Leahaven

[liqueur]

I guess I first have to decide what life I want to live.

I think you already know that. But it takes time to break free of your childhood conditioning.

 

[policywank]

Posting what I can for now....

I am sorry to report that nothing happened with the guy in New Orleans. I chickened out.

I will call him, Alex. He is 46 years old (What is it about me that I seem to attract 40-something guys?), and he was soooo easy to talk to. He lives in the same city we live in, but on the complete opposite side. Things between us were getting really friendly, but in the end, I just felt too uncertain. I didn't know if I was ready to start having sex with strangers. Am I really that kind of woman? Is it ok to be that kind of woman? I was also concerned about what Alex would think of me. I know, I would never have to see him again, but that didn't matter. I didn't want to be considered a dirty woman in his eyes, but then, I fantasized about him seeing me as the dirtiest woman he had ever been with.

Wishy washy, I know.

I couldn't decide, should I be a respectful young lady or the dirty little thing he can't stop thinking about? Honestly, I could decide, I wanted to be the latter, but I was just too afraid to go through with it. Once it happens, what will I think of myself on the other side?

I called Robbie every night, and I told him everything that was happening. It got to be very titillating, telling my husband, waiting at home, about the flirtations between me and another guy in a hotel in another city. Robbie was hanging on every word. I suspect he jerked off afterwards. More about that later.

On Thursday night, after a group of us got back to the hotel after dinner, Alex and I hung back until everyone else had left for their rooms, and then he and I had drinks in the bar. But we didn't plan that. It was like an unspoken agreement. He wanted to be alone with me, and I wanted to be alone with him, and we both knew it. We talked about everything. High school, college, my one boyfriend, his girlfriends, marriage, sex lives. He didn't believe me when I told him that Robbie and I were virgins when we got married.

"YOU made it through college without ever having sex?" he said. He looked me up and down. "You must've had every guy on campus after you."

Of course that last part was just sweet talk, but it worked. I like sweet talk, and he was good at it. I assured him that, as embarrassing as it is to admit, yes, Robbie and I were virgins.

"So everything turned out ok? The sex life is good?" he asked. I honestly wasn't sure if I should be honest or not, but my intentional hesitation implied the answer, just as I hoped it would, and Alex said, "Oh!" He looked at me for a moment and then said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I so wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know. I wanted to be able to tell Robbie that I told him. I am not sure why, except that it felt like giving up Robbie's secret inadequacy to this guy was a bold and sexually adventurous thing to do. I think maybe I liked knowing that if I told, then that meant I controlled Robbie's story. And I like controlling Robbie. Maybe too much.

I had paused for too long.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," Alex said.

The bar in the hotel is a huge room, and we were at a table near a window, not at the bar itself. There was another couple to our right, and I turned my head slightly to make sure they were not in earshot, then I turned back to Alex.

"Robbie cums too soon, like really soon."

Alex seemed unfazed. He picked up his drink from the table, calmly shrugged, and said, "I wouldn't worry about that. It'll go away with time." And then, just as he was putting his drink to his lips, I told him the extent of it.

"It's been four years," I said. He almost spewed his liquor. He wiped his mouth and looked at me in shock.

"Oh!" He stared at me with concern. "So it's not going away with time."

"No, not at all. If anything, it's getting worse."

"I'm sorry, Leah," he said. "That has to be very frustrating for you."

I explained that in every other way, Robbie is the best husband in the world, and I love him to death, and he has so many talents, "...but sex isn't one of them." As it turned out, I wasn't the only one with sex-life problems.

"When [he and his wife's last child] was born," he said, "[his wife] lost interest in sex, and it's never really come back. We have sex, but not very often, a few times a year maybe, and her heart is just not in it, anymore. My sex drive hasn't slowed down one bit. That's hard on a man, going without. Really hard. Sometimes I find myself looking at my neighbor's dog."

"Alex," I laughed, "that's terrible!" We had a good laugh, and then I asked, "Have y'all tried couples therapy?"

"She won't do therapy."

"Well, if she won't do anything to fix it, isn't she afraid you might go outside the marriage?" I asked.

"I don't think she cares."

"She doesn't care if you go outside your marriage?"

"It doesn't seem like it."

I softened my voice so the other couple wouldn't hear.

"Have you ever considered it?" I said.

Alex turned and looked at me with an inquisitive expression. It took a second for my dumb mind to catch on, and then it hit me. Here we were in a hotel bar, and me, the sexually frustrated young woman, with a softened voice, had just asked the sexually frustrated older guy if he was interested in an extramarital affair. My face turned 10 shades of red. Alex got a big, amused smile and jokingly asked, "Are you propositioning me?" I put my hands to my face to hide.

"No!" I said, "I'm sorry!" Alex began to laugh, and I added, "I should know better than to get into this kind of conversation."

"It's ok," he said, chuckling, "I knew what you meant."

That was a lie, but it was nice of him to play down my naivete.

On the phone that night, I told Robbie about that conversation. He didn't complain about me telling Alex that he cums too soon, and I knew he wouldn't. This new, sexually-charged, femdom, FLR, whatever you call it, relationship between us has taken on a life of its own. It seems to drive itself. It's like our whole marriage is now predicated on sex, and the more authority I exercise, the more I make him submit, the more aroused we both become. My phone calls with him were like phone sex. It was a new thing for us, and a new way for me to taunt him. My voice became soft and sultry.

