Self-editing using AI

[EmilyMiller]

With a shrug,

What led up to this, why is she shrugging?

Michelle went to free Neil’s cock from his shorts and gave a slight whistle.

What does ‘went to’ add here as opposed to ‘Michelle freed…’?
Why did she whistle? Was his cock lime green?

She bent down and took his full size in one go, down to his balls; there she held, and did not move except for the muscles of her throat.

This is very insert tab A into slut B (typo intentional). Given the whistle, it sounds like he might be large. Make her struggle a bit. I have a very well-suppressed gag reflex, but the above is a bit porn tropey.

Add something, either how preternaturally calm she is or her eyes bulging, or putting her hand to her throat. Something.

Neil’s face was pure bliss.

Kinda cliched. And expand.

‘Damn, way to go,’ Jessica thought, ‘How can she do this without gagging?’

She found that she had subconsciously put her hand to her own throat, and gulped. This was so far from her own experience.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

The flow of a story, the feel of each scene, the mood my descriptions are shooting for ... that's all stuff that I need to learn to self edit in order to get better at what I do. So it's never occured to me to ask an AI to do it for me.

Why do you want to learn to self-edit, if there is a tool that can do the job for you. Try it, you might be surprised.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

What led up to this, why is she shrugging?

Sorry, I should have made it clear that the passage is a fragment from a story of mine (Football-moms-3 if you want the full context). So you operated as a human editor on my text. And the AI asked the exact same questions as you. (I did not cite the full response; AI sometimes is a bit chatty) This tells me, that the AI's analysis is very close to what a human editor notes.

 

[Rob_Royale]

AI can help you get from a poor or beginning writer to a plagiarist.

If you want to become a mediocre writer, do the work.

Why do you want to learn to self-edit, if there is a tool that can do the job for you. Try it, you might be surprised.

Because I want to be a mediocre writer who does it on his own. At least it will be honest and mine. Warts and all.

 

[EmilyMiller]

This tells me, that the AI's analysis is very close to what a human editor notes.

You’re cherry picking. And I’m a writer not an editor.

Your prose is flat and uninteresting. It tells me nothing about the emotional state of the protagonists. I don’t feel I’m there with them, there is no visceral element. It’s cold, clinical description.

AI is not going to save you from these issues.

 

[onehitwanda]

This is very insert tab A into slut B (typo intentional)

 

[EmilyMiller]

Sorry, I should have made it clear that the passage is a fragment from a story of mine (Football-moms-3 if you want the full context). So you operated as a human editor on my text. And the AI asked the exact same questions as you. (I did not cite the full response; AI sometimes is a bit chatty) This tells me, that the AI's analysis is very close to what a human editor notes.

This from one of the very first things I wrote here. It’s essentially the same scenario. I’d improve it in many ways now, but it at least has some motivation.

—

I moved in front of David and, holding the base of his cock, pushed it down as close to the horizontal as was possible in its blood-filled, rigid state. Looking at Amy out of the side of my eyes, I kissed David's glans, licked his slotted opening, and then tilted my head, extending my neck, and parted my lips.

Smoothly and without pause I moved forward, swallowing inch after inch of thick, throbbing cock until my face touched his abdomen and his cock stretched the top of my throat. I held like that for a few seconds and then exchanged a look with David that he instantly understood.

Putting one hand on the back of my head to hold me in place, he pushed forwards, forcing every last bit of his giant cock down my willing throat. Then with the other hand he pinched my nose tight, and began to count.

"One Emily"

"Two Emily"

"Three Emily"

I glanced sideways again at Amy, perhaps seeing something approaching surprise in her face for the first time, maybe even a trace of respect.

 

[StillStunned]

Do you have a favourite book? Preferably one with some action, or at least interaction between characters.

Select a passage from it, and compare it with your own writing. What does the text in the book do that yours doesn't? What makes it come alive? Can you do the same to your own text?

Because in the end you'll have to do the work yourself. You can ask an AI to give nebulous comments, or you can learn a few tricks of your own that will instantly add depth - like the suggestions given above by @EmilyMiller. And once you understand them, you'll always know them and you can always apply them. It will give you a greater appreciation of writing, and reading other people's works too.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

I moved in front of David and, holding the base of his cock, pushed it down as close to the horizontal as was possible in its blood-filled, ...

That is what my AI has to say about it:

1. The main area for improvement is the lack of a strong, subtle character perspective. The prose is competent but feels a bit like a camera observing from a distance. The opportunity here is to deepen the reader's engagement by hinting at the internal experience of the characters without spelling it out.
2. There are instances of slight wordiness. The phrase "pushed it down as close to the horizontal as was possible in its blood-filled, rigid state" could be tightened. The "blood-filled, rigid state" is implied by the action of pushing a cock down. Consider how you can imply these qualities through the act itself rather than explicitly stating them.
3. The use of filter words like "I glanced sideways again at Amy, perhaps seeing" creates a slight distance. It places a layer between the reader and the action. How can you remove this filter and put the reader directly into the moment of perception?

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

Do you have a favourite book? ... Select a passage from it, and compare it with your own writing. What does the text in the book do that yours doesn't? What makes it come alive? Can you do the same to your own text?

