Seeking Constructive Criticism on "Medusa's Trophy," "Medusa's Pleasure," and "Medusa's Proposal," My First Series Here.

[SueDNimm]

Lol they did have sheet-like bed linens in classical Greece but probably not silk. I think it was linen or wool. The wool isn't exactly a titillating idea but the linen might be okay.

Also, to the author, yes the pro-Sparta stuff is annoying and spreading, don't mind it being taken down a notch myself. I prefer Athens, and even they are over-hyped at times, but nothing like Sparta.

I've been thinking of it as the woven, shedded skin of her hair-snakes, since the island where she lives is barren (no flax for linen or sheep for wool). Since it's a made-up fantasy fabric, I can give it just about any texture I want. I have no idea if I'll include that detail unless I find a good way to work it into the dialogue.

 

[gordo12]

I've been thinking of it as the woven, shedded skin of her hair-snakes, since the island where she lives is barren (no flax for linen or sheep for wool). Since it's a made-up fantasy fabric, I can give it just about any texture I want. I have no idea if I'll include that detail unless I find a good way to work it into the dialogue.

That would be a cool detail to work into the story. Really out there!

 

[SueDNimm]

Lol they did have sheet-like bed linens in classical Greece but probably not silk. I think it was linen or wool. The wool isn't exactly a titillating idea but the linen might be okay.

Also, to the author, yes the pro-Sparta stuff is annoying and spreading, don't mind it being taken down a notch myself. I prefer Athens, and even they are over-hyped at times, but nothing like Sparta.

Sometimes when I come across someone who's drunk "The 300" Kool-Aid, I like to ask them about Leuctra and Epaminondas' campaign of liberating the Helots.

At Leuctra, the cream of the Spartan elite hoplites got crushed by a bunch of farmers from Thebes and their Sacred Band, a unit of 300 gay dudes. The Thebans beat the Spartans so badly that they wouldn't even come out to fight when Epaminondas marched his Theban-led alliance right through Laconia, liberated the Helots, and dismantled the Spartan chattel slavery system.

I submitted my edit today. A few paragraphs got some significant attention, but the overall story and style are unchanged.

 

[wxpprnpprnt]

Sometimes when I come across someone who's drunk "The 300" Kool-Aid, I like to ask them about Leuctra and Epaminondas' campaign of liberating the Helots.

At Leuctra, the cream of the Spartan elite hoplites got crushed by a bunch of farmers from Thebes and their Sacred Band, a unit of 300 gay dudes. The Thebans beat the Spartans so badly that they wouldn't even come out to fight when Epaminondas marched his Theban-led alliance right through Laconia, liberated the Helots, and dismantled the Spartan chattel slavery system while the Spartan army refused to come out and fight.

I submitted my edit today. A few paragraphs got some significant attention, but the overall story and style are unchanged.

That battle sounds a lot more interesting tbh. One of my favorite battles where a popular group loses badly is when the Templars had a major force wiped out by a bunch of civilians led by the future Sultan, a slave-soldier named Baybars (he would help usher in an era of slave-kings where you HAD to be a slave to enter the elite ruling class) in the Battle of Mansourah. Looking forward to the edit and future works.

 

[SueDNimm]

Well, I just submitted the sequel, "Medusa's Pleasure" for publication. It takes the story further, and I'm hoping that those who managed to get through my opening story will like where I take things in the second part. The overall story will not end with "Medusa's Pleasure," but I plan to wrap it up in one or two additional chapters.

The feedback I got in this thread was invaluable as I reviewed and edited it prior to submission. Thank you to all who replied. I'll post again here once it gets published on the site.

 

[yukonnights]

Well, I just submitted the sequel, "Medusa's Pleasure" for publication. It takes the story further, and I'm hoping that those who managed to get through my opening story will like where I take things in the second part. The overall story will not end with "Medusa's Pleasure," but I plan to wrap it up in one or two additional chapters.

The feedback I got in this thread was invaluable as I reviewed and edited it prior to submission. Thank you to all who replied. I'll post again here once it gets published on the site.

Great! I'll certainly read it when it goes up. I'll start a Ch.1 again to see your edits.

 

[Maeven_quinn]

Author Name: SueDNimm
Story Name: Medusa's Trophy
Category: Sci Fi & Fantasy (Could also fall under Exhibitionist/Voyeur, NonConsent/Reluctance, or a few others)

Here's the link.

In most novels, plays, and movies, Medusa is portrayed as a straight-up monster. After reading up on her backstory in Greek mythology, I decided to try writing a different interpretation, and Literotica seemed like a fitting place to post it.