"I told him how you cum too soon," I said. Robbie was completely silent, listening intently. "I told him how that leaves me constantly frustrated and needing more."

Robbie, like he so often does when I hit the mark, sighed in a voice I could barely hear.

"God, Leah."

They were just two words, but they were Robbie's way of expressing his total submission. He was telling me that he could not believe that I had told Alex. I used to be shy and harmless and safe, but I had just given away his deepest secret to another guy - a guy who I viewed with strong sexual interest. For Robbie, it was scary and humiliating, and it stripped him of his right to decide his own fate. It meant that his wife controlled everything about his life now. He really was a boy.

I am sure his little penis was as hard as nails, and I strongly suspected he was touching himself.

"Don't you jerk off tonight, baby," I told him. "If I'm not getting anything, you certainly don't."

"I won't."

Whether he did or not, I already knew, I would treat it as a lie. He got punished on Sunday.

Anecdotally I have found that older men seem to be more able to accept a woman who is a bit of a bad girl sexually without judging her or losing respect. But regardless of the guy's age part of how he thinks of us will be rooted in how we present ourselves. If it seems like we need their approval they will be more inclined to think that we see ourselves in a negative light and will follow that lead or if they do offer up approval it is often artificial and a way to get into our pants. But if we own it they are much more likely to be accepting.

 

[LeaHaven]

Im sure you get a ton of DM;s and nice that you try to reply to them all.
I enjoy what your thoughts are here in the thread

Most of my DM's are...

1) Messages of encouragement, which are always very nice to receive.
2) Then there are a few people who are too shy to post in the thread, and I can certainly understand that! It took me 3 or 4 months of lurking before I finally made my first post.
3) Others send me DM's with ideas or advice that they feel might not be well received in the thread. None of that has ever been anything I considered objectionable, and it is always welcome. Most often I feel like it would have been good discussion material for this thread.
4) And then, every few weeks someone requests one-on-one chat. That is very flattering, but they all get the same message, and that is to tell them that it is all I can do to keep this thread updated. I simply don't have time for chat.

For those of you who do send me a DM, do understand that I may share my response here in the thread without notifying you. After all, they are my words. On the other hand, I will never quote your words without your permission, and I will never share your username unless you specifically request it.

And just so everyone knows, I try to get updates posted before I start answering DM's. You may see me post without answering your DM. I promise, I will get to your DM as soon as I can. I answer all DM's in the order they were received.

I have learned a great deal from this thread and DM's. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it all.

 

[NancyPan]

Leah, I do think that Robbie is a lot like a younger version of me. Although it took me a while, I now accept that I am sexually inferior to all Women and certainly to my Wife. She was frustrated by my PE, and for good reason She now generally (except for very special occasions) denies me PIV sex. I need Her to control my orgasms, both to keep me in sustained arousal and also because I lack the self control not to wank all the time. Like Robbie, I am highly aroused by erotic humiliation. Although my Wife has never chosen to tell others that I am pantied and serve Her at home, the idea/threat that She might, and that She might discuss my PE and small penis size with Her Women friends is Her prerogative and a thought that arouses me.

It seems that you are learning the fine art of erotic humiliation and the power it has on submissive males like Robbie and me. We crave it!

 

[LeaHaven]

When I got home, I threw the biggest hug on Robbie he has ever seen. Being away from him reminded me of my college years, and how I missed him so much. When people hear how long we have been married, they always assume we are only beginning to get to know each other. And even when we tell them that we have been best friends since the sixth grade, it still doesn't "click." They still don't appreciate that we have been a couple for almost 18 years. I know Robbie, and he knows me, at least as well as anyone can.

Even early in our marriage when he was making comments that I didn't like about me and other guys, it's not like I didn't see what he wanted. I just didn't want to accept it. Looking back on it, he was the one being honest with himself. Not me.

I will say, though, that I didn't understand the extent of his desires or mine either, until we started down this path. There is a lot more for us to learn, but one thing has become very clear. This new "dynamic" between us has made our relationship much, much stronger. We crave being together, and when we are, we are constantly touching. There is a level of intimacy between us that never existed before. And if this is all just roleplay, it must be deeply ingrained. If I try to help him make dinner or something, he always stops me and says, "You're the Goddess. I'm the servant." I go back to whatever I was doing, and as crazy as it might sound, it feels like the ideal for us as a couple. It invigorates the constant underlying sexual tension that exists between us, and that in itself, that constant sexual tension, validates this lifestyle we have embraced.

After our hug, we sat down on the couch, me leaning up against him with my legs curled up, and we caught up on all that had happened in our days apart. When that subject was done, my voice became flirty, and I told him that I enjoyed our phone calls.

"I did, too," he said.

"I could tell, but I am afraid that they may have caused you to be unfaithful to me (meaning he jerked off)."

"I didn't."

I hung my feet off the couch and turned to face him.

"Robbie," I said in an accusatory tone.

"I didn't!"

"You know you're not a very good liar." Actually, he's not, and he wasn't doing a very good job now, either. "Do you want to come clean, or do you want to face punishment?"

"Leah," he said, "I'm telling you. I didn't do anything."

"Alright, then," I said as I got up from the couch. "Go put your cage on, and get ready to go out." As I turned and headed out of the room, I added, "We've got to go run some errands." I went to our bedroom, got out of my jeans, and changed into a summer dress.

