Sexless Marriages

[Volk359]

The Silence Between Skin

We don’t talk enough about the loneliness of being touched less in a world that touches everything but you.

We don’t talk about what it does to your soul when the person who once undressed you with a single glance now looks right through you.

We don’t talk about the nights you lie beside someone and still feel entirely alone.

Sexless marriage.

It’s not just about the act - it’s about the silence. The hollow ache of being undesired. The part of you that slowly stops reaching, stops hoping, stops existing in the way you used to.

And yet - here, in this place called Lit - we find others.

People who know. People who feel.

Writers who give language to what we’ve buried. Readers who understand the sharp edge of longing. Strangers who say, I see you, and mean it in a way that matters more than we can explain.

Sometimes it’s a comment. Sometimes a story. Sometimes a wicked flirt that makes you smile again - for the first time in weeks.

Here, our thoughts are not “too much.”
Here, desire is not shameful.
Here, our imagination doesn’t rot - it blooms.

Lit has become more than an escape. It’s a reclamation. Of pleasure. Of connection. Of the parts of us we thought were gone.

So if you're reading this and feeling that same quiet despair - know this:

You are not the only one who has forgotten what it feels like to be wanted.
And you are not the only one learning to feel alive again through words, mischief, and the magic of being seen.

And if we're lucky - just maybe - we’ll find someone here who doesn’t just understand the loneliness… but knows how to touch it away.

That’s awesome, and so true. So many words to describe what I’m feeling and what I’m not feeling.

“The part of you that slowly stops reaching, stops hoping, stops existing in the way you used to.”

 

[Tweedledude]

That’s awesome, and so true. So many words to describe what I’m feeling and what I’m not feeling.

“The part of you that slowly stops reaching, stops hoping, stops existing in the way you used to.”

That part gets replaced with resentment and disappointments and ice cream and Cold Stone

 

[LeeKee]

It’s me! I feel it’s all my fault! She doesn’t want me! Been many years. She has zero interest in sex. Dream of it, tried talking to her, and get a hand job once a month. Crazy about my wife. Been married 25 plus years. Porn alone is my only outlet. In a few years I will be 60! Been working on my body and attitude. Gave up talking about it with her…. Guilt and shaming is worse than my ideas about sex!

Im in the same boat, five years behind you. It was so great for years then it turned a bit rough then turned worse. Its literally torture.

 

[LeeKee]

This is very moving. I feel like answering.

What do you wish your partner knew about the way it feels?
What is the sentence you whisper into the dark that no one has ever heard?

I wish she knew the sinking feeling of rejection I got when I spent some time naked in the holiday villa, asking her gently to join me in the bed, and all she was able to say is “why are you spending so much time without your clothes on?”. I got dressed and took a massage with acupuncture in the grounds of the resort and later fantasised about the pretty dutch lady by the pool, who smiled at me so warmly that day.

I wish she knew how affected I was when I offered to put my arms around her and kiss her, only to be told that she felt like she was being “molested”. I didn’t cry, but by then having been in a relationship for 9 years, I recognised the significance of that moment.

I have never tried again… who would? I would rather bear the ethical dilemma of having a sexual relationship elsewhere, than to receive that kind of hurtful rejection from someone who knows me. Fierce like fire when she talks to me, and cold like ice to the touch.

There are reasons for us to still be together… for now.

Passion and physical intimacy are a core human need for many of us and I see how much I’m not alone, even though the reasons are as numerous as there are replies here.

The way my wife has gone a out it is cruel. Even used an excuse of a medical condition. What medical condition would include lack of even speaking or holding hands? Or and contact whatsoever? That condition would be called ice queen. Just divorce and be done. But she is only around for benefits. From beginning 20 years ago to now. Benefits and that's it.

 

[Carmina24]

Sometimes the marriage is a grave.
But here… here is resurrection.
Here, words strip you naked faster than hands.
Here, strangers know exactly how to ruin you -
and you let them.
They pull the hunger from your bones,
wake the pulse you thought was dead,
and set it pounding in your throat.
You burn in the open,
and you don’t even care who sees the flames.

 

[Abeona1]

Radio 4 woman's hour on Friday did a section on sexless relationships. Think they may do more.
My SO won't talk to me about why.
Would like to know why.
In this day and age how have so many of us got into this situation?
And 50% of the relationship is getting what it wants. Where is the compromise?