The comments I've had so far have encouraged me to a sequel. Before I put it up, I'd like to consider some constructive criticism for improving my writing.

Thanks for your time and consideration.

I'm going to give this a more thorough reading later tonight, but here's my first compliment. It was an excellent choice telling this story from the perspective of the slave. Simply doing that, and nothing else, made the Spartan for what the spartan is: an epic douche. I don't mind seeing him sexually humiliated one bit.

 

[SueDNimm]

Great! I'll certainly read it when it goes up. I'll start a Ch.1 again to see your edits.

Thanks! The Chapter 1 edits have posted, but the new chapter is still pending.

I'm going to give this a more thorough reading later tonight, but here's my first compliment. It was an excellent choice telling this story from the perspective of the slave. Simply doing that, and nothing else, made the Spartan for what the spartan is: an epic douche. I don't mind seeing him sexually humiliated one bit.

Yeah, Spartans were jerks. Even by the standards of ancient Greek culture, generational enslavement of an entire people was unusual, and the way they institutionally abused and subjugated the Helots was cruel and draconian.

There is a lot to admire about the Spartan way of life. Its focus, its discipline, and its sense of selfless duty have inspired people and cultures for over two thousand years. I think there's value in considering its virtues in context with its douchey treatment of the Helots. I've seen very few good books or movies that do this. Gates of Fire is one.

 

[SueDNimm]

Just an FYI for those interested: the sequel, "Medusa's Pleasure" has posted. Enjoy, and as always, I welcome all feedback and constructive criticism.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Just an FYI for those interested: the sequel, "Medusa's Pleasure" has posted. Enjoy, and as always, I welcome all feedback and constructive criticism.

How very polite, and then all of a sudden, quite hot; but all over far too soon. I could even get used to 'bosoms' (usually, for me, a most unerotic word) - Medusa's looked quite splendid.

I'll often say, "just enough is enough," but in this case, I'd ask for more. That's my only criticism: too short, over too fast, just as I had a reason to stay in bed .

Edit: I've just reread my comments to Chapter 1, where I described trudging through such rich and dense language, it was a chore. Your Chapter 2 is lighter, more lyrical to read, so that, for me, is good. But now I'm finding the Chapter was over too soon, which was a little disappointing on a leisurely Sunday morning in bed, when, you know, things were stirring. So the challenge for Chapter Three (or your next story, whichever comes first) is to satisfy this cantankerous old bastard and get it perfectly right! I suspect you can do it .

 

[yukonnights]

I read both off them. As I've already said, I really like your word painting and look forward to more. The second story definitely enhances the enjoyment of the first ...I'm glad you decided to write it. Thanks for the gift you've given us~ But, now it seems you have set another hook in us with the ending of Medusa's Pleasure

 

[SueDNimm]

How very polite, and then all of a sudden, quite hot; but all over far too soon. I could even get used to 'bosoms' (usually, for me, a most unerotic word) - Medusa's looked quite splendid.

I'll often say, "just enough is enough," but in this case, I'd ask for more. That's my only criticism: too short, over too fast, just as I had a reason to stay in bed .

Edit: I've just reread my comments to Chapter 1, where I described trudging through such rich and dense language, it was a chore. Your Chapter 2 is lighter, more lyrical to read, so that, for me, is good. But now I'm finding the Chapter was over too soon, which was a little disappointing on a leisurely Sunday morning in bed, when, you know, things were stirring. So the challenge for Chapter Three (or your next story, whichever comes first) is to satisfy this cantankerous old bastard and get it perfectly right! I suspect you can do it .

Thanks! Regarding the suddenness of the "hot" part, I tried to foreshadow the eroticism a bit (for example, the way I describe Medusa eating stew). Pleasure was the titular and central theme for this middle act. It seemed fitting to explore how some ordinary, non-sexual forms of pleasure could be as exotic to Medusa as sex with Medusa would be to a mortal man.

I agree that the overall story is incomplete. I intend to wrap it up in the next installment. I know what I want to do with that chapter (I have a final theme/title) and with the characters, but I haven't figured out how to get there or how to present it yet. I'm stewing on it.

I'm glad the second installment addressed your issues with the first, and I hope that my third installment will be just right on length and density.

After I finish the next installment... I'm honestly not sure what I'd like to write next. This foray into erotic fiction came because I got this concept of Medusa as a character in my head, because this version of Medusa had to be intensely seductive and erotic, and because this idea just wouldn't let me go until I wrote it down. My last work of fiction was a novel manuscript that had essentially no sexual content at all: a total of two chaste smooches in a busy story of 90,000 words. When I finish this, I might try writing more erotic fiction, I might try doing some more conventional fiction that I'm not too bashful to use my actual name with, or I might go back to creating digital art or painting landscapes. Most likely, though, I'll just re-bury my head in the old dissertation and finish it.