I had been looking for an opportunity to try "impact play" ever since it was mentioned in this thread, and I had decided before I left New Orleans that me arriving home was that opportuntiy. Even if I thought he was telling the truth, I had already decided that this was going to happen. I had already looked around the house for something I could use as a paddle, and I saw online that wooden spoons are popular, but we only have a couple, and they are both too small. Robbie didn't know it when we left the house that day, but our errand that day was to find a wooden spoon with good disciplinary potential.

As we walked into a kitchen goods store at the mall, and Robbie asked, "What are you looking for?"

"A wooden spoon."

"You hate wooden spoons," he replied.

"I've changed my mind."

Poor Robbie still hadn't put two and two together.

To my surprise, I found wooden spoons and spatulas in sizes I didn't know existed. I mean, wow! Some of those things could double as a ship's oar!

I found what I wanted, handed it to Robbie, and told him to go pay for it. He looked at the size of the spoon, looked at me through the tops of his eyes, and sarcastically asked, "What? Are you gonna stir a witch's cauldron?"

When we got home, I took the spoon, cut the tag off of it, walked over to Robbie, and said, "You need to get undressed." He looked at the spoon in my hand, and now he understood.

"You can't be serious," he said.

"I'm dead serious," I replied, and I was. I was 100% into this, and I was going to make it count.

In an instant, Robbie's demeanor changed - a little fear mixed with a touch of humiliation. He hesitated, and I am sure he was debating whether or not he should complain that he hadn't done anything, but he would be lying, and he knew I would know he was lying.

He hung his head, let go a small sigh, and with an unhappy face, he began to undress. Once he was standing there naked, I gave his cage two sharp whacks with the spoon. He recoiled with an "Ow!" I pointed to our side chair with the spoon and told him go lean over it. I stepped up next to him, ready to deliver his discipline, and I asked, "How many times did you jerk off?" He stood there, leaned over, naked, unhappy, and silent. "Robbie," I said, "how many times?" It was dead silent in the house. We could hear the distant squeals of the little girls who live across the street playing in their front yard, and even further away, someone was cutting the grass.

Finally, Robbie gave in.

"Twice," he said.

Without hesitation, I whacked his naked ass hard. Robbie flinched, grunted, and winced. He clenched his teeth and pulled deep breaths through his nose. While I waited a second for his pain to subside, Robbie looked down at the seat of the chair to try to hide the humiliation on his face. I warned him, "You've got another one coming," and I immediately followed through with another stinging whack. Once again, he flinched, grunted, and winced, and took deep breaths through his nose. I tossed the spoon into the chair.

"Who's the boss, Robbie," I said.

"You are."

"You don't cum unless I give you permission. That's been the rule, hasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Maybe you'll remember that next time," I said. "Stand up."

Robbie stood up straight, and I took hold of his cage and lifted it. His cock was straining as hard as ever against the metal prison.

"Well, well," I said, "maybe I should give you another one."

Me seeing his erection only further humiliated him, and I can't tell you how insanely arousing it was for me. God! I felt so powerful and exalted! This stood as a tremendous jump in status for me in our relationship.

I softened my voice, took on a caring tone, and said, "Baby, you know better." Robbie nodded, but he was still too embarrassed to say anything. "Well you've had yours. Now I'll have mine." I took him by the hand and walked him over to the couch. I pulled off my underwear, sat down on the couch, spread my legs, and looked up at him with a gloating smile.

"Be a good boy, now." I told him.

He got down on his knees and began his oral duties. He did just as I like him to do, so gentle and slow, and while he serviced me, I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Mmm," I smiled, looking down at him, "you are a good boy with your mouth, but you know you won't be cumming for a while. And Robbie, you get out of line again, on anything, and you can expect a lot worse than what you got today. You understand, boy?"

Robbie nodded without interrupting his exceptional oral service. I've never seen him so happy, and that makes me all the more aroused.

He took his time, as I like, and when I finally told him I was ready, he gave me the strong, rolling orgasm I expected him to give me. Once I had calmed down, I pushed him aside with my bare foot, put on my underwear, and went about my day.

I love being married.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Great update, I’m sure he’s processing what happened including whether he “enjoyed” it, my guess is he did.

One thing I like to ask my subs is how many they think they deserve or how many do they think they can take, it pushes them further into that submissive mind state that they crave. It also gives me insight, as you get a sense of what they think they can take, and their desire to serve and please you by taking more. Of course it’s also a fun game to play with them, after all what ever number they give it’s highly likely I’m going to tell them they can take more.

 

[LeaHaven]

First thing....

At the bike ride this morning, I heard one of the guys tell Jack that he was "sorry to hear the news." As I soon learned, Jack and his wife are now separated. Jack and I talked after the ride, and he explained the situation. It was planned and came as no surprise. Robbie and I are supposed to attend his quarterly Meet-Up at his house this coming Saturday, and as Jack and I talked after the ride, he asked me if I would help with his presentation at the Meet-Up.

I couldn't help but wonder. Is he asking me now because his wife has moved out? Is this an attempt to put him and me together? Or am I just being embarrassingly vain?

I told him I would be happy to help, and then I said, "I'll leave Robbie home this time since I'll be busy." Jack didn't respond. In other words, he didn't say something like, "No, bring Robbie along. I'd love to see him!" That didn't happen.

Jack and I are supposed to talk tomorrow about the presentation. I already told Robbie he's not going. We'll see what happens.

Second thing...

