Your first time Dominated?

[Brachydactyl]

It was a few weeks ago. New partner, we're a couple months in.

We talked a ton about what we liked once we realized that we would be spending some nights together. We are around 40 and blessedly well past the point where anyone feels a need to rush.

They asked me to tell them what I was into, and I replied, just plain sex. In our case, plain old heterosexual sex, like something out of a biology textbook I guess. Can it get any more vanilla?. (Side note, just learned of the term vanilla, thanks gang.)

When I asked them what they were into, the answer was lengthy and included a bunch of the stuff that I had read about in some of the better stories on this site. I guess I had just never actually imagined myself into participation. But, why not?

So we had some lengthy discussions about what to try, and though I was still unsure, experimentation begin. This led to more thought and feedback about what worked and what didn't, about limits, and about ways we want to be pushed. Having to talk about these things is great practice in being vulnerable with each other, as a bonus.

Also, as a middle-aged beginner, I want to make it known to readers who may be younger beginners in either role. Something wonderful about the current status of our relationship is that there is a lot of reassurance that we care for each other deeply, are beginning to love each other, and that this all is truly just play. We are both feminists. We would never actually humiliate, demean, dominate, Etc the other outside the bedroom. This may seem obvious, but as a beginner, but I think it is important to establish a clear boundary for D / s roles as well as a clear, much larger boundary for respect and love, for lack of better terms. That only works because of this.

This level of communication is difficult to reach and requires a tremendous amount of research and intentional practice. And it is completely worth it if your goal is to have an emotionally and physically complex relationship with another being who wants something similar. What could be better than, say, getting tied up by someone you *trust* is wild about you? Cue the neurotransmitters.

Anyway, I have seen a few posts already from people who have not had great experiences with beginning this type of relationship. Just want to encourage you all to feed the fires that you want to burn, and run the other way if someone is being a jerk or has not convinced you that they care about you.

Long-windedly,
Brachydactyl

 

[zali]

My first BDSM experience was with/at the hands of, a wonderful dominant man.

The best part for me was the internal acknowledgement I found when I knew this was what I had been craving, desiring, needing.

 

[mrron]

...

 

[zali]

You've discovered that BDSM is not so much a physical thing as it is mental and psychological.

And it's been such an amazing journey so far . . . I'm looking forward to where the road leads me to next

 

[mrron]

...

 

[tsbone]

professional male, 60.
I was seduced and later dominated by an older man when i was younger. He was in his forties. I worked for him and his brothers business. They had a lake house. They would take their employees to the lake house on weekends. One weekend i found myself alone with my boss. He slowly and methodically seduced me. He was no stranger to this. I later found out I was not the only one. I had never had male sex, or even thoughts, always had girlfriends. His charisma was necessary to break me. He used a married couple to help seduce me. It was soft at first, then I was introduced to a variety of BDSM techniques. I could have left, but I seemed helpless to do so. There were lite drugs involved, but not to the point I was incapacitated. This led to me being subjected to domination by a select few of his business associates. I have always wondered if this was for business favor, or sexual pleasure, or both.

I was disgusted for a few years, but what I learned about pleasure and pain and the fascinating correlation was incredible. I have been heterosexual since, with an occasional foray into male and female domination. Not so unusual I've learned.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Tsbone, reading your post...it sounds like you are describing rape, not BDSM. BDSM requires full consent. Persuasion and drugging, making someone feel as if they cannot leave so they have no choice, that is dangerous and criminal...

 

[Lonelywife1205]

It was someone from here and it was virtual. I can still hear his voice in my head sometimes.

 

[Kazaboo22]

At university. It was a bit of sexual fun but led me to investigate a kink club and try more.

 

[Floridafun4everyone]

Ever had the pleasure, but would like to try that for something new

 

[gracie920101]

I can't pinpoint when I was first dominated as I always had relationship with guys who were strong minded and highly sexual. In hindsight, almost all of them were dominant but knew nothing about the lifestyle.

Except the one guy...he asked if he could tie me up after seeing how I would always reach up and grab and hold the bars in my brass headboard during sex. Smart man.

