The Art of Getting Lit Laid

[subdudeme13]

Is "phone" still a thing?

 

[kyblue12]

Is "phone" still a thing?

Yup… it’s a noun….

On a serious note, haven’t chat apps and messengers replaced it?

 

[Azuldrgon]

Myself and Carmina24 have been brainstorming about starting a thread where everyone can share ideas with each other and this is what we have come up with.

This is not intended as a how‐to guide used as a formulaic way to make a meaningful online friendship but as a place to share what has worked, what to avoid, how to start, with input from everyone that has had success or desires a meaningful passionate online romance.

Thread Intent
This space is for Lit members to share how their most meaningful online connections began—those first moments that grew into something real. Whether it was a clever opening line, a shared interest, or an unexpected spark in conversation, your experiences could inspire others who are here but struggling to find that same connection.

By sharing the best ways your own online relationships started, we can help fellow members see what works, what matters, and how to move from polite exchanges to genuine chemistry. The goal is simple: to turn chance encounters into lasting bonds, and to make Lit a place where more people find the passion and partnership they’re hoping for.

Addendum:
---------‐---------------------------------------------------------
We don’t claim to know more than anyone here. We just want to share what’s worked for us, what hasn’t, and all the adventures in between.

This is a space for swapping stories, comparing notes, and maybe laughing over the lessons we had to learn the hard way. We’re all here for the same reason — to connect, to learn, and maybe to turn a spark into something worth keeping.
---------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I am not claiming to be an expert, especially since I have had my heart broken a ton.
Truth is, there was no strategy or method or trick.
I just tried to be the real me.
And honestly, that was it.
Not trying to be a super stud or anything, but just being me.

 

[subdudeme13]

Yup… it’s a noun….

On a serious note, haven’t chat apps and messengers replaced it?

I imagine they probably have. I don't use either.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

I think you guys are great and are really putting together something special here. Should we have a handbook like this? No. Do we need one? Yes. Too many people are looking for instant gratification. If you are patient and put in the work, trust me, it is so much better and way more successful than launching Hail Marys left and right.

 

[kyblue12]

I imagine they probably have. I don't use either.

This being lit I think the focus remains more aon a written connection, but I would say the same things apply no matter the medium.

Although if you’ve exchanged numbers I would think a good foundation of trust was laid.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Well, I am not claiming to be an expert, especially since I have had my heart broken a ton.
Truth is, there was no strategy or method or trick.
I just tried to be the real me.
And honestly, that was it.
Not trying to be a super stud or anything, but just being me.

Being your genuine self makes you a winner even if your heart gets broken. You aren't playing a role; you are being you. And let's face it, not everyone is going to dig you. That the way of the world. But that's on them, not you. Be genuine.

 

[kyblue12]

Being your genuine self makes you a winner even if your heart gets broken. You aren't playing a role; you are being you. And let's face it, not everyone is going to dig you. That the way of the world. But that's on them, not you. Be genuine.

So much this!!!

 

[Azuldrgon]

Is "phone" still a thing?

I had a few here we talked on the phone a lot.
I still have a few friend's numbers.
I hate the slowness of PM's, but do not actively want to go to other ways where cams can be used.

 

[Mike130]

There is much wisdom in these posts that applies to the cyber Lit world and in real life relationships. The best relationships begin with the mind rather than the body. A friendship that evolves into a sexual lust. In my younger, single days I occasionally rushed to sexual encounters rather than building an emotional foundation. A combination of immaturity and the sexual permissiveness of the time. But I also had girls I was just friends with. Not always sure who set the boundaries or why. Just a feeling or vibes, whatever you want to call it. I was never really good at reading a girl’s interests. My wife is a prime example. We were work friends for a long time, and she finally hinted that we should go out, I had never picked up the signs. At any rate, almost 40 years later we’re still married and although I consider her stunnningly beautiful with an incredible body, it’s her intelligence, personality, and sense of humor are what magnify her beauty to a whole new level.

Of course, when I tell her this, she jokes that I’m just trying to get into her panties, which may be partially true, but I really consider myself lucky to have found a life partner whose intelligence matches her beauty.

 

[Wouldlovetoo]

Is "phone" still a thing?

It is for certain people.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

Absolutely! Seduce the mind before the body

 

[Wouldlovetoo]

Being your genuine self makes you a winner even if your heart gets broken. You aren't playing a role; you are being you. And let's face it, not everyone is going to dig you. That the way of the world. But that's on them, not you. Be genuine.

When I was young in school and come home sad because someone didn't like me. My mom would give me a hug and say" That's their loss, honey".

 

[Susurration]

There are so many wise words posted here that I will not add many of my own other than to say be genuine, fill in your profile, talk to people before you even thinking about sending PMs (i.e. the getting to know people part is really important), and take the time to read profiles. I have received quite a few messages over the years from men who clearly failed to take the time to read, even though I spell out my gender on my profile. Some of them were pretty crass too, so I have some insight into what our female members have to put up with here. So gentlemen, please do not send creepy, crass, abusive, poor quality, or copy/paste to the ladies here. They deserve to be treated as human beings and should be respected as such.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

When I was young in school and come home sad because someone didn't like me. My mom would give me a hug and say" That's their loss, honey".

