What I Wrote and Why: This is about all my stories at once.

[AG31]

All of my 11 Lit stories are similar in that they are recordings of fantasies. Eight of the eleven are S&M based, so I'm focusing on those as a group in the What section.

What I wrote

I have been fixated (obsessed?) with describing the kind of erotica that appeals to me, and that I write.

I started out with "A man submits to sexual pain and humiliation."

I was late to coming to the realization that "man" was absolutely critical. Three years ago my rather weak libido was energized and I developed a vigorous appreciation for male physicality. It's the only aspect of my life in erotica that washes over into the real world. It's a late life gift and great fun. For all of my life except latency I had lots of S & M fantasies using the female POV. But no more. It's just male POV now.

Pretty soon I found I needed a way to distinguish my tastes from a lot of things, infantilization, sissification, naughtiness. I added "with dignity."

I still wanted to show more differentiation between my stories and tastes and a lot the personalized "dynamics" I found in BDSM categories on various sites, so I changed "submits" to "surrenders." I doubt that signals the difference for most readers. I can't say why the second is better than the first, except maybe for the heavy connotation of "dom and submissive" associated with "submits." I'm trying,

To sharpen the picture I added "strong." A strong man surrenders.... I wanted to make clear that he would never be affected by derogatory language. He just doesn't have enough respect for his abusers.

But just yesterday I discovered via a dm that some potential readers might think I'm referring to muscles, when, in my head, I'm referring to character. I'm thinking now about "A man of strong character."

Then there are three things that I'm still struggling to squeeze into my description. The first is that my MCs are not gay. They are not attracted to men. And in a number of stories there are womeon off stage whith whom they have healthy vanilla relationships. In my first story I deal with that head on just a little bit. But yesterday I was alerted to the fact that a reader might very reasonably think that my MCs were dealing with latent homosexuality. I don't want to put "straight" in the description, because that's not important. They could be gay. In fact I tried to write a GM story once, but it didn't flow because I tried to portray both sides of an encounter, and to do that I would have to portray desire. And I don't do desire.

The second aspect that I can't squeeze into my description is the impersonality of the action. That's important, but I think I have a new handle on it. It cycles back to the first important quality, the maleness of my MCs. My stories don't feature personal relationships because, in the words of @AwkwardlySet, speaking from a male POV, "I don't need a man in a sex scene to be able to enjoy it" That could be extended to "I don't need my literary men to exhibit desire to enjoy them."

Third, there's the "sexual pain and humiliation" thing. For one thing, he's not into pain,per se. And my stories don't emphasize it. He's into being done-to. And "humiliation" never really sat well with me, because he doesn't feel humiliated. It's what the abuser intends. Things like public nudity, public ejaculation, being touched invasively. There was some good conversaion in AH about humiliation as related to femdom scenes. I've temporarily settled on "abusers" as a generic word for things like what I mentioned here and rape and bondage. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

So I'm currently going with "A man with a strong character surrenders with dignity to sexual abuse from either gender."

(I just came up with "from either gender" as I was getting ready to post this. Does it help? Does it hurt?


And why

Not because I have authorial aspirations. I'm a recorder of fantasies and my one foray into a more narrative based story remains subbornly klunky.

The most obvious answer is that I underwent a startling, strong physical experience that has been diagnosed by several people as "a hormonal storm." I was advised to visit my PCP. So I told her about it at my next regular visit. She didn't see a need to investigate further. What had happened was that I had a vivid fantasy that would reappear frequently each day and cause erotic spasms in my thighs and torso. I later realized that this was the same as a prostate orgasm. (I'm female, so it wasn't exactly a prostate ogasm.) This persisted for about a month. It was great fun! And the fantasy was so vivid and grew so elaborate that I discovered the world of online erotica and figured out how to publish it. I was amazed at myself that I could put the visions to words. And share them!!

Such fantasies recurred over the course of about 2 and half years, getting ever shorter and weaker. They resulted in 11 stories on Lit. Three are vanilla, the rest male POV S&M. (Male is the done-to).

So the physical phenomenon, which I ascribe to an age related breakdown in the hormone balancing system, was the proximate cause. The final cause was that I'm addicted to putting the right words to all kinds of phenomena. I happily struggle with it. I'd lie in bed looking for the right phrase to communicate the feel of this or that in my fantasy. I can't conjure up fantasies by will, so I have no control over whether I can write more stories. I suspect that I'm done.

 

[Djmac1031]

after reading one of your stories, I will say it's certainly a unique spin.

I'm assuming you're finding an audience for it?

 

[AG31]

after reading one of your stories, I will say it's certainly a unique spin.

I'm assuming you're finding an audience for it?

Were you directing this to me? Yes, after a lot of investigating, I'm coming close to "unique." That may be overstating it. I do have some followers, and a few people have reached out. But I'm settling on the idea that I'm a "rare bird."

 

[gunhilltrain]

after reading one of your stories, I will say it's certainly a unique spin.

