COVID-19 RESOURCES
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Our FLR journey

Showmewhatchugot84

Showmewhatchugot84

Literotica Guru
Joined
May 5, 2020
Posts
569
Evr since I could remember I've been turned on by the idea of being a submissive. I have expressed to my wife. Asked her to research Female Led Relationships and make it a part of our lives. It's very hard to get her to buy in and when she does it's more so telling her what she should make me do. Which isn't exactly giving up control to her.

I guess my question is for women that are in FLRs now but we're reluctant, or even weirded out by the idea when you're man presented it. How did he finally persuade you to try this lifestyle? What's some tips I can use to persuade my wife? We have all the toys cock cage, restraints, dilos, strapon. But again it's always me telling her yo make me wear the cage, or telling her I really want the strap on. I want her to want it, tell me when it's happening, and how? And I want to say Yes Maam!

Edited/updated: when I first posted this I was looking for help. Since, my wife has adapted the FLR lifestyle. So I changed the thread from asking for help to initiate an FLR to make it a thread about our journey. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to reach out.
 
Last edited:
Showmewhatchugot84 said:
How did he finally persuade you to try this lifestyle? What's some tips I can use to persuade my wife
Click to expand...
It sounds like you’ve already persuaded her to try it. You’ve given her your consent, pointed her to more research, have told her what she should do, and even provided your own “tools”/toys. So she’s tried it. That doesn’t mean she enjoys it, and unfortunately you can’t make her enjoy it if it’s not something she’s truly interested in.
 
MaBelle3120 said:
It sounds like you’ve already persuaded her to try it. You’ve given her your consent, pointed her to more research, have told her what she should do, and even provided your own “tools”/toys. So she’s tried it. That doesn’t mean she enjoys it, and unfortunately you can’t make her enjoy it if it’s not something she’s truly interested in.
Click to expand...
When it happens it's few and far between, but she always says how fun it is. Just making it consistently happen. Or making her initiate it. It's always me. Which makes me feel like im kinda the dominant in a way.
 
Showmewhatchugot84 said:
Evr since I could remember I've been turned on by the idea of being a submissive. I have expressed to my wife. Asked her to research Female Led Relationships and make it a part of our lives. It's very hard to get her to buy in and when she does it's more so telling her what she should make me do. Which isn't exactly giving up control to her.

I guess my question is for women that are in FLRs now but we're reluctant, or even weirded out by the idea when you're man presented it. How did he finally persuade you to try this lifestyle? What's some tips I can use to persuade my wife? We have all the toys cock cage, restraints, dilos, strapon. But again it's always me telling her yo make me wear the cage, or telling her I really want the strap on. I want her to want it, tell me when it's happening, and how? And I want to say Yes Maam!
Click to expand...
Maybe show up submissively in other ways that aren’t just sexual. Wash the dishes, clean up, make all the food. Treat her like the amazing woman she is.

My wife is not very naturally dominant. She’s a loving woman, but over the years we have been able to incorporate elements of this into our marriage and household.

It’s not a FT FLR, but there are definitely elements of it that have integrated into our sex lives (esp orgasm control).

Occasionally I need a heavy spanking or pegging and she usually obliges me if I let my needs be known.
 
Showmewhatchugot84 said:
When it happens it's few and far between, but she always says how fun it is. Just making it consistently happen. Or making her initiate it. It's always me. Which makes me feel like im kinda the dominant in a way.
Click to expand...
Yeah, it's called topping from the bottom.

I wouldn't say my marriage is female-led. I do have huge respect for her and we complement each other in lots of ways, e.g. I'm very stable and happy-go-lucky which helps calm her more anxious side. We do switch roles and I own way more lingerie than her, enjoy pegging and a bit of switchy submission once in a while, but really we're just playing at it compared with a full on FLR of the sort a lot of guys seem to want. But that's fine by me.
 
Wonderer67 said:
Maybe show up submissively in other ways that aren’t just sexual. Wash the dishes, clean up, make all the food. Treat her like the amazing woman she is.
Click to expand...
Honestly I do all that because I don't mind it and it helps her out, and she does the stuff that bores me rigid like finances and savings because she's a spreadsheet queen.
 
I’m sorry to tell you you’re in an uphill battle. One thing you have going for you is that she will do it if you ask. But she’s tried it and does it for you but wasn’t bit by the bug. She might one day do it on her own for you. I don’t really see a way to get her to want to be dominant. And it’s not the most exciting if it doesn’t come to you and you have to struggle to be this person for someone else.
 
Slowly happening. Last week I told my wife i want her to control my orgasms. I made it until Saturday morning and because I'm a weak bitch I jerked off. Although my wife wouldn't have known, I did. So I locked my cock up. When she got home I told her I have no self control and jerked off so I am locked up. She told me she knew I had no self control and left it at that. 48 hrs or so later I have made my wife cum 3 times with no mention of the cage coming off. I woke her up this morning kissing her ass cheeks amd fingerings her. Before I licked and sucked her clit until she came on my face. Now I'm at work with her scent on me and my cock straining against its cage. Although I'm still technically "topping from the bottom" in a sense. I'm hoping that something clicks and she fully takes over.
 
Showmewhatchugot84 said:
Slowly happening. Last week I told my wife i want her to control my orgasms. I made it until Saturday morning and because I'm a weak bitch I jerked off. Although my wife wouldn't have known, I did. So I locked my cock up. When she got home I told her I have no self control and jerked off so I am locked up. She told me she knew I had no self control and left it at that. 48 hrs or so later I have made my wife cum 3 times with no mention of the cage coming off. I woke her up this morning kissing her ass cheeks amd fingerings her. Before I licked and sucked her clit until she came on my face. Now I'm at work with her scent on me and my cock straining against its cage. Although I'm still technically "topping from the bottom" in a sense. I'm hoping that something clicks and she fully takes over.
Click to expand...