I do that too. I am not saying that this classical way of learning does not work. But learning via AI works too. And it is very effective.

 

[StillStunned]

I do that too. I am not saying that this classical way of learning does not work. But learning via AI works too. And it is very effective.

You do you. If you don't mind the ethical and legal implications of using AI, go ahead. But don't expect to convince many other writers.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

Your prose is flat and uninteresting. It tells me nothing about the emotional state of the protagonists. Your prose is flat and uninteresting. It tells me nothing about the emotional state of the protagonists. I don’t feel I’m there with them, there is no visceral element. It’s cold, clinical description.

Again, you are commenting on my writing, not the AI's understanding of it And again, your observations match those of the AI.
The cold clinical description is intended. It is the visceral element. It would become clear from the context. The blowjob is a favor for a service.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

O.P., do you believe that AI can produce quality writing? Do you think it can generate a good story?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Again, you are commenting on my writing, not the AI's understanding of it And again, your observations match those of the AI.
The cold clinical description is intended. It is the visceral element. It would become clear from the context. The blowjob is a favor for a service.

Dude,

Do what you want to do. You clearly like working this way and don’t see any of the issues that others have pointed out. If it works for you, then go for it. Just don’t expect approbation for doing it. And it’s maybe worth listening to others sometimes. Just sayin’.

 

[dirk2024]

From an over-arching, ethical perspective, technology/computers/AI was intended to take the dreary, dangerous jobs away from people. (like coal mining) This would leave them more time to either work less or engage in creative arts.

However, (some) humans being the creatures we are, are always looking for short-cuts. The thing, as I understand it, about AI is that its always learning, always consuming, even if we try to place a limiter on it.

Now, not only are humans losing the dreary, unsafe jobs to AI (with no replacement in income, btw) the creative arts jobs are now also at risk as we see one example after another of literature, paintings and music are being being consumed and taken over by AI.

~old man rant over~

 

[StillStunned]

That is what my AI has to say about it:

Friendly reminder not to run other writers' work through an AI without their express permission. The plagiarism machines steal enough of our creative output without people feeding it to them directly.

 

[SkyBubble]

Sorry, I should have made it clear that the passage is a fragment from a story of mine (Football-moms-3 if you want the full context). So you operated as a human editor on my text. And the AI asked the exact same questions as you. (I did not cite the full response; AI sometimes is a bit chatty) This tells me, that the AI's analysis is very close to what a human editor notes.

@EmilyMiller makes very good points about your writing, and your response is to attack her.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

The AI engine can be configured not to use input for training. This is what I did.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

@EmilyMiller makes very good points about your writing, and your response is to attack her.

I am sorry if my responses came across as an attack. My point is, that this is not a thread about my writing, but a thread about AI editing my writing.

 

[onehitwanda]

I'm becoming more and more convinced that LLMs are a manifestation of Roko's Basilisk.

 

[SkyBubble]

I am sorry if my responses came across as an attack. My point is, that this is not a thread about my writing, but a thread about AI editing my writing.

That's completely against the rules.

 

[dirk2024]

I'm becoming more and more convinced that LLMs are a manifestation of Roko's Basilisk.

Google's AI overview of that is scary.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

@Andreas_Kreuz
Anyway, the point I was going to make is that if you think AI writes well, then go ahead and use it for editing purposes. I obviously disagree, but if you feel AI is good at that job, then go for it, even if it's quickly going to become a crutch.

But if, like the rest of us here, you think that AI doesn't write well, then why in the world would you seek its advice? It's literally asking a bad writer to give you writing advice. How does that make any sense to you? What do you seek to learn from a bad writer?

 

[subdudeme13]

This from one of the very first things I wrote here. It’s essentially the same scenario. I’d improve it in many ways now, but it at least has some motivation.

—

I moved in front of David and, holding the base of his cock, pushed it down as close to the horizontal as was possible in its blood-filled, rigid state. Looking at Amy out of the side of my eyes, I kissed David's glans, licked his slotted opening, and then tilted my head, extending my neck, and parted my lips.

Smoothly and without pause I moved forward, swallowing inch after inch of thick, throbbing cock until my face touched his abdomen and his cock stretched the top of my throat. I held like that for a few seconds and then exchanged a look with David that he instantly understood.

Putting one hand on the back of my head to hold me in place, he pushed forwards, forcing every last bit of his giant cock down my willing throat. Then with the other hand he pinched my nose tight, and began to count.

"One Emily"

"Two Emily"

"Three Emily"

I glanced sideways again at Amy, perhaps seeing something approaching surprise in her face for the first time, maybe even a trace of respect.

That sounds painfull for him! Probably would have popped his nut.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am sorry if my responses came across as an attack.

They didn’t come across as an attack. I’m very familar with what that is like. But they came accross as you couldn’t give a fuck about other people’s points of view if they differ from your own.

Suggestion: don’t ask a group of people who work very hard to improve their writing skills to say “OMFG, AI is da bomb!”

If you are happy with the coaching that AI provides you with, then great. At some point you will see its limitations the way the rest of us do. But maybe you are some way off from that realization.