I read both off them. As I've already said, I really like your word painting and look forward to more. The second story definitely enhances the enjoyment of the first ...I'm glad you decided to write it. Thanks for the gift you've given us~ But, now it seems you have set another hook in us with the ending of Medusa's Pleasure

Much appreciated! I'm glad the second worked well with the first for you. Unlike the first story, I wrote this from the outset to be a middle chapter, and middle chapters can be tricky to get right. I hope that the third installment will be both enjoyable and satisfying.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I might try writing more erotic fiction, I might try doing some more conventional fiction that I'm not too bashful to use my actual name with, or I might go back to creating digital art or painting landscapes. Most likely, though, I'll just re-bury my head in the old dissertation and finish it.

All of the above, but probably a good idea to do the dissertation first - then you can be DocSueDNimm .

 

[SueDNimm]

Holy moly, it's been over four years since I posted the second act of this story! I never meant to take so long to write a third act, but a whole lot of life got in the way. Other efforts both professional and hobby-ish pushed this down near the bottom of the priority list. For some reason, though, this story just kept nudging itself around the back of my head, and this week, I dumped out the third act in a rough draft of 8,000 words. It resolves some of the issues raised in the first two parts, but it raises more.

I'm now planning on wrapping up this series with a fourth story/chapter. Hopefully that won't take as long as the third did.

Anyway, I have a question for the hive mind here: how long do you all like to let a draft sit on a short story before you go back and edit it?

 

[gordo12]

2-3 months. But I have stories over a year old I haven't touched yet. Some I've edited hundreds of times.
The last two I published had 2018 and 2019 start dates.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Anyway, I have a question for the hive mind here: how long do you all like to let a draft sit on a short story before you go back and edit it?

It's rare for me to let a story sit, and I don't edit much - words, phrases, occasionally sentences get rearranged. If I did the edit overhaul most people describe, the rawness of my text would die, the life of the story would shrivel and turn to dust.

So I'm going to say, I'll let a story sit maybe two or three days. I do a rolling edit, cleaning up the text from the previous writing session before I write the next section, so by the time the story is finished, the final edit is 99% done. Usually, a single read through, maybe two.

 

[SueDNimm]

Well now, that is a fascinating pair of responses! I guess I'll try doing an immediate edit now, and maybe wait a few days, find some secluded spot where no-one can hear me, and try a read-out-loud test. If I'm not happy at that point, I'll try a longer wait and come back.

I have a novel to my name published in 2021 (has nothing to do with the series I've written here), which I edited for years off and on. Writing short stories here inclines me to take the faster approach, but then I think of the way I botched the opening paragraph with my first story (since fixed), and I want to go do more polishing. I suppose this is one of those "no right answer" questions.

 

[gordo12]

Well now, that is a fascinating pair of responses! I guess I'll try doing an immediate edit now, and maybe wait a few days, find some secluded spot where no-one can hear me, and try a read-out-loud test. If I'm not happy at that point, I'll try a longer wait and come back.

I have a novel to my name published in 2021 (has nothing to do with the series I've written here), which I edited for years off and on. Writing short stories here inclines me to take the faster approach, but then I think of the way I botched the opening paragraph with my first story (since fixed), and I want to go do more polishing. I suppose this is one of those "no right answer" questions.

I find waiting a couple of months clears the mind. I don't know about you, but I'm constantly reading a story while I write for clarity and continuation. The gap is to get it out of my mind while working on something else and then come back to it with a clear mind. And then rewriting and editing. But everybody is different.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Glad I saw this thread and read these stories. Looking forward to the next installment. Happy to beta read it if you like---I see that was suggested in an earlier comment

 

[SueDNimm]

Glad I saw this thread and read these stories. Looking forward to the next installment. Happy to beta read it if you like---I see that was suggested in an earlier comment

Thank you for the offer! I just PM'd you the story (sorry if that's not the way beta reads usually go; I'm not familiar with this site's processes).

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I replied. It's up to each author and reader to figure out with each other. Attaching word docs to emails or sharing google docs are the more common methods I've seen. As you've discovered, the forum's message feature has character limits and other problems that make it harder to use for beta reading.

 

[SueDNimm]

The third story in the series is now live:
https://literotica.com/s/medusas-proposal

I welcome thoughts, feedback, and especially criticism.