Wayward Love Poems To Lost Lovers

Just like Chernobyl

It’s never just one,
rather a series
of errors
which compound until
the cumulative effect
is disaster.

The canoe was coming in too fast
the bow paddler drew right
to avoid a rock
then the lure caught
in the bushes and
the rod tip
snapped.

He was away on business
feeling lonely, perhaps
unappreciated,
He’d been at the bar too long,
perhaps a drink
too many.
She was young, attractive and
after another drink, available
so they went to his room.
Fifteen years of fidelity
erased in an
evening.
 

Out of Sight, Out of Time​


For all I think I've learned
of love
a forever unanswered question
remains
what does it means when it comes from you?

Those words that once flowed easily
from your lips
now dammed somewhere beneath your larynx
in your time-honored farce
that silence drowns what's left unsaid

So, here we are
again
in the vortex
of our beautiful oblivion
those precious parts we chucked
into the jar
pressed puree without the lid on
splattering everything that ever mattered
with persistent stains




*This is the result of my streaming service putting Eve 6's "Inside Out" in 97.2% of my "for you" mixes. It's not at all because I never tell it not to or turn the volume up and sing it very loudly every single time.
 
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I thought I saw you
though that's silly
in the spaces between
some lines and phrases
that weren't written
in the stroke of your pen
but could've been
and my weary heart
almost opened
nearly wept
before I stemmed the bleeding
that would empty my veins
leave indelible stains
from pools on the furniture
and floor
in lurid memorial
 

Epistle for a Water Sign​


I left you my pain on a page
then walked away
to plant tomatoes
hoping to beat the rain

Alone, I sat with hands in the soil
a growing wind
and time to think
about things like fighting for something
that can't be won
only given freely

and the futility of amethysts
attempting to shine like diamonds

Closer to the end
than the beginning
the water began to fall
first in cold drops on warm skin
then pelts that began to chill
while I stubbornly continued
digging holes in dirt
slowly turning to mud

Hey, sometimes I like to get messy

and the tomatoes are all planted
(peppers have to wait)

Stripping off soggy clothes,
I unhooked a memory that made me laugh
from that long-ago day I sent you a photo
featuring my gardening bra
which has to be the ugliest
piece of “lingerie” I own

and, fuck, if that isn't an apt vignette
of our history

I'm combustible, but I'm not a fire sign
mine is air
and I think the best gift I've given
hope it's still true (I try)
is allowing you to just breathe
in those too-short pauses
amongst long silences
being your best friend
(and biggest damn fan)

I don't follow astrology
but it seems to fit
the moment
with the wet still dripping
from my hair
 
This was my initial processing and confusion over the abrupt loss of someone who was becoming special to me. I now know what happened, and it wasn't a rejection, but I lost him nonetheless.

9:30 PM

You contacted me,
impressed by my talents
and quickly upset
my life's careful balance.

I knew it was risky
ignoring the signs
each time you pushed
my boldly drawn lines.

My door cracked open
and you stepped inside.
Your sweet charming
words made me feel so alive.

Call me Daddy, you said
with all the right things.
You touched my soul
soothing the stings.

You said I was sexy
and smart and dirty,
and as I floated
right at 9:30...

You vanished.

What was the point
of leading me on?
Was it all just the chase
and a bit of cold fun?

Did you aim for me feeling
revolting and ugly
as you sat there and laughed
so cruelly and smugly?

I don't know what happened
or where you stand,
but you'll never again do it
holding my hand.
 
L‘estro Armonica - no 11 in C


As I passed, I could hear it,
muffled by the door
that shuts me out of your life.

I had this frantic desire to
let you know, I was sharing
Vivaldi with you one more time.

Instead, I continued alone
down the worn stone stairs to
the sun and green that waited
below in the courtyard.

Other students went about their
lives. Discussing courses,
yesterday’s rugby game
or even whistling Vivaldi,
breaking my heart all over again.
 
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The lofting thoughts…
the soft gasps or
imagined sights
in mind
of lifted thighs
or hinted nipples
hid hard by high
sighing cotton…

or the flight
of “fuck”
slipped from
seething lips
briefly breathing
mine in giggled ear…

until alert eyes
catch the light
returning home…

and the fog
of possessing
is snatched away
as a click blink
connection cut
of taut string
sets soaring kite
to meander
to the ground
of a barren
bitter pillow.
 
How can there be no word for this
that aptly tracks the tears,
foreshadowed breaking of the kiss
both wrapped in bliss and fears?

When retching catch of gone is worn
with aching of the stay,
discardiomnifuckintorn
describes the world today.


discardiomnifuckintorn - (adj) a state of all the heart being shredded apart by the fight-flight instinct because either choice results in fuckity fuck FUCK!
 
We were each others first
Under autumn full moon
All the excitement
All the lust

All the love

The town was too small
The world was too big
We both had to try
To take a bite

All love lost

The world proved to be
Bigger than you and me
We both returned
Tried to mend

All love rekindled

Our souls enriched
Our views broadened
We attempted
Another launch

All love continues

Life forced our hand
Back into a world
For another spin
Never to see each other

All love lost again
 
I heard the ultimatum
I watched you drive away
I was constrained you see

They pulled me in every direction
They thought for only me
They were constrained you see

You had to move on
You couldn’t wait on me
You were constrained you see

She wrote a letter to ease my pain
She was thinking of you and me
She was constrained you see

We loved to its zenith
We had to part to be
We were constrained you see

All these years later
All these thoughts of thee
All were constrained you see
 
This was my initial processing and confusion over the abrupt loss of someone who was becoming special to me. I now know what happened, and it wasn't a rejection, but I lost him nonetheless.