We explored b&d for almost 2 years, late nights after his band gig and occ. long weekends. I had toys, cuffs, blindfolds, and gags that he customized for me. Obviously I was so devastated after 14 months to find out he was "very happily" married and committed and even had 1 and 5/9ths children. I stayed a while as the adulterous taboo had been breeched and I was so reluctant to give up all the fun. Right before the second child was born, I said no more. He actually hunted me down about 6 years later, still married but wanted to pick everything up again! The bastard.

I've found a few others over the years that dabbled at bdsm and were just wannabe Doms. Then J and I found each other by some quirk of fate and we haven't looked at anything else except what makes us happy. I like being his rope bunny and he likes tying knots even after more than 2 decades. I'm rewarded with clamps and other delights during or after sessions. What's not to love?

 

[Goldenfinger]

I can’t tell you when. I met my wife while serving, she was in to get training and the GI bill after and I had planned it as a career. I knew what type of woman I wanted, strong, assertive and loyal. When I would come home after a tour I came to her house. She had set everything up and had her way of doing things. I could respect that so she was the boss. There’s no need to argue over where things go or how things get done, she had been doing it on her own why should I screw it up. Over time it just progressed.

 

[SmokeInMyEyes]

What about maybe a first time a woman was the dominant one;/) I got you there

Worked for me . . .

 

[lisaharlot]

Every time I try to write the whole story out I get booted so here’s the shortest version. I didn’t even know her that well, she told me to take my clothes off in her kitchen and I remember thinking more “where do I put my things” more than, “how’d I end up nekkid in this chick’s kitchen”. I don’t think either of us really thought about what would happen after I got out of my undies, hell I hadn’t even thought I was going to get nude.

She ended up taking a curling brush to my front and a hairbrush to my ass. I didn’t want her to stop, she kept asking if it was too much and I kept telling her i was okay and please don’t stop. She stopped before I wanted her to and I cried.

That’s my first time, or as much as I can share without getting timed out.

 

[Prass88]

It was a summer fling a few years ago. He pushed my limits while still making me feel comfortable, and I loved every minute of it. he really opened up a whole new sexual side of me. I miss the whip, and the ropes.

 

[misscocobutter]

My first BDSM experience was with/at the hands of, a wonderful dominant man.

The best part for me was the internal acknowledgement I found when I knew this was what I had been craving, desiring, needing.

Same here.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Had a bf who confessed to various dominant desires which I was quite amenable to, carting me off over his shoulder, bit of spanking and restraint - but despite us exploring various sex shops and all he was too scared to tie me up or anything in case he flipped and couldn't stop himself. If only we'd had internet porn back then we might have got him over that.

A year later I was with a different man, we'd fucked a few times, got talking about fantasies, he mentioned one a d u said I could see myself in that.
Ah, he said, but would you be the schoolgirl or the teacher?
The schoolgirl, for sure.
Ah... you see I'd always be the teacher...
Ah...

We took it from there. He'd done a bit before but we headed down to a fetish fair, met loads of great people and asked loads of questions...

 

[Chillygirl]

Someone from here, virtual. I actually craved submitting to him. Made myself completely vulnerable. Got way too emotionally invested. He ended up just ghosting me.

 

[misscocobutter]

Someone from here, virtual. I actually craved submitting to him. Made myself completely vulnerable. Got way too emotionally invested. He ended up just ghosting me.

Sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling. Still not over it.

 

[mugsgame]

1st

An older woman tied me naked to a post in her basement. She then picked up a sharp knife ....

 

[hbcacouple]