Alex texted me this morning during my bike ride. He asked if Robbie and I would like to meet him and his wife for dinner tonight. "I know it's last minute..." he said. I didn't answer when I got the text, because this is the guy who knows Robbie's "little" secret. I might be mean, but I'm not THAT mean that I would make Robbie face the guy. Honestly, though, my gut told me that Robbie might actually LIKE the situation. I asked him when I got home, and he initially said no. It didn't sound very convincing, so I turned on my soft, sweet, encouraging voice. "Are you sure, baby. I would like to see him. Could you do it for me?" I knew that last sentence gave him an excuse to have to face the situation. Robbie let out a long sigh and thought for a minute. "Please?" I added.

Robbie nodded, "Ok."

Oh, and a third thing!....

Travis is supposed to move in next Saturday.

When it rains, it pours!

 

[cuckoldbill]

Love this. Great stories x

 

[liqueur]

You write so well!

I still haven't read the entire thread so I may be speaking out of turn. But it seems to me I see you still avoiding situations that you think will be too humiliating for Robbie, even if they're things you want. For instance:

...this is the guy who knows Robbie's "little" secret. I might be mean, but I'm not THAT mean that I would make Robbie face the guy...

I can tell you, the more humiliating it is— so long as he knows it's arousing to you— the better he will like it. And being exposed to other people will be at the top of the list. I tell you this from experience.

 

[LeaHaven]

Leah, I do think that Robbie is a lot like a younger version of me. Although it took me a while, I now accept that I am sexually inferior to all Women and certainly to my Wife. She was frustrated by my PE, and for good reason She now generally (except for very special occasions) denies me PIV sex. I need Her to control my orgasms, both to keep me in sustained arousal and also because I lack the self control not to wank all the time. Like Robbie, I am highly aroused by erotic humiliation. Although my Wife has never chosen to tell others that I am pantied and serve Her at home, the idea/threat that She might, and that She might discuss my PE and small penis size with Her Women friends is Her prerogative and a thought that arouses me.

It seems that you are learning the fine art of erotic humiliation and the power it has on submissive males like Robbie and me. We crave it!

I know that some humiliation gives Robbie and erection. It seems to me, if it gets him hard, he must like it. That's my gauge, anyway.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what PE is.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

I know that some humiliation gives Robbie and erection. It seems to me, if it gets him hard, he must like it. That's my gauge, anyway.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what PE is.

Premature Ejaculation I’m guessing.

 

[LeaHaven]

Great update, I’m sure he’s processing what happened including whether he “enjoyed” it, my guess is he did.

One thing I like to ask my subs is how many they think they deserve or how many do they think they can take, it pushes them further into that submissive mind state that they crave. It also gives me insight, as you get a sense of what they think they can take, and their desire to serve and please you by taking more. Of course it’s also a fun game to play with them, after all what ever number they give it’s highly likely I’m going to tell them they can take more.

I didn't believe him when he claimed it only happened twice, but since this was all new for us, I decided to go with it. He sure didn't expect me to hit him that hard. I might be small, even for a woman, but I am not afraid to inflict pain. Robbie knows that. Once he got the first whack, I could tell that he was reminded of who he is married to. I could see it all over his face, and I LOVED it. God, I loved it!

I will have to remember next time to ask him how many he thinks he deserves. If I don't like his answer, I'll give him however many I had planned.

 

[LeaHaven]

You write so well!

I still haven't read the entire thread so I may be speaking out of turn. But it seems to me I see you still avoiding situations that you think will be too humiliating for Robbie, even if they're things you want. For instance:

I can tell you, the more humiliating it is— so long as he knows it's arousing to you— the better he will like it. And being exposed to other people will be at the top of the list. I tell you this from experience.

This is new ground for us. When it's just him and me, I do whatever I want. But I didn't want to go to far in this situation, so I thought it better to make sure. I'm still learning, and I very much appreciate your input. I think you and Robbie have a lot in common.

By the way, when he initially said, "No," I knew he didn't mean it. He just wanted me to "take the blame," if that makes sense.

 

[LeaHaven]

Premature Ejaculation I’m guessing.

Oh gosh! How dumb of me! Ty!

 

[liqueur]

By the way, when he initially said, "No," I knew he didn't mean it. He just wanted me to "take the blame," if that makes sense.

It absolutely makes sense

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I will have to remember next time to ask him how many he thinks he deserves. If I don't like his answer, I'll give him however many I had planned.

That’s what’s fun about it, you’re going to do what ever number you want, but Robbie will try and figure out what number you’ll accept, which adds to the torture especially when you tell him that because his guess was such a pathetically low number it’s going to now have to be twice as many as you had initially planned.

Also the number is somewhat irrelevant because you control the intensity anyway, after all I can make 2 hurt a hell of a lot more than 10 if I want it too, it helps reinforce that feeling for them of being completely controlled.

 

[NancyPan]

I know that some humiliation gives Robbie and erection. It seems to me, if it gets him hard, he must like it. That's my gauge, anyway.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what PE is.

Sorry Ms. Leah, PE is Premature Ejaculation. One byproduct of orgasm denial and my resulting sustained state of arousal is that She can produce erections with certain gently mocking comments. Tone of voice is extremely powerful. She finds it quite amusing (and powerful) to see my little helpless hard-on simply from a few words….