 

[Mo_Bandy]

Radio 4 woman's hour on Friday did a section on sexless relationships. Think they may do more.
My SO won't talk to me about why.
Would like to know why.
In this day and age how have so many of us got into this situation?
And 50% of the relationship is getting what it wants. Where is the compromise?

Will have to see if it is archived. R4 always does good work.

 

[Abeona1]

Will have to see if it is archived. R4 always does good work.

You can listen on BBC sounds

 

[Spongo]

Just need to help each other get off once in a while. Sounds fun to me.

 

[Tweedledude]

Radio 4 woman's hour on Friday did a section on sexless relationships. Think they may do more.
My SO won't talk to me about why.
Would like to know why.
In this day and age how have so many of us got into this situation?
And 50% of the relationship is getting what it wants. Where is the compromise?

One of life’s hardest unanswered questions.

 

[Britva415]

My SO won't talk to me about why.

This would be a much bigger problem to me than even the sex.

Are we partners or what the f are we even doing

 

[ned63]

Just need to help each other get off once in a while. Sounds fun to me.

Sponge your posts and things have gotten me off. Thank you.

 

[Mezoolandet]

Sorry to say, wife has medical issue. No more sex with her. Already been six months. And I want it constantly. Never thought I would be in this situation. M4F Only.

 

[Mezoolandet]

Yea at this point I would take anything. How hard is a blowjob really

Evidently really hard for my wife.

 

[wildchild24143]

He's gotten the pills..... They work for the immediate issue... But the drive, the desire, the stolen opportunities.... He hasn't gotten anything for that

The drive or lack there of is what has killed my sexlife.

 

[KeenVoyeur]

I am in a sexless relationship, I fancy him, he smells great and the best kisser. And we laugh a lot.
He doesn't like being touched, always telling me to get off him.
If I didn't make a move he won't.
I was a late developer in my teens, found the wrong person. Single parent next 20yrs.
Aged 40 went mad for 5 yrs. Promiscuous.
Then with my now partner, who I actually hated for 15 yrs, been together 15yrs. Should have seen the red flag when he was more interested in his shed roof than me in his bed.
He won't talk about it, gets angry. Think some is a defence mechanism.
He isn't interested in anything I say or do.
He bought some pills and sold them on.
Our body shape may hinder, but I love doggie. And it's not even the sex, it's the skin to skin, the caressing.
He says I've put weight on, his a barrel.
He doesn't like how I dress or walk around the house, barely covered.
His love language is food. I love food.
He cooked himself a breakfast the other day and didn't ask or do me one. He couldn't understand why I got upset. It was that I didn't get a meal, but that he doesn't even want to do that for me.
He then started criticising me about the home.
Not only am I his flat mate, but housekeeper as well
Have had a few really tempting offers lately. But is it really worth it.
I AM DRIVING MYSELF MAD.
Any opinions?
Sorry if too much, really am at end of my tether

Unfortunately it looks like you should have taken notice of that red flag ... Like most of us, you've got some good things in your relationship but the bad things far out-weigh them. Some of what you wrote in your post did make me angry for you - definitely selfish and inconsiderate and deserving of some sharp words if nothing else.
If you've had "offers" maybe take one or two of them up and have a good time if only to make yourself feel loved and wanted for a few hours. Obviously the best - or scariest - thing you can do is walk out and make a fresh start.

Like some others, I'm available for the "good time for a few hours" but probably too far away ...

I am a 64 year old female and I haven't been sexually active with my husband for over 5 years now. God, I want some fun.

I'm sure there are people out there who would love to have fun with you ... Just a shame I'm probably 5000+ miles away

 

[TemptationTango]

The Silence Between Skin

We don’t talk enough about the loneliness of being touched less in a world that touches everything but you.

We don’t talk about what it does to your soul when the person who once undressed you with a single glance now looks right through you.

We don’t talk about the nights you lie beside someone and still feel entirely alone.

Sexless marriage.

It’s not just about the act - it’s about the silence. The hollow ache of being undesired. The part of you that slowly stops reaching, stops hoping, stops existing in the way you used to.

And yet - here, in this place called Lit - we find others.

People who know. People who feel.

Writers who give language to what we’ve buried. Readers who understand the sharp edge of longing. Strangers who say, I see you, and mean it in a way that matters more than we can explain.

