Requirements for admission to the Authors' Hangout?

[Kumquatqueen]

Matter of fact some of the people spend more time here than writing.

Don't know what you mean...
This is writing, innit.

Welcome @DeMont. I think we can hazard a guess at your S and L from your avatar and tag.

Whisky is definitely therapeutic. I need a couple new ones - I sadly finished a Balvenie Caribbean Cask the other day.

 

[redgarters]

The requirements are: a screenname, an avatar, and an ego.

The one thing that is not required is an ability to actually write.

In short, you don't have to be Hemingway, you just have to think that you are. ; )

If you want to fit in, do the following ...

1 ~ whine about low scores on your stories
2 ~ whine about low scores on your stories
3 ~ whine about negative comments on your stories
4 ~ brag about positive comments on your stories
5 ~ brag about how you are an expert on writing to category x
6 ~ hotlink (advertise) your own stories as examples of good writing in topics about writing
7 ~ bitch that the admin doesn't do enough to keep trolls away from your stories
8 ~ claim that you are writing well based solely on your high scores
9 ~ deflect any and all critisicm based on your high scores
10 ~ repeatedly write unicorn characters in plotless stories and then claim that you deliver depth in your characters and plots
11 ~ repeatedly write unicorn characters in plotless stories and then flatly deny that you ever pander to the stroke crowd
12 ~ pitch your 'perfect' system to keep trolls away from your stories no matter how much it may damage other aspects of reader interaction, and then roll your eyes at the admin for not implementing it immediately since it is so perfectly brilliant
13 ~ whine about low scores on your stories

Do we get points awarded for each item checked? Awards even? Higher scores? I'm just about to perfect a system...

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Is fine scotch considered a drug?

Only if, IAW official Literotica rules, it’s less than 18 years old.

Welcome, be at home. We’re an odd bunch here, but generally harmless.

 

[DeMont]

Hello everyone, I like you...!
Friendly lot with a sense of humour even if you are, "an odd bunch". I think I'll be right at home here.
I have a penchant for 12 year Old Glenlivet single malt and 8 year old double malt Irish Tullamore Dew. Aside from that I have a fascinating drop here that my sister sent me... Highland Park Valfather, single malt distilled in the Norwegian tradition... by the Gods that'll put hair on yer wherever...!!! That's my sis for ya, she sips Napoleon Brandy and, like the old song, "never gets her lips wet." (As in drinking.... wouldn't know about anythin' else like...!)

As for the check list of "Whines and Bitches" I'll print that out and kept it stashed away someplace... really...promise...!
Thanks for your welcome messages **group hug**

P.S. My second story, "Traversal" is in pending... took me a long time to get to my 'happy place' with that one...!

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Friendly lot with a sense of humour even if you are, "an odd bunch".

You will find us extremely friendly so long as you agree with everyone. As soon as you have a differing opinion, or heaven forbid that should actually point out an inaccuracy or error in anyone's stance, look out. Notice no smiley-winky face on the end of that one.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Can you pass a drug test?
If the answer is yes, you'll need to work on that.
Welcome!
(There are no requirements per se, aside from abiding by the site's rules.)

Uh…wait a minute…so, you’re saying that you don’t have to blow anybody?

 

[SimonDoom]

Hello everyone, I like you...!
Friendly lot with a sense of humour even if you are, "an odd bunch". I think I'll be right at home here.
I have a penchant for 12 year Old Glenlivet single malt and 8 year old double malt Irish Tullamore Dew. Aside from that I have a fascinating drop here that my sister sent me... Highland Park Valfather, single malt distilled in the Norwegian tradition... by the Gods that'll put hair on yer wherever...!!! That's my sis for ya, she sips Napoleon Brandy and, like the old song, "never gets her lips wet." (As in drinking.... wouldn't know about anythin' else like...!)

As for the check list of "Whines and Bitches" I'll print that out and kept it stashed away someplace... really...promise...!
Thanks for your welcome messages **group hug**

P.S. My second story, "Traversal" is in pending... took me a long time to get to my 'happy place' with that one...!

Welcome. I handle the initiation fee. I'll DM you and you can forward the amount. US currency, please.