 

[LeaHaven]

On the flight home from New Orleans, I was feeling kind of down. I wasn't necessarily disappointed that nothing happened between Alex and me. I was disappointed that he didn't make a real effort for something to happen. And I thought about how Jack seems so interested, but nothing ever really happens with him either. It's like things get so far, but they never get over the hump. And in the office, the guys trip over each other to flirt with Erin. They flirt with me, but it's not with the same "vigor." I'm an attractive women, and I have a very nice figure. Guys look at me all the time. In fact, when guys are looking, thanks to Robbie, I am ALWAYS notified. So what am I doing wrong? What did I do differently with Travis?

When I got home and settled down, I sat in our family room and actually searched "how to flirt with guys." There was nothing there I didn't know.

So what is it between me and Travis that is different from me and Jack or Alex?

It has to be the age difference.

And then it occurred to me. I am myself with Travis. I'm sarcastic and unfettered and I engage with him. I engage with him. Travis got cues of interest from me. Alex and Jack never did. Since they are older and more experienced, I am always waiting for them to lead the way, and I treat them with a sort of "fatherly" respect.

I can fix that.

When Jack asked me about helping with his presentation, this time I knew I needed to respond in a way that gave the proper cues. "Say something, Leah!" my mind told me, "Say something that opens the door." When I told him that I would leave Robbie home, Jack didn't say anything against that. I instantly knew it worked.

God! How could I have been so stupid all this time?

Last night, Robbie and I were going to meet Alex and his wife for dinner. I knew I couldn't be giving direct cues to Alex with his wife right there, but I could give cues - if I dared. I have a blue and white striped maxi dress with spaghetti straps. It's not like super tight or anything, but it is clingy, and I think it looks very good on me. If I wear a little bit of heel, it looks sexy. When I came out of our bedroom, Robbie was like, "Wow!"

"Do I look ok?" I said, innocently.

Here I was heels, dress, full-face date-night makeup, and I'm acting like, "what?...this silly little dress?"

When we got to the restaurant, Alex and his wife were waiting outside. When he saw me, I saw that "Wow!" look on his face. He made sure I did. His wife looked up at him, just a brief, not-so-happy glance. It was obvious that now she knew why her husband wanted to have dinner with this new, much younger couple.

We were seated in a booth, and as we were all looking at menu's, the waiter came and set four waters on the table. It caused me to look up, and I caught Alex staring at me. Normally, I would have smiled politely and returned to what I was doing, the coy, good girl who never assumes too much, but this time I didn't. I held his gaze. I even cut my eyes to his wife, to make sure she was still viewing the menu, then I returned my gaze to Alex. He was waiting for it. It got my heart racing, and it spoke volumes between him and me. For the entire meal, every chance he got, Alex stole glances with me, and I looked back. It felt wrong and dangerous and salacious, and I loved every minute of it.

Alex's wife was never aware, but Robbie saw what was going on. But then he knew ahead of time that I was looking to flirt, so he was looking for it. And he wouldn't stop. When I could sneak it in, I hit him in the thigh, and sharply, to let him know that he'd better not dare interfere with my fun.

He stopped. Maybe he remembered the spoon.

At the end of the meal, I got up to go to the ladies room. I didn't really have to go. It was a ploy, and it worked. As I walked back to the table, Alex made sure I saw him looking me up and down. His wife saw him doing it, too. She wasn't so stupid that she didn't know what I was doing. I have a feeling there was a very unpleasant conversation between them on their way home.

After Robbie and I got home, I got a text from Alex that said, "You looked beautiful."

Normally, I would have responded, "Thank you," and left it at that, but this time I didn't.

"Thank you," I replied. "You looked quite beautiful yourself."

Alex responded immediately.

"When can I see you again?"

I thought to myself, "All this time, it's been this easy?" I rolled my eyes, and told myself what I have been told on here.
"Just be yourself. You do you."

"Depends," I replied.

"On what?"

"If you can be a good boy or not," I said.

"No. I have no intentions of being a good boy. Bad runs in my veins and it's been pent up for 12 years. You'll be lucky to survive."

OMG!! My heart was pumping like never before. My hands were trembling. Holy God! This was unlike anything this church girl has ever experienced! But now I was lost for words. I was completely out of my league! What do I say?

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Be yourself, Leah," I thought, again, emphasizing it, "just be yourself."

I responded.

"Sounds like big talk to me."

"Only one way to find out," he replied. "Do dinner with me. Wednesday night."

"Wednesday nite? Hmm...I was going to wash my hair that night. But, ok. Seeings how you're all 'pent up' and everything."

"Who is this?" he said. "Are you the same girl I met in New Orleans?"

"It takes me a while to come out of my shell."

"I like you out of your shell!" he said. "So we're good? Wednesday night?"

"We're good. Wednesday night"

So now you all know. I have an actual, real date on Wednesday night. God, I'm so nervous! And now comes the big question: What do I wear?

Oh, and in case you couldn't guess it, Robbie is beside himself.

 

[LeaHaven]

Tone of voice is extremely powerful. She finds it quite amusing (and powerful) to see my little helpless hard-on simply from a few words….

This, I have learned. It is quite amusing.

 

[twister947]

On the flight home from New Orleans, I was feeling kind of down. I wasn't necessarily disappointed that nothing happened between Alex and me. I was disappointed that he didn't make a real effort for something to happen. And I thought about how Jack seems so interested, but nothing ever really happens with him either. It's like things get so far, but they never get over the hump. And in the office, the guys trip over each other to flirt with Erin. They flirt with me, but it's not with the same "vigor." I'm an attractive women, and I have a very nice figure. Guys look at me all the time. In fact, when guys are looking, thanks to Robbie, I am ALWAYS notified. So what am I doing wrong? What did I do differently with Travis?

