falling). It might still be there. It was too high in a much too thin tree for me to climb to retrieve. Somewhere in Massachusetts there may be a squirrel with a ceramic paring knife

Now I'm happy I don't live in Massachusetts. Squirrels are cute but damn those fuckers are psychotic

 

[StillStunned]

Now I'm happy I don't live in Massachusetts. Squirrels are cute but damn those fuckers are psychotic

Every squirrel I've ever met has been a total nutjob.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Every squirrel I've ever met has been a total nutjob.

I fear you may be barking up the wrong tree here.

 

[Statius]

I fear you may be barking up the wrong tree here.