Sexless Marriages

[stephen88]

Why? why must it be so complicated?

 

[stephen88]

Ok. I'm in ED land myself. There was a point when it started that I wasn't wanting to be with the wife and just handled my own needs. But I dove in finally and gave her the low down and am working with docs on it. We now can do other stuff together but seeing pics on here and videos does bring up "would be nice to do that" thoughts. I can totally get where it can really hit a guy hard. My only "advice" is that talking about it made it just a thing not a crisis, even though the quick treatments aren't working for me. Best of luck.

Omg, do i wish you the best.

 

[13Fantasies]

Does anyone have experience with a chronically ill partner? Im trying to figure out why I'm in a sexless marriage. I know part is stress. But I'm trying to understand why he all of a sudden just doesn't want to. Technically not all of a sudden at this point. He's not seeing anyone on the side, we've been through that. I try to be affectionate with him, he literally tells me to stop. I'm the chronically ill person. I have lupus and was taken off birth control. I know that was part of it for a while. But now it's just like roommates and I'm starving for affection.

I have a spouse with multiple disorders and autoimmune diseases. It has an impact for sure.

I was literally told, "I don't think it's ever coming back." We'll mark 7 sexless years in August

 

[BiggDogg91]

I'm gonna say this and be done with this nonsense . Why do people wait until they get older and then want to complain? Like I said before people get old. Does anyone know what in sickness and health really mean? When people get older current things happen. That's just life.

 

[Tom_Brown]

I'm gonna say this and be done with this nonsense . Why do people wait until they get older and then want to complain? Like I said before people get old. Does anyone know what in sickness and health really mean? When people get older current things happen. That's just life.

I’m not complaining, so I won’t take your message personally. I’ve been married for over 33 years!

 

[stephen88]

I'm gonna say this and be done with this nonsense . Why do people wait until they get older and then want to complain? Like I said before people get old. Does anyone know what in sickness and health really mean? When people get older current things happen. That's just life.

I find you insensitive and inexperienced.

 

[stephen88]

I’m not complaining, so I won’t take your message personally. I’ve been married for over 33 years!

45 years here

 

[Hopeful1972]

Does anyone have experience with a chronically ill partner? Im trying to figure out why I'm in a sexless marriage. I know part is stress. But I'm trying to understand why he all of a sudden just doesn't want to. Technically not all of a sudden at this point. He's not seeing anyone on the side, we've been through that. I try to be affectionate with him, he literally tells me to stop. I'm the chronically ill person. I have lupus and was taken off birth control. I know that was part of it for a while. But now it's just like roommates and I'm starving for affection.

Sorry to hear that.
Firstly, great profile pic.
Secondly, it's hard to know what's going on with someone, you'll need to ask him to be brutally honest.

 

[Fudbuck57]

45 years here

Me too

 

[SassyPixiedust]

I'm gonna say this and be done with this nonsense . Why do people wait until they get older and then want to complain? Like I said before people get old. Does anyone know what in sickness and health really mean? When people get older current things happen. That's just life.

How long have you been married?

 

[SassyPixiedust]

Sorry to hear that.
Firstly, great profile pic.
Secondly, it's hard to know what's going on with someone, you'll need to ask him to be brutally honest.

Oh i have. He gets irritated and ignores me.

 

[Hopeful1972]

Oh i have. He gets irritated and ignores me.

Then I'm sorry for you, it's difficult when comms breakdown through emotions and it results in status quo.
I get "sex isn't important" and lectured that being a woman is so much harder than being a man (something I have no argument for).

Sorry SP, not sure how much I can help

 

[BiggDogg91]

How long have you been married

I'm not married for your information. If I was married it would be for the right reason and not the wrong reason . It amazes me how people can complain about what they are not getting.

 

[SassyPixiedust]

I'm not married for your information. If I was married it would be for the right reason and not the wrong reason . It amazes me how people can complain about what they are not getting.

It's amazing how someone with no marriage experience can sit there judging what complaints are when married people are venting and other married people sympathize.
It amazes me how you can sit there single not understanding yet spouting your displeasure for relationships that are not pertinent to you.
Try going into marriage for "the right reason", see how long it's the "right reason". Sometimes that "right reason" is why people are here upset and trying to fix things.
You do you boo boo, may you have the life you deserve.

 

[BiggDogg91]

It's amazing how someone with no marriage experience can sit there judging what complaints are when married people are venting and other married people sympathize.
It amazes me how you can sit there single not understanding yet spouting your displeasure for relationships that are not pertinent to you.
Try going into marriage for "the right reason", see how long it's the "right reason". Sometimes that "right reason" is why people are here upset and trying to fix things.
You do you boo boo, may you have the life you deserve.