When I got home and settled down, I sat in our family room and actually searched "how to flirt with guys." There was nothing there I didn't know.

So what is it between me and Travis that is different from me and Jack or Alex?

It has to be the age difference.

And then it occurred to me. I am myself with Travis. I'm sarcastic and unfettered and I engage with him. I engage with him. Travis got cues of interest from me. Alex and Jack never did. Since they are older and more experienced, I am always waiting for them to lead the way, and I treat them with a sort of "fatherly" respect.

I can fix that.

When Jack asked me about helping with his presentation, this time I knew I needed to respond in a way that gave the proper cues. "Say something, Leah!" my mind told me, "Say something that opens the door." When I told him that I would leave Robbie home, Jack didn't say anything against that. I instantly knew it worked.

God! How could I have been so stupid all this time?

Last night, Robbie and I were going to meet Alex and his wife for dinner. I knew I couldn't be giving direct cues to Alex with his wife right there, but I could give cues - if I dared. I have a blue and white striped maxi dress with spaghetti straps. It's not like super tight or anything, but it is clingy, and I think it looks very good on me. If I wear a little bit of heel, it looks sexy. When I came out of our bedroom, Robbie was like, "Wow!"

"Do I look ok?" I said, innocently.

Here I was heels, dress, full-face date-night makeup, and I'm acting like, "what?...this silly little dress?"

When we got to the restaurant, Alex and his wife were waiting outside. When he saw me, I saw that "Wow!" look on his face. He made sure I did. His wife looked up at him, just a brief, not-so-happy glance. It was obvious that now she knew why her husband wanted to have dinner with this new, much younger couple.

We were seated in a booth, and as we were all looking at menu's, the waiter came and set four waters on the table. It caused me to look up, and I caught Alex staring at me. Normally, I would have smiled politely and returned to what I was doing, the coy, good girl who never assumes too much, but this time I didn't. I held his gaze. I even cut my eyes to his wife, to make sure she was still viewing the menu, then I returned my gaze to Alex. He was waiting for it. It got my heart racing, and it spoke volumes between him and me. For the entire meal, every chance he got, Alex stole glances with me, and I looked back. It felt wrong and dangerous and salacious, and I loved every minute of it.

Alex's wife was never aware, but Robbie saw what was going on. But then he knew ahead of time that I was looking to flirt, so he was looking for it. And he wouldn't stop. When I could sneak it in, I hit him in the thigh, and sharply, to let him know that he'd better not dare interfere with my fun.

He stopped. Maybe he remembered the spoon.

At the end of the meal, I got up to go to the ladies room. I didn't really have to go. It was a ploy, and it worked. As I walked back to the table, Alex made sure I saw him looking me up and down. His wife saw him doing it, too. She wasn't so stupid that she didn't know what I was doing. I have a feeling there was a very unpleasant conversation between them on their way home.

After Robbie and I got home, I got a text from Alex that said, "You looked beautiful."

Normally, I would have responded, "Thank you," and left it at that, but this time I didn't.

"Thank you," I replied. "You looked quite beautiful yourself."

Alex responded immediately.

"When can I see you again?"

I thought to myself, "All this time, it's been this easy?" I rolled my eyes, and told myself what I have been told on here.
"Just be yourself. You do you."

"Depends," I replied.

"On what?"

"If you can be a good boy or not," I said.

"No. I have no intentions of being a good boy. Bad runs in my veins and it's been pent up for 12 years. You'll be lucky to survive."

OMG!! My heart was pumping like never before. My hands were trembling. Holy God! This was unlike anything this church girl has ever experienced! But now I was lost for words. I was completely out of my league! What do I say?

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Be yourself, Leah," I thought, again, emphasizing it, "just be yourself."

I responded.

"Sounds like big talk to me."

"Only one way to find out," he replied. "Do dinner with me. Wednesday night."

"Wednesday nite? Hmm...I was going to wash my hair that night. But, ok. Seeings how you're all 'pent up' and everything."

"Who is this?" he said. "Are you the same girl I met in New Orleans?"

"It takes me a while to come out of my shell."

"I like you out of your shell!" he said. "So we're good? Wednesday night?"

"We're good. Wednesday night"

So now you all know. I have an actual, real date on Wednesday night. God, I'm so nervous! And now comes the big question: What do I wear?

Oh, and in case you couldn't guess it, Robbie is beside himself.

Leah dates, Robbie waits: seriously hot. You have my full attention.

 

[liqueur]

now you all know. I have an actual, real date on Wednesday night.

Sounds like the beginning of a grand adventure.

And now comes the big question: What do I wear?

Whatever you choose, wear nothing underneath.

 

[Tallcajun]

On the flight home from New Orleans, I was feeling kind of down. I wasn't necessarily disappointed that nothing happened between Alex and me. I was disappointed that he didn't make a real effort for something to happen. And I thought about how Jack seems so interested, but nothing ever really happens with him either. It's like things get so far, but they never get over the hump. And in the office, the guys trip over each other to flirt with Erin. They flirt with me, but it's not with the same "vigor." I'm an attractive women, and I have a very nice figure. Guys look at me all the time. In fact, when guys are looking, thanks to Robbie, I am ALWAYS notified. So what am I doing wrong? What did I do differently with Travis?

When I got home and settled down, I sat in our family room and actually searched "how to flirt with guys." There was nothing there I didn't know.