I hope it clicks for her too.
 
I'm not in an FLR, but opposite. I want him to take more control. We've had mild success in the turned our utterly boring sex life into something more palatable at least.
I found specific stories on lit I sent him to read of stuff I liked. I wrote an actual list of things I liked. I wrote fantasies, even far fetched.
I think this helps because people might read about the topic, but not know specifically what will turn you on.
I'm also on team, take over house stuff if you haven't. I run around the house doing everything. My work requires me to be in charge. I hate it. I just want to be more sub, hence my own conversation.
 
Is she willing to make friends in the lifestyle? Sharing stories of each others conquest could be quite exciting and maybe help her take the next step of doing things on her own. It may even turn her on a bit more. She may just not have her inner Goddess unlocked yet, but it sounds like it wouldn't be hard to get her there.

If she's willing to make friends, reach out to me. I'll gladly talk to her about my relationship, and things that we do.
 
Showmewhatchugot84 said:
Evr since I could remember I've been turned on by the idea of being a submissive. I have expressed to my wife. Asked her to research Female Led Relationships and make it a part of our lives. It's very hard to get her to buy in and when she does it's more so telling her what she should make me do. Which isn't exactly giving up control to her.

I guess my question is for women that are in FLRs now but we're reluctant, or even weirded out by the idea when you're man presented it. How did he finally persuade you to try this lifestyle? What's some tips I can use to persuade my wife? We have all the toys cock cage, restraints, dilos, strapon. But again it's always me telling her yo make me wear the cage, or telling her I really want the strap on. I want her to want it, tell me when it's happening, and how? And I want to say Yes Maam!
Click to expand...
Show her the power in each kink beginning with chastity
 
My thought is you might be looking for a woman that has a different personality. It might not be in her wheelhouse to take control as much as you want.

Having said all of that, you did mention she enjoyed taking on that role when you asked. It is about control and her taking over. The toys, cages, and strapons are just the objects part of the scene. The main thing is control and her taking over. If she is like my wife and she enjoys giving pleasure, try to convince her that her control is what turns you on most. Start with something simple you both enjoy(like a handjob) and show her how her taking control increases your pleasure tenfold. Then show her how that is beneficial to her. Example: You are so hot from her edging you that you give her enthusiastic oral that results in a very satisfying orgasm.
ES
 
eroticspank said:
My thought is you might be looking for a woman that has a different personality. It might not be in her wheelhouse to take control as much as you want.
Click to expand...
I agree.

I was actually trying to imagine a thread about the opposite issue where someone wants to convince their partner to be submissive to them.
I somehow have a hard time believing that the answers would be so geared towards
”Just keep pushing, they’ll see the light”, especially for M pushing for f.
 
Things are going good so far. Day 5 in chastity. Last night I got to kiss her ass for about a half hour. Just kissing her cheeks not analingus. She said that was nice but that's enough and rolled over went to bed. She woke me up same thing kissing her ass then she told me yo eat her ass. I did for about 20 minutes then she rolled over. I went to eat her pussy and she stopped my head inches from her pussy and said just watch. She brought herself to orgasm then I was allowed a couple minutes to clean her up with my tongue. I thanked her and got ready for work. Over an hour later my cock is still straining against its cage. I think she's starting to see the benefits.
 
I am in an FLR. Perhaps like you, it was my initiative. It took 3 tries before it worked (the first two times she said no and/or it ended after a few bedroom scenes). This time it has lasted years because it has truly become about HER, not simply my fantasies and needs. I have written about this elsewhere, but when She agreed to it this time, agreed first to a one month trial, She said I needed to truly listen to Her. In addition, She would teach me to do household chores to Her standards that would become forever mine, for example, that She would never again clean a bathroom. And, I was never, ever to masturbate. She eventually took control of my orgasms and I am no longer allowed PIV sex. Our FLR has worked because I have learned what it means to submit and showed Her that it is not just a fantasy and I truly want to put Her first. She is my Queen. I kiss her ass to start every day and I love Her.
 
Last edited:
I think that is the key; women will be more open to it once they realize that a) they really ARE in charge, b) it's as much THEIR fantasy as his, and c) the male partner will be willing to give more than just letting her take charge in the bedroom.
 
Screenshot_20240429_165420.jpg

To the men out there that are curious to bring it up to the wife or girlfriend. Or you have brought it up in the past and she was weirded out by it. I was there. I would try every once in a while throughout the years to be shut down. I shared this book with my wife a couple weeks ago and it completely changed her outlook on it. Stories on here, memes, and videos always seem to push things too far to use as an introduction to the woman in your life and just scares her away. This book breaks it down pretty good. I made it clear to her we don't have yo do anything in the book she doesn't have interest in. That it is our relationship, we shape it to how it works for us.....really, how it works for her!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Cardinal
FLR v Femdom
2
Replies
28
Views
2K
eroticspank
E
M
Diving into bdsm whithout damaging a relationship
Replies
14
Views
552
Bella857Donna
Bella857Donna
X
FLR Couple
2 3 4
Replies
82
Views
5K
Showmewhatchugot84
Showmewhatchugot84
C
Should I be her maid?
Replies
15
Views
974
And4778
A
C
Honest anal
Replies
11
Views
950
Goldenfinger
Goldenfinger
Back
Top