Depression. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. etc
- Thread starter Quoll
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Quoll
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It does indeed, especially if you are at your lowest depths, as much as you might not give a fuck about anything, you might feel like just chucking it all in, here you are anyway, so you don`t want to give up.hydrex said:
Off load some of your shit, some of how you feel, but like Skye
said this is not he gb so do more then three lines ok.*gratuitous smilie*It doesn`t mattter if you just ramble on or post random shit, it helps to just get rid of it, and you can always edit it out later if you don`t like it.
Give it go mate, what`s it going to hurt anyway.
hydrex
Got wood? I do... :)
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well everything is the matter. I'm fat, balding, old and ugly and everytime I try to be a friend I end up saying the wrong thing.
Most people that say they are my friends haven't been there when I needed them. They all know I have major depression and am suicidal but they don't even call to see if I'm still alive.
The shrinks office is getting rid of my counselor cause she hasn't passed the "board" in two years even though the official board gives them six. Never mind that she's been helping me and it's hard as hell to find a decent counselor let alone a good one.
I keep fucking up my life because I can't motivate myself to do anything that has to be done such as buy groceries and pay bills. That last two are new to my depressive problems.
I don't want to leave my son but I hate where I live and I feel he'd be better off without a suicidal dad even though he doesn't see that side of me. So I get depressed because I can't leave, even though I really don't want to leave.
I'm tired of always haveing to stretch to make ends meet and god help me if I have an extra expense, but if I go back to work I know my depression and the way I feel now would make me even more depressed because I'd feel guilty for not wanting to work.
That's enough for now.
Most people that say they are my friends haven't been there when I needed them. They all know I have major depression and am suicidal but they don't even call to see if I'm still alive.
The shrinks office is getting rid of my counselor cause she hasn't passed the "board" in two years even though the official board gives them six. Never mind that she's been helping me and it's hard as hell to find a decent counselor let alone a good one.
I keep fucking up my life because I can't motivate myself to do anything that has to be done such as buy groceries and pay bills. That last two are new to my depressive problems.
I don't want to leave my son but I hate where I live and I feel he'd be better off without a suicidal dad even though he doesn't see that side of me. So I get depressed because I can't leave, even though I really don't want to leave.
I'm tired of always haveing to stretch to make ends meet and god help me if I have an extra expense, but if I go back to work I know my depression and the way I feel now would make me even more depressed because I'd feel guilty for not wanting to work.
That's enough for now.
JustSkye
Gatinha
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It's a good start, sweetheart. And this is a place to start. You'll have friends here. Friends who know how you feel. Anytime you feel like this, keep posting. Just keep going. You don't have to stop because you feel like it's too much for here. 
Quoll
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Wow, man do I remember those sorts of feelings, they just rip you apart don`t they. You are motivated enough to post here and motivated enough to know that you can`t go on like this, suicidal thoughts are... well they are just that, thoughts, I still have them, but I know they are not my normal thought patterns so I reject them, it`s not much, but it is one thing I have some control over and that is very important.
Have a bit of a read if you can, you might find some other ways to help yourself. I have to go and see my doc now, I`ll check back in later.
Hang tough my friend.
Have a bit of a read if you can, you might find some other ways to help yourself. I have to go and see my doc now, I`ll check back in later.
Hang tough my friend.
hydrex
Got wood? I do... :)
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VermilionSkye said:It's a good start, sweetheart. And this is a place to start. You'll have friends here. Friends who know how you feel. Anytime you feel like this, keep posting. Just keep going. You don't have to stop because you feel like it's too much for here.
I'll try, that's about all I can say right now. Honestly i don't really believe anyone here or anywhere cares. maybe that's because of how I'm feeling right now. Give me a couple days and see how I am then.
Chainzz
Bonehead
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hello ...
Hey hydrex , hows it going man . I just finished reading thru your posts and wanted to reply back and let you know that we're all here if you need to vent , rant or just whatever . I can personally relate to nearly everything you've written so far , but I'm here to tell you hang in there , it gets better in time . I understand right now things seem impossible , like there no light at the end of all this , but THERE IS , I promise. You've made the big step forward already just by reaching out , and what better place than with people who have or are going thru very simalar things . Its good to hear you've spoken with someone , and they're helping aswell . Keep your chin up brother , and let me know if I can help .
~Chainz~
Hey hydrex , hows it going man . I just finished reading thru your posts and wanted to reply back and let you know that we're all here if you need to vent , rant or just whatever . I can personally relate to nearly everything you've written so far , but I'm here to tell you hang in there , it gets better in time . I understand right now things seem impossible , like there no light at the end of all this , but THERE IS , I promise. You've made the big step forward already just by reaching out , and what better place than with people who have or are going thru very simalar things . Its good to hear you've spoken with someone , and they're helping aswell . Keep your chin up brother , and let me know if I can help .
~Chainz~
Quoll
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Glad to hear things are on the up, dew drop inn, as good news is nice to hear too.hydrex said:Thanks for the kind words and concern.
And to everyone.....I'm much better now but I will stop in again soon just to chat. Thanks again for the help. Especially to VermillionSkye.
Aaah dear sweet Skye,
she`s one of the good guys, no doubt about that, a very loyal friend indeed.