So what is it between me and Travis that is different from me and Jack or Alex?

It has to be the age difference.

And then it occurred to me. I am myself with Travis. I'm sarcastic and unfettered and I engage with him. I engage with him. Travis got cues of interest from me. Alex and Jack never did. Since they are older and more experienced, I am always waiting for them to lead the way, and I treat them with a sort of "fatherly" respect.

I can fix that.

When Jack asked me about helping with his presentation, this time I knew I needed to respond in a way that gave the proper cues. "Say something, Leah!" my mind told me, "Say something that opens the door." When I told him that I would leave Robbie home, Jack didn't say anything against that. I instantly knew it worked.

God! How could I have been so stupid all this time?

Last night, Robbie and I were going to meet Alex and his wife for dinner. I knew I couldn't be giving direct cues to Alex with his wife right there, but I could give cues - if I dared. I have a blue and white striped maxi dress with spaghetti straps. It's not like super tight or anything, but it is clingy, and I think it looks very good on me. If I wear a little bit of heel, it looks sexy. When I came out of our bedroom, Robbie was like, "Wow!"

"Do I look ok?" I said, innocently.

Here I was heels, dress, full-face date-night makeup, and I'm acting like, "what?...this silly little dress?"

When we got to the restaurant, Alex and his wife were waiting outside. When he saw me, I saw that "Wow!" look on his face. He made sure I did. His wife looked up at him, just a brief, not-so-happy glance. It was obvious that now she knew why her husband wanted to have dinner with this new, much younger couple.

We were seated in a booth, and as we were all looking at menu's, the waiter came and set four waters on the table. It caused me to look up, and I caught Alex staring at me. Normally, I would have smiled politely and returned to what I was doing, the coy, good girl who never assumes too much, but this time I didn't. I held his gaze. I even cut my eyes to his wife, to make sure she was still viewing the menu, then I returned my gaze to Alex. He was waiting for it. It got my heart racing, and it spoke volumes between him and me. For the entire meal, every chance he got, Alex stole glances with me, and I looked back. It felt wrong and dangerous and salacious, and I loved every minute of it.

Alex's wife was never aware, but Robbie saw what was going on. But then he knew ahead of time that I was looking to flirt, so he was looking for it. And he wouldn't stop. When I could sneak it in, I hit him in the thigh, and sharply, to let him know that he'd better not dare interfere with my fun.

He stopped. Maybe he remembered the spoon.

At the end of the meal, I got up to go to the ladies room. I didn't really have to go. It was a ploy, and it worked. As I walked back to the table, Alex made sure I saw him looking me up and down. His wife saw him doing it, too. She wasn't so stupid that she didn't know what I was doing. I have a feeling there was a very unpleasant conversation between them on their way home.

After Robbie and I got home, I got a text from Alex that said, "You looked beautiful."

Normally, I would have responded, "Thank you," and left it at that, but this time I didn't.

"Thank you," I replied. "You looked quite beautiful yourself."

Alex responded immediately.

"When can I see you again?"

I thought to myself, "All this time, it's been this easy?" I rolled my eyes, and told myself what I have been told on here.
"Just be yourself. You do you."

"Depends," I replied.

"On what?"

"If you can be a good boy or not," I said.

"No. I have no intentions of being a good boy. Bad runs in my veins and it's been pent up for 12 years. You'll be lucky to survive."

OMG!! My heart was pumping like never before. My hands were trembling. Holy God! This was unlike anything this church girl has ever experienced! But now I was lost for words. I was completely out of my league! What do I say?

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Be yourself, Leah," I thought, again, emphasizing it, "just be yourself."

I responded.

"Sounds like big talk to me."

"Only one way to find out," he replied. "Do dinner with me. Wednesday night."

"Wednesday nite? Hmm...I was going to wash my hair that night. But, ok. Seeings how you're all 'pent up' and everything."

"Who is this?" he said. "Are you the same girl I met in New Orleans?"

"It takes me a while to come out of my shell."

"I like you out of your shell!" he said. "So we're good? Wednesday night?"

"We're good. Wednesday night"

So now you all know. I have an actual, real date on Wednesday night. God, I'm so nervous! And now comes the big question: What do I wear?

Oh, and in case you couldn't guess it, Robbie is beside himself.

Careful what you wish for.

New Orleans has great memories for me.

 

[policywank]

On the flight home from New Orleans, I was feeling kind of down. I wasn't necessarily disappointed that nothing happened between Alex and me. I was disappointed that he didn't make a real effort for something to happen. And I thought about how Jack seems so interested, but nothing ever really happens with him either. It's like things get so far, but they never get over the hump. And in the office, the guys trip over each other to flirt with Erin. They flirt with me, but it's not with the same "vigor." I'm an attractive women, and I have a very nice figure. Guys look at me all the time. In fact, when guys are looking, thanks to Robbie, I am ALWAYS notified. So what am I doing wrong? What did I do differently with Travis?

When I got home and settled down, I sat in our family room and actually searched "how to flirt with guys." There was nothing there I didn't know.

So what is it between me and Travis that is different from me and Jack or Alex?

It has to be the age difference.

And then it occurred to me. I am myself with Travis. I'm sarcastic and unfettered and I engage with him. I engage with him. Travis got cues of interest from me. Alex and Jack never did. Since they are older and more experienced, I am always waiting for them to lead the way, and I treat them with a sort of "fatherly" respect.

I can fix that.