I'm gonna say this and be done with this. I know people that are married. I talk with them all the time. Like I have said before marriage is not about what you can get. If you think that marriage is all about what you can get out of someone, that is just sad .

 

[SassyPixiedust]

I'm gonna say this and be done with this. I know people that are married. I talk with them all the time. Like I have said before marriage is not about what you can get. If you think that marriage is all about what you can get out of someone, that is just sad .

Bless your heart. You are on just one topic of marriage. Theres a whole rainbow of stuff that happens in a marriage. Until you're married, shush and mind your manners.

 

[Tom_Brown]

I'm gonna say this and be done with this. I know people that are married. I talk with them all the time. Like I have said before marriage is not about what you can get. If you think that marriage is all about what you can get out of someone, that is just sad .

You “talking” with people who are married is not the same as living it. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY will divulge all the struggles and/or wins with you. Though you may feel as though you have an incite, you don’t.

I’ve been married for over 30 years and not once have I divulged all of the nuances that make my marriage work.
Time to get off your high horse and talk about things that you may actually know about (or at least have some experience with).

In the meantime, us married folk (which you are not a member of the club), will continue to do us!

 

[Dadoftwo87]

Lovely people, as much as this guy enrages me, he is the very definition of a troll... no actual expirience, an opinion designed to go against all that is reasonable and voiced in an unkind manner. Let's not give him all this attention and he'll go bother some other thread...

And with that out of the way let's get back to the helpful discussion that came before this ugliness ...

 

[Dadoftwo87]

Does anyone have experience with a chronically ill partner? Im trying to figure out why I'm in a sexless marriage. I know part is stress. But I'm trying to understand why he all of a sudden just doesn't want to. Technically not all of a sudden at this point. He's not seeing anyone on the side, we've been through that. I try to be affectionate with him, he literally tells me to stop. I'm the chronically ill person. I have lupus and was taken off birth control. I know that was part of it for a while. But now it's just like roommates and I'm starving for affection.

I so feel you! Though it may not be a chronic illness in the narrowest definition, my wife recovered very poorly from her last pregnancy. To a point where the night my youngest was conceived, is the last time we had sex. He is two now. My wife has always been the more conservative one. And she is absolutely not open to the idea of therapy of any kind. It is hard sometimes, since a a man i never had to endure any of the hardships related to pregnancy, so my obvious role is to be supportive and patient but we have come to a point where I don't see any progress and I am starting to fear that at not yet forty, I've already had my last sex...

 

[RoperTrace]

I'm not married for your information. If I was married it would be for the right reason and not the wrong reason . It amazes me how people can complain about what they are not getting.

With respect, Sir, people change over decades. Sometimes within a few years. All l.t. married people know that sex wanes, and becomes less over the years, but that's no reason that genuine affection should stop either. And no one teaches us how to be able to communicate that loss with a spouse. Some of us are able to communicate it, but others try and give up after the other party just puts them on 'ignore', several times in a row. I'm jealous of older married couples where the affection remains until the bitter end. I think most of us got married for the right reasons, the ones that didn't probably don't survive long enough to know about the topic on this thread.

 

[SassyPixiedust]

With respect, Sir, people change over decades. Sometimes within a few years. All l.t. married people know that sex wanes, and becomes less over the years, but that's no reason that genuine affection should stop either. And no one teaches us how to be able to communicate that loss with a spouse. Some of us are able to communicate it, but others try and give up after the other party just puts them on 'ignore', several times in a row. I'm jealous of older married couples where the affection remains until the bitter end. I think most of us got married for the right reasons, the ones that didn't probably don't survive long enough to know about the topic on this thread.

Bingo!

 

[LovelyLadyBits]

I too have a strong sex drive. I don't know if this is normal or not. Some people keep a strong sex drive well into their 60's and some totally lose interest in sex in their 50's. Odd how these things happen.

I’m 65 and female and I absolutely love sex !

 

[RoperTrace]

Bingo!

Bingo! this reminds me of Ann Margaret, playing the wife in the movie, Middle-Age Crazy. It was the quintessential story about a guy with a Mid-life crisis, with marriage, job, kids, aging parents, and him wanting to just buy a Corvette. Bingo was what she yelled when having an orgasm.(edit): Bruce Dern was her husband.

 

[LovelyLadyBits]

Sex surge

The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.

Touche’ . Mine has been sexless 28 out of the 30 yrs together. One day I decided ENOUGH, I’ve been faithful but I need what I need. I had very little guilt in the beginning but no longer.

 

[LovelyLadyBits]

In my case, it is her hormone levels have dropped so much and her sex drive followed suit.....

Its frustrating as hell, only because all was well and then BAM, nothing. I knew I wasn't the only one struggling with this, perhaps this thread will help some of us cope better

There is help for her hormone issues she’s willing to try it