Quoll
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Ibsen
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Ok, I´ve had it! I´m calling social service on monday and give them all the green lights they need for asking my mum about money. I cant stand this anymiore. I cant sleep, or anything. I´m afraid I will go crazy for real soon. 
Its not that I dont like my familly as much as the fact that it feels like I have no privacy at all. The walls are really thin, so you can hear everything gtoing on, wich is bad when you want to be alone, or is trying to sleep.
Hate the swedish sumer weather. Too hot and humid.
Its not that I dont like my familly as much as the fact that it feels like I have no privacy at all. The walls are really thin, so you can hear everything gtoing on, wich is bad when you want to be alone, or is trying to sleep.
Hate the swedish sumer weather. Too hot and humid.
Ibsen
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I just want to cry. I have no clue what to do anymore. I really want an own apartment, but I also dont want to do anything that makes my familly less happy.
Tomrrow I gonna go to the church and find a prest or something to talk to. Protestants dont have confession, but priests are sworn to silence here too, and are there to, among other things, listen. I really dont know anything anymore. How did it ever come to this? I really dont know. Probably becouse of my stubborness and childish and idiotic pride.
If just school would start so I would have a something to do and somewhere to go on the days. Stupid summer-vacation.
Well, a god thing is that I somehow managed to earn 24,81 US dollars by helping a friend who is running a restuarant/eq. to take care of the plates left by the customers. It wasnt really so hard, as there is a dish-washing machine. So my job was more or less to collect the plates that was left by the eaters. I actually didnt expect getting payed, as for once, we are half-half close friends, and the fact that I really have nothing better to do on the days, so I wouldnt mind working for free, if I only got fed once or twice a day. Wich, honestly, probably isnt much of a cost.
But except of that... I´m going sick of this decisions...
Tomrrow I gonna go to the church and find a prest or something to talk to. Protestants dont have confession, but priests are sworn to silence here too, and are there to, among other things, listen. I really dont know anything anymore. How did it ever come to this? I really dont know. Probably becouse of my stubborness and childish and idiotic pride.
If just school would start so I would have a something to do and somewhere to go on the days. Stupid summer-vacation.
Well, a god thing is that I somehow managed to earn 24,81 US dollars by helping a friend who is running a restuarant/eq. to take care of the plates left by the customers. It wasnt really so hard, as there is a dish-washing machine. So my job was more or less to collect the plates that was left by the eaters. I actually didnt expect getting payed, as for once, we are half-half close friends, and the fact that I really have nothing better to do on the days, so I wouldnt mind working for free, if I only got fed once or twice a day. Wich, honestly, probably isnt much of a cost.
But except of that... I´m going sick of this decisions...
hydrex
Got wood? I do... :)
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Ibsen said:I just want to cry. I have no clue what to do anymore. I really want an own apartment, but I also dont want to do anything that makes my familly less happy.
Tomrrow I gonna go to the church and find a prest or something to talk to. Protestants dont have confession, but priests are sworn to silence here too, and are there to, among other things, listen. I really dont know anything anymore. How did it ever come to this? I really dont know. Probably becouse of my stubborness and childish and idiotic pride.
If just school would start so I would have a something to do and somewhere to go on the days. Stupid summer-vacation.
Well, a god thing is that I somehow managed to earn 24,81 US dollars by helping a friend who is running a restuarant/eq. to take care of the plates left by the customers. It wasnt really so hard, as there is a dish-washing machine. So my job was more or less to collect the plates that was left by the eaters. I actually didnt expect getting payed, as for once, we are half-half close friends, and the fact that I really have nothing better to do on the days, so I wouldnt mind working for free, if I only got fed once or twice a day. Wich, honestly, probably isnt much of a cost.
But except of that... I´m going sick of this decisions...
You're 18 years old so it might be time to go out on your own. The family should understand and support you.
Ultimately your happiness is what's most important.
Ibsen
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Everybody except my mum seems to understand that. Sure, I am still at school, but I dont consider that a problem, as I have about 11 months left.hydrex said:
I am considering more and more to educate myself to a chef and start working on a ship in the merchant marine. Atleaast one trip, before I start working on "normal" restuarants. Then how long those plans will hold is another thing...
hydrex
Got wood? I do... :)
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Ibsen said:Everybody except my mum seems to understand that. Sure, I am still at school, but I dont consider that a problem, as I have about 11 months left.
I am considering more and more to educate myself to a chef and start working on a ship in the merchant marine. Atleaast one trip, before I start working on "normal" restuarants. Then how long those plans will hold is another thing...
If I were you I'd at least finish school.
Ibsen
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Dunno if I would survive...hydrex said:
Weeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
A guy in the Air corpse called me some minutes ago and asked if I could show up at the local air strip (a bush strip, no sign of paywment (sp.) anywhere, surronded by forest) on monday 13.30. It was apparently a bit earlier then usual, but that was becouse I should be showned how to operate the radio. Weeeeee! Weeeeeeeeeee! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
And week 30 I gonna start taking intensive classes for my drivers license. Will aproximatly take about 2 weeks.
So, I am safe to say that things are appearing good now. But still, something will probably happen. Dont surprise me if the plane crashes or something.
But really, who cares? Atleast I´ll die doing something I love.
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