I'm assuming you're finding an audience for it?

Based on the story submission list, it's going quite well.

 

[XerXesXu]

From my point of view, that's your most accessible explanation so far. Your soldier story, perhaps, comes the closest to that; he 'surrenders' out of a sense of duty to his men. That works as a story of heroic endurance, but it doesn't tickle my erotic fancy, just as incest doesn't, though I understand that it tickles yours.

 

[AG31]

Based on the story submission list, it's going quite well.

What is "the story submission list?" And which story is "it?"
Thanks!

 

[gunhilltrain]

What is "the story submission list?" And which story is "it?"
Thanks!

You know, your bio plus other items like the stories you've submitted and your favorites. All but one so far is above a 4.00, so I meant everything. I'd say that is very good.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5810060&page=submissions

 

[AG31]

he 'surrenders' out of a sense of duty to his men. That works as a story of heroic endurance, but it doesn't tickle my erotic fancy,

Well, that's what starts the action, but it's not what turns him on. Nor is it what triggers the erotic response in the other story where sacrifice for the sake of another is operating. The MCs are taken to another world.

From Naked, "Very slowly the erotic cloud dissipated and Henderson thought of Kintebe for the first time since Kretschmer had identified him as the possible victim."

From An Enigma, "It came to him that he had not thought about the need to protect Claire for some time. The only thing in his consciousness besides pain and arousal was surrender."

BUT!!!!!

But the theme of heroic endurance/sacrifice loomed large in my world of stories. Nathan Hale ("I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country" as he stood on the scaffold) was my favorite literary image as a child. In particular, if the sacrificer was male, it was associated with what I now identify as erotic feelings.

I detect a relationship between my S&M erotica predeliction and those non-erotic heroic sacrifices.

I also detect a relationship with art such as the paintings of the martyrdom of St. Sebastion and Berninit's Ecstasy of St. Theresa. I'd love to explore this more, but there are very few people who get such things.

As I recall, you're interested in psychology. Care to dig in on this?

 

[ElectricBlue]

I also detect a relationship with art such as the paintings of the martyrdom of St. Sebastion and Berninit's Ecstasy of St. Theresa. I'd love to explore this more, but there are very few people who get such things.

I can see that, absolutely. Your writing could almost be a minute examination of such paintings, all of which catch a point of stasis.

I often refer to moments of stillness in my stories - your still points last far longer than mine, that's for sure!

 

[AG31]

, all of which catch a point of stasis.

Wo! You are so insightful. I'm going to think a lot on this. Stay tuned.

But I logged on to respond to this:

but that's also the reason I've engaged with you, because the opposition to my own eroticism intrigues me.

I'm flattered and delighted that someone as smart and talented as yourself is intrigued. Here's an idea that's been creeping up on me. Perhaps the impersonality in my stories is driven more than I realized by the simple desire to have the men in my stories to myself. I keep thinking about @AwkwardlySet's observation that he loves women and doesn't need a man in stories about them. I once observed that I had an image of your life being "littered with happy women." You appreciate women to the nth degree.

Of course it's not that simple. I do enjoy the arousal of my MCs, but I was into S&M for my whole life before I switched to the male POV.

My epiphany 3 years ago enabled me to appreciate men, more to the point, their physicality. Previously I had had a pretty weak libido. Sex didn't involve desire so much as love and affection. When desire for men opened up to me, perhaps my S&M stories reflected an unwillingness to share the men.

In the case of your stories, there's none of that at all, except the appreciation of the opposite sex.

Does this make any sense?

 

[ElectricBlue]

My epiphany 3 years ago enabled me to appreciate men, more to the point, their physicality. Previously I had had a pretty weak libido. Sex didn't involve desire so much as love and affection. When desire for men opened up to me, perhaps my S&M stories reflected an unwillingness to share the men.

In the case of your stories, there's none of that at all, except the appreciation of the opposite sex.

Does this make any sense?

That absolutely makes sense, yes.

In my case, it's the desire to share what I feel about women. They're "my" women only in the sense that I wrote them, but it's the women in my stories, and in life, who have their hold over me.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I keep thinking about @AwkwardlySet's observation that he loves women and doesn't need a man in stories about them.

Actually, I was talking about a sex scene and saying that I don't need a man in it to be able to enjoy it and feel aroused. The same could be said about stroke stories definitely. When it comes to mainstream stories or stories that aren't focused on sexual content but have a prominent non-sexual plot, that's a whole different story.

 

[AG31]

Actually, I was talking about a sex scene and saying that I don't need a man in it to be able to enjoy it and feel aroused. The same could be said about stroke stories definitely. When it comes to mainstream stories or stories that aren't focused on sexual content but have a prominent non-sexual plot, that's a whole different story.

I couldn't agree more. My erotic world is fenced off from the rest of my brain. I'm a voracious reader of regular fiction and absolutely want to immerse myself in rich, nuanced relationships. That's why I like a lot of @ElectricBlue's stories even though they're too vanilla to work for me erotically.