9:30 PM

You contacted me,
impressed by my talents
and quickly upset
my life's careful balance.

I knew it was risky
ignoring the signs
each time you pushed
my boldly drawn lines.

My door cracked open
and you stepped inside.
Your sweet charming
words made me feel so alive.

Call me Daddy, you said
with all the right things.
You touched my soul
soothing the stings.

You said I was sexy
and smart and dirty,
and as I floated
right at 9:30...

You vanished.

What was the point
of leading me on?
Was it all just the chase
and a bit of cold fun?

Did you aim for me feeling
revolting and ugly
as you sat there and laughed
so cruelly and smugly?

I don't know what happened
or where you stand,
but you'll never again do it
holding my hand.
This hits home...
Wow.
 
I Made a Hat Today

I don't write
because I don't want to think
about the you I knew
or the whoever you are now
unraveling the tapestry
between those warps
thread by thread

Instead, I'm learning to sew
refinishing a cabinet
speaking a new language
attempting to fill all the gaps
that you could slide in through

Works well until it doesn't
like now
when I just want to breathe
but the hollow in my chest
starts to squeeze

I don't want to analyze every lie
wonder if enough was ever enough
start questioning those few things
I never thought I'd doubt

But I will if I allow myself the time

So, I won't write
won't plunder and examine
because every word
wants to lead back to you
 
Hello you,
I've been meaning to tell you
The cat headbutts my phone occasionally
Like she's trying to summon messages

I work with someone who tells me life is really short
Which is funny because every time he says it
My day gets longer
He's not right though, life is long enough
And long enough
And long enough
For nothing much to be really certain

I used to date someone who said "you make your own luck"
Which is fine I guess
If you ignore the definition of the word
But she also said "you could have anyone you wanted"
On her way out the door, so there's that

I suppose what I mean is:
Humans are odd
But you and I are odd
In the same way

When my brain overthinks you
I tell it you are none of its business
And I mean it
It is not down to me to fashion opportunity out of dust
But to take the chances as they come
And work on being irresistible

There are days when I feel like I've done this before
But I don't want to spoil the ending for you
I'm doing well, you know?
I trust you are too.
 
A God Damn Fool

It was intense
Too much, too soon
He scared her
And she, him
It was broken off
But he couldn’t stop
Love letters written
They piled up
In his sent items box
And in her pregnant inbox

She never replied
Not even once
Still he sent them
A fools errand
Couldn’t help himself
A bad girlfriend addict

Finally he stopped
Even he,
A god damned fool,
Knew that it was hopeless
She was gone
He forgot about her eventually

Till ten months later
He got a reply
There were no words
Just a link
To one of “their” songs
Only Love Can Break Your Heart
By St. Etienne

A bitter pill to swallow
To be sure
He stayed away

It’s been many years
But that song would bring him back
Every time
It came on the
Fucking radio

 
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I miss the way you looked at me,

The smile on your face every time we'd meet.

The late night talks it the tub,

that's when I knew I was falling in love.



The way it felt, when you would cuddle close,

is one of the things I'll miss the most.

Your bright blue eyes and that cute smile.

It definitely made it all worth while.

I must say I will miss you so.

As much as I hate to see you go.



I hope you will look back one day and smile.

And think of me every once in a while.

For I will think of you every time I see the stars.

And get lost again in those memories of ours.
 
Looking up at the moon
In a clear blue sky
I know you see it too

Do you look up there
And think of me
Looking up
Thinking of you
Love this! One of the first poems my sweetheart wrote for me was about looking up to the night sky and seeing the same moon (we were a thousand miles apart then and wouldn't actually meet for another six months). It's such a lovely romantic notion when lovers, present or past, know they share the same skies). Thank you for this poem. ♥️
 
Like a knight on a cloud, you'll
come to me again. And you'll
tell me secrets that flow like the wind
until they reach me. And you'll touch me
with softness I suspect you stole from
angels. And you'll be mine like a cloud
belongs in the sky and the wind runs
through the valley. And I'll be yours
like the river runs to the sea and the birds fly
south in winter. And then, after loving you
till dawn, I will wake up.
 
How did we get here?
Here to this place
Where we don't talk anymore
Where we are not honest with each other
Although I have always been honest with you

How did we get here?
From a place where each of us cared for the other
What did I do? What changed?
Why did you?

How did we get here?
To a place where we avoid each other
When once we couldn't bear to be apart
We longed for each other
Or at least I thought we both did
It seems that those feelings were only from me to you
and not from you to me

How did we get here?
To a place where tears flow constantly
On my part anyway
I'm not saying this to guilt trip you
If you knew me at all, you would know that

How did we get here?
From a friendship that was close
So close I felt you touch me
From the distance that seperates us
I was, and am, always on your side. always loyal
always true
I wish I could say the same about you.

Just answer me this..
How did we get here?
 
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