Sometimes it’s a comment. Sometimes a story. Sometimes a wicked flirt that makes you smile again - for the first time in weeks.

Here, our thoughts are not “too much.”
Here, desire is not shameful.
Here, our imagination doesn’t rot - it blooms.

Lit has become more than an escape. It’s a reclamation. Of pleasure. Of connection. Of the parts of us we thought were gone.

So if you're reading this and feeling that same quiet despair - know this:

You are not the only one who has forgotten what it feels like to be wanted.
And you are not the only one learning to feel alive again through words, mischief, and the magic of being seen.

And if we're lucky - just maybe - we’ll find someone here who doesn’t just understand the loneliness… but knows how to touch it away.

Outstanding post!

 

[Carmina24]

Outstanding post!

You are too kind, thank you.

 

[Robbo694u]

Advice for All of Us on Lit
Because sometimes, what someone needs isn't sex - it's to feel seen.

It’s easy to forget, in a place like this, that there’s a real person behind the screen. A person with longing. A person with history. A person who might be carrying silence heavier than words can hold.

I’ve come to realize that many who reach out - especially those in sexless marriages - aren’t just here for sin or flirtation. They’re here because they ache to be touched - not just physically, but emotionally. They want to be seen. Heard. Chosen. Even for a moment.

So when someone messages you, pause before you dismiss or judge.

There might be desperation in their tone - but also vulnerability.
There might be innuendo - but also hope.
There might be a sexual request - but underneath, a human asking, “Am I still desirable? Am I still worth connection?”

And maybe your reply doesn’t have to be an invitation.
Maybe it can be a kindness. A boundary held with gentleness. A reminder that they’re not invisible.

Here on Lit, we play, we tease, we write - but we also carry each other, sometimes without even knowing.

So let’s be mindful. Let’s be kind.
Let’s remember: every message is a heartbeat trying not to disappear.

Wow.. the truth hurts ......... awesome

 

[TemptationTango]

You are too kind, thank you.

You are so right about Lit. My FWB found me here(she is also in a sexless marriage). Since we started seeing each other, my sex depression has gone away, and my confidence has returned.

We only manage a rendezvous every couple of months.....seems like its not much right? Wrong, it's intense, focused, erotic, satisfying and exhausting. Going from zero sex to this has washed a decade of silence away......nothing replaces actual touch with another..it's truly cathartic.

 

[MrStevee55429]

Advice for All of Us on Lit
Because sometimes, what someone needs isn't sex - it's to feel seen.

It’s easy to forget, in a place like this, that there’s a real person behind the screen. A person with longing. A person with history. A person who might be carrying silence heavier than words can hold.

I’ve come to realize that many who reach out - especially those in sexless marriages - aren’t just here for sin or flirtation. They’re here because they ache to be touched - not just physically, but emotionally. They want to be seen. Heard. Chosen. Even for a moment.

So when someone messages you, pause before you dismiss or judge.

There might be desperation in their tone - but also vulnerability.
There might be innuendo - but also hope.
There might be a sexual request - but underneath, a human asking, “Am I still desirable? Am I still worth connection?”

And maybe your reply doesn’t have to be an invitation.
Maybe it can be a kindness. A boundary held with gentleness. A reminder that they’re not invisible.

Here on Lit, we play, we tease, we write - but we also carry each other, sometimes without even knowing.

So let’s be mindful. Let’s be kind.
Let’s remember: every message is a heartbeat trying not to disappear.

"Because sometimes, what someone needs isn't sex - it's to feel seen"

Fantastic post,
This is how I feel. At this point I feel empty.

 

[MrStevee55429]

I am at the point where I want Intamacy, to be seen, so bad that my mind is not letting me focus on anything else. I have work I need to get done but just cant focus. Ugh............

 

[NoUseForAnyName]

I am at the point where I want Intamacy, to be seen, so bad that my mind is not letting me focus on anything else. I have work I need to get done but just cant focus. Ugh............

I can relate. Sometimes the urges get too high.

 

[Carmina24]

I can relate. Sometimes the urges get too high.

Sometimes the hunger swells until it aches - and that’s alright.
It is proof we are still here, still breathing, still made of fire.
Desire is not a flaw; it’s the pulse that reminds us we are alive.

 

[RoanMtn]

@Carmina24 That was beautiful.

It's been over 20 years for me.