And it really is. As long as you are you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone likes different things and different people. You can't make everyone like you.

 

[Ratchetman1982]

I have learned that being me is the best, even though I'm a giant nerd that loves heavy metal and Weird Al, video games, reading as many books as humanly possible, Hawaiian shirts because they are bright and cherry, and trying my hardest to make people laugh. Is that list of quirks going to drop all of the panties? Highly doubtful. But I'm me, so the ones that do drop will accept me for being me. This is such a am important thing to remember, especially for people online. We can pretend to be whomever we want to be, but that has to get exhausting. Just be you.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

This thread is really blooming, with some really interesting posts.
I've been thinking about a lot of them in terms of men on Lit and men in everyday life and society, and whether there's a difference.
Whilst Lit is heavily skewed in terms of the number of male versus female members and whilst it is a sex site, I actually think it reflects society quite well, and is possibly even better.

The crassness of sending unsolicited dick pics, or the thirsty comments on people's posts can be seen regularly in people's behavior. Some of the stories my female friends tell me of the comments and behavior, often from strangers, they endure is awful and sometimes disturbing.
In fact because Lit is virtual, it is often easier to call it out and show folks why it's not acceptable.
What do others think?

I also think the difficulties folks have in making connections here are also reflected in real life, which is why this thread is so good and valuable.

Thanks for the kind words @Biggalute

I believe it is easier to call out bad behavior in the online world simply because there is no risk of physical harm as in a face to face confrontation.

But the anonymity allows bullies and trolls to be more brave and crass also.

I have a much easier time meeting people online than in real life.
I live in a sparsely populated rural state so meeting new people is hard, not impossible but hard.

I am definitely more charming and better looking online!

Thanks for participating in the thread!

 

[Hornymwtxn]

I think you guys are great and are really putting together something special here. Should we have a handbook like this? No. Do we need one? Yes. Too many people are looking for instant gratification. If you are patient and put in the work, trust me, it is so much better and way more successful than launching Hail Marys left and right.

Awww thanks!

The thread being so well recieved and with so many wonderful people sharing their knowledge has been a joy to witness and participate in!

 

[Carmina24]

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide (Disclaimer: cobbled together from the entirely fallible, slightly mischievous mind of Carmina).

1. The Real Game (presence) - above

2. The Secret Weapon (attention) - above

3. The Hidden Key

Gentlemen, lean in.
Here’s something most never realize - the key that unlocks more than desire.

It isn’t perfection.
It isn’t bravado.
It isn’t pretending you have no cracks in your armor.

It’s vulnerability.

The moment you stop performing and start revealing.
The slip where your mask falls, and you let her see the scar, the shadow, the doubt.
That’s when she feels you’re real. That’s when trust takes root.

Because when you reveal yourself, you invite her to do the same.
And in that exchange, walls collapse faster than any seduction could tear them down.

Gentlemen - here’s your key:
Tell her what frightens you.
Share the story that still lingers in your chest.
Admit when you don’t have the answer.

Do you know what happens then?
She leans closer.
She softens.
And she offers you pieces of herself you’d never reach by swagger alone.

Ladies - you know this.
When he lets you in, even just a little, the hunger shifts. It isn’t just lust anymore - it’s devotion.
Because you’re no longer chasing a fantasy. You’re holding a man.

So if you want her trust, her fire, her surrender -
Don’t just flex your strength. Reveal your fragility.

That, gentlemen, is the hidden key.

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide (Disclaimer: cobbled together from the entirely fallible, slightly mischievous mind of Carmina).

1. The Real Game (presence) - above

2. The Secret Weapon (attention) - above

3. The Hidden Key (vulnerability) - above

4. The Dangerous Edge

Gentlemen, come closer.
Let me tell you about the edge that makes her ache.

It’s not about giving her everything at once.
It’s not about stripping the mystery bare.
It’s the art of holding back - just enough.

Restraint.
That’s where the fire builds.

When you linger on the word instead of rushing it.
When your hand stops just short of where she’s desperate for it.
When your silence lasts a second too long, and she leans in to fill it.

That edge is dangerous because it sharpens everything.
The tease becomes torture.
The anticipation becomes unbearable.
And when you finally give, it feels like surrender - hers and yours.

Gentlemen - here’s your lesson:
Don’t flood her with everything. Drip it.
Let her hunger rise until she’s begging to know what comes next.
Because in that ache, desire stops being casual and becomes unforgettable.

Ladies - you know this thrill.
The torment of being almost touched, almost kissed, almost undone.
It’s the moment that burns hotter than release itself.

So don’t be afraid of restraint.
Play with it. Wield it.
Make her tremble on that dangerous edge until she can’t stand the waiting.

That, gentlemen, is where anticipation turns into obsession.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

Ok folks @Carmina has posted her gentlemens guide.

