Story rejected Several Times ! Need help to continue.

[nashunasshah]

Hi fellow members,

I wrote a story long back and made several amendments and correction and still it gets rejected with following comments, I tried my level best for mistakes so I can correct. Can some one help me with this writing. My email address is


Reminder:

* No e-mail addresses allowed in posts ~ personal info prohibited per forum guidelines.


Regards

Dear Writer,

Thank you for your submission to Literotica. We appreciate the time and effort you've taken to write a story and submit it to our site . However, we've found that we cannot post your submission in its current form. The checklist below may help you in re-examining your manuscript.

Was there an underage (under 18 years old) sexual relationship in my story?
Please use periods at the end of sentences.
Please feel free to re-submit the story after a Volunteer Editor has examined it, or after you've made revisions. You can find a list of Volunteer Editors here.

 

[jaF0]

Was there an underage (under 18 years old) sexual relationship in my story?

Please use periods at the end of sentences.

No one needs your email address. Those two are generally self explanatory. Why do they feel there is minor content? What is the basis of the story?

Do all sentences end with periods or other punctuation? Paste a paragraph or two in your next reply.

 

[nashunasshah]

Pakistan Based Incest Story

I AM NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER BUT I TRIED MY BEST.HERE IS SOME TEXT I AM PASTING FROM MY STORY:

The neat double storey house was located on a wide, eucalyptus tree lined street, in North Nazimabad, Karachi

The street was neatly cut in two halves by a storm drain that over the years had become more a shallow depression, then an actual flood defence.

The house was painted white with a neat hedge row in front of the high boundary wall, with a large gate, painted dark green, that lead to the car porch.

Nineteen year old Taimur had come home, from college late. He had showered and changed into his sleeping shalwar (loose baggy trousers) and a vest, and lay down on his bed.

Taimur lived with his parents, one brother and two sisters. The eldest sister Alia (22) was married with one baby girl; and then there was his sister Nabila aged 19, just finished high school. His brother Nasir was a newly appointed, junior officer in the Ministry of Trade

His arms folded behind his head. He watched the ceiling fan spinning franticly, fighting a losing battle with the afternoon heat, of a breezeless April day.

His mind went back to the reason he was late getting home these days. He had been at Zain’s large, luxury bungalow in the posh phase 5 Gizri D.H.A. Karachi.

Zain was a college friend from a wealthy and socially active family. The only son, he was given almost total freedom to do what he wanted.

It was six months now, since Zain had first invited him over. As they had driven up the hill towards the leafy shaded road where Zain lived, Zain had asked Taimur what he thought of his (Zain’s) mother.

Taimur had met her several times over the years he had known Zain, and had a very favorable opinion of her.

 

[jaF0]

I AM NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER

I anticipated that. What you've pasted isn't bad at all. Far, far better than I could do in any language other than English. A little brushing up ....


The neat two story house was located on a wide, eucalyptus tree lined street in North Nazimabad, Karachi. The house was painted white with a neat hedge row in front of the high boundary wall, with a large gate, painted dark green that led to the carport.

The street was neatly cut in two halves by a storm drain that over the years had become more a shallow depression, than an actual flood defense.


In your original format, you fell into the age old trap of then/than that confuses many. You also used the British English spelling of 'defence'. This is not wrong, but this site uses American English though British will usually pass if you note it during the submission. You also left off a period (full stop) after 'Karachi'. I also dropped out a couple of extra commas and moved one or two.

 

[jaF0]

Nineteen year old Taimur had come home from college late. He had showered and changed into his sleeping shalwar (loose baggy trousers) and a vest, and lay down on his bed.

Taimur lived with his parents, one brother and two sisters. The eldest sister Alia (22) was married with one baby girl. His other sister Nabila aged 19, just finished high school. His brother Nasir was a newly appointed junior officer in the Ministry of Trade.

His arms folded behind his head. He watched the ceiling fan spinning frantically, fighting a losing battle with the afternoon heat of a breezeless April day.


A little more cleanup, dropped some commas, rearranged words a bit. Again, a missing period (full stop) at the end of 'Ministry of Trade'.

 

[nashunasshah]

Actually it is a very long story and took me many days to write and I wrote it many years back and posted on local sites but now want it on literotica but these errors are holding me back

 

[nashunasshah]

Around 30 thousand words Actually 29'418 words and Category is Incest.

Regards,

 

[ElectricBlue]

I suspect a word bot has triggered on content like "baby girl." You need to go over your content closely to make sure you've not used phrases that might suggest your characters are under eighteen - it's probably a good idea to find an editor to check for that, and also clean up the punctuation, which is the other reason the story has been sent back. Good luck!

 

[nashunasshah]

I don't know really whats the issue.I am trying my level best to do the corrections, And I had even sent it to two Editors and waiting for their reply.

Regards,

 

[Rustyoznail]

I don't know really whats the issue.I am trying my level best to do the corrections, And I had even sent it to two Editors and waiting for their reply.

Regards,

If you don't hear back from them in a week, send me a PM.

Cheers

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Here is a link to one website that will check the grammar and punctuation of any text pasted into the field:

https://www.grammarcheck.net/

There may be some Indian or Pakistani sites, so you might want to look into that as well.

The age trap can be tricky, and the admins will err on the side of caution. If every character in a sexual relationship is truly over the age of 18, make sure that you mention that in a note to the admin when you submit your story again.

 

[Todger65]

Here is a link to one website that will check the grammar and punctuation of any text pasted into the field:

https://www.grammarcheck.net/

There may be some Indian or Pakistani sites, so you might want to look into that as well.

The age trap can be tricky, and the admins will err on the side of caution. If every character in a sexual relationship is truly over the age of 18, make sure that you mention that in a note to the admin when you submit your story again.

It is not only being in a sexual relationship, no under 18’s are allowed to observe sound or visually and sexual acts whether by choice(spying) or accidentally(passing by). Laurel will reject these as well.

Something such a breastfeeding a baby, if mentioned in passing, I would expect to be acceptable, but immediately there is a mention of an observer becoming aroused, or the mother becoming aroused at seeing the obvserver, then it becomes a sexual act and is not acceptable.