Payment in shipments of whisky is acceptable.

Stick around and you'll find it can get testy at times, but it's all bark, no bite. Pat the doggie on the head with a "I liked your story and gave it a 5!" and you'll send him off with his tail wagging.

 

[iwatchus]

When I first saw the title of this thread I was hoping for people’s confessions (admissions) in AH. Of course, we are all a bunch of liars by hobby or profession, so I was curious what admissions people would make

 

[MrPixel]

OK, since you put it that way, I admit that I... oh... never mind. Not gonna go there.

 

[NuclearFairy]

When I first saw the title of this thread I was hoping for people’s confessions (admissions) in AH. Of course, we are all a bunch of liars by hobby or profession, so I was curious what admissions people would make

I admit, that I sometimes enjoy watching threads derail.

 

[iwatchus]

Oh, come on folks. We are supposed to be creative types. Masters of fiction.

Ok, I will admit to having dropped acid with Tmothy Leary, listening to him expound on the true meaning of sex.

Surely someone can top that.

 

[Comshaw]

Good evening,
I have just submitted my second tale for Literotica admin to review and approve and I was wondering what the requirements were for joining the forum Authors' Hangout? While I have a VERY slim professional portfolio I would like to engage with my peers and learn more of the writing in this particular genre.

If someone could let me know what you need to know from me I would be more than happy to oblige as long as that information doesn't need to include any personal identifying detail.

With deepest respects and many thanks, in advance.
D.

Admission to the AH? Well let's just see:
1) Are you breathing?
2) Can you string words together to make something that approximates a sentence?
3) Can you tolerate those who are arrogant enough they insist that no one else knows what they are doing on a keyboard and everyone else in the place is a whiny baby??
4) Can you tolerate an old man when he gets to mumbling and rambling and talkin' 'bout this that and the other completely divorced from the discussion at hand?
5) Will it cause you to pull out your hair and scream when one of the denizens of this place start using things like "ain't" and other stuff that ain't gooder english?
6) Is your skin as thick or thicker than a Honey Badger?
7) Is you smart?
8) Are you breathing?

If you answered yes to questions 1 and 8 and scratched your head on the rest, CONGRATULATIONS! You are now an official member of the AH.

Oh and don't believe Simon. He's sneaky and ain't got nothin' 'to do with admissions. That's my department. All admission payments to me can be made in motorcycle parts or accessories. Leather for the accessories, chrome for the parts.

So hitch up your breaches, and step into the nut house. We be waiting...


Comshaw

 

[Comshaw]

When I first saw the title of this thread I was hoping for people’s confessions (admissions) in AH. Of course, we are all a bunch of liars by hobby or profession, so I was curious what admissions people would make

What??? I have never told a lie! Ever! Never ever! And I have politician friends who will swear to that! If you can't believe them, who can you believe? They tell the truth all the time, just like me! A bunch of liars indeed! Now let's stop this and get back to a real discussion.

Did I tell you about the time me and Ernie Hemingway was having lunch and discussing one of my stories? No? Well, it was a warm evening on the coast of France at a little sidewalk cafe...

Comshaw

 

[SimonDoom]

Oh, come on folks. We are supposed to be creative types. Masters of fiction.

Ok, I will admit to having dropped acid with Tmothy Leary, listening to him expound on the true meaning of sex.

Surely someone can top that.

I had shrooms with Yoda once, long ago, and he turned to me and said, "Write smut, you will." At the time I thought, "You're just an effing green muppet. What do you know?" But years later, it came true.

Point is, for the OP, it doesn't matter how you got here. You're here. And you can't leave.

 

[iwatchus]

Did I tell you about the time me and Ernie Hemingway was having lunch and discussing one of my stories? No? Well, it was a warm evening on the coast of France at a little sidewalk cafe...

I think I saw the two of you there with @ElectricBlue. If it is a cafe, he must be there.

 

[Comshaw]

I had shrooms with Yoda once, long ago, and he turned to me and said, "Write smut, you will." At the time I thought, "You're just an effing green muppet. What do you know?" But years later, it came true.