It is a 5 part series and I will provide links to them in the original post to make it easier to view for everyone

The Art of Getting Lit Laid

 

[Carmina24]

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide (Disclaimer: cobbled together from the entirely fallible, slightly mischievous mind of Carmina).

1. The Real Game (presence) - above

2. The Secret Weapon (attention) - above

3. The Hidden Key

4. The Dangerous Edge

Gentlemen, come closer.
Let me tell you about the edge that makes her ache.

It’s not about giving her everything at once.
It’s not about stripping the mystery bare.
It’s the art of holding back - just enough.

Restraint.
That’s where the fire builds.

When you linger on the word instead of rushing it.
When your hand stops just short of where she’s desperate for it.
When your silence lasts a second too long, and she leans in to fill it.

That edge is dangerous because it sharpens everything.
The tease becomes torture.
The anticipation becomes unbearable.
And when you finally give, it feels like surrender - hers and yours.

Gentlemen - here’s your lesson:
Don’t flood her with everything. Drip it.
Let her hunger rise until she’s begging to know what comes next.
Because in that ache, desire stops being casual and becomes unforgettable.

Ladies - you know this thrill.
The torment of being almost touched, almost kissed, almost undone.
It’s the moment that burns hotter than release itself.

So don’t be afraid of restraint.
Play with it. Wield it.
Make her tremble on that dangerous edge until she can’t stand the waiting.

That, gentlemen, is where anticipation turns into obsession.

The Art of Getting Lit Laid:
The Gentleman's Guide (Disclaimer: cobbled together from the entirely fallible, slightly mischievous mind of Carmina).

1. The Real Game (presence) - above

2. The Secret Weapon (attention) - above

3. The Hidden Key (vulnerability) - above

4. The Dangerous Edge (restraint) - above

5. The Final Move

Gentlemen, come closer.
This is the last lesson - the one too many forget.

It isn’t about conquest.
It isn’t about winning.
It isn’t even about the chase.

The final move… is surrender.

Not her surrender to you.
Not your surrender to her.
But both of you laying the game down at the same time - because you no longer need it.

By then, you’ve already done the work.
You’ve built presence.
You’ve given attention.
You’ve unlocked trust.
You’ve sharpened her hunger with restraint.

And now, she isn’t wondering if she’ll give herself to you.
She’s wondering how she’ll survive without you.

Gentlemen - here’s your truth:
Stop playing the moment she stops pretending.
When she looks at you with no guard, no act, no disguise… meet her there.
Don’t chase. Don’t tease. Don’t test.
Hold her. Take her. Be taken in return.

Ladies - you know this moment.
When it stops being about words on a screen, and starts being about the man who wrote them.
When you’re not just intrigued or aroused, but claimed.

That, gentlemen, is the final move:
Not to win her body.
But to earn the moment she gives you her whole self - and you give yours back without hesitation.

Because the real victory… is when the game ends.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

The Art of Getting Lit Laid

ok post #1 has been updated with links to all 5 parts of the gentlemens guide from @Carmina24

 

[Hornymwtxn]

There is much wisdom in these posts that applies to the cyber Lit world and in real life relationships. The best relationships begin with the mind rather than the body. A friendship that evolves into a sexual lust. In my younger, single days I occasionally rushed to sexual encounters rather than building an emotional foundation. A combination of immaturity and the sexual permissiveness of the time. But I also had girls I was just friends with. Not always sure who set the boundaries or why. Just a feeling or vibes, whatever you want to call it. I was never really good at reading a girl’s interests. My wife is a prime example. We were work friends for a long time, and she finally hinted that we should go out, I had never picked up the signs. At any rate, almost 40 years later we’re still married and although I consider her stunnningly beautiful with an incredible body, it’s her intelligence, personality, and sense of humor are what magnify her beauty to a whole new level.

Of course, when I tell her this, she jokes that I’m just trying to get into her panties, which may be partially true, but I really consider myself lucky to have found a life partner whose intelligence matches her beauty.

What a wonderful story!

Thank you for sharing it with us!
And by us I mean all the people who read this thread

 

[Mike130]

What a wonderful story!

Thank you for sharing it with us!
And by us I mean all the people who read this thread

I guess I’m also pointing out a different between real life and virtual relationships. In the virtual world, as someone already pointed out, there’s an element of anonymity, which tends to bring out a boldness or crassness that many people wouldn’t exhibit if they were meeting in person. “Hey, would you like to see a dick pic?” Wouldn’t be the first thing to start a conversation with a girl you met at a coffee shop or whatever, so why would that be acceptable on Literotica?

In real life, I’m pretty shy, but I agree with all that you and @Carmina24 have written and it seems like it brings an on line relationship more in tune with what a real life relationship would be like. A mutual respect and exploration of each other’s mind as well as their body.

 

[Hornymwtxn]

The Gentleman’s Guide is crammed with good advice and it is hard to pick out a favorite passage but here is mine.....

So if you want her trust, her fire, her surrender -
Don’t just flex your strength. Reveal your fragility.