My first experience was pretty extreme

This is longer than I planned but thought it would be but that the story was memorable enough that It was worth telling.
This took place about twenty years ago when I was in my 20’s and lived in the Los Angeles area.
I found a female dom advertising in Craigs List. It took an extended online dance between us to determine that she was not a "pro" and that we were both serious. She became interested when I told her that I have a high pain threshold and was willing to push that. We did talk about my limits being no permanent marks but being open to almost anything. We then moved to phone conversation and we decided that each of us were real. I was turned on that she was black. She had me come to her apartment. She lived in a rear unit of a house that had multiple units and limited parking. She also gave me instructions to bring all of my toys. I had the belt that I was wearing and brought a crop, flogger, some vibrators, and small number of short ropes. I was afraid to bring restraints in fear of what might happen.
The neighborhood was not bad but ethnic enough to make me a little uncomfortable. She met me at the door wearing heels and a short silky robe. After minimal niceties, asked to me to show her what I had brought with me. She directed to strip and to lean forward against the back of a low chair that was kind of in the middle of a large living area. She proceeded to flog or paddle me with one of the implements that I brought with me until by my squirming that I couldn’t take any more. Early in the evening, my cock started leaking precum and that continued through the night. She would give a brief break and would then push me further. She proceeded through each of the toys that I had brought and my behind felt like it was on fire. When she got to the crop, she used it all over my body. Chest, thighs, cock, balls, ass, back, behind. Blows to my cock, balls or asshole doubled me up or would cause me to collapse to the floor. Welts seem to have popped up all over. The crop which was much more cruel than I could have imagined or fantasized. After she brought me to tears, she slowed down and we savored her further efforts.
When it was clear to both of us that I couldn’t take any more, she had me get on my hands and knees and proceeded to fuck me with the various dildos that I had brought.
As things seemed to be coming to a close, my cock had been hard for hours and it was clear that I wasn’t going to get any relief. I asked her she was as excited as I was and asked if I could make her eat her. She quickly opened her robe and dropped to sofa. I got to see the huge tits that she had been hiding all night and licked her soaking pussy until she came.
After, I dressed she told me that If my car was blocked in, that I should go to Apartment A and ask someone to move their car. Sure enough, my car was blocked in by several cars and when I went to the apartment the living room was full of black guys watching a ball game. I was invited in and was told that the guys would move the cars in a few minutes. While I was waiting, someone asked about my ass and someone else said the view through the sliding glass door was better than watching porno.
Eventually, I got to leave but there was no question that my submission to a black woman had been witnessed by a room full of men. I left sore, humiliated, bruised with a rock hard cock and best of all, memories that turn me on to this day.

 

[simplylovelypoet]

Forever grateful for Fetlife.

I had my first D/s experience with a complete and total stranger.
He and I exchanged messages for a brief time, before actually meeting up.

I expressed that I wanted to be challenged sexually. I had major interests in submission and desired someone that was willing to guide me through my own desires.
He had been in the lifestyle for about 10 years at the time.
I felt that with his experience I would learn how to truly submit to my other partner.

I was 28 and he was 40, at the time.
By far... the best sexual experiences of my life have come from his tongue, fingertips, cock, and sadism.

He trained me.
He slutted me.

2 years later...

He collared me.
He married me.

 

[BadAmy]

I had my first D/s experience with a complete and total stranger.
He and I exchanged messages for a brief time, before actually meeting up.

I expressed that I wanted to be challenged sexually. I had major interests in submission and desired someone that was willing to guide me through my own desires.
He had been in the lifestyle for about 10 years at the time.
I felt that with his experience I would learn how to truly submit to my other partner.

I was 28 and he was 40, at the time.
By far... the best sexual experiences of my life have come from his tongue, fingertips, cock, and sadism.

He trained me.
He slutted me.

2 years later...

He collared me.
He married me.

That just made me all smiley! Thanks for sharing!

 

[SweetWetness]

It was my boyfriend, I wasn't even aware of the whole BDSM scene. We went to church together, I had a lot of respect for him even before we got together. I always saw him as an authoritative type (he was one of the leaders in the church) figure but we started having a more friendly relationship. One day we had a conversation that somehow went down into a sexual topic, I was surprised by how relaxed he was throughout the conversation and it just sparked something that was really raw. I was naturally a submissive type, and he was naturally just dominant. Later that night we were on the picnic sitting on the same side but facing eat other and mid conversation we just launched at each other. The way he handled me was like nothing I'd ever felt, lifted me off my ass as and put me on his lap, took my hands and bound them behind me with is own. It was really light but it was the first time anyone had taken charge of me like that, where I couldn't just do what I wanted. As time went on our personalities allowed for our D/s relationship to really flourish. Soon he'd learned all my buttons and he'd have me soaking my panties in all kinds of public places which unfortunately already makes me more hot and controlling my orgasms. It was never as hardcore as I'm sure any of your relationships are but it really worked for us. Never had anything like it ever again.

 

[AvroAnsonXIX]

I was just starting out. Everything was new, and unfamiliar. I had been floating. Warm and safe, but in the dark. Now it was so cold. So bright that the light hurt my eyes. This man, a complete stranger ... He held me upside down and smacked me on the ass so hard that I cried out. The experience put me off of sex for 18 years.