Point is, for the OP, it doesn't matter how you got here. You're here. And you can't leave.

Crap! I knew I screwed up when I stepped in the door!

"Relax," said the night man
"We are programmed to receive
You can check out any time you like
But you can never leave"
Hotel California - The Eagles

Comshaw

 

[SimonDoom]

I think I saw the two of you there with @ElectricBlue. If it is a cafe, he must be there.

They tried to get him to leave, but he would have none of it. "Can't you see I'm with a friend?" EB said, gesturing to an empty chair across the table. The cafe employees looked at each other knowingly, but as long he paid the check they wouldn't kick him out.

 

[SouthernCrossfire]

Welcome, DeMont.

Don't worry about the small portfolio of work. Most of us started that way and some have succeeded in building a bigger (and hopefully better) one over time. Write regularly and you'll do it too.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Requirements? We ain't got no Requirements. We don't need no Requirements. I don't have to give you any stinking Requirements! Just join in and have fun!

 

[DeMont]

Admission to the AH? Well let's just see:
1) Are you breathing?
2) Can you string words together to make something that approximates a sentence?
3) Can you tolerate those who are arrogant enough they insist that no one else knows what they are doing on a keyboard and everyone else in the place is a whiny baby??
4) Can you tolerate an old man when he gets to mumbling and rambling and talkin' 'bout this that and the other completely divorced from the discussion at hand?
5) Will it cause you to pull out your hair and scream when one of the denizens of this place start using things like "ain't" and other stuff that ain't gooder english?
6) Is your skin as thick or thicker than a Honey Badger?
7) Is you smart?
8) Are you breathing?

If you answered yes to questions 1 and 8 and scratched your head on the rest, CONGRATULATIONS! You are now an official member of the AH.

Oh and don't believe Simon. He's sneaky and ain't got nothin' 'to do with admissions. That's my department. All admission payments to me can be made in motorcycle parts or accessories. Leather for the accessories, chrome for the parts.

So hitch up your breaches, and step into the nut house. We be waiting...


Comshaw

Breathing? Yes
String words together to make something like coherent sentences? - Yes
Can you tolerate those who are arrogant? Yes
Can you tolerate rambling old men? My father is one, so yes.
I'm in America, ain't and y'all go with the territory, so, yes
I have the hide of a Rhinoceros, so, again, yes
I'm as smart as I need be, smarter than some, not as smart as others - again, yes.
Still breathing...

Can I get a shot now?
ROFLMAO

 

[DeMont]

Welcome. I handle the initiation fee. I'll DM you and you can forward the amount. US currency, please.

Payment in shipments of whisky is acceptable.

Stick around and you'll find it can get testy at times, but it's all bark, no bite. Pat the doggie on the head with a "I liked your story and gave it a 5!" and you'll send him off with his tail wagging.

**giggle** I'm as broke as a crippled horse so there goes the "payment plan" options - sorry.
As for the puppies, I love dogs and they love me. Besides, I'm a big angry dog at times too but it gets a HUGE amount to get under my skin... I'll make sure I have a big bag of "Doggie treats" under my desk.

Deepest respects,
D.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Uh…wait a minute…so, you’re saying that you don’t have to blow anybody?

Classic! Two deer leave a cervid gay bar. One turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe that I blew fifty bucks in less than an hour!”

 

[DeMont]

You will find us extremely friendly so long as you agree with everyone. As soon as you have a differing opinion, or heaven forbid that should actually point out an inaccuracy or error in anyone's stance, look out. Notice no smiley-winky face on the end of that one.

Oh heavens my dear pink_silk_glove, I agree with EVERYONE all the time. It saves me having to order the Air Force out to bomb them into submission.

 

[glynndah]

Oh heavens my dear pink_silk_glove, I agree with EVERYONE all the time. It saves me having to order the Air Force out to bomb them into submission.

Hmm. Perhaps the threat of the Air Force is the incentive I need to submit a few more stories.

 

[DeMont]

Hmm. Perhaps the threat of the Air Force is the incentive I need to submit a few more stories.

I don't bomb good witches my dear glynndah, only the nasty, wicked ones...!!!