When Jack asked me about helping with his presentation, this time I knew I needed to respond in a way that gave the proper cues. "Say something, Leah!" my mind told me, "Say something that opens the door." When I told him that I would leave Robbie home, Jack didn't say anything against that. I instantly knew it worked.

God! How could I have been so stupid all this time?

Last night, Robbie and I were going to meet Alex and his wife for dinner. I knew I couldn't be giving direct cues to Alex with his wife right there, but I could give cues - if I dared. I have a blue and white striped maxi dress with spaghetti straps. It's not like super tight or anything, but it is clingy, and I think it looks very good on me. If I wear a little bit of heel, it looks sexy. When I came out of our bedroom, Robbie was like, "Wow!"

"Do I look ok?" I said, innocently.

Here I was heels, dress, full-face date-night makeup, and I'm acting like, "what?...this silly little dress?"

When we got to the restaurant, Alex and his wife were waiting outside. When he saw me, I saw that "Wow!" look on his face. He made sure I did. His wife looked up at him, just a brief, not-so-happy glance. It was obvious that now she knew why her husband wanted to have dinner with this new, much younger couple.

We were seated in a booth, and as we were all looking at menu's, the waiter came and set four waters on the table. It caused me to look up, and I caught Alex staring at me. Normally, I would have smiled politely and returned to what I was doing, the coy, good girl who never assumes too much, but this time I didn't. I held his gaze. I even cut my eyes to his wife, to make sure she was still viewing the menu, then I returned my gaze to Alex. He was waiting for it. It got my heart racing, and it spoke volumes between him and me. For the entire meal, every chance he got, Alex stole glances with me, and I looked back. It felt wrong and dangerous and salacious, and I loved every minute of it.

Alex's wife was never aware, but Robbie saw what was going on. But then he knew ahead of time that I was looking to flirt, so he was looking for it. And he wouldn't stop. When I could sneak it in, I hit him in the thigh, and sharply, to let him know that he'd better not dare interfere with my fun.

He stopped. Maybe he remembered the spoon.

At the end of the meal, I got up to go to the ladies room. I didn't really have to go. It was a ploy, and it worked. As I walked back to the table, Alex made sure I saw him looking me up and down. His wife saw him doing it, too. She wasn't so stupid that she didn't know what I was doing. I have a feeling there was a very unpleasant conversation between them on their way home.

After Robbie and I got home, I got a text from Alex that said, "You looked beautiful."

Normally, I would have responded, "Thank you," and left it at that, but this time I didn't.

"Thank you," I replied. "You looked quite beautiful yourself."

Alex responded immediately.

"When can I see you again?"

I thought to myself, "All this time, it's been this easy?" I rolled my eyes, and told myself what I have been told on here.
"Just be yourself. You do you."

"Depends," I replied.

"On what?"

"If you can be a good boy or not," I said.

"No. I have no intentions of being a good boy. Bad runs in my veins and it's been pent up for 12 years. You'll be lucky to survive."

OMG!! My heart was pumping like never before. My hands were trembling. Holy God! This was unlike anything this church girl has ever experienced! But now I was lost for words. I was completely out of my league! What do I say?

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Be yourself, Leah," I thought, again, emphasizing it, "just be yourself."

I responded.

"Sounds like big talk to me."

"Only one way to find out," he replied. "Do dinner with me. Wednesday night."

"Wednesday nite? Hmm...I was going to wash my hair that night. But, ok. Seeings how you're all 'pent up' and everything."

"Who is this?" he said. "Are you the same girl I met in New Orleans?"

"It takes me a while to come out of my shell."

"I like you out of your shell!" he said. "So we're good? Wednesday night?"

"We're good. Wednesday night"

So now you all know. I have an actual, real date on Wednesday night. God, I'm so nervous! And now comes the big question: What do I wear?

Oh, and in case you couldn't guess it, Robbie is beside himself.

Sounds like lots of good prospects! As you have so ably demonstrated being yourself and being direct are quite effective in making your intentions clear and getting what you want. I think that is always the case, but especially for a married woman who is dating. I find that the guys who I find attractive are guys who aren't dissuaded by my marital status but who are sufficiently respectful of it that they are looking for a clear green light before proceeding. If a guy is getting anything less than a clear green light he will always be worried about negative blowback. Unfortunately, there are married women who will lead a guy on because they enjoy the attention or to make her husband jealous or whatever, then be indignant and accusatory if he actually pursues her.

By seizing the initiative you also put yourself in a better position to manage the dynamics with them after an intimate relationship has begun. I personally want my men to see me as a woman who prefers to be direct and expects my boundaries to be respected. That leaves them less room to infer what they want from mixed messaging or project their preferred interpretation onto events. For me that means both clear responses to their inquiries and a pro-active approach to communicating my desires and preferences.

One of the things that is always a bit of a challenge to me is determining how much I tell my dates about my marital situation. Usually at first it is very little at first anyway. Some I simply tell that we are non-monogamous and leave it at that. Others may eventually learn that it is an FLR and asymmetrical (i.e. hotwife, I date and he doesn't). But how I portray my husband is important to me. That varies by man and how much information I think I can trust them with, but they always understand that I love him very much and have no intention of leaving him.

 

[LeaHaven]

Careful what you wish for.

New Orleans has great memories for me.

No risk, no reward.

Are you from New Orleans?

 

[Artfan2]

No risk, no reward.

Yes, indeed. And fortune favors the bold.